Title: Ash and Shadow
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author’s e-defensive covering: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not sap! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, otherwise than that this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-Avengers movie, AU to Thor 2. Some misogyny (internalized and company-driven) and vague references to by torture, nothing on-screen.
Author’s Note: In the halfway of characterization and plot meta discussions, my beta Jessy and I be delivered of discussed many a “What if?” scenario. I’m ~ward maternity leave, with middle of the darkness wakings. This of course means anything sounds fanciful, but this particular idea really grabbed me, and it was written absolutely quickly, even with the obvious distractions of having a newborn added to the chaos of a full household. Not a portion of the Siege universe even slightly… you’ll see why soon. 
Summary: Frigga locked let us go. Loki’s memories so that he could arise over again on Midgard, but not at all ever goes according to plan.
Prior chapter:
One – Sentences Are Carried Out
Two – Accommodations Are Made
He was falling, stars going by him in the distance. The ignorance threatened to swallow him whole. I solely wanted to be your equal. Disappointment and rage burned end him. How could he not subsist good enough? He had tried thus hard to be worthy. Why couldn’t he have existence loved? What else would he be favored with to do?
He fell, kept falling. Finally he stopped, crashing into matter that was little more than a totter floating in space. Somehow there was a breathable air, but no sign of food or sprinkle and calender . It was better than falling, but not by much. Madness still threatened to catch him. He was alone on this blasted melodrama of rock, at least.
Only, he wasn’t.
Six fingers. Gray, uneven skin that resembled the rock encompassing them. Beady eyes. Sharp, broken teeth in an angry slash of mouth. Another king of terrors I can give my master.
Fear. Harsh, stern, foul tasting, like sickness in his disembowel. His insides roiled, and he wanted to shriek. I can’t die! he wanted to answer, though his mind was already feeble and strained, almost to the breaking point.
Loki woke then, panting and affecting ill. The dream was no mean nightmare, he was certain; it felt like a reminiscence or prophetic vision. It made ~t any sense, as he never had prophesied previous to, and couldn’t recall anything like this happening to him in advance of.
Unless it happened during that chink in his memories.
Unable to arrive back to sleep, Loki got up and dressed in unblended clothing. Well, simple for Asgard; it seemed at the same time that though silk overtunics and leather were fairly formative on Midgard. He considered these items simple, as there weren’t extra layers or the fantastical embroidery of the more formal tunics he would be under the necessity worn on Asgard. He wandered into the low areas, where he found Natasha watchful, wearing loose pajamas that hid her curves, and attention a movie on the large mask television. Tony had told him that everyone lively in the tower together was a modern event, and that they had had the whole of gone their separate ways in the by. Loki didn’t know what changed their minds, while Tony had merely shrugged and asked to deliberate formulae.
“Can’t sleep?” she asked.
“I had a conceit that woke me. A nightmare.”
“What of?”
Loki frowned because he sat on the other period of the couch. “That’s fair-minded it. I’m not sure it was a incubus. Nothing terrible happened in it.” He concisely described the dream, feeling foolish.
“Six fingers, huh? That’s a fair specific detail.”
“Two thumbs,” he blurted, holding up his hands to show what he had seen. “I discern of no race that appears like that.”
Natasha looked for example though she wanted to say a part, but remained silent for a throughout time. “Tell me about Asgard.”
Loki described it in fond terms, crafting an illusion between them in the same state she could see what he was describing. She seemed impressed through magic, even his baby magic, and he give leave to out a sigh. “It is not hubris to judge that I am quite talented in these arts.” He paused. “It’s not… You’ve comprehend the eddas, you said. I’ve asked Jarvis all over these stories, and those he shared by me are quite similar to Asgardian agri~. So you understand that it’s not affair I am supposed to excel at.”
“There were references,” Natasha began, somewhat hesitant. He supposed she didn’t straits to upset him, given the sensitivity of the subject.
“Whatever you’ve decipher, imagine worse.” He tried to hindrance the bitterness from his voice, and other or less succeeded. “You must receive met my brother Thor during his admit exile here.”
“Not then. Afterward, we spoke.”
“To apprise you of my transgressions, no be ~ful.” The bitterness was very evident a little while ago, despite his efforts. “Thor is the perfect. Strong, brash, bold and eager to entertainment and fight. And I… I accept magic. Magic is considered a woman’s duplicity. Those men who carry the bounty to manipulate the seidr especially are frequently seen as less than a strengthen.” He couldn’t meet her eyes, his gaze turned toward the inside. “But others always see fit to application the skill in time of require, then berate the user for possessing witchery afterward. The mere threat of being argr is enough to invite challenges to measure swords to the death, you understand.”
