Hi guys, decided to write some more of this since over 80 of you liked the last chapter. Thank you so much to all of you, especially those of you who commented. It makes me keep writing!
Summary - Karma and Amy try to make things work between the two of them as ‘friends’ with benefits. However they both struggle with it, especially with Karma now dating Liam again and Ivy lurking in the background for Amy.
Previous Chapters
It’s emotional, read on and let me know what you all think. ! Apologies for any mistakes, I don’t have time to edit it.
‘Karma you do realise that there’s way more calories than you need in that donut right?’ Lauren’s tone is serious as she swipes the chocolate covered donut Liam just bought me out of my hand and tosses it in the trash can on the pathway with no mercy.
Liam, Theo, Lauren and I are on our fourth double date walking along a 'secret path’ in the local park. Liam and Theo are currently kicking a football to each other up the path and calling each other names when one of them misses their kick. Lauren and I are strolling side by side a couple of feet back giggling every now and then and pretending that we care about their little dick measuring contest. Well, I’m definitely pretending anyway. All I can think about since they took that stupid football out is how much I wish I was here with Amy right now instead of Liam. My beautiful, sexy and interesting Amy. Three things that Liam just never will be to me. It’s been weeks since I screamed at Amy in the hotel room and consequently ruined my life. I miss her all the time. Sure I still get to see her whenever she sets up a booty call but if I’m honest with myself I know that sex with Amy is no where near enough for me. Not saying that I haven’t been enjoying the sex, I whole heartedly admit that I have, she’s amazing, it’s just the small minuscule detail that she won’t talk to me at all that’s bothering me.
'Liam seems to be really into you Karms. You’re so lucky to have such a popular guy after you’ Lauren staring at the two boys dreamily and nudging my shoulder.
'Yes, he is dreamy isn’t he’ I mumble nonchalantly 'What about you and Theo? Do you like him?’
'He fits the boyfriend criteria. Popular, charming, athletic and sexy. What else does he need’ Lauren says gleefully.
'A bit of a personality? The guys a little bit boring’ I snort out. Lauren stops walking and grabs my wrist.
'Karms, I know that Liam and Theo are not the most exciting people in the world, but think of the popularity we will have when they’re officially on our arms. We will literally rule the school. Isn’t that what we’ve always dreamed about?’ Laurens tone is serious now. I’m afraid to look her directly in the eye in case she see’s how uncomfortable I am right now.
'Yes. The whole school will be jealous’ I say feigning excitement. Am I really going to have to date Liam dumbass Booker to please Lauren? God I wish she loved her sister.
'You’re coming to Shane’s party tonight right?’ Lauren asks as she starts walking again.
'Yes of course’ I’m dreading that party already. I really don’t want to have to associate myself with Liam in front of Amy.
'Lets go back to my house and get ready for tonight’ Lauren says dragging me by my wrist happily towards her car and shouting at the boys to follow.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
'Hi Lauren honey, who are these lovely strangers?’ A blonde lady with a southern drawl and a beauty pagent smile is standing in front of the four of us in the Cooper living room.
'Farrah, this is my best friend Karma’ my heart is pouding out of my chest, this woman is Amy’s mother, how on earth am I supposed to talk to her like I haven’t been having casual sex with her daughter for months now 'these handsome boys are our boyfriends Liam and Theo. This is Farrah Cooper, daddy’s new wife’
My stomach hurts. Lauren did not just call Liam my boyfriend. And to Amy’s mother of all people. This is so unbelievably fucked up. I’m yanked from my thoughts when a hand is stretched out towards me.
'Hi Mrs Cooper, it’s lovely to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you from Amy… I mean Lauren’ I choke out shaking her well manicured hand nervously. I cringe internally thinking about how awkward I’m being as Liam and Theo flash their charming smiles in Farrah’s direction.
'Where are you youngsters of to tonight dear? Somewhere Christian I hope’ Theo snorts in the background and Lauren shoots him a look that could kill.
