Previous Chapters
My eyes flutter open when I feel my stomach threatening to empty its contents on Amy’s new satin sheets. I quickly throw the covers back and run into the bathroom, toppling over a couple of things on the way, before hurling my guts up in the toilet. What on earth is wrong with me. This is the fourth morning in a row I’ve woken up like this and to be honest I’m starting to feel a bit anxious about it. I quickly flush the toilet and clean myself up in the bathroom mirror, flattening out my pjs before walking down the stairs to find Amy and Sophie sitting at the breakfast table giggling at each other.
‘Morning’ I mumble feeling the urge to vomit again watching the two of them eating a stack of pancakes and bacon. I walk over towards the sink and pour myself a glass of water and toss back two advil tablets hoping they’ll kick in before I have to go to work.
‘Karms, are you feeling ok? You look a bit more on the twilight movie pale side than you normally do’ Amy asks from her seat at the kitchen table. I look over at her for the first time this morning and notice that she’s dressed in a smart white shirt and black pencil skirt with heels which makes my stomach get a whole other kind of feeling.
'I’m fine. I just feel a little under the weather. It’s nothing’ I say trying to convince myself as well as her. Amy frowns at me and stands up from her seat at the table, walking over to me she puts her hand on my forehead and frowns even more than she already is.
'Karma you have a cold sweat and this is the third time you’ve woken up like this this week’ Amy states matter of factly, I grin to myself remembering that I told her the night I stayed at home I didn’t wake up vomiting, which is a complete lie 'Karma, you’re grinning. This is the fourth time isn’t it? Your going to the doctor. I’ll book you an appointment at the hospital today’
'Amy I have work and I need to take Sophie to school, isn’t that right kiddo?’ I smile down at Sophie ruffling her blonde hair and praying that she’ll be my ally on this.
'How about I take you to school today Soph? Aunt Karma can come with us too’ Amy leans down to Sophie who squeals with joy and wraps her arms around Amy’s neck 'Go on upstairs and brush your teeth, I’ll make your lunch with Aunt Karma’
Sophie skips out of the kitchen and Amy turns to me grinning from ear to ear.
'Amy you could get sick, don’t give me that look’ I state taking a step backwards so that I’m leaning against the counter now. When we started dating again two months ago we decided together that it would be best if we didn’t kiss in front of Sophie. Even though I’ve at least four nights a week in the house with them we figured it’s best to not confuse her right now over our relationship status.
'I don’t care’ Amy grins devilishly at me, raising a signature sexy eyebrow before walking over to the kitchen counter and tugging me towards her. She tucks a strand of red hair behind my ear before leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips. Our lips move in sync for a couple of minutes until we hear Sophie’s footsteps running down the stairs and instinctively break apart.
'To be continued’ I say flirtatiously to her and she kisses me lightly on the cheek before walking over to the fridge and starting to assemble a lunch for Sophie.
'Your still going to the doctor Karms. I’ll call the hospital now, go up and throw some clothes on, oh and don’t forget to call work and let them know you won’t be making it in today’ Amy’s tone is motherish so I snort at her before walking out of the room, cheekily smacking her ass lightly on the way earning a yelp from her.
X
'Miss Ashcroft, congratulations, you’re pregnant’ doctor Whittakers voice rang in my ears as the shock took over. My palms started sweating and everything around me felt cold. I could see the doctor realising I’m about to have a panic attack so he quickly stood up from his chair and handed me a brown paper back to breathe deeply into.
PREGNANT. How on earth am I pregnant? I haven’t slept with a man since before Amy came home and that was a simple, uncomplicated one night stand. We used protection. There is no way I’m pregnant. I can’t be. I need answers.
'That’s impossible. The last time I had sex with a man we used protection. That was months ago’ I finally croke out. Amy’s face springs to my mind and I feel like I’m about to throw up. What if she leaves me now that I’m pregnant and it’s not her child. Jesus I hope this old man is just a shit doctor. Oh who am I kidding, Amy booked this appointment for me, he must be the best doctor in the state.
'Condoms aren’t always one hundred percent effective Miss Ashcroft’ he says in a scolding tone and part of me wants to hit him for lecturing me now, especially when I hear how far along I am 'Your three months pregnant now, you probably have a little bump and all’
I quickly stand up out of the chair and lift my shirt up to reveal the tiniest of round bumps on my belly. I place my hand over it and feel a weird sensation stir within me. I can imagine my mother telling me that it’s in her tea leaves that the sensation is my impending motherhood. Holy shit I’m going to have to explain to my parents that I had a one night stand with a man and managed to get knocked up.
'I really believed I was just getting fat’ I mumble incoherently. I look up to see the doctor staring blankly at me 'What?’
'What’s the fathers name? I want to make a record of it, it’s hospital policy’ As if right on cue Amy bursts through the door to the doctors office wearing her scrubs and a look of concern on her face. She smiles politely at doctor Whittaker before leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. Doctor Whittaker’s mouth drops open and I feel Amy take my hand in hers.
'What’s the diagnosis doc?’ Amy asks him squeezing my hand reassuringly. I send the doctor a pleading look, begging him not to tell her with my eyes.