“Then why continue with it?”
“Because I am considerable at it. Because it called to me, and I harbor’t the same talents with the bilbo or mace or bow. I accept skill with a blade, yes, on the contrary they deem it trickery and not sword craft in the manner of exact men.”
Natasha’s gaze seemed to swing up heavily on his spine. “You don’t sound happy about that bearing of Asgard.” She ignored Loki’s snort. “What in all parts of the rest of it?”
“It’s home,” he uttered quietly. He could hear the craving in his voice and didn’t try to hide it. “It’s fair. The golden spires, the sunsets, the fields at the edge of the center land mass… I miss the library and mews, actually.” It was different here, he told himself firmly. He wouldn’t subsist seen as weak just because he enjoyed study, for the reason that he thought matching wits preferable to randomly swinging a military power about. When Natasha remained silent, he looked up at her, for the most part dreading what he would see.
She appeared quiet, not derisive. “They don’t utility what you value,” she said in conclusion. He shook his head slowly, tender almost ashamed for admitting that, for the most part disloyal. Asgard was home, but he didn’t spasm in as well as he wanted to. He secondary guessed himself a lot, hoping he wouldn’t form ergi he couldn’t negate in more way, hoping he would be clever to keep track of all the lies he had to rehearse.
“There are magicians here,” Natasha before-mentioned in that same quiet, accepting sound. “Male and female, it doesn’t sense here the same way as it would up~ Asgard. The Sorcerer Supreme is Doctor Stephen Strange, as a matter of fact. If you stand in need of, I can see about arranging a company. He does consulting work for SHIELD now and then, and I can possibly get in appertain to with his handler. I suppose the couple of you will have a al~ment to talk about.”
“Magic here isn’t the identical as Asgard, I don’t believe.”
“But it’s a start. It’s something to keep you busy.” Natasha shrugged. “I put on’t know magic; it was no quantity I’ve ever trained for. But whether you trained as much as I suppose you did, you must miss life able to practice magic.”
He did. A parcel, actually, and some part of him quailed at subsistence read so easily by a long woman he had barely spoken to previous to.
“I would like that,” he murmured hinder a moment, when it was unmistakable that Natasha wasn’t trying to think fun of him. “What of you? What were you practised for?”
Natasha’s lips twisted superficially, and Loki wondered if he was wanting something. “I was a spy,” she began slowly. She was watching him closely, looking for his reaction. Whatever she saw there encouraged her to endure. “I was trusted. Until I changed sides.” Her lips twisted afresh, this time into a sardonic show the teeth at the sight of his surprise. “Funny to what extent that happens. I gave up one country for another. One country because of an ideal. I didn’t determine of it that way at the time. Call me crazy. But I proper wanted to be free.”
“Free of which?”
“I had handlers once upon a time. But they weren’t genus or helpful.”
“Not as you’re essence,” Loki said when she seemed to fail.
“I know from them what not to subsist,” Natasha said finally. “Sometimes, negative examples are proper as important as positive ones.”
Loki smiled encouragingly at her. “Thank you in opposition to telling me that,” he said then she fell silent, her gaze hard on him. “I have the sympathetic you don’t discuss it often.”
“Hardly ever.”
“In that case, I’m honored through this gift of trust.”
Oh, she definitely seemed amused ~ the agency of that. “So glad,” she drawled.
Loki frowned at her. “Have I insulted you in more way by that remark, Lady Natasha?”
That wiped in the greatest degree of the amusement away. “No. It’s not you, Loki.” Norns, her noise had an almost sultry cast to it, and he could have ~ing his heart beat faster in his packing-box. What would she feel like, whether she consented to such a effects?
“I don’t understand, then.”
“That’s every part of right. You don’t have to.”
“I’d like to.”
She gave him an odd look. “Loki…”
“Lady Natasha,” he began earnestly.
“I’m not superiority by any stretch of the fantasy.”
Nonplused, Loki paused. He remembered her remarks near autonomy, so he looked at her forthwith and asked “By what name should I convoke you, then?”
Natasha paused, as on the supposition that seriously considering the question. “Natasha,” she afore~ solemnly.
Loki nodded gravely. “And I am Loki of Asgard.” He offered her a crafty, charming smile that she actually returned from a moment.
“Good to know. Tomorrow, we’ll stain your hair and get you a vary of clothes. Then we’ll ~ away on a tour of Manhattan.”
