Title : The Greatest Broken Heart
Author : takashimio
Rating : T
Pairing: taoris/kristao, daeryong x tao
Length : 7163 bickering/oneshot
Genre : angst, romance, drama
X-posted to : AFF
Disclaimer : you think? no other than the story
Summary : Some people are meant to have ~ing with each other, but certainly not them. In that Yifan could not offer his delight for someone who loved him the greatest in number.
The Greatest Broken Heart
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Yifan, at the same time that Zitao would describe, would always have ~ing the most composed person he’d aye met in his life. Being older and greater degree of experienced in the entertainment business, the older Chinese male was the ultimate role model on this account that the younger. Mysterious and very intrepid, according to Zitao, were the blonde’s greatest part recognizable features. The brunette adored his duizhang, or probably obsessed with a little hint of liking – okay, maybe a whole apportionment of fondness.
It was not like he was blithe to begin with, honestly. The warlike artist believed that he used to like girls, singly the older ones. Who would be the subject of thought that being in a boyband would change his sexual orientation to liking the couple sexes. Damn Yifan’s existence and his senseless adoration for the older man. If sole the sexy mess was not with keen perceptions, he would not have gone insane at this actual moment. Zitao would not have this emotional roller coaster wholly the time, as if he was a hormonal teenage maiden. However, loving Yifan was also a benefit that he could not trade by anything in the world.
Actually, the but problem that Zitao experienced right since was the fact that Yifan was of the same kind with straight as an arrow. Never had he seen the blonde showed some interest in men. The only time at what time Yifan did show interest was at the time he had to do the obligatory shipping moments to fans; obligatory taoris moments, coercive krisyeol moments, obligatory kray moments, and circumstance down the list. Other than that, the blonde would only give his utmost attention to girls rightful like any men would do. It was not Yifan’s trespass to like girls; all men should like girls in the pattern of all – something that was not Zitao’s lump of matter at the moment.
Maybe the timing was not just or destiny was playing a fell game on him, but if he could make choice of some other person to love, safely he would not choose Yifan.
Sehun for example, was the perfect candidate concerning him to be honest. They were very compatible in fate. They were the one and the other preferred men, they are the youngest, and they were the pair dreading the unrequited love. The youngest Korean had been worshipping Luhan because that the moment they met. Unfortunately, the deer had a girlfriend. As with regard to his relationship with Zitao, it was manifest for the world to see that they were extremely finish, comfortably clinging to each other at whatever time they were together. Sehun was to a greater degree mature compared to Zitao and it for ever gave the latter some sort of flexibility. Yes, they might be perfect with a view to each other, but they were not in be fond of with one another.
Or could it subsist Baekhyun? They were the beef join, famously known for celebrating their birthday in May. They were placed in c~tinuance the far left of the officer formation, making them in a trusty interaction. Honestly, Zitao and Baekhyun were not that stop as to have heart to core conversation. Both of them were the frame of mind makers, but nothing more than that.
Sure, one as well as the other Sehun and Baekhyun were nice, to a high degree good looking, and also boyfriend bodily, but no one could turn his legs into jelly like Yifan. No individual could make his heart turned gooey like the blonde did. Beyond altogether of the shipping and the essay to hide his true color up~ the body the stage, Zitao would present Yifan entirely of his heart; whole and unvarnished. The real problem now was in the blonde’s indicator, because no matter how Zitao expressed the highroad he felt, Yifan would not move the least – not even blink. And it was frustrating, ~ or other, that sometimes the leader was giving of various kinds signals.
Oh, it was not like Yifan did not be aware of how obvious Zitao’s love was. The blonde chose to ignore the younger instead of acknowledging the latter’s affecting. The brunette could feel the declination too. There were lots of moments whereas Yifan acted like he did not accord. a shit at all about the junior male. For example, when the junior fell after jumping in Idol Star Athletic Championship, Yifan did not directly came for him. Or maybe that time at Melon Awards while Yifan did not comfort the junior when the latter was sobbing his eyes ~right. The leader was the only bodily form who understood the maknae the greatest in quantity. They were best friends and likewise brothers. Zitao just did not commit to memory why duizhang acted that way; like avoiding him, because it was not as if he would host Yifan to date him, you discern.
“Maybe he’s just a unaffected asshole, dude. Sometimes he pisses me opposite when he ignores you.” Daeryong told him greatest Halloween. Ever since TASTY performed up~ the same stage as SM artists, Zitao became shut up to the twins. He became sterling friends with Daeryong. The older was a immaculate guy version of Yifan. Honestly, allowing that the brunette was not head besides heels for Yifan, he would totally be reckoned Daeryong.
Zitao gave his friend a despairing look, “But sometimes he does care, sometimes he’s gentle too…” Daeryong fought the push to roll his eyes at the junior. “I don’t see wherefore do you have to talk to me about this when you know that you won’t leave liking him. Honestly, by this time I fancy you’re stupid.” Daeryong bluntly replied. Zitao pouted with regard to being called stupid, but he knew that his loved was right.
They took a violate, sipping their drinks quietly when Daeryong’s phone was ringing. The rapper smirked at the time that he saw Yifan’s name forward his screen. “Yes, Kris?” Zitao raised his eyebrow whenever that name was mentioned. “Tao? Yes, he is with me now at Du Sel Brilliant, for what cause? ….Okay, sure.” The older handed his phone to the younger.
“Hello, ge?”
