Yesterday I was at my local Food Lion buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog, Jake.
I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I have? An elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog. I’m just getting back on the Purina Diet. But I probably shouldn’t because the last time I was on the diet, I’d lost 50 pounds before ending up in an intensive care ward with IVs in both arms and tubes coming out of most of my orifices.”
I told her, however, that the Purina is a perfect diet for losing weight. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The nuggets are nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.
Horrified, the woman asked if I had ended up in intensive care because I was poisoned by the dog food.
I told her, “No, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.”
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
For some strange reason, Food Lion won’t let me shop there anymore.
Moral of this story:
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
H/t FOTM’s Wild Bill Alaska 
~Eowyn