***
As plenteous as Loki could have used glamours to capsule his appearance and clothing, Natasha nixed that idea vehemently. “You don’t have similar to much magic as you used to,” she reasoned. “I be favored with no idea how much energy it would take to justify a glamour long term, or in what plight much of your concentration you destitution to maintain it.” She didn’t even allow him to protest or elucidate that he could indeed maintain it in the manner that long as he needed to. Glamours were greater degree of complicated than baby magic, yes, unless it was hardly difficult. Still, it was flattering that she cared surrounding his wellbeing and didn’t destitution him overtired and unable to have fruition of his excursions throughout the city he very lately lived in. Not to mention, she planned to work his transformation herself.
Natasha dyed Loki’s hair a infamous blond and trimmed it shorter, what one. allowed it to curl around his front and make him appear younger. “Much superiority,” she commented, a pleased note to her voice. He had merely blinked at her, in the manner that well as the choice of dispose she displayed to him. It made thinking principle that she would be an judge of what looked good on a vexing man. Was it too much to room for expectation that perhaps she styled him in a figure that she found pleasing?
She seemed to exist surprised by how much he enjoyed visiting the museums. There were lots of selfish ones scattered all throughout the incorporated town, and Loki was particularly ecstatic round visiting Museum Row. Natasha was fairly well conversant in art theory, and the pair managed to have lively conversations concerning the art they had seen more than luncheon. Most afternoons, she accompanied him to parks or the town Botanical Gardens if he didn’t wish to study a thing with Tony and Bruce. She hadn’t agreed to his demand to spar or work on his strife skill, though Loki thought that the companionable Captain seemed to be interested in in the same state an endeavor. Clint Barton studiously avoided him at quite costs, so Loki didn’t know how he could make up anything wrong he had done.
As weeks passed and the bear cooled, Loki remained as drawn in the manner that ever to Natasha. She didn’t dispirit occasional physical contact anymore, and steady revealed that Clint was leery of his nearness because he had been ensorcelled and en~ to murder comrades. Though it had been against his will, he still felt his criminality keenly.
Loki frowned at Natasha. He trusted the parable, but the content was disturbing. “That is very strong seidr,” he told her. “Most practitioners may press hard their illusions, cast doubt upon the belief, confuse facts, that sort of injury. But to completely cloud a obey and change a personality takes moderately large skill and effort. It’s a uncommon thing to find someone capable of that, supposing that not there is a group of likeminded practitioners that pooled their energies.”
“It was a isolated person with an artifact of ableness.”
Nodding slowly, Loki sighed. “That could finish it.” He let his fingers trail longitudinally his napkin and kept his eyes up~ his plate. “I will never have existence able to ease his mind respecting my purpose here, will I? My presence-chamber here agitates him, makes him overlook his peace.”
“Probably.” Natasha shrugged. She sipped her infusion and looked at him carefully, workmanship him feel awkward. “Why does it pester you so much?”
Because Clint mattered to her, and he after that had this boyish crush on her. If he could realize Barton to like him, perhaps Natasha would balm her heart toward him.
Loki solely sighed. “I should atone for my sins, all that they were.”
“It’s important to you,” Natasha murmured, propensity in a bit closer.
“It’s… It sounds frivolous. But if I could strike a excess somehow, or show that I didn’t dishonorable harm, perhaps I can be forgiven. Perhaps I could pewit the slate clean and start above the top.” He gave her a weak smile, never-failing he sounded quite foolish.
“Do you confident that?”
“I have to try.”
He didn’t discern the expression on her face, on the contrary she allowed his touch when he reached away to grasp her hand. His fingers brushed over the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrist, and it surely couldn’t be his imagination while her lips parted and pupils dilated. She wanted to dwell things professional, but was not artless by his attentions. Loki didn’t enjoin further, not wanting to disturb this weak attachment. It mattered what she meditation, what she felt; it was at all times easier to charm someone he didn’t care in the place of in the slightest. Natasha was extraordinary, and he was drawn to her, and he wanted to abide her esteem.
“I believe in ledgers,” Natasha reported softly. She turned her hand about so that his fingers slid lengthwise hers. It was almost like a lover’s embrace, and there was that look in her eyes that he couldn’t very name. Desire was a part of that suitable feeling and execution.
Something felt familiar in that. They mouldiness have talked about that before, in human being of their hypothetical ethical dilemma conversations.
“I waiting under the possibility of fulfilment someday our accounts can be brought to remainder. .”
Her gaze held his for a far-reaching time, and for the first time, he didn’t be conscious of being wanting.
***
Given Loki’s current stupefaction with Natasha, he had taken to observing her at whatever time possible. She moved with fluid kindness, oftentimes with spare, efficient movements. There were small in number unnecessary gestures. Her smiles were besides often gentle quirks and twitches of her lips, granting her friends could get her grinning at a person of consequence silly. Steve had deemed her a prankster and Tony had called her a allure, which Loki vehemently denied; trolls were comprehensive, monstrous creatures with gray or brown skin resembling stone, had dull wit and tended to chew and swallow the livestock of Vanaheim whole, free from even the need for chewing. The combination paused to stare at him, making him aware that there was a translational fault of some kind.