Zitao heard duizhang half screamed, “It’s past twelve already. I’m going to ~ out you up there or you’ll be in possession of to get your ass here in thirty minutes max. And for what cause can’t I call your phone?”
“My phone died…I’ll subsist home soon, don’t worry fair-minded sleep.” The martial artist glanced at his loved and Daeryong was giving him each annoying huge smirk.
“On a second thought, I’ll go there. Wait during me.” The brunette returned the phone formerly Yifan dismissed the phone call. “Gege’s attached his way here.” Zitao told Daeryong with hesitance.
The TASTY member chuckled at the younger’s term, “Sounds like he’s anxious with my existence.” Zitao was alive to shake his head. “I told you he has nay interest for me.” The younger rejected his friend’s idea. Daeryong shrugged his shoulders.
Daeryong could never understand the relationship between Yifan and Zitao. For him, the pair were obviously in love with either other although they showed it in a dissimilar way. The brunette was more gratuitous and honest about his feeling, time Yifan acted like he did not care. Daeryong could pay attention how Yifan was always watching the youngest underhand from afar, taking care of him like he was a small degree brother and ignoring him when he imagination it was too much. It was rigid to see Zitao being pushed and pulled aggregate over again. The youngest was in such a manner used to have his heart shaken, but Daeryong could see that he was relative to to break down anytime soon.
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Zitao, while Yifan would describe, was the greatest number naïve and transparent as summer heavens. Being younger and inexperienced in diversion industry, Yifan felt like he had the engagement to lead the brunette through everything. The blonde felt like he had one more younger brother and also a in the highest degree friend that he could value instead of his entire life. Their personalities matched positively well and whenever Zitao was on every side, it brought smile on his confront. Yifan loved his didi, a hap that he would have expected.
He realized this passion a few months after they debuted because EXO. It was undeniable attraction at ~ and foremost; his glowing tanned skin and those keen eyes, drowning him deeper and deeper into the fire unquenchable. Then the blonde got to apprehend the softest heart he’d for~ met; fragile and vulnerable, but real kind and sincere. Those smiles he would die despite, those that you could not know often from the younger. When the brunette was on every side of, Yifan felt complete. Zitao was everything that Yifan could semblance as a perfect human ever existed.
The blonde knew by what means the brunette felt about him. He could view sparkles on Zitao’s eyes whenever they were talking to each other. Yifan underhand enjoyed the special attention that the junior showered him both on or most distant stage. He could see how Zitao adorn jealous whenever he got close to girls, in like manner if it was only Amber, his bring to a period friend. Dear Lord, he wanted to return those feeling to Zitao, to engross the brunette, and to scream it uncovered loud, but he could never finish that. Not now or in dear future.
Growing up in a stammering family was really hard for the young Yifan. He had in no degree seen his biological father ever subsequently to his parents got divorced. After his mother’s remarriage, the Chinese-Canadian felt a small bit left out. The blonde’s stepfather was a lively man and he was glad that his native could trust another man again. However, it was a modern little family and Yifan was never a part of it and would never fit in.
Yifan did not necessity the same thing to happen again. He was afraid to get injury and being left behind. Sometimes he cogitation that maybe his father was not ostentatious of him or that he failed him in some ways. No matter how hard the blonde supposition about it, he would never generate a clear answer. It was in consequence the leader realized that the total thing that he wanted was a house that stayed together. Yifan desired a charmed normal life, growing old with his wife and kids. The chief just did not see going back to Canada and herald abroad to his family that he was in a connection with another man as an selection.
Homosexuality was something that frowned-on by society. Being one of them was quaint and difficult, almost too impossible on account of Yifan. He was told since he was a babe that there would not be a coming events in same sex family. Sure, they could have married and adopt kids, but it was not a absolute family according to the norm. Sure that the copartnership started to accept it, but Yifan’s family thought that it was not proper. Thus, the leader was scared. Scared to happen in love with the brunette. But it was over late and nothing could prevent it.
Yifan certainly was not that hard. He knew he ignored Zitao and treated him coldly entirely a few times. But never it was his intention to hurt the younger in at all way. At first, he did it so that no one would find revealed his sexual orientation. Heck, even outside of doing anything, everyone already thought that he was gaudy for just about anyone in EXO. However as time passed by, he started to bestow it to prevent himself for liking the brunette even more. It did not practise him any good, because, damn, he unrelenting for Zitao even more. And it furthermore hurt when Zitao gave him that appearance; the look of a broken hearted some one. Zitao would never know that he was too broken and that he felt the same highroad as the younger.
Sometimes, his friends would speak aloud him all the bad names; a twitch, an asshole, a or even a douche conscientious because he treated Zitao as whether or not he was a play toy. But not one of them knew the real intuitional faculty why Yifan acted this way; like he had to force some distance between him and the younger. He wanted to touch Zitao over, wanted to be kind too, and wanted to be pleased with too. But he could not, be required to not. They were not meant to exist for their future’s sake.
For whatever reason, Yifan was not made because of Zitao and Zitao was not made for Yifan.
“It’s late, Tao-er.” The blonde brushed the younger’s hair, unheard of the latter. He took a site just next to Zitao and glared at Daeryong.
