A/N: You guys are so awesome for reading and liking this! Thank you so much for coming along on the journey. And well, here it is.
Summary: And yeah, Amy’s there again, scooping her up, saying all of the comforting words that he didn’t. She’s whispering ‘sorrys’ and things like ‘we’ll do this together’ and although Karma knows they can’t possibly manage it with things like college and careers and relationships in the way – she kind of wants to believe Amy can save her from this.
Previous Chapters
——————————————–
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
There’s a lot of pain.
It’s the only thing Karma can really focus on until she sees Amy’s worried face bust through the ER doors, like she’s here to save the day (and she kind of is). Then, there’s still pain - but at least there’s Amy now. And yeah, Karma knows it’s all mental because Amy’s not really some sort of drug, but god does it help to have her here.
“Karma, Jesus, Lauren scared the shit out of me.” Amy’s all worry and frantic energy, but the minute she grabs Karma’s hand it settles them both. “Are you okay?”
“I’m…” she pauses to breathe and Amy frowns. “I’m as good as I’m gonna get. Better now that you’re here.”
“You’re early. He’s not due for like a week and a half still.”
“Cathy told me a while ago anything after thirty-seven weeks is fine.”
“This baby just wants to meet their mama,” and it sounds a lot like Farrah, but Karma really doesn’t have the time to ponder it - she really doesn’t have the brain capacity right now.
“It’s a boy mom,” Amy tells her with the utmost confidence.
“Well, honey, there’s a fifty-fifty chance,” Farrah stops and turns to face Karma. “Your mom and dad are on their way - Lauren called them a few minutes ago. You’re doing great.”
She didn’t really think any words of encouragement from Farrah were going to make her feel better - turns out she was wrong. Yeah, they’re still not on great terms, per se, but things have definitely improved. She might’ve been half expecting Farrah to condemn her for this pregnancy, but something changed the morning she and Amy made the whole situation known to the Cooper household. Oddly enough, Amy’s mom has been a wealth of knowledge over the last five months.
She sort of wants to say thank you for the rest of her life, because it’s been really nice to have a realistic person to talk to about all of the crap that comes with being pregnant. Her mom has been saying things like, ‘if you eat enough herbs’ and ‘if Jupiter is in the right position you’ll properly combat the nausea’. But, a few months back, Farrah sat her down and said something like, ‘look, these babies find a way to make your life hell. But you deal with it, because at the end of it all, holding that little one really will make it all worth it.’ Sure, it was cheesy and probably right from some ‘What To Expect’ book from Barnes & Noble, but it really was what she needed.
She’s kind of forever indebted to Farrah now, and the thought makes her a little uneasy.
—————————————-
It’s all pretty much like a whirlwind for a while until she notices her mom, dad, and Zen all shuffling into labor and delivery. Her mother is saying something unintelligible, Zen is clearly trying to talk her back into reality, and her dad is just standing idly by in the midst of it all. When she catches his eye, he waves and gives her a silly thumbs up - and yeah, it really does make it a little easier. But, then her mom starts to make her way over and she braces herself for the conversation she’s been dreading for at least the last three months. (How do you even tell your own mom you don’t want her in the delivery room for the birth of your first child?)
“Karma, dear, Farrah said you’ve been doing really well,” Molly pauses for a second and stares, and Karma legit feels like she’s pouring into her soul or something. “Your aura is shouting at me… I’m sensing it’d be better for you if I waited out here with your father and Zen. And that’s okay, I don’t want to stress you or the baby.”
Something in Karma shatters at her mom’s words - the problem is, she kind of doesn’t want her mom in there, no matter how much she wants to wish herself back to being five years old right now. She’s not really sure if she’s an awful daughter for just wanting her parents to step away from the whole situation. Amy’s standing at her side looking helpless, like she wants to explain Karma’s entire thought process away to Molly, to take away some of the guilt they both know she’s feeling. There’s not really anything Amy can say to mend her relationship with her parents - there’s too many years of feeling like she didn’t quite matter enough, there’s too many years of damage there for Karma to feel like she needs them in that room now. Sure, she’s so glad they’re here, and even Zen being on the sidelines means a lot, but that’s exactly where she wants them - on the sidelines. She really can’t bear to have them on the front line with her, not now.
“I’ll take care of her,” Amy promises, and her mom nods, like there are no safer hands she could be left in. Karma thinks that’s probably true, no one’s ever loved her the way Amy does.
