Our intimacy expert, Allana Pratt, tackles a delicate and timely topic: your heart isn’t in it any longer, do you breakup before or after the holiday?
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1. I imagine you’re trying to be kind and minimize pain. Thank you for that. Yet the question presupposes that’s he’s so weak, or broken, damaged goods, that he couldn’t take it. Please honor him with seeing him as whole, complete and the fullness of a man.
2. The question lets me know that talking about challenging subjects might be tough, that postponing (aka withholding) is a smarter choice. I invite you to consider that you not telling him shrinks your full self expression, clouds your honesty and is a disservice to you. And being fake, pretending, withholding information to him is inauthentic and likely to make him uncomfortable which isn’t kind, nor courageous.
Solution?
Be bold, kind and honest. Practice the art of sitting in the fire, staying connected in your heart and having tough conversations. This is probably the BIGGEST skill required in navigating and nourishing long term growing relationships.
How?
Use the sandwich. First (bread) say something you appreciate about all the ways you grew being with him. Second (filling) tell him that in your heart of hearts you know you two are not a long term match, that it would be selfish to stay and be in the way of him meeting his ideal match. Third (bread) you apologize for anything you ever did that caused him harm, you wish him every happiness success moving forward, and that he’s been a contribution, a blessing to your life and that you wish him the best.
Hard, I know. But courageous. Honest. Kind. And it sets him free to meet his beloved at a Holiday party… and sets you free too!
For more practical and soulful advice on having deep intimate connected delicious relationships:
Men: visit Get Her to Say Yes and download your free report.
Ladies: go to AllanaPratt.com and sign up for my radio show Intimate Conversations LIVE and my lusciously empowering weekly newsletter.
And you, lovely Meetmindful people, who would like to connect one-on-one with me, I offer members of your community a substantial discount. Simply go to www.AllanaPratt.com/meetmindful and use the coupon code: friend. Because you matter. And when your relationship rocks, your life truly soars.
xoox, Allana
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About the author
Featured on CBS, TLC, FOX, coach to celebrities, a cum laude graduate of Columbia, Allana Pratt’s a single mom who battled an internal war of body shame and sexual guilt that destroyed her confidence, joy and softness. Now, author of three books, she pole dances for pleasure, and knows ‘When mama’s happy, everybody’s happy!’ She inspires women to embrace their sacred erotic nature to attract all the love and attention they choose and heals men’s emasculated hearts, cures their ‘nice guy’ and awakens their noble badass honoring of women.Thousands flock to her sexy empowering show Intimate Conversations LIVE. She’s here to end sexual violence on the planet, have stupid amounts of joy as a mother, ooze sensuality and inspire reverence for our exquisite sexual nature.
This article originally appeared MeetMindful. Reprinted with permission.
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Photo: Tim/Flickr
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