A Street Called Hope
( MOTHER HOOD- LADUN’S JOURNEY) Part 1
The niggling doubts March 2006
Hello everybody, my name is Ladun. Welcome to A street call Hope a new column which I’d be ‘sharing with those women (and their husbands of curse) who are walking a street call ‘’Hope’’, trying to conceive and be counted amongst the club parents. This section comes to you as an avenue of connectivity- to let to let you know that you are not alone in your journey as you walk through the many emotions that come with delayed pregnancy/conception/
parenthood. By sharing with you over the next months my own story and experiences, my desire is that we bound and find familiar ground in this ‘’thing’’, but that certainly we will grow not just in how e look on life and the trials and challenges it throws at us, but also that we will come to know that our callings and purpose is so much more than as a wife and mother. Through my journey started a few good years ago ( suffice to say more than 6 years), the pages that i share from my journals I hope will touch you whether you’ve been waiting 3years or 13years.
Please allow me to be indulgent when i say I truly believe that we can help one another out here and become firm friends. Me, by sharing with you some of the frustrations, pain, anger, sorrow, but also joy and hope that have come with this ‘’situation’’ we’ve being able to vent to some who’s in pretty much the same boat as you are. (Albeit may be different set of circumstances). In any way I can be of encouragement I hope I will be. I’m good at talking but I’m also good at listening. Here to happy Reading.
Starting at the Beginning
The niggling doubts started i guess after about 18 months of marriage. Previous to that we’d been kind of pretty laid back as to when we wanted to start a family. ‘’I need to be established in my career’’ I’d retort angrily whenever my parents or anyone else that dared to butt in with the question ‘’what are you waiting for?’’ My d dear husband and i had argued back and forth before we got married as to when we wanted to start family. ‘’After a year or so is just right’’ I would say steadfastly. ‘’No babes, let’s travel a bit and enjoy ourselves first’’ he’d reply. ‘’We can travel with our babies you know’’, I’d respond smilingly. And back and forth we’d go. Playfully really. We had no doubt that it would happen easily. Why wouldn’t it? We were young, healthy and even after 5 years together we still so into each other. I remember clearly the day we finally stopped playing at ‘’trying’’ to get pregnant. We’d been to a party and the most beautiful and precious little girl had come up to me and held my hand. I looked down at her smiling face and thought ‘’yep, I think I’ll have me one of these thank you very much’’. So we sort of seriously started ttc (trying to conceive) about 18 months into married life. I’d hit 30, the job was in place, we had our own home and everything that ought to be was in place. I started read all the books-‘’Charting your fertility’’, ‘’Planning your family’’; stopped using any form of contraception (which we’d only ever used intermittently). By the time we’d been trying for 18 months without any joy, I was almost a basket case. ‘’I’ll refer you for an appointment with a specialist at your local hospital’’ my male doctor said rather unsympathetically after having taken his advice and spent months charting my temperature to gauge when I’d ovulate and haranguing dh to make sure he was home at the oldest hoursso we could get down to business. It’s been a few good years since we got married and you could say we ‘ve been through some pretty hellish times. The challenge and trial of waiting to conceive and have the children that we‘re so desperate for has brought us to almost breaking point. The stress on our marriage, our relationships with friends and family has been unbearable at times. Pretty much looks like we may go down the medical path now. Don’t particularly want to, but well…do we have anything to lose. So here goes…..
…To be continued (The concluding part of the saga will be on our website on Friday)