Five months ago, the idea of having Farrah anywhere near the delivery room would’ve been something she and Amy giggled about for weeks on end. But right now, with her legs up in stirrups, Amy holding her right hand, and three doctors all up in her business - she’s really fucking thankful for Amy’s mom and the powers of distraction.
Farrah lays a hand over her left arm in comfort and says, “Karma, do you have any names picked for the baby yet?”
“If it’s a boy I like Evan-”
“It’s a boy,” Amy reminds the room for the hundredth time.
Karma shakes her head and breathes through the next contraction. “And if it’s a girl I like Stella.”
Farrah smiles, nods at the doctors, and gestures for Amy to move to her side of the bed. “Those names are gorgeous for a little one. Roll this way so they can put in the epidural, okay?”
Karma sees Amy’s eyes glaze over at what’s going on behind her. Before she can turn to look too her head is turned forward again, and then she’s staring right at Farrah. “What-”
“Just keep your eyes here. Amy, do you remember when you two were only about eight-years-old and you used to name all your little dolls?” Amy sort of half-nods and absent mindedly grabs Karma’s hand again. “What was Karma’s favorite name for her Barbie? Stella would need a middle name, don’t you girls think?”
It’s really her own fucking mistake that she catches a glimpse of what they’re about to put in her back and it’s fucking huge. There’s no way they’re sticking that thing anywhere. “Oh my god,” it comes out half yell, half scream.
The doctor pulls back to wait.
“Honey,” Farrah starts, and there’s a brief second where all three of them seem to realize that she’s never really referred to Karma with any sort of term of endearment. “You’re going to focus on Amy, and you’re going to pick middle names out, and you’re going to stay still for me… or if you’d rather do this natural that’s okay too.”
Yeah, no.
Amy finally interjects with, “You always named that doll Alyse. That’s pretty, right? Stella Alyse Ashcroft?”
“Now you’re okay with it being a girl?” she teases. She’s doing everything she can to keep her mind off of what’s going on behind her.
“Karms, I’ve always been fine with this baby being a girl,” Amy says as she yanks the chair closer, never letting their hands separate. “I’m gonna love this kid so much. No matter what.”
There’s definitely a searing sensation when the needle finally goes in, but Amy’s words do take some of the sting out of it. Karma thinks this kid is so damn lucky to be afforded the kind of unconditional love that Amy provides - it’s something she’s occasionally taken for granted over the years, but she’s never been unaware of. The way Amy loves is something special, and she does it so wholeheartedly that Karma wishes she could bottle it up to let the rest of the world experience even half of what it feels like. She loves Amy just a little bit more for allowing this baby to be that loved too.
The pain finally diminishes as the medication hits her fully. “Evan Austin? Do you like that?”
Amy reaches out and brushes some hair away from Karma’s face. “Really? Austin? You do know that’s where we live, right?”
“Oh? Geez, what have I been thinking all these years then?” Amy snorts. Even Farrah laughs a little. Karma’s pretty proud of that one. “I just thought it sounded cute. Mister Evan Austin Ashcroft. And I don’t know… Austin is where we grew up,” she says, like it’s supposed to serve as some sort of explanation. They still look confused. “Austin is all of my best memories - of you… and of us being kids, and it’ll be where he gets to be a kid too. I just want him to know, no matter where he ends up in the world, there are so many people in Austin who loved him before he was even born.”
“It’s perfect,” Amy mumbles a few seconds later with mysteriously watery eyes. Farrah’s entire face looks like she just finished putting together the pieces of a puzzle she’d spent years working on - Karma just kind of hopes she keeps whatever she thinks she knows to herself for now.
————————————–
There’s still a lot of doctors and machines around them. The baby’s heartbeat is pounding steadily in the background, and she’s pretty sure Amy’s poor hand might be broken by now, but she hasn’t voiced one complaint about the fact that Karma’s using her for support. The whole thing is all a little bit of a blur, but she’s catching things like ‘push now, Karma’ from the doctors and ‘you’re doing so good, honey, we can see hair, just a little bit more’ from Farrah. If she had any dignity left she’d feel really fucking weird about Farrah getting to the ‘full show’ so to speak, but dignity is kind of a lost cause when you’re trying to push a watermelon out of your vagina.
Amy looks a little green, and like she might go down for the count at any second.
