This the true story of how I fell in love with a girl I could not have, how I plotted to get her, how I got burned, and how I suspected betrayal and went on a quest for truth that drove me to do things I thought I would never do.
I am wondering if this first bit is interesting enough to you readers? Does it get your interest enough to hear the whole story? I'm thinking of writing a book about it, as the last year got pretty crazy.
It was the beginning of 2011, my wife and I were in the process of getting a divorce after the marriage of four years was in shambles. I had filed for divorce only weeks ago and was in the waiting period until it could be finalized. Things were bad for me, really bad. Even though I knew divorce was the best course to take, I was still very upset about it. I tried not to show it at work, but it was at least obvious to my friends who went to lunch with me every day, I was depressed and it showed.
I was in the office late one night, the team had been working late quite often of late, trying to get a new project off the ground. Anne sat at a desk just across from me and we were the last two there that night. Before that night I only looked at Anne as a talented co-worker and friend. I had always thought she was cute, but nothing more. I was very loyal to my wife, and didn't think about other women much. I had been Anne's supervisor for four years by this point.
My impression of Anne at the time was that of a quiet, shy girl, who never socialized much. She was in her own shell, as one put it. At first glance most would say her looks were average, but later I grew to think of her as the most attractive woman on the planet. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes, smoked, did not use makeup, and dressed in jeans and t-shirts most often, like someone who wasn't trying to impress anyone.
Over time my friends at work had learned a few things about her. Word had gotten around that she had a boyfriend who didn't work and stayed at home. He had moved here from Colorado with her. Those that heard this had an instant negative opinion of it, including myself. Since she always kept to herself we started to wonder if this guy was taking advantage of her, controlling her, and maybe worse. I would later learn that it wasn't as bad as we thought, but at the time I pictured in my head some low life who used her, was probably a jerk to her, and kept her under a leash. Picture any actor that looks like an asshole to you, and that was the picture I had in my head.
That night, late at the office, things changed. Anne was wearing a tight shirt that exposed her arms and had a slit down the front, exposing some skin, I was not used to seeing her like this, it was attractive, but didn't give it much more thought until I was about to walk out and head home. I was walking by Anne's desk and she stopped me to ask a question. I still have the image burned in my head to this day. Anne leaned over her desk towards me. She was leaning to her left and onto her left arm that was stretched out under her chest, putting pressure underneath her breasts. The slit down her front was split open now and for the first time I saw cleavage as her breasts were pressed together and wanting to come out of the shirt. I tried not to look down, but I'm quite sure she noticed that I was caught off guard. We talked for only a moment, but the image stuck in my head the entire drive home, and even after. For the first time I wasn't thinking of the divorce, I was thinking of Anne.
As I said before, Anne sat across from me at work, our desks were on either side of the entrance to the working cubical that held six people. To Anne's right was another coworker that I was supervising named Donny, a young and talented guy. Anne and Donny had become friends and I was seeing her talking more often than I had ever seen her talk. I started to wonder if she had changed the way she was dressing to impress Donny, having watched her body language I thought maybe she had a crush on him. I noticed that she would lean over forward when talking to him, as though she wanted to expose her cleavage. When someone else would come by, she would sit up. But when talking to him, she would lean forward. Maybe she wasn't happy with her boyfriend, maybe she wanted something else. I remember one day Donny coming into the cubical and catching Anne by surprise by gripping her waist on both sides from behind, he shouted something like "got ya". Anne was surprised and to me appeared shocked and maybe even turned on. I couldn't tell at the time if she liked it or hated it. I decided to go with she liked it, since I already thought she had a crush on him. She would offer him gum and other things. When she brought cup cakes one day and tried to get him to try one, Donny refused, which I also thought worked to make her more attracted to him.
After seeing Anne in a new light, I couldn't help but start to feel a tad jealous suddenly. Even though I had more than a few women tell me I was handsome, I was ten years older than Anne, I was at least 15 pounds overweight at the time, bald, and not all that sociable. Donny was her age, thin, had good hair, energetic and funny. I should have gotten the thoughts of Anne out of my head at that point ... but I didn't.
One night when working late, Bill came into the pod. Bill was the project director. We had worked together for over ten years. We were friends but there was a lot I didn't like about the guy, He was a womanizer to the core, knew how to socialize and manipulate people, and had the biggest ego I had ever encountered. And most people bought it, especially women. He could get away with things other guys couldn't, like hugging female coworkers, and flirting. Bill was much like Bill Clinton, the smooth talker who gets away with everything. I remember the former HR girl mentioning he had broken her heart, and saw them talking closely one time and she seemed upset. I have no idea what happened between them, but had a strong feeling he had an affair with her. Bill is the most notable here, because he plays a big role in what happens later between Anne and I.
Anne, Bill and I were talking about some actress in a movie, and Anne mentioned a lot of people on the net thought she was unattractive. Bill replied, "I thought she was hot, I want to fuck her." Anne shifted in her seat and brushed back her hair. I wondered if that made her uncomfortable, or turned her on. I chose to believe it turned her on. That bothered me because once again Bill got away with something other guys could not. I couldn't imagine anyone else saying that in the office. And it bothered me that Anne was buying this guys bullshit. She was smart and should know what kind of guy he is.
There were other times Bill would say sexual things around Anne, and I couldn't help but wonder what she thought about it. She would get offended when someone would apologize for saying something in front of her because she is a woman. It turned out that she was a feminist and did not like being treated differently because of her gender. This would be confusing to deal with later.
