Cute, intense, passionate, flirty…along with a massive hint on where it’s going for Karma :) There’s a trip to Austin in here.
I probably wont update for awhile, St. Patricks day is Thursday, which basically means the whole country will shut down, and have a party so… I’ll be too buzzed to type :)
H-L-Bailey you killed me with that update. You better not have killed Amy love! :)
X
Previous Chapters
‘Sup.’ A young rugged looking guy with a beard takes a seat beside you, nudging your shoulder in the process and winking at you. ‘Your Amy, right?’ he asks you.
‘You are…?’ you respond, confused as to how he has any notion about who you are. This is supposed to be an alcoholics anonymous meeting right, you thought anonymous is the most important aspect.
‘I’m Ray. Fellow partner of an alcoholic, but not an alcoholic.’ He tries to explain and you laugh a little because you know how it feels when you try to explain that, you can’t say wife because your not married, you can’t say you’re an alcoholic because they’ll shove a pin in your hand and send you up to the podium, and you definitely cant say you’re a sponsor because you have no idea how these people are feeling or what to do about it. ‘Mindy, the sign in lady sent me over here. Apparently we’re the youngest supportive partners in the group.’ He fakes happiness and you nudge him this time playfully.
‘I wonder when we’ll get our medals.’ You play along, trying to lighten up this meeting, listening to these stories would nearly drive you to drink half the time. Your surprised Karma lasted a whole three months before dragging you along with her for what she deemed ‘moral support’, which really meant, it’s cold outside and she wanted someone to walk with her. Your glad you came though. This is your second time here and your already starting to understand why Karma is the way she is that little bit more.
‘I’ve been here every Tuesday evening for the past year and it still hasn’t arrived.’ Ray chuckles scratching his head, and you want to laugh with him but your kind of trying to piece together why he’s here every Tuesday, he’s not the alcoholic right? ‘Which one is yours? He asks pointing over to the group who are chatting amongst themselves.
‘Um.’ You scan the crowd for Karma, finally spotting her talking to some young pretty blonde haired girl with big blue eyes, stirring a little bit of jealousy around in your stomach which you quickly knock back down when she catches your eye and winks at you from a distance. ‘The auburn haired girl, like over by the podium talking to the cute blonde. You?’
‘The cute blonde is actually mine.’ He responds, chuffed with himself at your comment on her appearance. ‘Her names Megan. I met her in High School, she started drinking like three years ago, nearly broke us up, but I guess I just loved her enough to stay, so she got help by coming here every week. It was all good for like a year, and then one night she went to her parents house for dinner, they gave her a glass of wine, and boom. We’re back to square one, except I’m part of the problem now so she’s got me in like these weird couples councilling classes twices a week and here once a week. ’
‘Sucks ass man.’ You respond, a little bit overwhelmed by his story.
‘What’s yours like?’
‘Oh um, we met a little less than a year ago, ended up dating, she slipped one night and cheated on me, we’re back together now, really happy, she just got her four month chip so hopefully that’s it.’ You smile proudly over at Karma, feeling a sense of relief that the worst is over between the two of you.
‘Can I give you a piece of advice? Advice I wish someone else would have given to me a long time ago.’ He looks sincere, leaning into your space and scoping around to make sure no one else is listening. You nod your head, shoving your phone in your pocket and leaning forward.
‘Your hot Amy. You can go out there and get yourself a new girl without an illness in a heartbeat. Your not in too deep yet, sure it will hurt in the beginning, but once you realise that you dodged a bullet on holding her hair back while she vomits, listening to her promise you over and over again that that was the last time, you’ll be grateful that you did it. This is for life dude, not just a couple of months or a night. Life.’ With that he leans back in his chair, letting you maul it over in your head, and you start to panic thinking about it.
‘Hey you.’ Karma’s voice drags you out of your thoughts, her hands stretching out to signal that she’s ready to leave. You take it, feeling your palms a little more sweaty than they normally are which is making you even more nervous that Karma’s going to notice and want to talk about it. ‘You made a friend?’ she asks, nodding over at Ray who smiles politely at Karma before turning to you and giving you another look.
