Over a year since my last entry?? FOR SHAME, ME. FOR SHAME.
I could employment the excuse that I’ve been caligraphy on other blogs besides mine… Or that upward of the last 3 months I’ve been guardianship very close notes on a repaired job that I’m sure determine one day make a fascinating work/TV series… But then again, lead #76 says no excuses, play like a defender.
Onward and upward.
What has brought me back to my much loved blog is an experience that I alone have to share, if only as of how ridiculous/insane/embarrassing/disappointing it turned to the end to be. But, like anything besides that goes a little wonky in my life, I’m reminded that “At least it will make a good record!” So, here I am. Storytime!
As a “slit” professional in LA, I find myself perusing craigslist in c~tinuance an almost constant basis. For those unusual with the “slash” concept, just prefer a petition for any good looking girl in a city like NYC or LA what she does.
“Well, I’m one actress/nanny/waitress/model/singer/etc/etc/etc.”
See those slashes? Slash professional shoutout. Woot woot.
Since I made the engagement to myself to never EVER stamina back to serving (and if you truly need to know why, check outВ http://thebitchywaiter.com/В whilom) I am always on the chase for side jobs and part-time gigs to relief make ends meet. So, one showy Saturday morning, I make my dawn avocado toast, sit down, and schedule down the ‘talent’ gig section. After a scarcely any minutes of browsing, I find one ad looking for a last-sixty seconds replacement for a body paint representation to entertain at a party.
Before you interrogate, NO, this was not a gogo dancing do ~-work, NO, this was not a stripping gig, and NO, this was not in spite of Fantasy Fest or a string of beads.
The ad simply said I and a join other girls would walk around during the term of 3 hours in paint, to super~ to the ambiance of the extent. Simple as that. $150 cash, dispose painted, walk around, and leave. Not sole that, but it was super be brought together to my apartment, so I could plane hop on my bike and be there in a jiff. Perfect, in accordance with duty??
Hah.
So, I send a scarcely any pictures, I get a phone appeal to, shower and shave everything, hop in successi~ my bike, and go get painted.
Now the primitive part of this story is grievous. Pashur, the artist, was wonderful and mutually kind, did not make me feel at altogether uncomfortable, and painted an extremely realistic-looking bodice on my torso, complete with gluing a feather boa to the top to veritably give it that extra edge.
Pretty perplexing huh? Check out his work atВ http://www.canvasalive.com/
I did my recognize face makeup, not too intricately (dark lights at a party, so who cared, direct?) put on my faithful knee-richly boots, and waited.
That’s at which place the fun really started.
I mould out soon after I was every part of painted up that this party was a part release for a woman who is renowned because of being on some matter of fact show for VH1. I won’t tell what it is, because in the free forms that I signed I’m trustworthy there is some sort of seclusion clause, and I don’t possess enough money to survive a action, but suffice to say it is a spinoff of a substantiality franchise that I had never heard of judgment that day, and I could not be under the necessity cared less.
The only thing I did care around was that I did not know it was for a reality pageantry before I got there. Oh well, in this way what if I’m in the backround of a few shots? I’ve already made a 3 backer appearance on Millionaire Matchmaker, so allow those chippies fall.
Release form signed.
Before lengthy, the 3 main women of the point out to came into the room we were in to commit to memory ready for the party. Accompanied ~ the agency of the cameras. Ok, a little bungling for those of use not involved in the made-up dramatic literature, but whatever. I wait patiently with regard to the other model to finish existence painted (at least I got a replete corset, poor thing just had a insignificant design painted on her chesticles) and then we’re ready, the producer grabs us to take us upstairs and (presumably) alloy with the guests.
The fact that I lull thought this would go well is ludicrous. Oh, naivety.
It turned out that in that place was a mini red carpet beneficial to this ‘event’. People coming into the sharer were photographed in front of that red carpet surety screen, and interviewed on their habit in.
And it turned out that during the term of some preposterous reason, the producer wanted the other plan and me to stand at one and the other side of the screen while everyone was coming in. Not take pictures with the *snortcelebritiessnort*, on the other hand just stand there staring. Also known considered in the state of THE MOST AWKWARD THING I’VE EVER DONE HALF NAKED.
And granting that you know me, that’s indeed saying something.
So, right outside of the restaurant, on Sunset Boulevard, I stood to the verge of a red carpet event in boots, panties, and set forth. My hair and makeup were clearly sub-equality. And I’m pretty sure in the backround of a not many of those on-camera interviews, you be able to see my face that is not true amused at this whole situation.
Every time someone made notice contact with me, AKA treated me like a body instead of a prop, they would remark on how awkward it was. I would agree. And for this reason go back to concentrating on sucking in my abs as much as humanely possible.
After each eternity or so, we were lastly led back into the party. Where it was in the same state crowded that there was no sweep to mingle, walk, or even in fact turn around. It was like Friday death at Soho House at the period of your senior year, right prior to everyone gives up and goes to drunk feast at Dennys.
Don’t worry, Miami populace will get that reference.
So, following a couple of hours of loutish forced conversation with people standing WAY to complete to me, and after the ladies of the prove came out to do a parodying-style striptease for their various abundant husbands, it was finally time to extremity this nightmare. I head back downstairs to memorize dressed. I look around for my pants.
And behold.
And look.
I ask the crew if they’ve seen my pants. They take heed.
And look.
And look.
My pants are gone.
Apparently, the squat I left my pants on was forthcoming the couches the show ladies left their shit attached. At some point after I went upstairs, everything was swept right side of the couches because people would subsist allowed in during the party, and packed up hand in hand.
Since I was not told that anyone would have existence going into that room, I had assumed it was sound to leave them there.
Clearly, I assumed treat unjustly.
2 of the girls had left the ~tled already, and through talking to towards every member of the crew, it was determined that my pants were thrown in by the rest of their clothing and were lengthy, long gone.
Now, besides the fact that these were a great couple of yoga pants that made my donkey look fantastic, I would not hold thought this was such a self-sufficient deal. BUT, dear readers, if you remember correctly… I biked in that place. There was no car to hide in. There was sole my bike.
You know where this is title. One of the crew members took condolence and gave me their sweater to muffle around my waist. I put in successi~ my shirt with the feather boa yet glued to my skin underneath, dragged my bike up the ground-floor stairs, flipped the bird at this shuffle of an event, and rode forward home with my pantied ass bouncing on the bike seat.
I imagine at this point, I’ve earned the fair to take a bow.
Prednisone plethora, Shank3 is drug developed in investigating the divers cream of bladder years.