We really wonder why Cuthbert Dube should not try his hand in politics where a bad record and incompetence are the requisite qualifications.
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, I have decided to extend my well-deserved rest as my hectic schedules have of late been supping me of all energy.
Last week when I apologised for arriving late at a function where I was supposed to officiate after arriving from my African Union business in Botswana straight into a marathon Politburo meeting, my detractors went to town about it as if someone ever told them that I am a super-human being.
I am also human, so it is only natural that I also get tired. This has nothing whatsoever to do with my age.
Just look at the way the same small-minded detractors tried to give the impression that there was a diplomatic tiff between Harare and Gaborone… before making wild claims that the ecstatic crowds that were cheering me there had been bussed in from some rural areas of Zimbabwe.
They could just not accept the fact that I am just popular.
Anyway, I should be able to fully address you next week, lest the same detractors start circulating fresh rumours about my health again.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND CZ’S NOTEBOOK
Worrisome
Although it was expected, the latest round of mass dismissals and mass suspensions (remindful of mass trials and mass executions taking place in Egypt) that took place in Dr CZ’s former and once revolutionary ZANU-PF party, got people really worried.
There are now genuine fears that at the rate things are going, very soon we could wake up to an announcement that the party has finally decided to dismiss itself from itself since there would be no one left either to dismiss or suspend.
Thankfully Dr CZ saw this coming way back in 1982 and made a decision to excuse himself from this party. It is one of the best decisions he had ever blessed himself with.
Needless
Last week the country took delivery of farming equipment worth nearly US$40 million from Brazil under “More Food for Africa Programme.” We thank the South Americans for that although some of us who still have some vestiges of conscience feel bad that we continue to get more and more of our future generations into needless debts. Our problem has never been lack of farming equipment and inputs, but lack of interest in farming, so no matter what equipment we get, our grain silos will remain empty. Farming is not our calling. That is why we cannot do it full time. Just as what happened with a similar programme under the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe a few years ago, we can be rest assured that virtually everyone who would be a beneficiary under this knew windfall is a big chef who practices farming by remote control in-between their important full-time job in the big office. This was not how the Small husbands, the Tates, the Neils, the Frithes, the Elsworths, the Henwoods or the Musgraves who once made this country a great farming nation did things… they were full-time farmers who spent virtually every nano-second of their time on the ground. After we chased them away to Zambia, they have continued feeding us from there because they are committed and dedicated farmers. For that we should be shamefully grateful.
Nxa-a!
As a quintessential pan-Africanist, Dr CZ is livid. He is fuming and stewing at this new fellow in Namibia who has decided to start his term by being needlessly subservient to the West. That is unAfrican. It defeats the very revolutionary spirit that brought about the liberation of that country. It makes nonsense of the values of pan-Africanism. If vitiates that country’s sovereignty and territorial integrity. It is unacceptable.
We are talking about the brand new Namibian President, Dr Hage Geingob. He started off by announcing a very small Cabinet. Then he banned his Cabinet ministers from enjoying junkets abroad. And only last week, he went an unAfrican step further by declaring his assets! Which African leader has ever done that? This is so, so unacceptable! We can only but wonder what he hopes to achieve by this mischief. We do not need any soothsayer to tell us that this poor chap is under the unmitigated influence of the wicked Western imperialists.
What makes Dr CZ furious is that by so doing, this Geingob fellow is effectively divesting the all-important position of president of the aura of importance. And it defeats the purpose of being a president in the first place. This is just unacceptable.
Deal
Now we understand why FIFA decided to spring to embattled out-going Zimbabwe Football Association (ZIFA) president Cuthbert Dube’s side… Sepp Blatter wants Dube’s vote as he seeks a fifth term in office… it’s scratch my back-and-I-will-scratch-yours deal.
It is high time someone mobilised everyone involved in soccer in this country to boycott anything to do with ZIFA for as long as Dube is there.
We really wonder why Dube should not try his hand in politics where a bad record and incompetence are the requisite qualifications.
Finally!
Dr CZ is happy that one Harare lawyer has decided to challenge the City of Harare’s usurious parking fee of US$1 per hour and the subsequent penalty of US$57.
This iniquitous situation has been going on for sometime and this is not uncommon in a lawless country like this one.
Thankfully Ephraim Ndlovu got fed-up and decided to put his law training to good use.
“One surely cannot be fined US$57 for having exceeded payment of US$1. It is daylight robbery.
“First respondent (City of Harare) cannot, and must not execute a judgment before I have been given a chance to be heard by a court of law, this is deplorable and is against the audi alterum partem (listen to the other side) rule,” he said in his court papers file in the High Court.
Only a competent court of law is allowed to impose a fine above US$20, but the local authority has been playing policeman, prosecutor, judge and jailer at the same time. There is no justice like that even in hell!
Promiscuity?
Last week a sleazy local tabloid run a story about a Mhondoro man who had been allegedly caught having sex with a goat. Then his full history was revealed. He had allegedly been fired from his previous job for similar misdemeanours not just involving a goat but a chicken as well.
This got some Zimbos to take time off from their busy schedules to debate the state of this man’s mind on the social media. Then the debate degenerated to something else.
There were those who were so livid. They accused the man of being so promiscuous… how could he have sex with a goat, then a chicken then a goat? They accused him of cheating on his goat girlfriend with a chicken. Then there were others who accused him of being in a love triangle.
Others wondered if at all he has ever contemplated having a threesome. Who said Zimbabweans are suffering?
Prayer!
These children! Who said we should teach them to pray at a tender age? So this child was asked to pray before the family retired to bed. And she goes: “God bless the ladies in my daddy’s phone who are so poor that they are all naked.
Also bless men who have nowhere to sleep who come to share the bed with my mum everytime daddy is not here… Amen!
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