Karma’s pretty sure she smells like the inside of a gym sneaker and the sweat situation she’s got going on is really just fucking gross. Giving up sounds like such a better option. Why would anyone even do this voluntarily? She pleads with some higher power to just let this kid fall out of her body at this point because yeah, this was an accident - and a mistake she’s never going to make again. Her body wasn’t made for this. Maybe other women’s bodies were made for this, but hers totally wasn’t. She’s very aware that the physics of this entire idea of giving birth make no fucking sense.
“I’m trying,” she cries out through frustrated tears and continual heaves. It’s really fucking hard to push when she can’t feel the entire lower half of her body - is anyone even taking that into account?
She’s pretty positive no one knows what the fuck they’re doing in this delivery room right now. She almost tells little miss brunette with her stethoscope down there to push her own kid out, then they can talk about ‘effective pushing’. Fuck her, Karma decides. Until every single person in this room has pushed a kid out she wants nothing to do with any of them.
She grunts through one final push (if this one doesn’t work she’s just telling them all that she’ll be back in a week for a redo).
But then, there’s a loud cry.
“It’s a boy!” the doctor announces from the end of the bed.
Karma just bursts into unexpected tears at the announcement because what else is she really supposed to do? The nurse rubs him up and down with a blanket and finally places him on her chest (and ew, he’s so gross, all covered in who knows what from being in her stomach for nine months, and she loves him so fucking much already).
Amy looks so flustered and concerned about them both, and Karma can barely even see her through all of those damn tears. She feels soft lips land haphazardly on her forehead followed by, “I’m so proud of you. You did so, so good. He’s perfect, Karma. Oh my god,” and the emotion she hears in Amy’s voice completely sends her heart over some metaphorical edge.
“He really is perfect, honey. Little munchkin you got there,” Farrah says from somewhere to her left.
It hits Karma square in the chest that this woman - who she’s never been especially close to growing up - never left her side. She stayed and got her through the biggest moment of her life without a single question, comment, or concern. (Yeah, she’s feeling overly emotional about everything right now, but she just became a mom and she can’t fucking help it).
“Farrah, thank you, really. I couldn’t have-” Farrah just nods and waves it off because really, does anyone need to cry anymore than they already have?
“With how inseparable you two are how could I not be here?” she replies with a wink as she heads for the door to inform the whole waiting room about his arrival.
The tiny little person on her chest shifts and snuggles into her for warmth, and it sort of feels like everything she thought she knew about love is being rewritten and reformatted. The way she loves Amy (platonic or otherwise) never felt like a choice - they were five-years-old, how could it be? But continuing to love each other every single day the way they do is definitely something they’ve had to pick and choose constantly. They have to pick each other to make their friendship (or whatever) work.
But, the way she feels about this wrinkly, wriggly little human is so not even close to a choice. Karma knows she’s never going to wake up and have to choose to love him - it’s engraved in the cells that make up every last piece of her body already and he’s been here for like five whole minutes. Farrah was right, all that hell she went through to get him here - all the nausea, cravings, sleepless nights - it was all worth it for this moment. (She never actually thought she’d say that, but it’s the god honest truth).
—————————————-
Evan Austin Ashcroft was born February 14, 2017 at 01:24 in the morning. The irony of him being a fucking Valentine’s Day baby is not lost on Karma. He’s five pounds and fourteen ounces of adorable.
“Who knew you and Liam would make such a cute kid?”
She cringes. “Do you have to remind me?”
Amy laughs, looks down at the new little person laying on Karma’s chest, and says, “Sorry little man, but hey, the bright side is that’s only fifty percent of your genes that suck. The other fifty are… well, your cool Aunt Amy is gonna have to make up for those too. We’ll make sure you turn out okay, don’t stress, dude.”
“Hey!” Karma cries out in mock outrage. Like Amy doesn’t love her more than anyone on this earth.
“Shh! He’s sleeping!”
“Actually, we need to wake him up before the whole crew piles in and get him to eat,” a woman’s voice from the doorway surprises them both. They look over to find a nurse making her way to them and Amy shifts off toward the chair she’d claimed a few hours before.
Karma really doesn’t want to wake the perfect little boy that’s been using her chest for a nap. “We wake him up to eat? Like we don’t wait for him to cry for food?”