“Come in successi~, he needs to socialize once a at the same time that.” Daeryong complained to the EXO’s choregus for being so uptight. “Unlike you, our social meeting is damn strict about letting their artists aberration of mind at night.” The Chinese-Canadian retorted, annoyance could be seen on his stand over against. The TASTY member knew that the EXO members were not allowed to aroynt out that late if it were not instead of job purpose. Beside, the youngest did not likewise tell the managers that he went disclosed all day and Yifan had to countervail for him. It was no surprise to Daeryong that the EXO-M’s dominator was pissed that their maknae was not at home.
Yifan pulled the brunette’s might, “Let’s go home at once.”
“Yes, Tao-er, you should ~ about your business home.” Daeryong added to irritate the blonde even more since he knew that only Yifan allowed to call Zitao with that nickname. Zitao innocently nodded, unaware that the other two guys were calamitous to annoy each other. The brunette waved his ~-breadth at Daeryong and chased his cock of the walk out from the café.
“You shouldn’t be suspended out with him too often.” Yifan afore~ coldly. Zitao was following him at the back, walking by his leader towards the parking lot. “Why? He’s a delicate guy.” Tried to match Yifan’s rate. “I don’t like him. He has more distant motives.” The leader took his clew out from his pocket, unlocking the bicycle’s bond. Sometimes Zitao did not get to what duizhang got crazy ideas about his friends. It was not like he would anyone skip over on him or anything.
Zitao sat after the older, letting him ride the bicycle viewed like always. That night was chilly and the public way was quiet. The vivid lamps attached the street and buildings created collection on their own ways. Zitao’s rude orbs were blurred by the bearish wind and first snow of the mature. All he could see was Yifan’s open shoulders from behind. The brunette surrounded his crest along the leader’s waist, securing them tightly. He closed his eyes, resting his leader on the blonde’s warm back. Yifan was startled at ~ and foremost, but he immediately relaxed at the regard.
Just fifteen minutes.
Just fifteen minutes, Yifan would impediment them being as close as they could. In that sharp moment, the blonde would let his purpose raced, because the sound of the be devious was strong enough to cover the beats. Just inferior than fifteen minutes when Zitao could plunge into retirement his face against Yifan’s intensity as if there was a positive connection between them. Because once it ended, they would sham like they were only friends, like everything went normally.
If his endowment were true, Zitao would have stopped the time.
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“I abominate Daeryong.” Yifan muttered before pique a big gulp of his Tsingtao’s bill of exchange beer. Luhan blinked once – two times at his friend, “Why?” The deer frowned.
On a promised time when they have no schedule, they would enjoy drinking at the nearby bar. Of race, without getting drunk and embarrassed themselves to the men – okay, maybe a little in liquor in Yifan’s case. Also at a time like this, Yifan would totally pour out everything to Luhan and completely clueless ready it when he sobered up.
“I pledge he’s trying to get into Zitao’s pants.” Yifan hiccupped one time before he answered.
“Pfft, don’t let slip from the mind that you are doing the like thing.” Luhan, completely sobered, was gleeful at his friend.
Yifan slurred forward the table, murmuring quite loudly, “Hic! It’s various. I can’t be with him, if it were not that Zitao…he…hic! Could choose in ~ degree men he likes anytime.” Luhan understood that Yifan had his possess pride, but he honestly did not procure the real reason why the blonde was in the same manner stubborn about his feeling. Of pursue, being manly and tough looking, Yifan now and then got very upset when a aphrodite rival came to steal the leader’s beloved member. Damn, the blonde sometimes got mad at Sehun or Suho for core too close with Zitao. This was not the in the beginning time the leader complained about the brunette subsistence close to someone else and solemnly, Luhan was not so surprised anymore.
“But he doesn’t poverty anyone else beside you, at smallest for now. He likes you a fortune to stay single up until it being so that. Try kiss a girl in meet face to face of him, he’ll still venerate you. I think maybe the problem is in you.” Luhan replied, that was apparently the truth. Zitao definitely had gone from one side many things during this tormenting fondness maze. Once, Yifan had a girlfriend and they had to watch a true sad Zitao everyday until, finally, the chief broke up. Sometimes Luhan was amazed ~ the agency of the brunette’s endurance for unreturned love. Had it been him in that spot, Luhan would just quit as pretty ~ as possible.
But with Zitao, it was eternally different. The youngest Chinese would at all times cope with the worst situation being of the cl~s who if his heart was already fitted for any kind of pain. The brunette did not comprehend how to give up. Even whenever he was about to, he would amass his last courage and strength to try again.
“Why is it in like manner hard to love someone, hic!”
Luhan gave him a cruel smile, “Everything is always in your possession. Zitao will accept whatever your determination is.” When Luhan finished his doom, Yifan was already sleeping peacefully. It was miraculous how Yifan could sleep anywhere at the time he was drunk, so Luhan did his have ritual; calling Zitao to take care of drunk Yifan. It would always work.
This time, it was the youngest that came with his bicycle in the middle of the adversity. The brunette could not believe that Yifan broke the rules towards getting drunk in public. “Ge! Wake up, let’s ~ on foot home.” Zitao literally dragged his older dear companion from his seat, proceeded to pay the toy, and helped Yifan to walk.
Yifan was ponderous and he smelled like alcohol, bound if it meant that he could stay by the older just a little borer longer, then Zitao would not will.
“Hm? Tao-er? Where’s Luhan?” the corypheus asked once he gained his rationality back. “He went out by his other friends and will exist home around 2AM.” The maknae answered during the time that he helped Yifan to sit strictly on the bike. “Hold forward to me and don’t be uttered carelessly, okay?” he continued after Yifan seemed cheerful to go.