‘Yeah. See you later dude.’ You mumble out almost rudely, throwing Karma’s jacket over her shoulders and dragging her out of there as quickly as possible by the hand.
‘Ouch Amy, your hurting me.’ She pulls her hand out of yours shaking it a little and slowing down. ‘What’s gotten into you?’
‘Nothing.’ You respond curtly, slowing down a little so that she can catch up and link your arm. ‘I’m just tired. I didn’t really sleep much last night.’
‘What, why?’ she sounds offended, and you decide to mess with her a little to lighten the mood and stray her away from putting together the pieces of your weird mood.
‘You see.’ You twirl around walking backwards in front of her, a smirk lining your lips at her pouty face. ‘I have this girlfriend, who snores all the time…’
‘You better have another girlfriend blondie because I don’t snore.’
‘Oh sorry your right, it was definitely another cute girl snoring on top of me last night in my single bed.’ You tease her and she charges forward, jumping on your back playfully, making you give her a piggyback all the way back to the dorms for being a ‘meanie’.
‘Are you spending the night?’ Karma asks you, hopping down off your back and searching for her key card in her massive handbag. It never ceases to amaze you that she needs so much stuff all the time.
‘You never use any of that stuff.’ You point out, propping her handbag up for her so she can root through it. ‘We could totally throw out like two thirds of this stuff, and get you a smaller handbag.’
‘I need everything in here Amy.’ Karma says, puffing a piece of hair out of her face. ‘What would I do without my copy of ‘Not that kind of girl’ all day!’ Karma’s joking around waving the book around, the same book that she’s had in your hand bag since you gave it to her a month into seeing eachother.
‘My copy.’ You retort, snatching it off her like a little kid in the playground.
‘Aha! Found it.’ Karma pulls out her key card, swiping it on the door and turning towards you. ‘Are you spending the night baby?’ you frown at her, leaning in and kissing her sweetly, pulling back with a dazed expression to match Karma’s lining your face. You’ll never get over kissing her.
‘I have to go back to my place.’ You lie through your teeth, you just know that if you hang around with Karma tonight she’ll eventually get it out of you about what Ray said, and then she’ll feel like shit and try to convince you to break up with her and you’ll tell her that you don’t want to. You’d much rather just skip forward to the last part. ‘I have an early tutorial tomorrow, so I better get a good nights sleep.’
‘Why cant you sleep with me?’ Karma pouts, pulling you closer to her by the collar of your shirt. ‘I promise no hanky panky. Just stone cold sleeping. We can sleep like I do when we watch your documentaries.’ You snort at her, pecking her lips once more and prying yourself out of her grip so you don’t give in.
‘Call me tomorrow ok?’ you step backwards.
‘I will. Text me when your home safe ok? Love you.’
‘Will do. Love you too.’
X
‘Well look who it is.’ Binky teases you as you walk into your dorm to find her and Jen halfway into a tub of Ben and Jerrys. ‘The ghost of bestfriends past. Where’s the old ball and chain Ames?’
‘Karma.’ You emphasise her name, digging through your nighstand for a spoon and dancing victoriously when you find one, laughing as Jen groans knowing she’s going to have to share with you too now. ‘Is in her dorm. I just walked her home. Turned down sex, to hang out with you two.’
‘Get off me.’ Binky nudges you out of her lap on Jens bed. ‘Your not getting any action here tonight. Besides you and Karma do eachother way too often, you have to be exhausted by now.’ Binky snorts taking another massive spoon of ice cream, much to Jens protests.
‘We do not do eachother that often…’ you mimic her ‘How often do you guys do it?’
‘Never. Now that we’re both single.’ Jen scowls into the ice cream. ‘We have two boyfriends, Ben and Jerry. They mean the world to us.’
‘Never let us down.’ Binky joins in, taking another spoon.
‘Always here for us.’ Jen cradles the carton.
‘Probably more responsive than Karma in bed…’ Binky jokes around, nudging your shoulder and squeezing your cheeks when you scowl at her.
‘Oh no, I can testify to the fact that Karma is overly responsive in bed.’ Jen groans. ‘So can half the dorm.’