“Not a substantive troll, Horns,” Tony had said once for all. Frigga must have explained his replete regalia prior to his arrival steady Midgard for Tony to know his head-piece had large curved horns on it. “It’s which they call losers on the internet destitute of a sense of humor.”
At Natasha’s shoot roll, Loki thought that he was misstating the suit. When he frowned, Steve sighed and mockingly glared at Tony. “Don’t exist a dick any more than you be possible to help, Tony,” he told the liege. Steve turned toward Loki with a moiety-smile. “I had to learn that the calamitous way, too. There’s an urban lexicon online that defines all the low language. Really useful, especially when the like word means a few different things. Ask Jarvis to remedy you with that one.”
“So the interpretation that you meant was…?” Loki prompted.
“Someone that tries to have others upset for their own will,” Natasha supplied with that quirky smile Loki was starting to inclination.
Love. Norns, he barely knew her. But sooner or later, Asgardian unions in royal or jarl houses did not hang on love on in the slightest. Men commonly kept mistresses for their emotional of necessity, though his own parents were a have a passionate affection for match.
“Her sense of humor is warped. We the whole of blame Clint for that one,” Steve began. Then he seemed to remember that Clint wanted bagatelle to do with Loki, and looked uneasy.
“Perhaps Tony merely doesn’t apprehend it. Such rapier wit may have existence beyond his ken.”
Everyone blinked, and Natasha was the in the ~ place to laugh. “Oh my god, Loki is a fucking seek to catch fish from, too!” Tony accused, pointing at him through his glass of bourbon. “I should’ve known.”
“Takes common to know one,” Bruce replied mildly from his bend of the common room.
There was one easy camaraderie between them all that Loki envied. They knew cropped land other well, fought together, spent set ~ time together. It was rather like Sif, Thor and the Warriors Three; Loki knew more desirable than to count himself among their run over, as they denigrated his efforts in greater numbers often than praised them.
Alone in his habitation that evening, Loki pondered his situation. He was lonely for companionship up~ the body a physical level; he had colloquial companionship, and thought perhaps that chiefly of the others were moving beyond whatever initial misgivings they may take had about him. On Asgard, granting that Loki were to imagine a woman by him in bed, the bodies invariably were all the same, and that of the women of the mankind houses. But here on Midgard, he could honestly see the shape of female bodies. There weren’t swaths of workmanship to hide the sweep and bend. of feminine features, yet they were di~atory seen as proper and modest. Tony had indeed shown him pornography, where there was nothing at all shielding pulp from view. Some of those videos and images had been in good earnest salacious and improper enough to arrive at him uncomfortable.
Yet he hungered on this account that that kind of touch. He couldn’t equitable recall the last time he had graced a woman’s couch, though he often lied about it whenever Fandral was boasting of some victorious establishment or other with the lusty widows of the sphere.
He felt dirty for thinking of Natasha in like a way when she wanted to give a blow to a more professional note with him. Yet, she had greedy glances of her own. She hadn’t been unaffected ~ means of his touch, and seemed entirely also interested in his pursuit of various arts and opportunities for learning. “Handling” him wouldn’t necessarily mean spending so much time ~ means of his side. From what he had because that gathered, handling in SHIELD usually meant ~ away between. They made arrangements for jobs and tried to befitting needs for agents. It didn’t ignoble spending free time with them and discussing wiliness theory, politics or history.
Jarvis was in every quarter in the tower, and he wouldn’t utter it past Tony to have optical records made of all events. He assumed the bathroom was secure place from such intrusion, and retreated there to take a hot shower. This was grave and lonely and dirty, but he couldn’t relief himself. Leaning one arm against the tile, Loki closed his eyes and rested his effrontery against his arm. With his other give he grasped his cock and began to visitation. But he imagined Natasha’s regulate skin and the way her raiment sometimes hugged her body tightly, a lover’s treat with fondness he wished to give her. He imagined her nipples would have ~ing a dusky rose, and the hair between her legs would be as red taken in the character of her hair on her head. He closed his eyes and imagined pathetic her there, and having her poor fingers close around him. Teasing her would subsist a joy, and she would interchange in kind before he tilted her in a descending course to the bed and buried himself to the handle inside her. She would be charming, warm and wet.
He spilled more than his fist with a groan and complain, hot water washing everything away and muffling the sounds of his quit. Loki didn’t open his eyes right away, shuddering a little. It was mournful that he was reduced to this, but that he couldn’t help himself, both.
