I am not a professional writer. I have just graduated high school so I don't have as much experience as some of you. I am used to writing horror stories, this is my first non horror story. I am looking for feedback on content not grammar (I'll fix those types of errors later) I pasted this from google docs so it looks a little funky.
Broken
By Harry Watson
“I hate riding these things” Brian said
“I’m sorry” Ana replied
“Yeah me too, I’m just saying I hate riding elevators.”
“Why? A lot of people would rather take it”
“Those people have the option though, I don’t” He said pointing down at the two large ski poles attached to his forearms
“Whether I like it or not, I don’t get to make these decisions” She said
A small ding sounded. The doors swung open, the doorway to hell, a mouth with broken teeth. Ana motioned Brian to step in. She gently grasped one of the poles, Brian sprung back as if she had electrocuted him.
“Look I don’t need your help, I can step into an elevator on my own.”
“Okay” She said, not expecting his tone of course.
“It’s feels like a nut-house in here” He thought.
He stared directly at the buttons on the elevators panel. There were only seven, most of them were damaged or sticky from all the gum that was or had been stuck to them. The elevator, almost like an icebox, made ones skin frosty.. This wasn’t like an amusement park ride where you would ride up and down for kicks and giggles. It was a transportational casket.
Ana turned to him “Don’t worry about being late, I’ll write you a pass.”
“It’s fine, Mr. Mcdonagh won’t care anyways”
The elevator stopped again, the doors swung over. Finally,there was light. .
2
“Mr. Callahan would you care to tell me what Japan’s motivation was for the bombing of Pearl Harbor?” Mr. Mcdonagh asked.
Brian stared blankly at his books for a moment.
“Well, they were mad at the U.S for denying their country the oil”
“Very Good, I am glad to see someone is paying attention, Mr. Drew would you mind putting away your cell phone?”
“Sure thing, boss.”
“Thank-you”
It was already 8:45, only twenty minutes until the next class.
“Ms. Laurie can you tell me who the U.S fought in Normandy?”
“Uh, the Russians?” Marissa sighed.
A rumble of laughter soon rebounded around the room followed by a witty retort from Damian King .
“The Russians?” Damian spat out.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Shut the hell up!” Marissa shouted
Mr. Mcdonagh spread his arms between them, he looked like a cartoon traffic officer.
“Hey, watch your language, both of you. I don’t care for your little marital disputes, so if you have a problem go take it down to the office.”
“Whatever”
He turned to Brian.
“The fuck you looking at bitch?”
“ Uh, nothing” replied Brian
For a moment he gazed at Brian eyeing him as a pane of glass, then returned to his seat
“Remember, this will be on the test so pay attention, none of this late night last minute study mullarkey”
“Oh my god, nobody cares?” Reid thought as his chin wilted forward.
“Mullarkey? Who the hell says mullarkey?” thought Damian
Everything was fading into one foggy daze.
“This is stupid, can’t he just let us out?”
“ When’s the next spring break?”
“Ugh, I have Bio next”
“Oh my god, seriously, who cares?”
“This bitch has been texting me all day, who does she think she is?”
An endless stream of thought that could put a person in an institution, if they had heard even one minute of it.
“Oh good class is almost over”
Brian switched back and forth between scribbling the test content and soaking Mr. Mcdonagh’s word’s of wisdom.
Soon after he underlined his last “2,335 casualties” The pencil’s thin graphite tip snapped.
He checked his pencil box,26 mechanical pencils all fresh out of lead. He couldn’t believe that he had gone through so many. All his graphite was missing, now there was officially no hope. Slowly he pushed the chair back, he grasped onto the crutches and forced his legs up until they were almost standing. The sound the crutches made when touching the ground was not subtle, they banged and clicked together, ticking with each step. The floor was an unstable mine field layered sharp piercing glass. One step, two step, the pencil sharpener was inches away, the cuffs around his arms began to tremble.
“Um, would you mind keeping your candy canes off my bag?” Melanie said
“Sorry, I’ll make this quick.”
She sighed and stared down at her phone screen for the tenth time.
“ Oh my god, this signal sucks.” She thought.
“Tell me about” He said.
“Um, I didn’t say anything” She said in awkward disbelief.
Brian continued to sharpen his pencil the tip was almost sharpened enough. He pulled it out, but the damn thing broke again. He tried once more, but the pencil still refused to cooperate. The sharpener purred very loudly, louder than a can opener, it was irritating.
His crutches were digging into his arms now, he couldn’t wait to get back to his seat/
His pulse was so high and sweat was pouring out of his miserable pores, all over the numerous pimples, dripping to the tiny blonde hairs poking out of his chin. One arm clenched on a crutch supporting his legs, the other sharpened that stupid pencil. It was horrible. Sharpening pencils was a daunting task. Nothing could be far more awkward than the crippled kid struggling to make his way across a classroom and sharpen a pencil.
Mr. Mcdonagh paused “Are you almost done at that sharpener Mr. Callahan?”
“Yeah”
“Fuck it,” He thought “I’ll sharpen it later”
Just another disappointment, it didn’t matter class was over.
“Hey crutches, you’re blocking my view of the wall”
Christine Agne stared at Brian, her face told plenty, a small smirk and eyes trying to dart themselves away. Brian was expecting her to say
“Come on Brian you can do it, you’re almost to the finish line”
Their eyes were on him instead of the board, some amused and some horrified.
Did it really matter if he made it to the desk? He had less to lose by making no attempt.
Class was over
3
Ana was late.
“Is she stuck in traffic?”
She had never been this late before. Something was up. Brian did not care.
He hated being late and did not want another late pass. This time he would show her and the school that he didn’t need her help. He started making his way down the halls,
“I hate her, so much. Who does she think she is telling I can’t be normal. I used to be.”