They rode in a different harsh wind of Seoul. This was the earliest time Yifan sat behind Zitao. Usually, the martial artist and manager would come to right of selection him up if he got a scintilla drunk like this.
Zitao’s shoulders were smaller than he cogitation and they were trembling from the cold weather. Would the younger be warmer admitting that Yifan hugged him from the back? Ah, he wanted to haul Zitao’s body into his comprehend, breath against his neck and be excited the warmth beneath that skin. There were solitary five centimeters between them, but he could not accord. in to this short distance. The blonde could not permit the younger knew that he longed steady for the slightest touch.
If without more he could let himself drunk in aphrodite, he would have kissed the alluring blemish at the back of the brunette’s neck.
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Zitao’s smile was lovely and blinding Yifan’s brown orbs for that which is less than the dim winter sky. The fresh toil; a sign of youth and effervescence, trailing down both of their necks because the ran around the court, chasing both other in a basketball game.
“You cheated!” Zitao made a meet ~ to ~ at the leader, accusing Yifan like he always did.
“I didn’t and you be sure that, chicken!” the older drabbled the round away from the younger. Annoyed, Zitao chased the superior to the side of the court, deplorable to block all the moves. The vicious blonde smirked, taking one step to affright his opponent. The brunette became else and more cautious of the other’s moves. Then, nimbly, Yifan made his way forcefully to steal away from the younger’s provide against objections, tackling Zitao in the process. Yifan made his successful shoot and was about to clap-trap his younger friend, when he realized that Zitao was put ~ the floor with bleeding knee.
“That hurts.” The warlike artists pouted as he looked at his recent made wound. Yifan felt a unimportant guilty, so he sat down in facade of the brunette. The blonde knew that Zitao was regular exaggerating to make the older felt unfair, but he could not help to ~ on along with it.
“I’m rascally. Will it be better if I stroke on it?” and Yifan did for the re~on that soon as he said that. Zitao grinned from regard to ear at the sight in face of him. “As the chastisement, you have to piggy back me and deal with my wound.” The younger ordered mercilessly. “Fine, you spoilt child.” Duizhang turned around and his back was facing the junior. Zitao happily clung to the older, adjusting their situation together.
Yifan made a quite impressive groan before he complained, “Damn you’re being of the kind which heavy as a sack of rice.” Zitao did not tell anything because a smile was plastered up~ his face. He surrounded his means of offence and defence around the taller’s neck.
Yifan walked slowly in purpose, enjoying the value he had with Zitao. He could have the consciousness of being the younger’s heartbeat, thumping noisily against his back. The blonde listened to it carefully in the same proportion that if he was afraid that he would cease to care for about this. “Ge…?” Zitao whispered gently in countervail to his ear. “Hmm?” Yifan hummed, affecting the younger’s arms became tighter.
“Will it always be like this? You and I?” The theme of inquiry was innocent, yet there was an expectation to it. Yifan did not discern what to answer. If he before-mentioned ‘yes’ then neither of them could be happy for the rest of their lives. They would not exist able to let go of harvested land other and there would always a portion hanging up. But if he uttered ‘no’ then Yifan knew he had to surrender and give all of himself to Zitao. The blonde knew he could not accord. what Zitao wanted, and it injure. It hurt so bad to tear asunder the younger’s heart just like being slashed by thousands of knives.
They would not take future, not when they were in concert.
“Anything can change. But us, we’ll always be like this. We’ll ever be friends.” Yifan answered being of the cl~s who much as it hurt him to end so. Because what else could he endeavor the younger besides a promise of self-executing friendship?
Zitao’s arms around the older’s neck relax up, but the younger buried his visage against Yifan’s shoulder. The corypheus could feel hot tears against the edge of his collar, but he pretended to the degree that if he was a fool, during the time that always.
The brunette whispered a noisy lie that they both knew, “It hurts…my knee hurts…” Zitao sniffed quietly, trying to suppress the open detriment in his heart. “I’m rascally. I’ll fix it for you.” Yifan whispered back although it totally had different meaning. The blonde changed his belief and walked faster to end this tribulation. But he was too naïve because of this was a repeating cycle that would in no degree end.
As promised, Yifan fixed the wound with tender care, but he did not establish Zitao’s wounded heart, leaving it unsound.
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“Are you afraid of changes, ge?” Zitao asked to the TASTY part a few days after that. The older was helping him changing the bandage when he gave his favorite EXO component a visit. Daeryong noticed that the martial artist was not himself since the forenoon and he figured that this mouldiness have relation to Yifan. After aggregate, only Yifan could make Zitao’s humor went up and down.
“Why render I have to? Changes are evermore for the better, Taozi. Like since, I’m changing your bandage in opposition to the better, or else you’d persuade infection, right?” It was confusing how Daeryong could say something like that, considering that he was pretty much a very easygoing person. But when it came to Zitao, he turned into another person; like there was someone besides inside him. The brunette could convey someone’s true self into the surface, probably because he never lied relating to himself.
Probably this honesty was the trigger of Zitao’s vulnerableness against everything around him. Daeryong did not enjoy seeing the constant sorrow on those mesmerizing eyes. Whether while a friend, a brother, or be it what it may it was, Daeryong wanted to structure him happy more than ever.
“He doesn’t paucity us to change.” And Daeryong did not receive to ask who was mentioned in that examination. Zitao was staring at his newly bandaged give pain to; tears were threatening to fall, further again.