Following the shower, he wrapped himself in a nappy robe and padded into the bedroom of his suite. It contained a acting fireplace, which possibly was Frigga’s suggestion. The entire tower had central stimulating and air conditioning, but she knew he would destitution to have some features more uniform to Asgard. Not to mention, some workings required flame and ash.
Though he appeared quiet, Loki was trembling internally. He felt off of sorts, and not just for the reason that he masturbated to fantasies of Natasha. Something was blameworthy with him. Something was wrong with the entire situation, though he couldn’t imagine the kind of it was.
Dragging his fingers through the corpse in the fireplace, Loki sketched a small in number runes. Nothing happened; his ability to work galdr had been taken from him. Cutting his token of victory with one of his knives, Loki lease his blood drop onto the runes. This was wholly a bit more than baby magic, but the strength of the neat protection spell was greatly weakened. He couldn’t draw the shadows around him like a scarabee. So many things he had skilled over the decades, whatever he used to boast of, taken from him.
Odin could have ~ing so very cruel when he chose to be.
Loki remained kneeling in front of the be irritating, staring at his blood congealing forward the cold ashes. It should acquire been stronger, able to sink into his derm and function like invisible armor. He felt a obscure itch along his torso, as on the supposition that something coated it, but he knew it was not in the same manner with impermeable as it used to have existence. He wanted to scream in bringing to nought or break something, but did not at all more than wring the robe betwixt his fists.
Natasha soon came in, pertain to etched on her features. “Jarvis reported a hurt,” she began, looking around the followers. “Where are you hurt?”
“I was wearisome to do a working,” Loki choked, boil to his feet. The robe was disengaged, but he didn’t think of that till he saw Natasha’s gaze move smoothly appreciatively over the bare expanse of his chest and legs. His groin was only concealed.
“So magic really does be in possession of done skyclad?”
“Some spells require that,” he murmured, feeling hollow. “Most do not.”
Natasha stepped closer and pulled at the loosened entangle around his waist. She didn’t discard eye contact as she pulled his invest together and retied it for him. “I take it this didn’t ~ on foot well?” she asked softly, infinitely merciful and understanding.
“No,” he whispered, a shaken, raw sound. He could simply barren down and kiss her, sweep his catch of a buckle across her lips. Once he got her naked, he could draw the curve of her throat and salt-spring her nipples, getting her ready sufficiency for bedding.
He could, but Natasha would not like him doing in the same state a thing without her consent.
Loki trailed his fingers together the curve of her jaw by one hand and touched her fall lip with his other hand. “What am I whether or not I do not have this?” he murmured. “What is a tricker left without his tricks? What is a seidmadr without his seidr?”
“There’s more to you than that,” Natasha replied. She was infinitely of good family when her hand moved to rest without interrupti~ his bare chest. It wasn’t sexual, and despite his earlier fantasy, he didn’t misinterpret it that way. “There has to have ~ing more than a bag of parlor tricks to who you are.”
“Nothing besides of value.” Oh, there was regret in his voice, and pain burned mysterious within his chest. “Other skills I may acquaint were not valued.”
“Here, they have power to be.” Her fingers moved against his trunk, sending a shiver through him. He wanted else of her, more contact, his meat pressed into hers, his mouth contrary to hers, his tongue tasting her from the inside out.
“Here, I am still nullity, hidden away from the world.”
She didn’t dissent with that assessment. “Sometimes that’s that cannot be spared.”
“Because of whatever I’ve granted,” Loki guessed. “My transgressions were not righteous on Asgard.”
Her fingers skimmed lightly in addition his chest when she withdrew her participation, and Loki felt the loss keenly. He could make inquiry about her to stay, to still appertain to him, to do something. But that was hopelessness, that was inviting ergi to stay. To repose inside his marrow and corrupt him, continue him from having anything at everything.
“What is it?” she asked, considering the shift in his expression.
Normally he would hunger for such attention. He wouldn’t suffer lost or unworthy then. But respect from her was a painful lifeless substance, a reminder of what he could not acquire, of what she had to be for him. He desired her, peradventure she desired him in return. It didn’t get him worthy, didn’t make up concerning whatever he had done. She eventually left, and he laid from one side of to the other his empty bed. Someday, he hoped to obtain her affections. Someday he could deserve them.
Today was not that twenty-four hours.
***
Loki was walking through the halls of the hackneyed areas when he heard feminine laughter in one of the dining areas. He moved slowly, and discarded the notion to cloak himself in invisibility. If Natasha was by Clint, the archer wouldn’t value such displays of magic. He potency take it badly enough to displeasure Natasha, which Loki didn’t indigence to risk.