‘Gross.’ Binky comments.
‘Oh shut up. Your both just jealous that I’m the only one having regular sex. Normally it’s the two of you getting laid all the time.’ You point out leaning against the head board of Jens bed and propping your legs across them, sighing loudly for attention.
‘What’s wrong?’ Jen asks, completely disinterestedly, and Binky chuckles a bit at her mocking you.
‘Karma wants to move in together next semester.’ You state letting out a deep breath, waiting on either of your two best friends to react, which never comes as they just keep eating their ice creams. ‘I met this guy called Ray at her AA meeting tonight, and he basically told me that I’m going to spend the rest of my life in misery if I commit to Karma even more than I already am…’
‘Right…’ Binky drags out. ‘Your not miserable without Karma?’
‘What of course I am!’ you snap at her, and she smiles at you reaction, watching as you come to realise what she did.
‘That was a dangerous trick Binks.’ You throw a pillow at her. ‘But your right. Thank you.’
‘Moving in together is a massive step Ames, AA dude aside.’ Jen pipes up. ‘Are you sure your ready for that?’
‘At first I didn’t think I am… and then Karma pointed out to me that we basically already do live together… so… it’s fine.’ You answer as honestly as possible.
‘Don’t sound to excited now…’ Binky rolls her eyes.
‘Can we watch some Netflix or something?’ you ask them, flicking on the TV and flicking through your queue. ‘What have you guys watched without me?’ you ask them, scrolling down the list.
‘Well your never here, so…’
‘Everything.’
Karma: You coming to the meetings with me means the world to me. Night baby. Love you. Xo
You: Always. Love you too.
X
Your running around the track after Karma, completely taken aback by her speed and fitness levels, considering that you spent the better half of the morning arguing with her over whether or not cheerleading is a real sport or not. That ultimately led to her dragging you out here for an early morning run, intent on proving that she’s fitter and faster than you thanks to cheerleading, and by the third mile, and there still being no sign that she’s about slow down anytime soon, you decided to give in and admit defeat, flopping down on a bench outside the changing rooms.
‘Aww is my little baby tired already.’ Karma comes running over smirking at you for giving up. ‘What was that? The cheerleader just bet you?’
‘Fine. You win. I surrender.’ You breathe out heavily, still exhausted.
Karma saunters over to you, straddling your lap on the park bench and kissing you with a fire that makes you hungry for her. Passion raging through your body as your hands thread through her auburn locks. ‘Say it.’ Karma pulls back, rubbing her chest up in your direction, purposely.
‘Cheerleading is a sport.’ Karma hops off your lap, dancing around you on the bench triumphantly, in this overly dorky and awkward way, which makes you wonder how she choreographs routines on a daily basis.
.
‘Can we go get some coffee and donuts now?’ you whine, shivering a bit. It’s beyond freezing outside.
‘Sure.’ Karma starts walking towards the café, making you chase after her to hold her hand, which makes her smirk at you again. Damn she’s on fire today with all this flirting. ‘You sit down baby, I’ll get us our usual order.’ You take a seat and watch her wave her hips on her way over to the counter, blowing you a kiss from the checkout.
‘You are the love of my life.’ You say to her when she sits down with a box of donuts and a jug of steaming hot coffee.
‘I better be.’ She replies winking at you. ‘Amy I want to ask you something, I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now…’
‘I’m listening.’ You reply taking another bite of your donut, you sigh when you notice that she seems to have deflated a bit from her overly happy expression.
‘I want to go home to Dallas.’ You nearly spit your coffee out, choking a bit instead on it, because you’ve been asking Karma to visit her parents and make amends for months now and she’s point blank refused every time you bring it up, completely shutting down on you.
‘Karma that’s great. When are you going?’
‘I was hoping that maybe we could go in two weeks, for mid-term break…’ Karma asks you shly, her cheeks tinging pink under your gaze. ‘I know that you were planning on going home to Austin, so I figured you can drive up to Dallas for the second week of the midterm and meet me there? Pick me up from the airport if you want to be really cute?’