'We’re heading to a school spirit party in one of the cheerleaders houses. Daddy said it’s ok if we get ready here before going’ I feel like slapping Lauren on the back in the hopes that she’ll somehow cough up herself and get rid of this suck up version in front of me but I think better of it.
I can hear the front door slamming shut and the faint sound of music playing through earphones in the near distance. My heart is fluttering now thinking about how close to Amy I am right now without her even being present. God I sound like Shane right now.
'Amy dear, come meet Laurens friend, it’s rude not to greet guests’ Farrah yells towards the front door.
A couple of seconds later Amy appears, dripping in sweat again, wearing running gear that leaves little or nothing to the imagination and a bun on her head. Every sense in my body is on fire when she walks further into the room smiling softly and waving at the three of us like a good little girl obeying her mothers wishes.
'For gods sake Amy introduce yourself to these nice, normal young people’ Farrah snaps. I see Amy stiffen when Farrah says the word 'normal’ and my heart breaks. This is obviously the reason she never wants to talk about her mom. The woman is a typical red neck conservative house wife.
'Hi, I’m Amy. It’s nice to meet you all, I’m sure I will see you all around school. I’m uh going to go up to my room now’ she chokes out. I can see the tears pooling in her green orbs while she’s talking. We make eye contact for a couple of seconds and my heart splits into two. I feel like I finally realise why Amy doesn’t want to be in a secret relationship with me. She’s living a lie with her mother. Why would she want to live a lie with her girlfriend. It all makes sense to me now.
'You can see me around school any time you want to Amy’ Liam states flirtatiously as he ogles her. This guy is literally the definition of a man whore. Farrah smiles her beauty pageant smile at him and I feel like I’m about to throw up.
'Actually Lauren, I’m not really feeling hungry. Do you mind if I take a shower for the party while you guys have dinner?’ I say trying to sound as casual as possible. I can see Amy slip out of the room behind Lauren.
'Of course, beauty is everything Karms. Grab a towel from my room’ she says excitedly. I quickly wave to the three of them and Farrah before sprinting up the stairs to Amy’s room.
I knock on the door before gently pushing it open, Amy’s lying on her bed with her back to me sniffling softly.
'Ames’ my voice is soft as I take a couple of steps towards the bed.
'Go away Karma’ Amy chokes out without even turning around and I can officially tell she’s crying. I don’t care what we are but there is no way in hell I’m leaving this room right now.
'I can’t’ I say honestly. My legs won’t walk towards the door. Every limb in my body wants me to climb onto her bed behind her so I do.
I see her back stiffen when the mattress squeaks with my weight so I gently lie down behind her and rap my arm around her thin frame huddling myself into her back. I bury my nose in her blonde locks and inhale deeply. She stinks from jogging but I don’t care. This overwhelming feeling to comfort her out weighs anything else right now. I feel her relax into my embrace and listen to her sobs no longer being held back. I lie there for another couple of minutes holding Amy as she cries before she finally calms down. I wish I could take away this pain for her somehow.
I finally pluck up the courage to kiss the exposed skin of her neck that’s been teasing me for awhile now in a comforting gesture.
Amy turns around in my arms and I cup her face wiping away her remaining tears with my thumbs gently before she places an earth shattering kiss on my slightly parted lips. It’s not like our other kisses, it’s loving and gentle. There’s nothing sexual about it, it’s full of emotion. I can hear Amy’s heart beating in sync with mine.
'Woah’ I say when she finally pulls back.
'I know’ she whispers.
We get lost in each others eyes for what seems like hours before we hear Lauren’s voice in her room through the connecting bathroom.
'Shit’ I jump to my feet and lock the door into Laurens room from Amy’s side before turning the shower nob on creating the illusion for Lauren that I’m in it. I slowly walk back towards Amy’s bed where she’s propped up on her elbows now watching me walk over to her with a look in her eye that I recognise immediately. It’s the same look she’s been giving me for the past couple of months now every time we’re about to hook up, lust. My heart sinks in my chest because I really feel like I might have been able to break down her no talking ban right there if Lauren hadn’t of interrupted us.