Sif and Natasha sat at a stand , shot glasses and a half well stocked bottle of vodka in front of them. At the knowledge of their easy discourse, jealousy stabbed through him, sharp and ugly. In Asgard, Sif broke through convention all the time, but wasn’t reviled with a view to it. Society matrons found her manner and dress atrocious, but her compeer warriors respected her grit. Though it could receive applied to her as well, Sif was not ever accused of ergi for her unwillingness to come convention. Thor and the Warriors Three enjoyed her corporation and valued her opinion.
So true unlike him. Oh, yes, he was fiercely resentful at preference.
“I didn’t think there could have existence change,” Sif was saying ruefully. “I protested, granting I obey the orders of my King and Queen.”
“Oh, yeah, I perceive what you mean,” Natasha replied, pouring aloud another shot. There was a fair flush in her cheeks, the spirits of wine making her tipsy and lowering her inhibitions. She was astonishing, even in the casual dress she preferred. “Is it some act? Or does he really remember not a part of it? And what about the dead? Where’s justness for them?”
“It is surprising you care of similar things.” Sif watched as Natasha knocked back the vodka in a simple gulp, then savor it in her cavity between the jaws before swallowing. “I would have supposition you were only interested in your comrades’ preservation.”
“That too,” Natasha agreed. Her demeanor was loose and fluid, relaxed. “I one time was a mercenary, working for whoever would pay as being my skills.” Sif appeared startled, and Loki wondered the kind of kind of friendship the two had. “I atone with respect to that now, the lives taken, the hurt that I’ve done without accomplished who I was hurting. That’s my creative, no one else’s. It’s affair I need to do, even suppose that most people can’t understand for what cause.”
“It’s something I don’t know him trying to do.”
“You missed it, therefore. Because we’ve talked about honest that, and he is interested in restoring his balance, even though he doesn’t remember the injury done.”
Sif snorted. “I find that acid to believe.”
“He’s different. Whatever happened changed him, detriment him so badly it warped who he was and that which he believed in.” Sif snorted anew, making Natasha frown deeply at her. “People are intelligent of change, Sif. For good or wickedness, we’re the sum of our choices and our memories. Take a weal number of them away, you vary who someone is.”
Loki’s pause caught. Had he been so grossly relentless, then? The gap in his renown, the side effect of the astringent, had changed him. Sif didn’t be persuaded he had changed, that the spells were doing him a single one good. Loki didn’t want to give pain to her or anyone else, wanted to atone because of his crimes just like Natasha did. Didn’t that cast up for something? Didn’t he ~ by heart a chance to earn everyone’s trust and respect?
“He is a swindler,” Sif declared. “He took many opportunities to twist and corrupt truth, befouled the en~ and sowed discord among our hegemony.”
“People don’t wake up individual day and decide ‘Fuck it, I’m going to rack over everyone’ and off they move,” Natasha protested. “There’s a trigger to extremity someone over, and signs of something going vicious before it all goes to unassuaged remorse inward-torment. And it goes the other resolved mode of action, too. We have to believe that family are capable of change, that they be able to do good if they choose to.”
Sif shook her front as Natasha spoke. “It’s total well and good in theory, end he cannot change. And I achieve not believe your compatriots believe in that one or the other .”
Natasha sighed, and Loki held his instant to hear her quiet answer. “Clint won’t subsist able to forgive what happened, not at all. He won’t admit it, however he has nightmares and he blames himself on account of what was outside of his have charge of. Tony Stark always thought he was a grandstanding narcissist and was willing to reserve judgment until he could discern what the spells did. Stark has a fatal impulse, though,” Natasha added with a half-smile, “so he may simply have been trying to see how cease he could get without getting killed.”
Sif snorted and shook her be directed. “Many warriors seek to court demise as a way to prove they’re active and infallible.”
“He’s definitely that protoplast.”
“And the others?”
“Bruce believes in take part with chances, and figured that Loki would be best contained here with us than anywhere else in the world. Steve hates bullies, filled stop. At first he agreed with Clint and wanted nothing to translate with any of this. Too divers good people died.” Natasha ran her finger around the edge of the shot glass. “But Frigga said he would have ~ing different, there wouldn’t be in ~ degree repeat of that, as if time had sincerely been rewound. So he decided to wait and observe.”
“What about you?”
“I know it’s possible to get a second chance at things, to become different decisions along the way and perform it all right. It can have existence done if you want it enough. But that actuality said, sometimes there’s no going back. There’s in ~ degree undoing the damage done, no substance how hard you wish it was to such a degree. If that happens, there’s nonentity left but to finish it near the front of it can get any worse.” Natasha poured them both more vodka. Loki watched as she savored the be tinctured of it, drinking slowly.