The next thing of note was one late night again. Anne and I were talking about something that I can't recall, but I turned in my chair towards her and she spun in her chair towards me with her legs spread, she was wearing jeans, and smiled and winked at me. It kind of took me off guard. Maybe I was thinking too much into it, but her winking at me was a plus in my mind.
The new project we were working on was big, and my team had to ramp up. We were going to move into a new cubical to accommodate the growing team. I was asked to review the seating arrangement and decided right then I wanted Anne sitting right next to me. Not just because I had these new thoughts about her, although that was the main reason, but also because she was the most senior on my team and the most talented. I was already giving her great reviews before and always thought she deserved everything she got when it came to credit and salary increase. At this time I still didn't know her all that well, but I planned to get to know her as well as I could.
I never dreamed it would go as far as it did, but in time, things were going to get interesting.
I remember Anne commenting how happy she was with the new seating, which made me feel good since she was next to me. Just being around her felt good. My team populated the left side of the cubical, and at the time the other project leads were on the right side across from us, guys that I had worked with for over ten years, Bill, who I already talked about, and Jack. Jack was my closest friend at the company, we had gone to school together and started the company at the same time, and spent the first year as roommates.
At first I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my new thoughts about Anne, I just wanted to get to know her, as my feelings were not all that deep then. Simply sitting next to her was enough at the time. It wasn't long before she started doing with me the same thing she was doing with Donny. She was very friendly and talkative with me, maybe she was that way with everyone that she knew to a degree, but I noticed when speaking to me, as with Donny before, she would lean over exposing cleavage. When anyone else would walk up, she would sit up. I started to study her body language around people, not just me, and there appeared to be a difference when it came to certain guys. I read it as a sign of attraction.
This went on for several days, I started thinking about her more often and wondering what was going on in her head, what she did in her spare time, what her relationship was like, and what her likes and dislikes were. She was definitely a mystery. A unique girl that didn't act like most others.
One day Jack brought up the subject of evolution. "Do you believe in evolution?" he asked me. Anne was sitting there next to me and was part of the conversation. I was raised in a Christian family, it was in my blood to the core. I had always had my doubts and complaints about religion but deep down I wanted it to be true, "I think it's still a theory. They think they have it all figured out, but they always prove themselves wrong later." This is when I learned something about Anne, who jumped in quickly, "It's not a theory, it's proven." She went on about it for a while and she was hard core about it. It was the first of many differing points of view we would end up having.
One of my early memories of throwing out a hint to Anne involved Jack. Jack had walked over to Anne to ask her a question, Anne turns around and Jack says, "Uh, dang I forgot what I was going to say..." I took the opportunity to say, "You were stunned by her good looks." Anne paused for a second and said, "Yeah that's it." with a smile. "Yeah that's what did it" Jack adds. Anne seemed to be in a good mood for the rest of the week, and even said she was at one point, I couldn't help but think it was because of my comment.
I started to think about what I would do next. I didn't want to make the wrong move, so I thought I would go very, very slow and see how things developed.
We were interviewing a new guy for a position available at work one day and Brandy, the HR girl asked if I could go to dinner with him one night, and Anne was invited to go as well. I think it was the first time we had hung out in such a way. We went to a classy Mexican restaurant after work and Brandy drove us. Bill came along too, and as we were waiting to be seated he came up behind Anne and said, "Hi Glen!" mentioning my name, almost in her ear... what was he up to? He was always a flirt with women and it instantly made me uncomfortable. The way he pointed me out to Anne was annoying as well.
Anne and I sat next to each other and I started drinking way too much. Brandy had ordered some pitchers of frozen margaritas and I almost went through an entire pitcher myself.
Once we got back to the parking lot, everyone was heading to go home. Captain America, the movie, was released that day and I was wanting to go see it. I was walking out with Anne, still drunk, and asked, "Hey, let's go see Captain America!" Anne seemed to think about it for a second, "Nah I think I will head home." I pressed further, not wanting to go alone, it seemed like she was about to agree, but then, "I don't think my boyfriend would like it." I instantly felt like I had gone too far ... way too obvious.
I thought I would back off for a bit, to let that die down. We continued to talk each day about various subjects: politics, abortion, religion, games, certain movies and TV shows. We were slowly becoming good friends, but on many subjects we had opposing views. I wanted god to be real, but had no way of knowing for sure, she did not believe in god. Our views on abortion were much different as well. Much later these debates became more common and my views on things began to change. But more on that later.
One day there was a co-worker leaving the company, and everyone was heading out for a goodbye lunch. I thought I would try to get Anne to ride with me, just the two of us. I thought I would ask another co-worker to ride with us to make it look more innocent, but I was hoping he would say no. Sure enough, he did. As we were heading out to my car I was wondering what I was going say or do to further my cause. Do I get risky or play it safe. It turns out I made a huge mistake.
Before this ride to lunch, Anne had been complaining about her boyfriends mom, who had been in town visiting for a week. She said that she had paid for the house they moved into, and that her boyfriend's mom insisted that his name be on the house, even though his mom had only put in $1,000 on the house.
On the way to lunch I started to complain about her boyfriend. Dumb move. Because this always puts them on the defense of their boyfriend and it instantly put me in the enemy position. Even though I got pretty close with Anne in the months to come, this, and other mistakes, would lead to disaster ...