I stumbled across a series of videos called Divorce Corps that highlights some of the abuses of the divorce/family court system in America. Here’s one of them:
One of the reasons I’m so nitpicky about dating and marriage is that if things go wrong, I leave myself wide open for litigation that could literally drain my finances till they ship me off to the nursing home (or the looney bin, whichever comes first). I simply have no defense for it (unless I was possibly rolling in tons of money and had a private jet that could take me to a country with a no-extradition treaty). It also underscores the dangers of dating single moms, where men not only expose themselves to the risks of lifetime alimony, but also to paying decades of child support for children that are not theirs.
I’m still amazed at how I continue to be accused of being selfish for my reluctance to put my head on the chopping block at the behest of women who enjoy the benefits of a legal system that favor them at least 7 times out of 10. I don’t believe I’m being selfish here, but I do believe I have a very healthy sense of self-preservation.
The reality of modern marriage has forced a cultural expansion of men who have become noncommittal, not because they’re ALL unwilling to be faithful and settle down, but because the risks have now absurdly outweighed the benefits. One has to use razor-sharp intuition and top-notch vetting to avoid those women who at first might seem sweet as sugar and harmless as doves, only to morph into demonic hellspawn that will rain down nuclear fire on men for the most trivial or nonsensical of reasons. (Our marriage just isn’t exciting anymore!)
As I contemplate the merits of marriage I wonder if I’ll ever be able to completely trust whoever I’m with. Is it really possible to experience true love in a world where a loaded gun is perpetually pointed at my head?
That reality has helped me understand why we’re seeing an ever growing demographic of bachelors and players/pickup artists. Short-term flings are not merely a quick way to experience sexual gratification and an artificial sense of romantic love without actual commitment, it’s also the safest way. They simply have too much to lose otherwise. Actions do indeed have consequences, and the actions of a feminist crazed society has wrought a lopsided divorce system that has all but ensured men who value commitment will become an endangered and perhaps even extinct species.
It’s tragic that most women will do nothing to change this, and even fail to connect the dots. Compounding things even more is their notoriously fickle nature, by making their emotions the sole and authoritative arbiter of all that is right or wrong. They FEEL, therefore it IS. If they FEEL love, then it IS love, but if they FEEL unhappy, then that is also so. Those who live this way will only stay in a marriage for as long as they FEEL happiness and love. If they no longer do, they will not hesitate burn it down and salt the remains, then move on to their next emotional high. Marriage for them is not a commitment for life, but an emotion. How could we ever truly trust people who behave this way?
Too many women (and men to a lesser degree) let their emotions dictate their actions, yet the mark of wisdom is to recognize this pitfall and learn how our actions can dictate our emotions instead. This is why it makes me so uneasy to see women who no longer “feel” a certain way about a man just… give up. They don’t focus on the actionable nature of love and trust in its power to restore the feelings they so crave. In short, they lack both patience and faith.
As a Christian, I have to accept that the true measure of love (and the romance that springs from it) will only be found to be genuine when it endures a fiery testing. Romance is wonderful and something I crave beyond measure, but it masks the harsh realities of how much work it takes to build a successful relationship, work that takes both time and sacrifice, something very few people are willing to give.
And perhaps not without good reason. We all have our fallen traits, our besetting sins, but who can know what’s in a person’s heart? I may improperly judge a woman to be wicked, wayward, backslidden, not realizing that God is working in her a heart to please Him and that she would be one of the rare few who would take her marriage vows seriously and work to overcome all obstacles. And yet I won’t persevere in pursuing her because I can only go by what I see. We do indeed judge according to the appearance, but unless we are given a revelation about what is truly in a person’s heart, it’s often all we have to go on. It is why we constantly choose our spouses poorly all while rejecting those whose hearts have been refined as gold tried in the fire. The world will discard this as utter nonsense, but those who profess the name of Christ have access to the throne of grace, where we serve a Creator who is able to give wisdom abundantly to all who ask of Him and is certainly able to reveal to us the nature of a person’s heart (if we’re willing to listen).
Could I ever personally find my happy ending then? All I know for sure is that I simply could not survive in this world without the hope and trust that God will direct me accordingly. If I don’t have Him, I have nothing: no faith, no hope left that I’ll ever meet a girl who is meant for me, and I would succumb to the life of a perpetual and secular short term dater who will never make that leap to secure the woman of his dreams. For in his world, there are no happy endings.
(Originally posted at Marriage: The bell you can’t unring)