The nurse smiles and says, “The first few days you have to wake them up to get them used to eating and on a schedule. They have a sleepy period, plus the epidural makes them drowsy,” she pauses to take the baby, and when he startles and starts to cry Karma feels awful. She already has the biggest soft spot for him - how is this kid going to be anything but spoiled?
Amy watches every move the nurse makes as she carefully puts Evan into a little hospital t-shirt and swaddles him in those stereotypical pink and blue striped blankets that have been around for the last fifty something years.
“You wanna try to feed him, mommy?”
It’s the first time anyone’s referred to her as a mother, or well at least the first time since she had him. The smile that bursts onto her face is completely involuntary as she nods and holds out her arms to take him back. He smells like baby shampoo and he lets out a little sigh when she gets him settled, and Karma physically aches with all the love.
There’s a person in this world now that loves her just because of who she is. She’s solely responsible for keeping him fed, clothed, sheltered, and happy. And sure, that thought has been really overwhelming for the last six months, but now, when she looks at his perfect little face, it’s all she wants to do anyway. She knows she’d jump in front of a bus to make sure that he never has to feel any pain (despite how unrealistic that is - the world can be a shitty place, she knows it first hand). So, maybe she didn’t mean to have a kid at eighteen years old, but it certainly feels like she found a purpose in this world that she didn’t think she had before - the mistake she made nine months ago suddenly feels like it makes a whole lot of sense.
The nurse, whose name is Sherry, hands her a little single serve bottle with a nipple and gestures for her to proceed. It suddenly occurs to her - she’s never fed a baby before.
“I don’t…” she trails off, embarrassed.
“It’s okay. Just get the nipple in his mouth and then we’ll play with his cheeks a little bit and get your little man to eat,” then she turns to Amy and sends her to the other side of the bed. “If he falls asleep on us I’m gonna have you play with his feet a little bit to remind him to keep going, okay?”
Amy nods like the fate of the entire world is resting on her shoulders.
Karma’s hands shake slightly, and she swears there’s no fucking way that nipple is fitting in his tiny mouth. Sherry nods reassuringly to continue, but she doesn’t wanna force the thing on him. He just got here - does he really deserve to have food just shoved on him?
“What if he’s not hungry?” she asks, voice full of uncertainty.
“Trust me, I work with them all the time, getting him started is usually the hardest part.”
She refocuses.
“Okay, Evan, I’ve never done this before, so we’re both gonna learn something here.”
There’s a second where she realizes it’s the first time she’s really called him by his name. He’s real now, in a way he wasn’t when he was just a fluttering kick under her rib cage. His miniature ear is sticking out of his little striped hat and Karma wonders how her little boy can have such long eyelashes. This baby isn’t just some abstract idea in the far off land of six months down the line - he’s a person, and he’s here now, and today really is the day she’ll always be able to pinpoint as the day everything changed.
When Karma looks over, Amy’s still smiling, clearly amused.
“Don’t laugh at me. Have you ever fed a baby?”
“I’m not laughing at you. I just -” she stops to consider her words while Karma continues to prod him into taking the bottle. “You’re just really cute together.”
There’s a pretty blush coating Amy’s cheeks and Karma’s pretty sure she’s blushing too. Evan chooses that moment to finally open his mouth, and then he’s chugging formula like he’s never eaten before.
Which, Karma reminds herself, he really hasn’t.
“There we go! Let him eat for a little bit, I’ll check back in on you when we need to burp him, okay?” Sherry steps out to give them some time. Karma sort of wants to beg her to come back because she has no idea what she’s doing, but he keeps eating and she takes note of how much work it looks like he has to put in to get so little food.
Granted, he doesn’t need a ton of food, but still. She feels bad anyway. There should be a more efficient way to get food into his little belly.
“I can’t believe you’re a mom,” Amy finally speaks up a few minutes later, voice full of awe and something Karma can’t name.
She twists the bottle a few times when he stops sucking and smirks when it really does seem to remind him that he was in the middle of eating. “Neither can I. I can’t believe he’s mine. Like… to keep.”
“He’s so tiny.”
Karma sees Amy playing with his little feet, and can’t help but laugh when his one foot doesn’t even cover all of her palm. “I’m scared I’m gonna break him.”
“If he’s anything like his mama, I’d say he’s pretty strong.”
It looks a lot like the words just kind of fell out of Amy’s mouth, so instead of commenting she just takes five minutes to shift him around until she thinks that maybe she can burp him from this position. Okay, she’s not exactly comfortable with him yet - but she’ll get there. Probably. Fingers crossed. Sherry passes by the window to check on them, and she must be doing something right judging by the fact that social services doesn’t magically appear to take him away all the while calling her an imposter.