He began hopping in a different direction. He wanted to take his crutches and throw them down the stairs. That’s what he wanted, to throw them and prove everyone wrong.
The crutches were barbed wire that would forever remain wrapped around his arms, leaving many scars. Ditching them was not an option, neither was physical therapy.
A week before, Brian and his mother were in the kitchen together. He was sitting at the kitchen table peeling an orange. They were the juiciest he had ever had. He indulged upon fruits and vegetables, with each banana he ate he hoped it would bring him new life. As they say “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” An orange couldn’t hurt. He peeled his orange with sly precision as he wanted to get every drop of vitamin C. His mother was meticulously cleaning the counter. Brians company gave her something, her already busy life did not have often. She was four months pregnant and had no one to take care of her and her son. She wanted Brian to be happy. Brian was her joy and pride, but lately things had been taking a turn for the worst. The baby, the bills, the accident. The doctor had told her that Brian would never fully recover from that fateful day, she began to believe it was true.
She turned and stared at Brian, holding a knife in one hand and an orange in the other. Seeing him with a knife made her a little uneasy. He placed the orange peels onto a napkin. He turned to her and proposed something that left her in shock.
“Mom, I had a dream last night,
“Yeah” She said.
“I dreamt that I was on the beach in Maine. You know the one with arcade. Anyways, You, Dad, Nana, Sam and everyone else was there and it was really special. We were having a barbecue. Nana was feeling better than normal and even Sam was having fun chasing the dog around the beach. But anyways in my dream I could walk. I could swim, I think it means something.”
Brian’s mother began scrubbing harder.
“Brian.”
“That doctor, doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Remember she thought that dad had a tumor and it turned out to be gas? What if she’s wrong with me too.
What if I could walk, you know like one of those people healed by a spiritualist on tv.”
She sighed. She sighed again, what could she do? What could she say to her one and only child. It had been a long 4 months for both of them. The accident, the move. Debt collectors, calling constantly, no wonder her phone bill went up. Not to mention the therapist she was seeing. So many days in therapy preparing for this moment and now she was speechless.
“Mom?” He said
“Brian, honey, you were in a serious accident. The doctor honestly doesn’t think you will be able to walk again. Neither do I.”
“But..”
“Brian I can’t...
“it is possible, it has happened to people before mom. Why can’t you believe that?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I know it’s hard for you. You of all people had to give up so much after that crash. That’s why we moved here. So you can start a new life.”
“Mom, listen to me, I don’t want a new life, I want my old one back. I want to go back to running track and hiking and feeling the grass between my feet and not having to use the handicap parking space when we go out. I want my old life back.”
“Honey, that’s just not possible, you know things can’t go back to the the were, your father...”
“-- That’s not what I mean mom. I mean that I want to walk again. If you just let me go to the physical therapist, I could make progress.”
She scrubbed even harder “ I don’t have time for this, I have to clean the house or else it won’t get done.”
“I have time mom, I’m not going anywhere.”
Her cleaning fluid bottle was empty, she looked through cabinets frantically for another.
“Please listen to me!”
“It’s just not going to happen for a while. I don’t have any money”
“I can get money, I promise. Just let me try”
“ Even then, there’s nothing to try. Brian, the fact of the matter is that you damaged your legs very badly. If you hadn’t gone out with your friends that night you wouldn’t be in this mess. The doctor said that your legs are paralyzed and they will stay that way.”
She felt a sharp twang of pain in her stomach, from regret and the new life inside her.
“Brian, I don’t want to hear it right now. I am feeling like shit and you know how I get when that happens. Now eat your orange.”
Brian placed the knife down and rolled the orange to the floor. It fell to the floor followed by a soft squishy sound, She felt like crap then.
4
He stood at the stairs.
“I don’t need these crutches. I hate these things”
“Brian, what are you doing?”
It was Ana was standing behind him. She wanted to take him away, there was no escape.
He flung the crutches and for a moment his legs were made of steel. Somehow he could feel the world beneath his feet and then somehow he managed to let go of the ground beneath him. He let go and went flying. His jaw was attracted to the first step.
His back hit another.
“Brian!” Ana screamed.
She ran down the stairs.
“Brian, oh my god!”
He lay at the bottom of the stairs. He could only see light, bright singing light, just like a picture. He was gone but only for a moment.
“Wake up” Another voice said.
“Brian, this is Mrs. Scott. I need, you to respond to me”
Mrs. Scott was the school’s special education teacher. She knew just as much as Ana did about handling this situation.
“He’s breathing”
“I know that”
“Woah what happened here” It was another voice.
“Don’t worry about it Damian, get back to class.
The light faded, Brian was back on the stairs, lying in a red stick pool, that probably came from him.
“Brian, this is Mrs. Scott speaking, to you” Her words were slow and loud, her tone sounded as if she were talking to a baby.
“I need you to listen to me, do you understand”
“Stop talking to me like I am a retard, I can hear you just fine” He thought.
For a moment, he wished he was on the beach right now, instead of here.
She continued “Brian, we are going to get a nurse to help you. Do you understand me?”
In his first account with her, he had obviously given her reason to believe something was wrong with him, or was that what they taught her type at Arizona State University.
Being a snobbish bitch 101.
“I can understand you perfectly.”
Ana leaned in.
“Ms. Broderick, stay away from him.”
“My legs hurt.” He said.
“Of course they do, you fell down a flight of stairs,”
“Don’t worry Brian, it was an accident” Ana said.
“No, it wasn’t.”
She jumped back in horror, but it wasn’t the comment that scared her, it was Brian.
His left foot was twitching. The sand felt soft between his toes.