‘Or.’ You stop her. ‘You can come back to Austin with me for a couple of days, then we can drive up to Dallas together?’
‘Really? You want me to come to Austin with you?’ Karma asks, genuinely surprised by your suggestion.
‘I always want you with me. I thought that was obvious.’ You snort and Karma slaps your arm, no doubt for ruining your cute moment, shoving the donut a little further into your mouth than you can handle, creating a mess.
X
‘Amy, some girl is like staring over at you.’ Karma’s eyes linger over to the jukebox of the bar and you swivel around in your chair to catch a glimpse of whoever it is, but they’re gone before you get that chance. ‘They like literally just ran away.’
‘Maybe they thought I was someone else or something.’ You ponder and Karma’s thumb lazily draws circles on your hands on the table, sipping her water and checking out the twain. She insisted that you take her out at least once while the two of you are in Austin, even though you tried to sway her – knowing that her being around alcohol right now isn’t exactly a good idea, she convinced you to take her here. ‘Are you sure your ok being here?’
‘Amy I’m an alcoholic, not a cancer patient.’ Karma rolls her eyes at you. ‘You can stop worrying about me.’ Her eyes level down to the beer she insisted that you get as well, that you’ve been half hazardly drinking for the past half an hour, terrified that she’s somehow going to dive across the table and drink it all in front of you. ‘Please drink that Amy. I’m fine. Besides I’m here with you, I don’t even need to drink.’
‘What, so I’m like the cure now?’ you tease her, taking a deep breath before taking a proper gulp of your drink. Karma smirks at you, leaning over the table and wiping the foam of the side of your lip, going to suck it off her finger but instead deciding to wipe it on a napkin, much to her credit.
‘You’ve always been the cure.’ She replies, gazing down at the foam on the napkin as it disappears, drying up quickly. ‘Seriously Amy, I don’t know where I would be tonight without you.’
‘Well I’d probably still be buried in my dorm room watching Netflix by myself if it wasn’t for you, so that makes two of us.’ You say squeezing her hand a little tighter. ‘How are your meetings going?’
‘Fine.’ Karma quickly replies, a small smile lingering on her face. ‘Although one thing is weird, everyone else seems to have a trigger, for their urges, but I haven’t really figured out what mine is yet… I know that I started drinking in Dallas, I just cant remember why, my sponsor thinks I might of blacked it out from my memory, as some sort of coping mechanism.’
‘Shane?’ you suggest innocently, tapping your fingers on the glass a little harder in bitterness. You can see Karma flinch in front of you, tensing up at the mention of her supposed best friends name leaving your lips.
‘Amy can we not fight right now-‘
‘Amy Raudenfeld?’ a questioning voice comes from behind you, and you recognise it almost immediately as the same voice that’s been making your heart flutter since you were fourteen years old at Tommy Ortega’s birthday party. Karma coughs a little, and kicks you under the table to catch your attention and make you turn around and greet her.
‘Reagan.’ You manage to breath out, running a hand through your hair to try and fix it. She looks even better than you remember, her long dark hair flowing down her back. If you want to picture Reagan, imagine a girl who is the exact opposite of Karma, except with equal hotness. ‘How are you?’ you stutter out, Karma raising a questioning eyebrow at you which you just ignore.
‘Good, really good.’ Reagan blushes a little bit and you feel a little bit chuffed on the inside that you’re the one making her blush for once. ‘Who’s this?’ she asks gesturing to a sceptical looking Karma, taking another sip of her water.
‘Oh right…’ your trying to formulate the sentence but it’s not leaving your mouth as you open and close it, Karma eventually rolling her eyes at you and answering for you.
‘Hi, I’m Karma. This blubbering idiot’s girlfriend.’ Reagan laughs a bit and Karma seems to loosen up, feeling a little less threatened. ‘Please, sit down, join us. We might get to witness Amy form a coherent sentence sometime soon.’ Karma smirks at you, biting her bottom lip knowing that it makes you all flustered.
‘Does she speak to you much?’ Reagan asks taking a seat beside you and opposite Karma, teasing you with Karma now. ‘Took her like two months to formulate words before she could talk to me.’ And Karma officially stiffens again, the fact that you and Reagan have a history obviously dawning on her.