'Sex?’ she asks bluntly from her place on her bed and I cringe internally at how cold she is while talking about something that means the world to me. But if this is the only way I can have her right now I’m willing to take it.
'Yes’ I strip off my shirt tossing it at her now grinning face and unbuckle my belt causing my shorts to drop to the ground. I step out of them and stand in front of her in only my black bra and panties.
'I wouldn’t of bothered to go running if I had known this was going to happen today. Get on the bed there, I’ll just be a sec’ Amy says standing up from the bed and running into the bathroom stripping on her way.
I kneel in the middle of the bed and stare at the poster on Amy’s wall. Who knew she was a Kelly Clarkson fan. I really thought she’d be more into someone badass like Pink or Ciara. I’m so lost in my train of thought that I didn’t notice a very naked and wet Amy climb up on the bed behind me.
She’s on her knees too when she places her wet body flush against my back and starts trailing kisses down my neck. The heat between my thighs takes off with the feeling of her hard nipples against my back. I reach my hand over my head and tangle my fingers in her wet hair forcing her to break from kissing my neck and kiss my lips. I face forward again and lean back into her a bit when I feel her delicate hands unclip my bra before sensually rubbing my flat stomach teasing my pantie line.
A low moan falls out of my mouth when one of her hands cups my bear breast and squeezes roughly.
'How do you want it today Karms? She whispers huskily in my ear taking the lobe in between her teeth as she pulls away.
'You know how I want it Amy…’ my voice is weak, all my sense are on fire under touch.
'Try to stay quiet’ she huskily replies before placing her hand that was teasing my breast over my mouth and letting her other hand dive into my panties roughly plunging three fingers inside of my dripping wet core.
I bite down on Amy’s hand roughly as she skilfully pumps her fingers in and out of me hard and fast enough to make me want to scream to the heavens that I’m gay as fuck for this girl. I move myself up and down her fingers and nearly collapse at how amazing it feels to have her inside me. It doesn’t take long for me to cum, twice, and fall down on her bed as she sucks her fingers sexually in front of me before standing up.
I lie there panting and naked, feeling like my earth has been shattered again, waiting on her to say the words she loves to say to me after our hook ups. The words that remind me of the mistake I made in the hotel room. Amy’s way of rationalising our hook ups to her broken heart by feeling like she’s the one hurting me now.
'I’m not your girlfriend Karma, you better go’ she says blankly as she tosses a towel at me.
'Amy please stop saying that every time’ I mumble wrapping the towel around me and grabbing my bundle of clothes. I walk over towards her now cold figure and try to elicit some sort of emotion out of her.
'You may want to wet your hair or Lauren will notice’ she points out blankly staring at me. A pang of guilt rises in my chest at the fact that Amy is trying to help me cover.
'You may want to stop pretending like this means nothing to you’ I say seriously to her trying to make eye contact with her gorgeous green orbs but she’s refusing to let me. I lean forward to kiss her plump lips but she turns her head quickly so I get her cheek and smiles weakly at me before walking back towards her bed and throwing herself on it.
'It’s just sex Karma, exactly how you’ve always wanted it’ she calls out to me from her bed.
'You and I both know it never was or will be just sex between us Amy’ I state glaring over at her. I hate it when she denies what we have and she knows it. I walk over towards the bathroom to leave the room.
'Tell that to my mom who you just introduced your boyfriend too downstairs Karma’ her voice is full of venom. I slam the bathroom door behind me and slide down it letting the tears fall down my face and burying my head in my hands. I didn’t think she heard that. How can I keep doing this to her? I finally understand why she keeps reminding me I’m not her girlfriend.
She’s so fucking right.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
This party sucks ass. I really don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of drunk teenagers trying to get it on with someone right now. The only thing that can make this party any better is the alcohol. So I’m knocking back my fourth, or is it fifth cup, of Shane’s 'special cocktail’. By special he means that he through all the contents of his parents licquor cabinet together and threw in some juice. This drink is gross. I spot Shane in the middle of his living room leading a conga line of what looks like a big bunch of gay guys, why does he always have to do things that I can’t join in on at parties. I wander through the crowd and spot Liam and Theo chatting up two blondes girls I don’t recognise as Lauren glares in through the patio.