He lets out a burp within thirty seconds, and Karma thanks whatever god there is that gave her this kid for making him an easy baby. So far, anyway. Sure, two hours of life doesn’t exactly mean that his personality is set in stone, but she’ll take what she can get.
“Do you wanna hold him?” Amy totally looks a lot like a deer in headlights. “You won’t hurt him. Just make like a little cradle for him to lay in - he seems to like it.”
“But what if- Karma, he’s so little. What if he cries?”
“He might cry, but then you can give him back to me.” That seems to make Amy feel better, so she holds her arms out, stiff as a board. “Ames, relax.”
“Sorry,” Amy says as she releases a breath and braces herself like she’s being handed something radioactive. He startles and wrinkles his little eyebrows when Karma hands him over, and she decides right then that everything he does is the cutest thing that’s ever happened. “He smells really good.”
“It’s that baby shampoo.”
“We need to go get like… four gallons of this stuff,” Amy says, “He needs to always smell like this,” he snuggles into her chest and puffs out a breath, and Karma literally watches Amy fall in love with him when it happens.
The thing is, she swore she couldn’t love Amy anymore than she already does, but watching Amy with her little boy makes her think twice about that statement. She’s quick to reach for her iPhone to capture the moment even though she doesn’t think she’ll ever forget the look on Amy’s face.
“Am I interrupting?” she hears from the door when Liam enters the room with a small handful of flowers. He’s the last person she ever expected to see today, and all that anger she thought she got rid of - yeah, not so much.
“What are you even doing here?” Karma asks, anger radiating. And from the way Amy’s head shoots up she can tell she isn’t concealing her feelings very well.
He looks shameful, head hung low with his other hand buried in the pocket of those dumb grey jeans he’s always wearing. He looks stupid, Karma decides.
“I, uh, is there any way we can talk? Just for a few minutes-”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Amy says as she attempts to stand, but thinks better of it as soon as she remembers the baby in her arms.
“Amy, language!” Karma says, with a nod toward Evan.
“Shit, sorry,” she cringes again at her own mistake, and then whips her head back toward him. “Seriously, though. You show up here after what you did and expect it to be okay?”
Liam shakes his head, clearly trying to figure out how to redeem himself. But, like, Karma’s pretty sure there’s not much he can say at this point that’s ever going to take away what he did.
“No, I just… Karma, just a few minutes - please.”
It’s clear he’s appealing to the person that’s more likely to give him a chance, and Karma almost laughs at the fact that he seems a little bit intimidated by Amy right now. There’s really nothing good that’s going to come of any conversation with Liam, but then she glances at the baby in Amy’s arms and okay, so it’s totally not fair to not give Liam five minutes if it might mean her kid gets to know his dad in some way.
The whole thing is probably a stupid idea, but she grew up with Amy. She watched the way it hurt Amy every time Hank had to go on another assignment. She’s always seen the small twinge of hurt whenever Father’s Day passed and they couldn’t hang out because Karma had someone to spend the day with. She saw the hope in her best friend’s eyes every time Hank swore he’d be in Austin for Christmas, and she saw the pain when all she found every Christmas morning was a package from Fed Ex and written apologies. Karma’s always had her dad, and well, her family might not be normal, but they have always been around when she’s needed them, if even a little bit overwhelming with their constant presence. She’s never had to wonder about her dad - and if this means there’s even a chance that she can make that true for her kid, then how could she not give Liam just a few minutes to try to explain.
“Five minutes, Liam.”
“Karma, you can’t be serious,” Amy says, confusion written all over her face.
“It’s just five minutes. Just let me see what he has to say,” she’s trying to make some telepathic connection to Amy’s brain just to let her know why this needs to happen, but Amy looks sort of annoyed with a side of pissed off as she hands the baby back. And that’s just going to have to be what it is for now, Karma decides.
Amy sighs and brushes past Liam, right out the door.
He takes a few steps and sits in Amy’s chair after he puts the flowers on the table, and Karma really just wants to punch him in the face. It’s been her goal in life to avoid seeing him ever since that afternoon at his house, and up until now she’d been doing so well. She takes a moment to reflect on how nice it’s been without him, and then she realizes if he does decide to stick around she’s basically tied to him for the rest of her life.