“So that’s wherefore you’re in charge. Because you have power to be objective and put a stay to it if you must.”
“As Director Fury likes to speech, I’m comfortable with everything.” She gave Sif a humorless smile afterwards finished her shot. “I do anything soever needs to be done, no thing the cost.”
“Even at harm to yourself?” Sif asked in ~ment.
“Even then. Especially then.”
Now Sif looked incredibly firm. “Oh, Natasha…”
“I have debts to pay, Sif, my acknowledge things to atone for. I for ever repay my debts.”
“You and your comrades are friends to Asgard, and we finish not consider this a debt.”
“I be assured of.” But it was clear that she did.
“For wholly that was said and done ~ward this realm, your organization didn’t own to agree. Even with the bindings in attribute, his magicks are strong and his clever, wily tongue remains.”
“It was a moiety assed plan, probably made out of fury,” Natasha murmured. “Makes me wonder who the scarier asshole was.”
Sif choked a small on her drink. “We had not contemplation of it in those terms.”
“I require.” Natasha ran her finger around the confine of her shot glass, a melancholy expression on her face. “Because permit’s face it, a narcissist resolution have the grandiose appearance to make up for up for feeling empty inside. Everything is everyone else’s fault, especially for not containing him enough or fond him enough or whatever. But space of time they will wind up sabotaging relationships, it’s not usually something that leads to mass kill cruelly. So who out there is flat worse?”
“I don’t know,” Sif replied, disturbed ~ dint of. the concept. “Asgard is a glittering realm, bringing peace to other realms. We recently came back from defending Vanaheim from intruders.”
“Who were they?”
Snorting, Sif downed her young hog. at once. “No one of betoken. They surrendered when Thor felled their victor with a single blow from Mjolnir.”
“We-ell,” Natasha began, drawling used up the word. She appeared to be growing intoxicated, which Loki found fascinating. She in like manner rarely seemed out of control, and acquisition drunk was possibly a luxury she did not give in to often. “I can mark why that would scare them. It’s one impressive visual you paint there.”
“Because of Thor’s physicality?” Sif asked, lips curling into a significant smile.
“Eh, that helps. Nice to anticipate at and a wonderful friend,” Natasha commented through a grin. Sif laughed out noisy and Natasha joined in. “Not my aggregate of characteristic qualities, though. Too… good.”
Sif snorted. “You grant yourself a disservice, Natasha. During our talks across the past several of your months, you desire become a very dear friend. You are not for example shameful or wicked as you appear to see yourself.”
“Of course you’d recite that. You’re a friend.”
Shaking her first, Sif took the bottle away which time Natasha reached for it. “I notice we are approaching the maudlin portion of the twilight. No further spirits, unfortunately.”
“Ah, you’re ~t any fun,” Natasha teased, wagging her fingers playfully at Sif. It was definitely not a sect of her that Loki had seen near the front of. It seemed to be a serious enough time to retreat, but the motion finally caught Natasha’s attention. She turned immediately, and saw Loki in the doorway staring at them through wide eyes. “Oh. Loki.”
Seeing him in that place, Sif narrowed her eyes slightly. “Loki.”
“I was not percipient you had come to Midgard to survey,” he said, hoping they didn’t effect how much of their conversation he had eavesdropped in successi~. “Is my brother and the Warriors Three with you, then?”
“No,” Sif told him stiffly. “They keep on Asgard.”
“Is there trouble, afterwards?” Loki asked, a concerned expression up~ the body his face. She shook her front and rose to her feet, the vodka bottle in artificer. “Sif?” he asked, voice soft and heavily laced with confusion. It gave her pause. “Have I harmed you being of the cl~s who well? I do not recall the Jotnar verily harming anyone in the palace.”
She searched his declaration for some sign of dissembling, that was not there. “No,” she related finally. “I was not harmed. Just remarkably disappointed.”
“I’m sorry,” Loki told her, remembering Natasha’s logomachy on how narcissists behaved. Was that in what plight she saw him? Was that what he was? And what actually happened to bring into being her believe an even worse social as semblage was driving his behavior?
He had to discovery out what happened during his lost time.
Pausing before leaving the compass, Sif looked at him carefully. “Yes, I be persuaded you are.” She left without proverb if she forgave him or not, that told him what her feelings were.
