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“Amy.”
“Yeah. I’m in here,” I say loudly from the bathroom so Karma can hear me. I pick up the towel from the counter top and dry my hands. When I’m done I drop the towel back to the counter and turn to go back to my room when I’m stopped in my tracks. Karma’s standing there in the bathroom door and God is she beautiful. Her auburn hair is pulled back into a ponytail and she’s wearing a fitted v-neck t-shirt and running tights, her skin glistening from a light layer of sweat. I can’t put words together to actually speak to her because once again this girl has left me speechless.
“Aims you okay?” she asks as she approaches me. She reaches out for me and I pull away.
“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry Karma,” I tell her as I scratch the back of my neck with my right hand. “I’m gonna go downstairs so you can shower.” I give her small smile before I drop my head and try to walk past her when she steps in front of me.
“You don’t have to leave,” she says softly and as I look up I notice she’s biting her lower lip. Damn it. She knows that drives me crazy. I feel my heart start to beat out of my chest.
“I really should leave Karms,” I mumble as I try to make eye contact with her.
“Amy-,” she says as I interrupt her.
“Maybe we can get takeout or something and have a Netflix night tonight.”
“I’d love that,” Karma says as she leans up and kisses me softly. I have trouble reciprocating. “It’s okay baby. I love you,” she says searching my eyes.
“I love you too.” I give her another smile and walk past her out of the bathroom. Ever since Karma told me about that night I have had a hard time trusting myself with her. Six weeks. Six weeks of counseling and therapy and I still can’t forgive myself for what I did to her. I’ve done six weeks of individual counseling with a handful of sessions done with Karma, and I still can’t trust myself to have any kind of physical intimacy with her. I’m scared I’m going to hurt her and she deserves so much better than that.
I find myself in the kitchen completely lost in my thoughts. I snap out of it long enough to grab a bottle of water from the fridge and walk out to the tin roof covered back porch. I take a seat on a swinging snuggler bed that has more pillows than my bed upstairs. Before I get comfortable I see Sara jog across the backyard to me.
“Hey loser,” she says to me and I give her the finger. “Reagan wants to wash her big ass SUV, want to help?”
“You guys know that’s pointless right? I mean, you know it’s gonna rain in the next hour or so right?”
“Yeah maybe, but the girl wants to wash her SUV so by golly she’s gonna wash that big ass SUV,” she says with a thick southern accent and I can’t help but laugh. There’s a few seconds of silence before Sara speaks again. “Karma’s doing really well ya know…and she really misses you. You need to get out of your head with this Amy. She loves you. You love her and-,”
“I’m scared I’m going to do something stupid again and hurt her.”
“Amy, that wasn’t you that night. When are you going to accept that? You’ve gotten help, you’re doing counseling. You’ve got to forgive yourself Amy because Karma has and that’s the last thing you need to do so you move forward,” she says as she watches Reagan walk over to us. When Reagan gets next to Sara she wraps an arm around her waist while Sara drapes her arm over Reagan’s shoulders, their affection seeming as natural as breathing.
“So Amy, you going to get off your ass and help?” Reagan asks with a raised eyebrow as Sara kisses the top of her head.
“No. I think I’m gonna sit right here and wait for the rain to come, maybe take a nap,” I reply as I open my bottle of water and take a sip.
“Suit yourself,” she tells me right before she smacks Sara across the ass and takes off running and Sara chases after her. I just smile and shake my head as I pull out my phone trying to decide what to order for dinner. I’m scrolling through my phone, playing on the internet when I hear giggling. I look up to see Reagan and Sara throwing sponges at each other. The SUV is covered in soapy bubbles and Sara pins her up against the driver’s door stealing a kiss. It’s ridiculous how in love those two are. I bury my attention back into my phone for a few minutes before I feel the swing begin to sway. I look up to find Karma crawling towards me and my heart begins racing, trying to thump its way out of my chest. I sit up immediately and lean against the wall of pillows behind me. She hesitates and narrows her eyes at me and smiles.
“Nice try Aims, but this will work too,” she says as she pushes my knees apart and slides between them, turning her back to me as she sits down and leans back against me.
“Uh, Karma. Wh-What are you doing?” I nervously ask her, fidgeting around behind her.
“I’m trying to snuggle with my anxious girlfriend,” she replies in a tone that suggests I’m crazy for asking. “Give me your phone,” and I look at her like she’s lost her mind before handing it to her. She grabs my wrist and pulls my arm across her stomach, holding her. “That’s better. Now let’s figure out what we’re ordering for dinner.” I nervously rest my chin on her shoulder, trying to look at my phone too.