And well, that’s just fucking great.
“Thanks,” he says as he looks over at the little bundle of blankets in her arms.
“It wasn’t for you,” Karma snaps and surprises herself with the force behind it. “It’s for him,” she adds, indicating Evan.
“I know. But you still didn’t have to.”
He’s damn right she didn’t have to. But she’s for sure not going to utter the words ‘you’re right’ to Liam Booker ever again. So instead she says, “Four minutes, Liam.”
“Right. I broke up with Victoria,” he admits, as if this is some cause for celebration.
“And?”
“She didn’t want me to come today. She told me if I came to see you and the baby that it was over,” he clears his throat and looks over at the clock on the wall.
Karma’s pretty sure this might take more than five minutes. Amy’s going to be so pissed. She’s not telling him he gets a time extension though, she still wants the option to kick him out at the five minute mark.
And then something occurs to her. “So, you didn’t really break up with her. She gave you an ultimatum and you made the wrong choice.”
“As soon as she gave me those options I ended it,” he says. There’s still no sign of this being any big moment of redemption for him, but she is surprised. So, she nods for him to carry on. “Look, I know I fucked up, and this doesn’t fix anything, and I still don’t really know what I’m doing here… but he’s my kid. I just wanted to check on you both.”
It’s not a good apology. Actually, she’s not even sure it was an apology since he never actually said he was sorry. But, it might be the closest they’re going to get for now.
“He’s only your kid by genetics,” she wants to make sure he knows just because he gave the sperm it really doesn’t make him a father. “And how did you even know I was here?” Karma asks when he doesn’t respond, because she knows Amy didn’t call him.
He stands and shoves his hands back in his pockets. “Lauren,” he finally says and then shrugs. “She actually sounded mad as soon as I answered, but she said she thought I deserved to at least know.”
There’s a flash of intense anger, followed by a second where she has to tell herself to calm the fuck down. Lauren couldn’t have known he would show up. Besides, he declared himself an absentee dad six months ago, who could have fucking predicted he’d pick today to decide to try to be a good person? Lauren’s the only reason she got to the hospital in one piece anyway - she can’t really be that mad.
Karma decides not to tell Amy that piece of information though. Just in case.
“So what does any of this even mean, Liam?”
“I’m not sure. I just didn’t wanna be the guy who doesn’t show up,” he admits.
“You already are that guy, you made that very clear,” Karma says. She might’ve offered to let him hold his son, but he sort of just ruined any chance he might’ve had with a line like that. “It’s been-”
“Your five minutes are up, Booker,” Amy announces, as she breezes back into the room and takes her place on the other side of the bed.
Liam looks sheepish, but nods and heads for the door like this whole thing went over pretty well. Karma wonders if he was even present for the conversation that just happened, because from her end that went pretty awful. But whatever, she tried. She glances down at Evan to find him still sleeping soundly.
All she wants to do is apologize to him - he doesn’t really deserve what he was born into. He didn’t ask for it. He didn’t ask for a piece of shit father who can’t seem to grow the fuck up and take responsibility. As she watches him sleep, his little chest rising and falling with each breath, she wonders how anyone could walk away from this perfect little person.
“I’m trashing these,” she hears Amy say in disgust at first sight of the discarded flowers.
“Don’t waste them. The nurse can give them to someone else.”
There’s a few minutes of tense silence and then Amy finally asks, “You okay?”
“Peachy,” Karma barely manages. “Can you take him?”
Amy nods. “Yeah, sure. Your dad and Zen are outside, I’ll hold them off for a little bit.”
If she were any less angry, she’d take time to notice that Amy already looks more comfortable with him, but she’s really fucking angry. All she can see is red. She can’t be around the baby in this state, all those books she spent months reading says he’ll pick up on her mood. Liam’s done enough damage for one day, she doesn’t want Evan to have to suffer too.
Though it takes a ridiculous amount of effort to even stand, she somehow makes it to the bathroom, ignoring Amy when she calls out to her.
Sure, it’s probably hormones that are making her want to just slam her fist into the glass of the mirror on the wall in front of her, but the urge is so real she only just barely holds herself back. The last thing anyone needs is for her to be wheeled down the ER to have shards of glass removed from her hand.
Instead, Karma slides onto the floor and sits against the wall and cries. It’s the only way she can let the anger escape that’s not going to leave scars.