‘Persistence is key.’ Karma answers her, sipping her water again. ‘Like eleven months of persistence really.’ Karma throws out the last part of a sentence so obviously as a ‘back off.’ to Reagan, letting her know that things between the two of you are serious. ‘How do you two know eachother?’ Karma asks you this time, sending you a death glare and gritting her teeth in front of you.
‘Reagan… we…’
‘I was the head cheerleader at Hester High while Amy was there.’ Reagan grins triumphantly, as if that’s supposed to ignite fear and jealousy within Karma. ‘We hooked up on a regular basis for awhile, in between mathletes and cheer practice really.’ You groan at the mention of mathletes and Reagan just smirks at you, nudging your shoulder flirtatiously.
‘Really?’ Karma asks defensively. ‘You have a thing for cheerleaders Ames? Thought you said you hated cheerleaders.’
‘I do!’ you squeak out and Reagan scoffs at you while Karma rolls her eyes, you are definitely in a living hell right now. ‘I mean, I don’t. I love you, right?’ You say the last part without any sincerity or meaning and instantly regret it when a hurt look plasters itself across Karma’s face.
‘You’re a cheerleader?’ Reagan pipes up.
‘Yes. I’m head cheerleader at our University actually.’ Karma says proudly, an eyre of that cocky cheerleader confidence washing over her. ‘Do you still cheer?’
‘Nah, not right now. I’m working here to pay my way into University next year. I actually got accepted to yours.’ Reagan turns to you, and you just gulp back another bit of your beer. ‘I start after summer break, we should hang out sometime, for old times sake?’
‘Totally.’ Karma cuts in. ‘You can swing by our apartment anytime you want to hang out. Right baby?’ Karma leans over the table, grabbing your collar and pressing a kiss that has way too much tongue to be a quick one on your lips, and you cant help but feel, if you were a dog, she may as well of cocked her leg and pee’d on you in that very moment.
‘I will.’ Reagan throws out firmly, standing up to leave the table. ‘I better get back to my friends. See you around shrimps.’ She kisses your cheek, Karma scoffing loudly in the background.
The second she leaves Karma is pointing towards the exit and picking up her handbag to go, trolling out the door with you running behind you. Your convinced that she’s really pissed off at you right now, so you start to prepare a speech about how much you love her in your head as you open the bar door when your grabbed by Karma and basically slammed up against the wall of the bar, her lips attaching to yours in a passionate, rough and steamy kiss. Karma eventually pulls back, and you’re completely dazed with how amazing that was, when you feel her hand smack your ass playfully. ‘Get the picture babe? She asks with an eyebrow raised at you.
‘I’ve screenshotted, downloaded and uploaded the picture to the cloud baby.’ You stutter out, feeling completely overwhelmed by that kiss, wondering when your ever going to be able to speak again.
‘You are the dorkiest person I know.’ Karma smiles, letting out a sigh of relief and returning to her relaxed stature, taking your hand in hers and staring to walk towards the car. ‘I love you though, so I guess I’m stuck with you.’
‘So caring.’ You reply sarcastically, covering your heart with your free hand. ‘I love you too so I’m going to completely disregard you poking fun at me.’
‘Whatever.’ She sings hopping into the drivers seat of your car, sticking her hand out and waiting for the keys. You sigh in defeat, handing her the car keys knowing that you a drink.
‘Can you even drive?’ you ask her, a goofy grin spreading across your face as she searches for the ignition to put your key in. ‘Karma I can drive, I had one drink.’ She finally finds the ignition, slotting the key in and letting out a small squeak when the engine revs on.
‘I can drive. I have a licence, you know? That means I can drive, right?’ she seems more uncertain about that then you do, so you click your seatbelt on and reach over to click hers on after, watching intently as she drums her fingers on the steering wheel in anticipation of actually moving the car.
‘Thanks.’ She breathes out, cupping your chin and pecking your lips once as you reposition yourself back in your seat. ‘I guess I should just start driving now, right?’