'Doctor Raudenfeld you and I both know that it’s hospital policy not to discuss patients with other doctors’ I smile thankfully at the doctor and Amy stares at him baffled.
'I do know the hospital policy, I also know that we shared a jello last week in the canteen discussing some of your patients. What’s different now?’ Amy asks stubbornly. She’s been complaining about her work colleagues viewing her as the rookie doctor for weeks now, leaving her out of the loop.
'Amy. It’s fine. How about we get some lunch and we can talk there?’ I squeeze her hand reassuringly and she snaps her attention back to me, smiling down at me softly.
'Anything you want babe’ she says helping me up out of the chair. I wave goodbye to doctor Whittaker, sending him an apologetic look before walking out the door with my girlfriend in tow.
Amy and I have been together again for about two months now and everything has been absolutely perfect if you ask me. Amy was offered a job in a hospital in Austin’s paediatrics department which offered me a level of comfort in knowing that she’s planning on sticking around in the long run. Ever since we started dating again a little part of me has always been terrified that she would up and leave me taking Sophie with her. I guess that’s what happens when your whole life is based around a family that isn’t even yours. Don’t get me wrong Amy has been amazing with me over the past two months. She’s patient, sweet, romantic and everything that I could ever ask for in a partner. That’s what makes me so terrified. I’m waiting on her to turn into the cold Amy I once knew. The Amy who didn’t see a future with me.
We finally make it to the canteen and Amy smiles softly at me as she pulls the chair out for me. She is literally acting fucking perfect right now and I’m about to drop a bomb on her, on us.
'Do you want anything?’ Amy asks sweetly signalling towards the serving area. I look up at her and feel tears brimming in my eyes. 'Hey what’s wrong? Karma, baby, talk me’
She scoots her chair around the table so that she’s right beside me and intertwines our fingers with one hand while using her other hand to cup my tear stained cheek. I let my cheek rest on her hand and feel my lip quivering as I let out a quiet whimper. Pull your shit together Karma.
'Amy… I just want you to know that I’ve been so incredibly happy with you and Sophie over the past two months. Even though she’s not my daughter I feel like she is and I just really hope you will still let me see her’ my voice is breaking constantly throughout the sentence and Amy sits back in her chair furrowing her brow at me and letting her mouth open and close repeatedly without saying anything.
'Karma. Your not seriously breaking up with me right now are you?’ Amy asks, her voice full of sadness and distress. She runs her hand through her blonde locks an tears form in her bright green orbs 'Please Karma… don't… I know ive been working a lot… but… I can be better… I swear, I’ll quit if you want me too’
'Amy I’m pregnant’ Karma states to stop her girlfriends rambling.
Amy abruptly stops speaking and completely freezes in her chair. I can see she’s getting paler by the second so I reach into my handbag and hand her the same brown paper bag doctor Whittaker handed me earlier. She breathes deeply into the bag for a couple of minutes and I take the time to study her features for any sign of emotion. Of course they’re blank you knit wit you just told her your pregnant and you’ve only been together for about two months now.
'I don’t understand… how… did…did… you cheat on me again Karma?’ Amy asks betrayal written all over her face. It’s the same look she had on her face when she spotted the hickey on my neck five years ago and it breaks my heart into a million pieces.
'Amy no. I’m not like that any more’ I say forcefully reaching forward for her hand but she yanks it back looking at me with hurt in her pale green eyes.
'Then how? I obviously can’t get you pregnant so you obviously must of fucked someone else’ Amy blurts out angrily. I feel like I’m loosing her all over again.
'Amy I haven’t slept with anyone but you since you came back to Texas. Here look’ I stand up from the table and raise my shirt a little bit so she can see the small bump on my belly 'Amy I’m three months pregnant’
'Nausea… discomfort… weird cravings’ Amy’s shaking her head in disbelief 'I’m a fucking pieds surgeon and I didn’t even realise that my own girlfriend is pregnant’
'Amy we haven’t been you know… intimate since we got back together… how on earth would you have noticed?’ I say reassuringly as I reach forward to take her hand again and smile when she lets me this time.
'Karma…’ Amy starts off her voice full of concern.
'Look Amy, I know that you have a lot on your plate right now with Sophie, having a new job at this hospital and having a pregnant girlfriend may not help your situation at the moment so I totally understand if you want to end things with me…’ Amy’s head shoots up from her hands and she she stares over at me.
'I don’t want to break up Karma’ Amy states matter of factly.
'Hmph?’ I ask tears spilling down my cheeks.
'Who’s the father?’ Amy asks bluntly. Jealousy obvious in her voice.
'I don’t know’ I state hanging my head in shame 'It was supposed to be a one night stand’
FLASHBACK
'This is the first year Amy didn’t text me for my birthday since we broke up’ I slur staring at my phone screen blankly.