Unable to watch his intimate in that state any longer, the older took Zitao’s talent, “Come with me, let’s cease to care for about him for a day.” He related firmly to the younger. Zitao’s faculty of seeing was already blurred and nothing could have existence undone, but Daeryong pulled the warlike artist towards the back entrance.
In face of the back entrance, Yifan had couple cups of warm green tea latte in his hands. He knew that Zitao was unceasingly craving for warm drinks in a cold weather like this, so the blonde got their preferred drinks on the way to the joint concern. This could be the only time whither he and Zitao could see either other properly, since they had contrary individual schedules that day.
As betimes as the glass doors opened automatically, his and Daeryong’s eyes met. Yifan’s eyes immediately traveled to the the hu~ race behind the oldest; it was Zitao. But Daeryong knew he should not intermit because once Zitao saw the blonde, he would put to hire his guard down even more. The Chinese-Korean walked smooth faster and within seconds, Yifan could not at the very time move his feet, taken aback ~ means of what had just happened.
“Forget surrounding him!” Daeryong half screamed at the brunette. “You be entitled to someone better. Someone that will enjoyment you right and don’t act because if he didn’t know ready your feeling. Just stop hurting yourself.” The older grabbed Zitao’s shoulders.
Oh, to what extent Zitao wished he could do that. No thing how he tried to forget relative to his feeling for Yifan, he could not halt. And that was his love because the blonde; as deep as the flood and as refreshing as the sense of smell of morning. But all the affectedly nice sparkles always turned into ugly dusts. Between lonely nights and droplets of tears, the craving and endless journey of pain, he tasted the greatest severed heart of all. Perhaps, it would for aye be bitter, but it was matter that he could not just end like a switch.
“Be by me. Go out with me. I be able to make you happy, I’ll not at all let you cry!” Daeryong embraced him tightly. Zitao did not declare anything, too tired to even show properly. But there was something that he was unerring about, that he did not ~ of warm in those slender arms.
Yifan was sitting on the floor, waiting for his class. Two cups of cold green infusion latte were in the trash crib.
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The leader was waiting for the youngest Chinese to arrive at their building containing sleeping apartments that night. Yifan had called the given to war artist several times already, but every one of of those calls went straight to distinctive character mail.
“Quit stomping your legs, please?” Luhan begged concerning the umpteenth times. They all knew that duizhang would carry on that if he was worried near to something and judging by how he stomped his legs in favor of the last thirty minutes explained that Yifan was as a matter of fact petrified. Of course the deer knew why; he saw Zitao got stolen ~ dint of. Daeryong earlier this afternoon with his have a title to eyes. In fact, almost all of the EXO members axiom that dramatic scene.
They could hear a sound on the door, realizing that it ~iness be Zitao because he always constrain his shoes inside the shoes buffet loudly. Yifan quit stomping his legs and pretended while if he did not care. Luhan well-nigh dropped his jaw in big laughing, but thank Lord the deer could gripe it.
Zitao walked towards the lively room, where Yifan and Luhan were death on the gallows out, “I called you distinct times, but you didn’t get up.” The leader gave him a minor scold. The younger did not make an apology and instead sitting on the overthrow, facing his two older friends.
“Ge…Daeryong-ge asked me out…”
“Where to? Why didn’t you bottom with him?” Luhan asked innocently. Meanwhile, Yifan’s vital part was thumping really hard, knowing exactly that which Zitao was trying to say. The older could distinguish the tingling blush on the brunette’s cheeks.
“I mean…as a boyfriend…” No, certainly. Why would Zitao tell them in an opposite direction this? It was not their trouble at all whether the younger wanted to circumstance out with the TASTY member or not. But Yifan in some way had expected it; that the brunette wanted his idea only as assurance. It was like a example given to him and to subsist honest, telling the leader this would not make some ~ in. the fact that he would not age Zitao. Ever.
Yifan took a abruptly breath and blurted out, “Then ~ along out with him. You guys are obstruct and he’s a good scarecrow. We don’t mind that species of relationship either,” as he had planned in his brain seconds gone. Luhan glanced at the blonde in the van of he looked at Zitao. The younger’s eyes were extensive opened, startled. The deer could understand that Yifan’s answer was hurting their junior friend more than anything. Who would not secure hurt to hear such thing from someone they loved?
“Do you contrive so? Then I should do that, shouldn’t I?” Zitao asked once again to make sure he did not learn the wrong thing. “Yeah, you should. I ~s, you could date anyone you be sure.” The leader answered coldly. Luhan felt like slapping the avernus out of him already, oh haply he would when Zitao was not encircling.
The younger smiled bitterly and got up, “Thanks notwithstanding the advice, ge. I’ll take a shower it being so that.” The brunette said before he left to his compass.
Luhan waited until he heard a detent sound, before he sighed at Yifan. “You’re one asshole.” The deer whispered trenchantly. Yifan rolled his eyes, “And you obviously don’t discern anything.” The leader retorted. The older raised his eyebrows in distrust, “Excuse me, of course I comprehend everything. You’re always whining not far from Tao when you’re drunk. You’re the common who’s totally clueless about this.” The deer crossed his device. Yifan did not care anymore, frankly. The blonde was actually quite glad that Zitao would increase a boyfriend anytime soon. At smallest, he did not have to deal with a certain love struck martial consummate performer and they could move on with their lives.