‘Be careful with my baby.’ You say softly and Karma giggles.
‘Amy the car cant hurt me…’
‘I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking to you.’ You lean forward patting your dash board protectively and that seems to drive Karma on as she gasps, taking the car out of car and jumping it a little bit into a start.
You laugh the entire way home and Karma squeals – letting you know that shes never driven stick a little bit too late, Karma jerking the car between stops and starts at every possible moment, making you both nervous and excited. When you reach your house and she stops your car just outside the driveway you hop out quickly, kissing the ground to tease her and she gets out, storming up the driveway with an extra swing of her hips to tease you. Boy does it work though, if there’s one thing that’s hotter than an everyday Karma, it’s a flustered Karma looking for revenge. You race up the driveway after her, letting your hands dance on the exposed skin of her waist, nuzzling your face into the crook of her neck as she uses your key to open the front door.
‘Bed?’ you ask her slipping into the hallway to check if anyones around before you start tracing kisses down her neck making her squirm and giggle. Karma gives you a look, biting her lip, and slowly makes her way up the stairs, you trailing behind her with a huge grin on your face thinking that you’re about to get lucky, when she suddenly diverts to the guest bedroom Farrah assigned her earlier in the night, waving to you as you mouth a ‘What?’ at her tip toeing backwards towards the room. You walk quickly after her, just in time to watch her close the door over so you cant get in to the guest bedroom. ‘Karma, come on… they’re all asleep… no one will ever know.’ You whine, pressing your thighs together in frustration.
‘Hmm…’ Karma ponders, scratching her head a little bit. ‘Yeah… not going to happen Ames. If I sleep with you tonight, and your mom finds out, she’ll hate me for the rest of our lives. So no.’ Karma leans forward pressing a barely there kiss to your lips. ‘Night baby. Love you. See you in the morning sunshine.’
‘I hate you.’ You groan out just before she shuts the bedroom door smirking at you. You start walking back up to your room, when you spot your mom standing outside her bedroom with a glass of wine in her hand and a knowing smirk on her face.
‘Night Amy Leigh.’ Your mom calls out, waving you towards your own bedroom with a smirk on her face. ‘Welcome home my love.’
X
You wake up to the sound of tremulous giggling radiating through your house, one of the voices of of which you recognise to be Karma’s, the other two Lauren and your moms. You stretch out a little bit in your bed, contemplating hiding away from whatever it is they’re doing downstairs, when suddenly your stomach ties in knots and you realise that you’ve left Karma alone with your highly conservative slightly narcissistic mother. You scramble out of your bed as quickly as possible, basically tumbling down the stairs to the kitchen where the voices are coming from, half expecting to see Karma crying and Farrah standing over her with a copy of the bible, but instead you come to a screeching hault, whacking yourself of a counter in front of a noticeably happy Lauren, Karma and your mom sipping tea and scanning through old photo albums.
‘Oh here’s one of Amy at a beauty pagent in Austin when she was fourteen, she won every year my little model.’ Farrah smiles proudly at the photo, holding it to her chest before handing it to a grinning Karma, who sticks her tongue out at you when no one’s looking.
‘Amy baby, good morning.’ Your moms elegantly gets out of her seats and makes her way over to greet you with a hug and a kiss, who is this woman and what has she done to your evil mother. ‘Sit down and I’ll get you some breakfast darling, your sister and I were just showing Karma some of the old family photos.’ You mean the new family photos you think to yourself, biting back your tongue from making the comment before nodding your head and slipping into the seat next to Karma, who smiles warmly at you, squeezing your thigh a little bit under the table.
Your mom returns with a plate full of pancakes and bacon, your favourite, so you basically dive head first into it, ignoring the evil glares your getting from both Lauren and Karma who make faces of disgust at you.
‘Amy dear, slow down.’ Your mom calls from the kitchen area in an overly patronising voice. ‘We have guests.’ Your mom gesture to Karma who laughs a little, muttering a ‘Yeah Amy you have guests.’ knowing that she’s seen you eat like this a million times before tonight, scoffing back donuts being one of your favourite things to do together.