“If you don’t start breathing soon I’m gonna call Sara over here so she can do mouth-to-mouth on you.” As soon as she says that I start laughing and find myself starting to relax a little. I’m completely lost in this moment with Karma. We both look up into the yard when we hear Sara cursing, rain pouring down on both of them. Karma and I both start laughing, and I relax a little hearing the sound of rain on a tin roof.
“I’m glad we’re under here staying dry,” I tell her, and I feel myself squeeze Karma just a little tighter.
“I don’t know Aims, if we were doing that I’d be totally fine with being out in the pouring rain.” I look up to see Reagan and Sara tightly wrapped up in each other, kissing in the pouring rain. I want nothing more than to have moments like that with Karma. Before I could crawl back in my head space I feel Karma softly kiss my cheek.
“Why don’t you go ahead and order pizza, and I’ll go inside and throw some cookies in the oven,” she says. All I could do was nod my head in response. I watch her slide off the swing and she disappears behind me.
Half an hour later we’re on the couch watching “Begin Again” on Netflix. Karma is nestled into my side and I am trying so hard to relax and enjoy being with her. About halfway through the movie I finally relax enough to enjoy myself. I leaned into Karma and kissed the top of her head, but before we could have a moment, Sara and Reagan dropped down on the opposite end of the couch.
“What are y'all watching?” Sara asks as Reagan snuggles into her.
“Begin Again,” Karma replies without looking away from the television.
“You done with this?” Reagan asks as she reaches for some pizza.
“Yeah, help yourself,” Karma tells her, still focused on the television. Reagan dives into the pizza while Sara looks on in slight disgust. I chuckle before leaning in to kiss Karma’s temple, then whispering I love you in her ear. She turns and looks at me with a loving smile and places a soft kiss on my lips. When the movie finishes and the final credits roll Sara sits up and begins with the chatter.
“So are you guys ready for Vegas next weekend?” She asks, grinning from ear to ear.
“Yeah, I’ve never been and I’m excited to be getting away for a couple of days with this one,” Karma tells her before snuggling closer to me. I can’t believe I forgot about the Booker wedding. It’s supposed to be a lavish, crazy ass affair and an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas to spend a weekend with Karma, courtesy of one Liam Booker. Sara and I will be the last ones to fly in on Friday afternoon while Karma and Reagan will get there Friday morning since Ashley wants them to help with the music set-up. I have completely zoned out and at this point Karma realizes I’m not going to say anything.
“I’m hoping for an uneventful set-up so I can try and spoil this one with my attention,” Karma says nudging me in the ribs.
“Spoil or annoy?” Reagan asks Karma with a smirk and raised eyebrow. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Before anyone could keep this banter going, Sara saves the day.
“Y'all get up and help me clean this up,” she says motioning to the remains of our pizza, cookies, and drinks. “I’m about ready to call it a night.” We all get up and help with the mess in the living room and kitchen and after a few minutes we’re done with the clean up and saying good night. Reagan and Sara disappear downstairs and I walk upstairs before Karma. I stop at the top of the stairs and look around. Lauren and Shane are rarely here anymore and it makes me feel like this place is actually mine and Karma’s. At that thought I smile and I feel arms snake around my waist from behind. My smile drops and I tense up at her touch.
“What are you thinking?” Karma asks from behind me, hugging me tighter. I manage to turn around in her arms and her grip on me loosens.
“Well Lauren’s getting married in June and she’ll move out, and Shane is never here. I guess I just. Well, it’s-,”
“It’s like we have our own place,” Karma says squeezing me just a little tighter, and I watch a smile spread across her face. Before I realize it I’m speaking without even thinking.
“Would you want that? I mean, would you want that with me?” I ask as I slowly look up and find her eyes, searching for an answer. I feel her arms disappear from around me, but then I feel her hands on my shoulders and she pulls me into a hug. I tense up again at her touch, but after a brief hesitation I slowly wrap my arms around her waist, gently returning her affections. After a few moments she pulls back, looking into my eyes.
“Amy. My entire future is you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to come home to you everyday. I want to come home to you and our house, our dog, our…kids.”
“Kids?” I asked, completely taken aback by what she just said.
“Yeah. If this. Would you want all of that with me?” I feel tears welling up in my eyes after hearing her say this.
“Yes.” I say nodding my head. “It’s always been you Karma. My whole life has always been you.” I notice tears hanging in her eyes too and she pulls me back into a hug. I’m still tense under her touch, but I hug her back, holding her tight. “Karma, I love you.”
“I love you too Amy.”
Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be the weekend in Las Vegas.