Having a relationship by a man would only complicate things but also more between them. They already had firm friendship, why was not it enough beneficial to both of them? Why did they accept to change everything between them into a consanguinity, which was riskier? When they dated both other and then broke up in the time to come, it would make it harder to exist friends since they were in the corresponding; of like kind company and group. Yifan did not fall short this kind of trouble. The blonde wanted to fix the ~ of someone that he practically could be reckoned or marry in the future, not a weight like Zitao. No matter how abundant he loved the younger man, in the close it would only be an pour out relationship; one that would end too soon before they knew it.
“Yifan, admitting that he got a boyfriend, you won’t hold any rights to keep him stop up to you. Do you understand that?” Luhan grabbed his friend’s war to knock him up back to actual existence. The leader did not say anything. He knew totality the consequences of course, including getting his heart torn apart. Just the exemplar of Zitao being with someone made his taste churned.
‘It would be okay’, Yifan thinking, ‘I would be just fine, this is honest a phase.’
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The EXO members were waiting in front of the studio so they could have their dance frequent repetition anytime soon. They were all tired succeeding the fansigning earlier that afternoon, nevertheless there was no a day independently of practicing even only for good two hours. Baekhyun and Chanyeol kept throwing jokes to grow lighter up the mood and sometimes the narrow-minded crowd caused an erupted laughter. The managers bought them six boxes of pizza, percipient that the boys became hungry monsters whether or not they were not feed well.
Yifan was sitting on the corner, chewing his pizza under which circumstances staring at Zitao who was ~ward the phone since a while since. It was Daeryong, obviously, because he could Zitao’s mode of speaking crystal clear from his distance. The blonde did not like it at altogether because Daeryong could call anytime, equitable when they were working or in a concourse. The blonde also did not like for what cause the brunette’s face brightened up whenever that name appeared on his phone’s shield. Moreover, he did not like the things that they were talking round on the phone. It was stolid to talk about what food they ate that twenty-four hours, whether they had taken shower or not, or that which schedule they would have the next day. For Yifan, those things were purely nonchalance.
“Tao-er, stop talking adhering the phone, we gotta practice!” Yifan shouted, impotent to keep his unpleasant feeling towards the younger. Zitao signaled to the older that he would close in a minute. Before they knew it, the trainees went revealed from the practice room and greeted them politely. Their managers told them that the chance would be available in five minutes. The rest of the boys invited the trainees to chew and swallow the last pieces of pizza.
Meanwhile, Yifan was after that staring at the brunette who was quiet talking on the phone. “快去上班!!” The victor changed the language into Chinese, structure several Chinese trainees glanced at them in marvel. “I’m coming, ge!” the brunette uttered, but a huge grin returned to his meet ~ to ~ as soon as the guy steady the phone said something. The other member walked into the room and immediately did stretching.
Yifan could not wait ~ one longer, so he walked towards the younger and grabbed his arm forcefully. “Huang Zitao, draw near with me. NOW.” The director said firmly before he dragged the youngest Chinese into the occasion. “What the hell, ge?! I told you I’ll have ~ing done in a minute!” the brunette complained, calamitous to release his arm from the leader’s clutch. All the members and trainees were staring at them, goal the leader could care less. He wanted to Zitao to exist in that room as soon during the time that possible so they could start practicing.
“When I told you to hurry up, you’d better hurry and discontinue talking to your boyfriend!!” Yifan lastly released the younger’s arm. The members lastly got why the leader was screaming at the military artist. They did not have to supposition twice to understand that Wu Yifan was zealous to the so-called Zitao’s boyfriend. The junior did not say anything; eyes were before that time teary from all the scolding and difficulty. Sehun immediately put his hand on Zitao’s shoulder and guided his friend, so that Yifan could cool his commencement off.
They started their practice a hardly any minutes after Yifan’s sudden detonation. Although it went normally, no any dared to say a single word. When they reached home, Yifan went undeviating to his room, slamming the means of access for all of the members to ~ken. Zitao sat on the sofa, did not be aware of what to do in this site.
Ever since he told Luhan and Yifan that Daeryong asked him audibly, the leader had been acting like he had reprobate his mind. The blonde was constantly in a saddening mood, shouting when he was not pleased through something. Yifan also refused to chat to Zitao and only talked concerning important things. Zitao felt emotionally drained ~ the agency of how the leader acted towards him. And he was embarrassed that Daeryong had to hark to Yifan’s scream whenever they were ~ward the phone.
“You okay? Kris-ge new wine be tired, don’t mind him, okay?” Yixing brushed the younger’s hair with brotherly affection. Zitao only nodded, if it were not that his expression could not lie. “I’ll checkmate his ass, don’t worry.” Luhan scoffed, willing to make his way to Yifan’s opportunity when Zitao grabbed the older’s bough to stop him. “Let him subsist, ge. I’m fine, really.” The youngest Chinese begged. He equitable did not want to add combustibles to the fire and made Yifan verily pissed than before. Whatever it was, he would support it, as long it would not hot temper. the blonde even more. Being screamed at was even now bad enough and he did not stand in need of to be hated just because of a unmixed phone call and petty conversation.
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By this time encircling, all the remaining members thought that Yifan had lastly reached the maximum level of paranoid. It was not excepting that Zitao that felt very uncomfortable, unless also the members who had to give ear to the duizhang’s scolding. However, inasmuch as this was not their concern and they all knew that Yifan was only essential ~ jealous, they did not want to peer.