‘Mom I’m pretty sure that Karma has seen me eat before.’ You call back in annoyance and Karma pinches your thigh under the table to shut you up before you start an unnecessary argument. ‘When did you get home?’ you ask Lauren, taking your girlfriends hint and allieviating the subject.
‘After last practice, which was last night.’ Lauren remarks shifting her gaze to Karma who all of a sudden seems really interested in a photo of you at your high school prom.
‘Karma, last time I checked you’re the head cheerleader right? You missed practice?’ you ask her and Lauren seems to forsee something you don’t so she picks up her plate and walks into the kitchen, sending Karma an apologetic look on the way. ‘Okay Karma, out with it.’ You glare at her, waiting on her to respond or atleast look at you.
‘Dampening our mini couples vacation is really not high on my priority list right now Amy.’ Karma huffs out like a scolded child, a pout instantly crossing her face. ‘We can talk about it when we get back. Right now we should just be enjoying our time together, getting to know eachothers families, who we are…’
‘Who we are, that’s exactly why I want to talk about this Karma.’ You say quietly leaning in towards her, catching your mother and Lauren watching you intently from the corner of the kitchen. ‘You love cheerleading. You have since the day I met you. It’s part of who you are and I love who you are. If there’s something up with the squad, you can talk to me about it.’
‘Pfft.’ Karma sighs, once again avoiding eye contact with you and shifting out of her seat to clear the table. ‘I’m going to hang out with your mom and Lauren for the day, we’re going shopping.’
‘Seriously?’ you’re annoyed, standing up and pushing your chair back a little too loudly to be anything else. ‘Karma you can’t just pick and choose when you’re going to shut me out.’
‘Bullcrap Amy. Your such a hypocrite. Atleast I’m planning on talking to you.’ You know that she’s talking about the Ray incident, something that you’ve point blank refused to talk about everytime she asks you, which is basically every second day and three times a day on days where your going to AA with her. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to fight with you today Amy. Not when we were on the verge of actually having a good time for the first time in a long time.’
‘What are you saying?’ you ask her, running your hand through your hair and trying to stop the tears from formulating in your eyes. Gazing down at the ground to avoid Karma. ‘Are you not happy with me, is that what your saying?’
Karma sighs, taking a long deep breath before you feel her arms on your waist and feel her chest pressing against yours, her head burying itself in your neck. You stay there, unwilling to move, until she nudges your neck a little bit more with her head, and her hands carefully take yours from their stiff position at your sides and she moves them into place around her waist. You finally give in, sniffling back the few tears that have fallen from your eyes, Karma leans up kissing away the few stray tears rolling down your cheeks.
‘I’m sorry baby.’ Karma’s voice is soft and thoughtful. ‘I love you. You make me happy. I don’t know why I said that.’ Karma gently grazes her lips against yours, barely kissing you and rubbing her nose against yours. ‘Do you want me to stay here with you today?’ she asks tentatively. Karma is so close to you that everything about her is overwhelming your senses, the smell of her coconut shampoo taking you over.
‘No.’ you mumble back, finally giving in and pecking her lips with yours in a barely there kiss. ‘You go, have fun.’
‘Come with us.’ Karma asks, a small line of hopefulness in her voice. You both hate separating after you’ve had an argument, something that you’ve talked about a lot.
‘You know how I feel about shopping Karma, besides I should really go out for a run or something.’
‘You run when your upset.’ Karma states, backing off a little bit, her hands covering her face. ‘Sucks that I know you sometimes. But that’s ok, you have a right to be upset with me right now.’
‘I’m not upset with you.’ You lie and it’s obvious but you still step forward, taking her hands in yours. ‘I’m really upset that somethings upsetting you and you don’t feel like you can talk to me about it. Wow that’s a mouthful.’ Karma smiles a little bit and you smile back at her, tapping your lips, signalling for her to kiss you, and she does, smiling into the kiss. ‘I love you. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.’ You pull her into a tight embrace, her body moulding into yours.
‘Maybe I’ll buy something special to wear for tomorrow night…’ Karma’s winking at you flirtatiously, fluffing her hair a little bit with her free hand.
