10. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… My First Hit Single Was Jesus Walks
Yeezy took to the stage at The Blue Note club to deliver a freestyle that touched on his supposed involvement in the Illuminati:
And all this illuminati talk, like my first hit single wasn’t ‘Jesus Walks’
And in defense of the conspiracy theorists (that’s the first time I’ve started a sentence like that, but hopefully not the last: still nine examples to go), Kanye spit the following lines on television
I sold my soul to the devil thats a crappy deal
Least it came with a few toys like a happy meal
This is likely about the perils fame and how he lost anonymity in becoming a professional musician (re: his New York Times interview, “You know, a musician and give[s] up her anonymity and her voice to express her talent”).
9. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… I’d Really Like to Join, But They Won’t Let Me In
Heems, formerly of Das Racist, admits to being courted by the Illuminati, but he doesn’t think their ready to make a serious commit. And if they did let him in, he thinks it’d ruin him. (This is how Maboo felt about being wait-listed by Harvard).
Illuminati vettin', he’ll join ‘em if they let him
Probably be a trick, and they’ll boil him
If they get him
Note, Das Racist' official fan Tumblr (run by one of their friends) is called DasRacistIlluminati.Tumblr.com
Possible Illuminati imagery in the GreedHead symbol
8. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… I’m not white, or a billionaire
A likely excuse, but New Genius' reports on this year’s Illuminati meet up (aka the Bilderberg Group) shows some diversity. No rappers on the list though (at least not publicly!).
Did Kendrick attend?
Who said a black man in the Illuminati
Last time I checked, that was the biggest racist party
Was J. Cole on the list? He spit this on Villuminati:
Keep on asking me about the Illuminati
Is you stupid nigga
Young Black millionaire
Old White billionaires
I’m sure that they could do without me
7. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… I’m From The Block
This raises the question: is Illuminati membership a birthright or can you join the group later in life? This is where rappers make some of their most compelling arguments against Illuminati conspiracists, because why would the Illuminati let their members grow up poor?
Let French Montana tell it:
Illuminati? I’m from the streets
Never sold my body, we takin' bodies
Or Jay-Z (the meme Illuminati rapper):
Bitch, I said I was amazing, not that I’m a Mason
It’s amazing, that I made it through the maze that I was in
Or A$AP Rocky:
Fuck illuminati lies, say I’m lucified
Baptised in the gutter, motherfucker you decide
6. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… I’m Trillmaluminati
Speaking of Rocky, he’s eschewed the Illuminati to form his own group:
All this talk of Illuminati ain’t got a clue about me
Bitch I’m Trillmaluminati and got my crew behind me
(Full Disclosure: Rap Genius is also a member of Trillmaluminati. After a brief stint with the Illuminati, we decided that Trill offered better health care (read: medicinal marijuana))
5. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… I’m Still Getting Dissed By Sucker Emcees
In a brilliant verified annotation on Rap Genius, Pusha T puts the Illuminati rumors to bed with a bit of logic. If he was Illuminati, then why does he have to deal with your bullshit? I mean, Illuminati is responsible for taking out presidents, so they could probably deal with some internet commenters.
Since y'all claim I’m Illuminati, tell me why would you try me?
Kennedy, John F., or Bobby
Almost caught Reagan, but they stopped us at the lobby
And that was broad day, so how the fuck you gon' stop me?
You lil' niggas just dirty mine’s is Zero Dark Thirty)
4. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… Wait, I guess I am in the Illuminati
Sometimes you wake up in a new Bugatti, other times you wake up in the Illuminati.
Let Ab-Soul tell it:
I feel like, I’m affiliated with, the illuminati, bitch
All seein' fuckin eye, this is your enlightenment
Or you’re like J. Cole and wake up with a pamphlet from the Illuminati in your mailbox and you think about it for a second—
I’m bout to go and join the Illuminati
Fuck everybody
I’m bout to go and join the Illuminati
Fuck everybody
I’m bout to go and join the Illuminati
Fuck everybody
I’m bout to go and join the Illuminati
And the Illuminati’s keeping tabs on Prodigy:
Illuminati want my mind, soul and my body
Secret Society trying to keep their eye on me
3. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… But I do appreciate that it rhymes with Bugatti
The Bugatti is a versatile machine. You can drive it and you can wake up in it. And thankfully, you can rhyme it with Illuminati.
Por ejemplo, Rick Ross:
They say I’m gettin' money, must be illuminati
Talking to the Holy Ghost, in my Bugatti
And his MMG cohort, Meek Mill(!!!)
Peace! At the dealer talking Bugatti talk
You never heard it like Illuminati talk
And here’s Meek Mill again (woaaah):
I don’t gotta join illuminati just to get a new Bugatti
2. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati…I’m Just Rich
These rappers aren’t in the Illuminati, they’re just rich (common misconception!)
Take it from Jay Electronica
We not illuminati but our eye is on the money
or Yeezy
UGH, where do I start? people ask me shit about Illuminati
First off, fuck that mean?!
He loved Jesus when he he he was worse off
Oh I see, when they, think a nigga is, stupid rich
People just start coming up with stupid shit
or the other half of The Throne
Big ballin is my hobby
So much so they think I’m down with the illuminati
1. I Can’t Be In The Illuminati… Because The Illuminati Doesn’t Exist
I think the strongest argument against secret a society created to perpetuate evils in private are the evils that’re already perpetuated in public. Yeezy projected his face on buildings worldwide to make this point. You have to ask yourself: is Blue Ivy Carter’s secret Illuminati membership more important than the privatization of prisons (an open secret there)?
See they’ll confuse us with some bullshit
Like the New World Order
Meanwhile the DEA
Teamed up with the CCA
They tryna lock niggas up
They tryna make new slaves
See that’s that privately owned prisons
I’ll let Lupe, the Proust of Rap (rememberer of things past), have the last the word:
Kill your own peoples, but fear Illuminatis
And they ain’t even real, or are they?
But you wouldn’t even know, because you partay