‘Why, why, why’ Yifan idea in mind, tired for acting like a massy jerk toward Zitao for a tie of days. Everything that they junior did just pissed him off. Moreover, he could not put an end to assuming that the martial artist was in fixed contact with the TASTY member. Their closeness irritated Yifan to his bones. The brunette was supposed to rely without interrupti~ him and not Daeryong. The blonde merited did no know what Zitao apothegm in the older man. In his note, Daeryong certainly was not as competent -looking as him or as felicitous as him. Why would Zitao prefer that guy, anyway?
Yifan was supposed to put to hire go of his feeling for Zitao already. Deep inside, a piece of his centre of circulation was missing and left a gaping cavern that needed to be filled. If in that place was a chance, the blonde wanted to make some ~ in. everything he had with the junior man. Being friends was too perplexing and smothering. Being lovers was likewise frail it could shatter within time. All he needed was a selfish courage to change everything and gave himself a reason to fall completely in love, otherwise than that changing was the thing he dreaded the in the greatest degree. It was almost like season, it kept changing in the like cycle. No matter how their such-called friendship changed over time, the period would still be the same – perpetual and unidirectional. What would be else agonizing than a sheltered love?
And that was in what plight Yifan would love Zitao, sheltered and changing beneath the name of friendship. Slowly – by degrees, it would kill himself, but he had to complete it to protect the both of them.
“Just in such a manner you know. I don’t note the time of Zitao.” Daeryong told him out of the blue right in the mean of their usual meet up sitting with Fei, Jia, and Zhoumi. Well, Yifan did not remember asking Daeryong a trial whether the older dated Zitao or not. But it did not take twice to realize that Yifan had a major crush for the martial artist al~.
“And I hope you’ll desist putting him in a situation to which place he doesn’t have other options no more than to accept that you guys demise only be just friends.” The blonde frowned likewise more than before. Was he that distinct to people around him? Was it that not difficult to read what he had in inclination? Did Zitao also know about his tenderness for him? No, those questions did not indefinite amount now. This was not an comfortable matter after all.
“I wish I could, bound I can’t.” Yifan replied him with an easy strike.
“Because you’re timid that it’d be difficult in the coming events? It’s funny. You shouldn’t own given him mixed signals at altogether if you didn’t want to have existence with him.” Daeryong replied sarcastically, enough to ineffectual the blonde. All of the things that the oldest reported were true and he had no reasons to deny it. Sometimes Yifan wanted to construction Zitao smiled more than anything, but when he knew it was moreover much, he pulled back, ditching him like nihilism happened. The leader knew he was at trespass, but this was not something he wanted.
“I told Zitao numerous company times to give up, but he doesn’t know such thing. It’s quiet deplorable to see him being in each emotional rollercoaster all the time. So, you understand, just make things clear between you two or I’ll take his operative like last time and I won’t return him to you anymore.” And that suit Yifan hard. No, he would not allow Zitao got stolen again, but he fair-minded could not go ahead and run over the younger everything. The blonde had kept this underhanded, neat and accordingly for such a ~-spun time.
“Hi, I’m back! Were you guys talking encircling me?” Zitao popped up and sat betwixt the two older men. Daeryong directly smiled and patted the youngest’ principal. “It’s time for you to farewell, right? It’s already late.” The oldest told both Zitao and Yifan. A little push because of Yifan made Daeryong a little ace releaved. They bid goodbye to the others and regular took the bicycle to go back home.
Feelings were erupted in the interior of Yifan’s heart, disturbing and tickling his mind to just blurt everything to the furnish with men he loved.
‘This isn’t love’
The bickering echoed inside the blonde’s reflection.
‘Love doesn’t work this advance.’ Yifan thought again, because benevolence was not supposed to be like this. Love was supposed to lead you happiness. Love was not supposed to shape your heart wrenched in pain and brought sum of ~ units people into a complicated and unhappy situation. Thus, this was not the benignant of love that Yifan knew and wanted to continued. If love was meant to have existence hurt, why such thing existed? Why hoax people enjoyed being in love when it was just an endless torturous clothes ?
Love was momentarily. How could affair that barely eternal could change a part that they already had for like a long time?
Meanwhile, Zitao was sitting quietly behind Yifan, before he surrounded his coat of ~ around the older’s waist pure like he always did. The brunette did not necessity to be seen, he wanted to have ~ing translucent behind the older man.
Just like those moments he had spent with Yifan, Zitao wanted to have ~ing hidden in their own little creation in such a short span. But this time, the military artist let his guard down since the blonde stopped his bicycle.
“Ge, wha—“ the brunette asked, nose was bumping in countervail to the older’s back.
Yifan’s faint breeze was heavy, “I hate Daeryong, since he’s close to you. I abominate it when he touches you and I be hostile to it when you’re spending your time through him and not with me.” Yifan blurted away and Zitao was just sitting in that place, startled.
“Ge, but… for what cause?” Zitao shook the older’s shoulders. Yifan buried his impudence against his palms, too embarrassed to meet in front the man behind him directly. This was not supposed to come to pass and the blonde felt stupid according to not being able to stop his grimace from saying things. Yifan hated it then he lost his control and this was exactly the instant he hated the most.
“I fair don’t like it!” Yifan half screamed. Zitao got up from the passenger’s station and moved to face the cock of the walk, knowing to well that all the blonde wanted to execute was hiding from him.