‘Karma we’re staying in a motel tomorrow night you really don’t need anything spec-‘ you realise what she’s talking about half way through your sentence which you quickly take back ushering her out the door to go and buy something special.
‘Amy slow down.’ She giggles as you push her towards the hallway to your mom and sister, patiently waiting on the two of you to figure out your argument from the safety of the hallway.
‘Ready to go sweetie?’ your mom asks Karma who signals one second, stepping up on her tippy toes and kissing you one more time, eyes meeting yours in a loving gaze, before pulling away grinning goofily and following your family out the front door.
Tomorrow night can’t come quick enough.
X
Karma POV.
‘Morning.’ Amy yawns, the door creaking closed behind her as she makes her way into the guest bed beside you, pulling you over to her. ‘Did you sleep ok?’ you shake your head, tiredness still draping through your system, because well, you slept horrifically, fear about going home today for the first time in years taking over.
‘I like, pretty much stayed awake the whole night.’ You grumble out, resting your head on Amy’s chest and trying to close your eyes, now that she’s here it sort of feels easier. ‘I kept having this nightmare…’
‘About?’ she asks, tracing patterns on your lower back. ‘If it was my mom’s meatloaf, I totally cant blame you.’
You nod along, laughing a little with Amy, but the truth is it was so much worse than Farrah’s meatloaf. Everytime you closed your eyes you found yourself back in your childhood bedroom, crying uncontrollably but no one seemed to hear you. You kept on trying to block the door, locking it and shoving your desk in front of it, desperately, because you could hear the creak of the floorboard down the hall, and you felt like he was coming again, and it made you feel sick and dirty and the door would just about open when you would jerk awake. Sweat pouring down your skin. You had contemplated crawling into Amy’s bed last night, but quickly pushed that thought to the side when you realised you would have had to explain to her why you keep waking up. That’s your secret.
‘Karms, earth to Karma…’ Amy’s shaking you a little, and your awake but you feel like your trapped in that dream state again, so you cant move, and your scared now, terrified. ‘Karma!’ Amy quickly hops of the bed and runs out the door, and you feel the warm tears streaming down your face, your struggling to breathe and no one can help you, the creak of the floorboard keeps ringing in your ears. Next thing you know Amy’s back by your side, a brown paper bag and glass of water in tow, she’s shouting at someone, and Lauren comes in seconds later helping her to hoist you into a seating position. ‘Karma breathe. Your having a panic attack. Just breathe.’ Amy breathes in and out deeply, showing you what to do and you finally do it, coming out of the dream state.
‘What the hell did you do to her?’ Lauren snaps at Amy, who simply rolls her eyes in response, handing you and chocolate bar and telling you to eat it.
‘I didn’t do anything.’ Amy answers. ‘She had a panic attack. She must have had one before, they don’t just come out of nowhere.’
‘She used to have them all the time in Freshman year.’ Lauren says, encouraging you to keep eating the chocolate bar. ‘She kept waking up in the middle of the night, hysterical. That was like, two years ago though, she hasn’t had one since with me. You?’
‘No.’ Amy sits on the bed beside you, wrapping her arm around you. ‘Can you tell mom that we wont be having breakfast? Karma needs to sleep.’
‘Yeah sure.’ Lauren smiles at you, before slipping out of the room.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Amy asks tentatively. You shake your head, determined not to feel this weak again, you cant let this feeling back into your life. You stand up from the bed, pecking your surprised girlfriends lips and going in search of clothes to wear for the day frantically. ‘Karma…Karma… you might want to take it easy…’
‘I’m fine.’ You tell her jumping up and down a bit and pointing at yourself. ‘I’m fine baby. I’m starving though, why the hell did you opt us out of breakfast? You better rectify that or I’ll have to eat you instead.’
‘I don’t mind that…’ Amy smirks and you nudge her out the door playfully, pushing her innuendo to the side. ‘Tell your mom we’re having breakfast. Ok. Bye. Love you.’ You close the door behind her, slouching down against it and holding your head in your hands, returning to your house playing on your mind, tears streaming down your face.
You can’t believe you managed to block it out for so long.