Lauren and I are sitting in her living room sharing a bottle of red wine to celebrate my twenty-eighth birthday. To be honest, I’m not even sure what we’re celebrating anymore. I’m a single looser who still hasn’t managed to get over her ex girlfriend who she broke up with five years ago. It’s pathetic. Every relationship I’ve had since Amy has crashed and burned within a month of it starting when the person quickly realises I’m still hung up on her. How can I not be, I never stopped loving her, part of me wishes that she did something catastrophically bad to end our relationship. Atleast then I could hate her from a distance.
'She probably just forgot Karma. She’s so extremely busy at the moment fighting for a spot on the residence programme in the hospital she’s working in’ Lauren swirls her wine around in her glass, eyes clearly full of pride over Amy’s accomplishments.
'She never forgets Lauren. It’s the one text I get a year off her and now I’m not even getting that any more’ I say topping up my glass of wine to the point that it’s dangerously close to spilling on Laurens white couch.
'You need to move on Karma. Sure what you and Amy had was special but it’s over now. You need to find someone else, it’s been five years’ Lauren’s voice is sympathetic.
'I know. The problem is… I never fell out of love with her Lauren’ I smile sadly at her and I can feel tears brimming in my eyes. I pick up my phone from the coffee table in front of me again and shake it, somehow believing that might make a message from Amy come through’
'Fuck this’ Lauren quickly picks up her own phone and dials Amy’s number waiting on the blonde to answer. The phone is on loud speaker in front of the two of us and I can feel her heart beating out of her chest.
'Lauren’ Amy’s voice is like music to my ears. It’s a sad melody now but it somehow manages to bring a smile to my face.
'Hey Sis’ Lauren states gleefully. Shit, it’s probably really obvious that she’s drinking now.
'Are you drunk dialling me Lauren?’ Amy asks amusement obvious in her voice.
'Nooooooooo’ Lauren slurs down the phone 'Can’t a girl just call her sister to see how she is?’
'A girl can yes but your something else’ Amy teases and Lauren growls at her through the phone.
'Look Amy I’m calling you to remind you that today is Karma’s birthday, have you text her yet?’ Lauren asks bluntly.
There’s a silence on the other end of the phone for a couple of seconds and all I can hear is the sound of Amy’’s heavy breathing.
'Look Lauren, I’m on a date right now and I just… I think it’s best if I try to move on from Karma’ Amy’s voice is sad and I can feel tears slipping down my own cheeks. Lauren looks over at me sympathetically before I shake my head at her and cover my muffled sob. My chest is aching right now as my heart smashes into a million little pieces.
'Hello? Lauren?’ Amy’s calling through the phone and it breaks my heart to think that this might very well be the last time I hear her voice.
'I have to go Amy… Speak soon’ Lauren quickly hangs up the phone and leaves her seat on the couch to come over to me and embrace me sweetly as I let the tears fall down my face.
'It’s really over isn’t it…?’ I ask Lauren in between sobs who simply nods her head. She holds my head there for a couple of minutes before I break free of her embrace.
'We need to go out Lauren. I need to get over her’ I state blankly hoping up from my seat to check my reflection in the mirror.
'Ok. I’ll go get changed and put some make up on. You should text Reagan and see if she’ll join us’ Lauren says her voice full of concern. She leaves the room and I’m left to battle my own thoughts.
I sit down on the couch and chug back the remains of the red wine I have left.
My phone vibrates on the table and I feel the tears flowing down my cheeks again as I check it;
From babe; Happy Birthday Karms Xo
The fact that Amy is on a date right now with someone else and still managed to text me confuses me. Jealousy rises in the pitt of my stomach thinking about the girl she must be out with and how lucky she is. I need to find someone else.
X
'Karma, I know this must be a terrifying time for you and it feels insane to me too but I don’t want to be away from you. My feelings for you are too strong Karma. It might be hard and you’re probably going to have to put up with me if I have any random doubts but I want to try and make this work Karma’ Amy’s eyes are full of an emotion I haven’t seen from her in years. Love. Of course we haven’t said it to each other since we got back together but right now, looking at her, I can tell it won’t be long before I explode my emotions onto her. Whether she can handle them or not is a different case altogether.
'I…’ I start to stutter under her intense gase and she squeezes my hand tightly.
'Karms… something about me, you and Sophie feels like a family. It has for the past two months, what’s to stop us from adding another little bundle of joy into that?’ Amy’s pleading with me now. My thoughts are all over the place, is she really offering to raise this child with me. Amy’s terrified of commitment. I look up at her and see that her pale green eyes are full of sincerity which confuses me even more.
'Are you sure Amy? I need to know that you’re not going to get scared and break my heart because it’s not just my heart I’m looking out for any more’ I say placing a hand on my tiny bump.
'I’m dead serious Karma. We can make this work. I can help you, especially now that I have a job here and Farrahs house’ Amy’s tone is serious 'Look Karma, I want us to be a really weird dysfunctional family, the two of us, Sophie and the baby’
I’m speechless. I can’t think of anything to say so I reach out and take her hand placing it on the small little bump on my stomach. Amy’s face lights up when her hand makes contact with my stomach and I swear I see a couple of tears forming in her eyes now. I put my finger under her chin and lean in to kiss her sweetly on the lips.
'I’m scared Amy’
'Me too Karma’