It’s Friday. Black Friday. Actually, it’s 10:00pm on Thanksgiving Thursday…but along with the rest of big business, we’ll call it close enough. It’s black outside, so it’s time to engage in the art of the hunt.
The stores have been prepping you for this moment all month. You’ve carefully inserted a lengthy nap into light hours of your Thanksgiving Day. You’ve bundled up in your long johns and winter cap. Your family thinks you’re one step away from the nut house. But, you’re ready for a night of maddening crowds and spectacular bargains.
First stop? The big box store on the edge of town.
This year, they have exactly what you need – the iPhone 5s (gold) and the entire Disney princess Kingdom. If golden phones and Disney kingdoms can’t spark a season of joy, nothing can. But, there’s more. Hidden under a pile of toys that fell off of the end-cap display, you find an Elf on the Shelf. This is perfect since last year’s little guy lost one limb and suffered other untold abuses. And – heck yeah – he’s 63% off with the coupon you snagged as you ran through the door.
Only a short distance away is the shoe department. And by “department,” we mean this-side-of-the-rapture-dreamland. As you get closer, you think you hear Kenneth Cole and Jessica Simpson laughing in the background. It sounds a little like that cigar-in-the-mouth laughter that you see in the movies. But soon, you discover the real source. The crazy-eyed lady in red just bowled over some of her shopping competition and is having a personal mini-celebration as she sinks her fingers into a grey pair of genuine suede Uggs.
It wasn't laughter after all. Those repetitious sounds were groans – groans of frustration from those who were bounced to the side.
“Those Uggs are a good deal” you think, wondering why you are feeling somewhat sympathetic toward Crazy. But, there’s no time for psychoanalysis. You’re in the throes of Black-Thursday-night-lunacy.
Good news. All of the angry stares at Crazy have worked like a pause button in the store and a perfectly carpeted path has opened up in front of you. It almost glows radiantly. You peer through to the other side. It’s the size 9’s. Now, this is personal. 9 is where it’s at. This could be an early Christmas present…for you! The old scratch on your navy dress shoes has been eating at you for weeks. And now you have a chance to upgrade. Not only that, but your upgraded shoes will come with a free Michael Buble Christmas CD. Score.
“Everyone at work will be impressed,” you muse. Extending your free hand, you grab the shoe box. There’s no need to try them on at a time like this. You can always exchange them if they don’t fit.
You’re on a roll. And it’s only 10:17. “This is going to be the best Christmas ever.”
After snagging a couple of stocking stuffers and candy to boot, you are ready for the next destination…the checkout counter.
The line is long. Ridiculously long. “How did so many people finish shopping that quickly?” you wonder. Virtually every cash register in the store is open, but this is going to take a while. It’s going to take long enough for you to eat through an entire bag of Rolos if you don’t pace yourself. And that sinfully good chocolate candy has to last another month. Those Rolos have to fill up a couple of stockings, so you set a one handful limit. You spread your fingers out like one of those vending machine cranes that grab for toys and quickly reseal the bag after your Rolo-stuffed hand emerges.
Waiting in line can be maddening. You mentally calculate how many deals are coming to an end in the other stores. You consume a dark, chocolatey-covered carmel delight.
“The best gifts have surely been snatched from the shelves.” You worry that the night will soon be gone...but you can’t give up your place in line. Maybe the weariness of the other shoppers will afford you an opportunity to sneak in front of a few other customers. Wait. No. You don’t want to be compared to Crazy…or potentially end up at the back of the line. No cutting in line for you. You’ve got higher morals than that. So, you’re here for the long haul. You know what it means to sacrifice for something great. You’ll wait. You’ll sacrifice. And wait.
An hour-and-a-half later, your card is swiped and your deal is done. “I should have double-checked the bank balance,” you think, and make time for a quick peek on your phone.
It’s all there. You are certainly not cigar-mouth-laughter wealthy, but you’ve got enough. And before you shut down your banking app, you grin with pride over the monetary fruit of your labors. “Yep. This is going to be a good night. This is going to be a great Christmas.”
Heading back into the blackness of the night, you trot across the parking lot to your vehicle.
After hitting two more stores in three hours, your SUV is loaded. Unfortunately, your bank account and your personal energy reserves are almost depleted. Your two hour nap seems like a distant memory at this point. But, the realization that you have completed the majority of your Christmas shopping is fuel enough. So you keep pressing on…fighting the good fight.
The final stop of the night is the one that you have dreaded. You know that the mall is going to be a hot-bed of activity and you wish you had a friend for moral support. As you navigate through the headlights, you debate turning for home, but something compels you to keep going. “You can do this. It will all be worth it in the end.”
After waiting in the parking lot line for several minutes, a spot finally opens. You’ve never been so happy to park a quarter-mile from the mall before. But, tonight, it feels like a gift from God…a blessing. (The televangelists would be smiling if they were awake.) So, you shut off the car, cover the exposed presents with a blanket and head out one last time. The cold darkness will pass quickly and you’ll soon be inside.
You make the rounds to a few niche stores finding some Peach Cobbler scented lotion for grandma and a copy of Grand Theft Auto for your son. As you stand in line – yes another line – to purchase the video game, you think about the conversation you recently had with your spouse; “Why do the kids love these games related to stealing stuff?” you asked rhetorically. “We live in a land of plenty. And those games make me nervous. They make me wonder if our kids are getting the wrong message about boundaries and possessions.”
Those thoughts are interrupted as you look at the guy in front of you. Something draws your attention to his shirt. “Flannel. What’s the deal with checkered patterns and flannel? Do they have some kind of fashion obligation to each other?”
You realize that your mind is wandering. The lack of sleep is taking its toll.
“Maybe it’s…”
Graciously, your next squirrely thought was interrupted by the sound of your name. And you recognize the voice. “Hey!” Here’s the friend you needed to take your back earlier in the night! But, now the shopping is done and you’re famished.
“Want to get a good, healthy breakfast with me?” you ask.
The smell of cinnamon rolls has been stalking you for the last hour and now you’re with a friend. What a great reason to share. Breaking bread after a long night is like having someone scratch that hard-to-reach place in the middle of your back. It comes with a built-in sigh of relief.
You’re the first to say it; “A long night of shopping…hundreds of dollars. Coffee and sugar-coated bread at dawn…priceless.” You sense that your statement was cheesy, but at this stage of delirium, you just don’t care anymore.
As you look through the cinnamon frosted decal on the window, the sun is not yet climbing over the edge of the horizon. But, in spite of being unable to see the sun, shafts of its light are starting to out-pace the stars. It’s good to see the beginnings of this Friday. Apart from your church’s compulsory early morning Easter service, this may be the only day of the year where you actually see the sunrise.
You acknowledge the breaking dawn to your friend and enjoy its glory.
“How’d you do?” you ask, as you look through the window.
“I don’t know,” they say. “I mean, I got a lot of stuff, but I’m not so sure that I did well.”
“You didn’t get the ridiculously low prices, either, huh?”
“No. But, that’s not it,” they say. “I’ve just been unsettled by this whole night. I wonder if we aren’t missing something, here. I mean, what if this really was a season of generosity instead of being a season of consumption? What if we didn’t let culture push us into the darkness of this season? What if we…”
“Hey,” you cut in. “I’m sorry, but my mind is all over the place and the coffee’s not helping. I’ve got to get some sleep before it gets too light out. But, I’m so glad that I ran into you! Let’s do this again soon. Maybe we can plan something after we get beyond this Christmas season. It’s going to be a busy one…but, boy…it’s going to be great! Glad we ran into each other on this Black Friday.”
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