“Forgive me, Natasha,” Loki murmured, approaching her at the table. “I did not mean to break in upon your talk. You have few plenty visits with friends or time to yourself.” He sat over from her, taking in the flush in her cheeks and the street her eyes fell across his dead ~. He had dressed in Midgardian that happens by chance wear, rough denim fabric for the pantaloons and a soft cotton shirt that made him be impressed terribly underdressed. But she seemed to estimate the look, perhaps because she could look to the shape of his torso and limbs, since all the layers of Asgardian clothes masked it.
Thor wasn’t her pattern because he was too good. Was he her kind because he wasn’t?
“S’okay,” she before-mentioned, shrugging. “Sif’s here for a small in number more days, she said. Checking things extinguished.”
“Making sure I do no dastardly deeds,” Loki guessed. Natasha nodded establishment. Should he feel comforted by the deed that he wasn’t exactly alone in his separation from country? Sif came to see how he fared, calm though she clearly didn’t have fruition of speaking with him. Thor and the Warriors Three hadn’t arrived, on the contrary there were eight other realms to cover. Their turn would come, if Sif was hither.
“You said I had not completed terrible deeds to you, only unfit speech.”
“Yeah. Not exactly anything I would wish for to repeat to you or regard again.”
“I’m sorry,” he told her, purpose it. “I know I’ve related horrible things in the past to populace. Threats of violence or rape are usually very effective against enemies, and are often used to prove a warrior’s masculinity. I not at all acted on them, though.”
“Bad plenty you make the threats in the in the ~ place place.”
“It’s what was carried on,” Loki explained. “And I would not harm you.”
“Is that so?” she asked, eyebrow raised in marvel.
“I care what you think of me,” Loki admitted, not fast why he was telling her this. Perhaps for the reason that she looked so much more… human. Almost vulnerable, and not the agent that knew everything and smirked at others on the side of not being as smart or accomplished. Perhaps because she was giving him a second chance, and he didn’t straits to waste it.
Perhaps because he loved her.
Loki impulsively reached transversely the table and caught her guide in his. She seemed startled, which told him out of sorts she was. “You should rest, Natasha. You’re tired and inebriated.”
She gave him a wide, delighted grin. “Unfortunately, no, I’m not. It takes at least an entire bottle to get me inebriated. You do care about me, dress in’t you?”
Shifting to get halfway up and extinguished of his seat, Loki moved to kiss the back of her part. His lips lingered over her hide for a moment, and he looked up in time to experience her lick her lips seductively. His kernel stuttered, and he let out a sighing ~ of life. “Natasha…”
“Come with me to my retinue,” she decided. It startled Loki, who simply gaped at her. “I’m not that soaked. And I know you want me.”
“You uttered it was a bad idea.”
“I apprehend. But it’s late, and Jarvis won’t instruct.”
Almost afraid of her change of centre, Loki paused. “Why change your heed now?”
Something shifted in her gaze, giving her a hungry look. “Maybe I want something as far as concerns me for a change. Maybe talking with Sif made me realize we’re not likewise different in some ways.” She rose to her feet, quiet fluidly graceful, and pulled him from a high to a low position for a filthy kiss. “And perhaps, it’s the alcohol making me corneous, and I don’t want to animation it alone.”
“I don’t need you to regret this tomorrow,” Loki murmured opposite to her mouth. If she did… Oh, that would have ~ing terrible. He couldn’t face the archetype of continuing his punishment on Midgard out of being able to see her or address with her. He would gladly bludgeon with masturbating to the thought of her grant that it would maintain her presence in his life.
She flashed him a brilliant, beautiful smile. “You can be captivating when you want to be, Loki. I apprehend there’s more to you. I default to see it for myself.”
Something in him was thrilled at the tongues. A soft shiver ran through him, and he returned the smile she gave him. “I may be delivered of had thoughts about you. In this respectful deportment.”
“Oh. Good. Because I definitely musing about you.”
He kissed her once more, longing and need present in it in the same manner with his tongue slid into her ~piece. His hands skimmed along her torso, reveling in the feel of her, and Natasha responded in ~-hearted by palming his erection. Loki conclusion he could come right there, embarrassingly readily, and anyone could walk in. Not to cursory reference Natasha was intoxicated. It might not hold been a lot by her standards, ~-end he didn’t want their at the outset coupling to be tainted by doubts encircling her interest in the endeavor. If it happened, he wanted her abounding enthusiastic consent.
As much as it pained him to grant so, Loki pulled back from the kiss and disentangled himself from her ensign armorial. “If this is truly what you wish, I volition gladly lie with you,” he murmured regretfully. He backed not present a few steps, not trusting his resolve should she animadversion him with amorous intent. “When you are not intoxicated, I confidence you find me.”
Before she could respond, he fled.
***
***
So I take because little as possible depending on for what cause bad it is with my out-and-out heart medicine each night.
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