Trish Everett spills on how to take date nights from dull to dazzling.
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Date nights. A totally gorgeous idea where, as a couple, you take a night off from life to hit the town and really connect with one another. Sometimes fireworks fly in your love life and at others, well, it is like a black hole of barriers and too hards. This leaves many couples in two minds about date nights.
I recently asked both men and women what were their biggest barriers to date night. The two biggest responses were kids and money. While this is only part of the story, it is a big part. Firstly, the logistics of both having access to the right support, be it family or child minding, to make this night happen isn’t so easy. Even with a team of helpful people at the ready, the planets do really need to align to make it happen. And without the team of people there, just the thought of making it happen can make your head spin.
The other really big one for couples, both with kids and without, is the cost. Going out can add up. What with the baby sitter, the taxi, the meal, the entertainment and all the bells and whistles, many couples at different stages of their lives can find this expense hard to justify.
The ‘this is our time, we need to make the most of it’ side of things puts a blanket of expectation over the night that can be hard to come out of.
As a flow on from all this date night can come with a whole lot of pressure to make the most out of it. And something about this can have couples fighting with each other before they even get out the door. Differences in money values can come up, and the ‘this is our time, we need to make the most of it’ side of things puts a blanket of expectation over the night that can be hard to come out of.
The other thing that comes up is how out of practice couples are at connecting with each other in that one-on-one time. The hum of life keeps them rolling along, so to stop and connect, just the two of them, can be incredibly daunting. This out of practice side of things can really play into resistance to making date nights happen, and the disappointment when it doesn’t work out as planned.
What about if you take the pressure off?
What about having a date night—in?
If you are looking at the screen in a puzzled state with this idea, let me tell you a bit about what I am thinking.
Date nights at home are not your run of the mill night of watching TV together, or having your evening running along with one of you in one room and the other somewhere else. These are nights where you have all the mindset and energy of a date, but you don’t leave the house. If you have no idea what you would do, there are plenty of ideas in my free date nights at home ebook.
I would love to share with you 5 secrets to make your date night at home, a night to remember.
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Make a Plan
Date nights at home, just like date nights out, need a bit of planning. It doesn’t have to be much, it is about putting the time you want for this in its own special bubble.
Plan the when—is it going to be in the evening when the kids are in bed? Or maybe you want to wake up at 4am and have a date then. It could even be during the day. It is your date and you get to choose when it will be.
Also think about what you want to do together. Where you both talk about what it is that you would like to do. Alternatively, you can take turns in surprising each other with a mystery stay in date night activity.
The Sizzling Art of Anticipation
In the lead up to your date, start to do things that build that couple energy for you both. Every couple does this differently.
In the lead up to your date, start to do things that build that couple energy for you both. Every couple does this differently. It might be talking about it. You might have a special “date night tonight” wink or a text conversation about some aspect of the night that you are looking forward to. Play with ways to let your partner know that you are looking forward to the time together.
Mood Lighting and Beyond
When you go out on a date there is a time when the date starts. It might be when you leave the house or when you meet at a place. As it is at home, it is up to you to ‘make’ a start to your date. This could be by communicating something like “let’s start our date” or it could be an action, putting on some music, pulling your partner into a passionate kiss, handing them a drink, or walking into the room in your date night outfit. Again, make sure you put the date night energy into the room. It can be a simple as you both saying “I am here with you for this time.”
Date night like a Jedi
Your greatest power lies in where you place your attention.
Your greatest power lies in where you place your attention. While Jedi mind tricks are based on this principle, so is your relationship. Place all your attention and your presence with your partner throughout the date. And just to be clear, I don’t mean some critical analysis type of attention—that is not what we are looking for to create the magic of a date night. What we need is less judgment and more appreciation of the beautiful and infinite soul who has chosen to link with you. Date with all the attention and appreciation that you have available to you.
Happy Endings
And now let’s talk about the sex part of the date night. There’s so much we could talk about with this. A date night can be a place to explore your intimacy, desire, sexual connection. If this is where your date is going, you can start that journey from the first look, first touch and weave that in from the start.
While most would agree that sex is a happy ending to a date, it isn’t always the case. These nights are about connection and, man or woman, connection is something that we all crave. An expectation of sex can actually become a force against it happening. Keeping open to the possibilities of it happening without weighing it down with expectation and frustration can bring a whole new energy, bringing a happy ending to both of you.
So, are you game? Are you going to give a date night at home a go? If you would like some ideas of what you can do on a date night at home, you may like to check out my free date night at home e-book . It has 50 stay in date ideas and a spicy option for each one.
My last thought is to have fun with it. Life can get so full of the drudge and having a night out to search for joy with your partner can be a game changer.
Photo—Tony Alter/Flickr
The post 5 Secrets to an Unforgettable Date Night at Home appeared first on The Good Men Project.