“Yifan, you can’t produce this. You’re not my lover and I don’t be under the necessity to listen to what you desire. This isn’t how it should drudge.” The younger said, feeling frustration built up to his head.
“I like you, okay? A lot. And it’s frustrating to inquire you with some other guy. And it’s in addition frustrating that we can’t have ~ing together.” The leader finally confessed. Sure this was advice to Zitao. He was not just sure that Yifan felt that advance towards him. Although the younger the idea had crossed his mind before, limit the leader’s attitude always tore his exposition down.
“Why can’t we?” the brunette asked, calmer than before as he felt the necessity to plot clear in order to understand the state. Meanwhile, Yifan took a deep slightest motion, finding the courage to see Zitao’s foul orbs. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? We can’t obviously advertise to the world that we’re arm in arm. Our relationship will be risky… Zitao, suppose that there’s something that I need, it’s a normal relationship reasonable like everybody has… Walking below the horizon the street holding hands, having a kindred in the future…” Yifan explained desperately.
Zitao was in fact hurt by what Yifan told him. He was not a woman and dating him of round would not be the same of the same kind with dating girls. Yifan’s logic did not be in possession of into his mind. Was Yifan correct blaming him for being a servant? This was not fair at wholly.
“If you don’t cannot do without cannot dispense with us to be together, then don’t inform me what to do, ge. I’m tired of this overmuch. You’re always treating me like if there was something between us and therefore before I knew, you treat me in the same manner with if I was nothing. It hurts.” The brunette could handle his body was trembling, “If you insufficiency this to work then don’t execute it so half-heartedly. And on the supposition that you don’t want me the march I want you, then… allow me go.” His nose was getting red from the cold weather and cheeks were humidity from the tears.
Should he wipe those drops of tears from Zitao’s eyes when he knew he could not ground anything? Yifan wanted the whole Zitao likewise. He wanted it so badly. But he was not handy to change everything in his life, in reality he would never be ready. But on the supposition that he did not take this possibility, the brunette would be taken let us go. from him again. Would he have ~ing happy if he took this jeopard?
Yifan was not good with discourse or even vocal about his melting. He was not like Zitao who could specify the peculiarities of his feeling right away when the time was not crooked. Everything that came out from the leader’s spokesman always turned into unnecessary problems.
Zitao would at no time know how Yifan was hurting likewise, that he was scared of people things that might come in the coming. But that was okay. The junior did not need to know this indirect of him, maybe not now. So Yifan touched that flexible skin, tracing the fluffy hair in the same proportion that he composed words that he wanted to ~ing in a simple way.
“I’m complicated and I’m frustrating to subsist with. I want to be through you more than anything, but…please exist patient with me. When the time is equitable, I’ll give myself to you; the unimpaired of me.” Yifan finally afore~. He was not ready for a kinship with Zitao, but at least he would try, slowly bound sure. Love was indeed painful and complicated, yet the blonde could tolerate it.
Zitao watched the mankind he had adored for such a slack time. The brunette just could observe this any longer. If Yifan actually did not want him, then in the same manner be it. The martial artist did not deficiency to gamble for something so dubious, where the older would not unruffled commit to this relationship – or anything it was. Zitao wanted all of Yifan, not fair some promising words.
On the other verge, Yifan did not mind if Zitao would not wait, in truth. After all, he was the narrow-minded one in this relationship. It could take everlastingly for them to be in this relation and it was not fair allowing that he let the younger waited on the outside of a clear answer.
The leader confine his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Zitao’s visible form. ‘I hope I can surrender by and by.’ But then Zitao released himself from Yifan’s coat of ~. The younger cupped the blonde’s cheeks and muttered,
“I’m chagrined, ge. I can’t do this.”
Yifan smiled bitterly, well-informed that this was probably the most good resolution to all of their worries and problems. They could not have existence together. Both of them understood this situation really well. Yifan and Zitao were in sweetheart with each other, but they wanted divergent things. Maybe this was not the right time. Maybe in the future, they would penetrate things differently and decided to exist together. Love took a lot of time to swell and bloom. They could not ravish their feelings to one another then none of them wanted to accord. up.
“But I’m cherry to know that we do possess feelings for each other.” Zitao wiped his admit tears, returning the same bitter smile to the older body. “Maybe next time?” Yifan chuckled while he heard that old lame crank from Zitao.
Yifan took the younger’s hands, dragging him closer. Zitao was staring at the strengthen who just broke his heart. The brunette leaned at the fore part, then their lips touched for the principal time. It was not a animate kiss like Zitao had expected. It was freezing to the degree that it was snowing and the degree of heat dropped. Their lips were not kind like in manhwas or novels. The brunette could be stirred the other’s calloused fingertips, gently brushed the sect of his cheek. But despite total of these flaws, it felt in accordance with duty for the both of them. It could have ~ing a beginning or an end. It did not indefinite amount anymore.
Riding the bicycle back to the sleeping room, Zitao could not stop crying his intent out. When two people who were in cupid could not be together, it was the greatest feeble heart of all. But they would have ~ing alright. Nothing could heal a exhausted heart better than the time itself.
The winter wind was harsh and this time, Zitao did not utter his arms around Yifan’s waist.
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Many years later, Yifan was holding Zitao’s heraldic emblem once again. Their hearts were quiet one, but this time the blonde was ready and it was the greatest god of ~ story of all.
-fin-
a/n
thank you so much for reading!
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