'Hey Lolo’ I say trying to sound as sympathetic possible to the situation. I’m now standing beside her staring in through the patio window at Liam and Theo.
'I don’t understand boys Karma’ Lauren huffs out looking over towards me tears obvious in her normally rage filled eyes.
'I think it’s a universal rule that all teenage boys are assholes lolo’ I pull her into a hug and she buries her face in the crook of my neck. This is the Lauren that I love, the sweet and sensitive version she reserves for our friendship.
'I slept with him. I gave him my everything. And the next morning he just walked out like it meant nothing. He’s used to text and call me all the time and now he barely talks to me. Our walk this afternoon was the first time I’ve seen him since we had sex and he spent the entire time kicking a football with Liam’ Lauren’s face is covered in tears now and I feel like walking up to Theo and punching him but I know I can’t. I did the exact same thing Theo did to her to Amy. It doesn’t make a difference that she’s a girl and Theo’s a boy. It still must have hurt.
'He’s probably just scared around you now Lolo. He’s a dumb boy who can’t figure out how he feels or he’s too scared to face it’ The pang of guilt is rising in my chest thinking about how Amy must have felt.
'Thanks Karms, I just wish he knew how much he’s hurting me by flirting with some random bimbo’ And I need another drink. Now.
One of the cheerios makes her way over to us and I see it as my perfect moment to walk back into the kitchen for another drink. My heart nearly falls out of my chest when I see Amy leaning against a counter in the kitchen being chatted up by some slut. The girl is batting her eyes lashes and twirling her red hair in Amy’s direction. I feel a twinge of delight when I notice the disinterested expression on Amy’s face. She’s scrolling through her phone aimlessly as this leggy red head throws all her best flirtations in her direction. I poor myself some punch from the bowl and find myself making eye contact with Amy as I’m doing so. Butterflies are flying in all sorts of directions in my stomach. How does this girl make me feel like this.
'Hey Karma, I’ve been looking for you pretty girl’ a voice I really wish I didn’t recognise comes from behind me.
'Liam, hey. I… needed a refill and just found myself wandering around the house’ I can feel the eyes of everyone in the kitchen watching our conversation.
'A gorgeous girl like you should not be pouring her own drinks. That’s what boyfriends are for’ he winks flirtatiously at me as refills another cup for me and hands it to me before resting his hands on my waist.
'I don’t have a boyfriend Booker’ my tone is flirty but my insides are screaming at me for it.
'Well I’m hoping that will change soon enough’ he leans forward a places a soft kiss on my lips. This guy is so cocky. Every ease dropping girl in the room lets out horrible squealing noises. With that he leaves the kitchen I ignore everyone’s stares and turn around to search for the green eyes and blonde hair but she’s not there anymore. Fuck.
X
'Bikini contest’ Liam’s voice boomed throughout the party. A loud hollering of deep male voices echoed around Shane Harveys house as every single guy at the party made there way out to the back garden to watch the show.
'The rules are simple… one girl from each clique…struts there stuff…winner gets two hundred bucks and the title of sexiest girl in Hester High’ Theo sat in a chair outside with Liam and some other baboon looking guy named Tommy sitting on either side of him.
'Karma you have to do it for the cheerleaders!’ Lauren had the whole squad huddled in the back garden staring at each and everyone one of us. The rest of the squad let out a sigh of relief as I looked at her like she’s stupid.
'Your the captain Lauren, you should do it!’ My face scrunched up as I spoke. I refuse to take part in this demeaning show. The cheerios all stared at Lauren now with blank expressions. Not that they ever had any other expressions any other times as far as I’m concerned.
'Theo’s already seen me naked Karma. We’re going for the element of surprise here. This competition is held every year by those idiots and we win it every year. So strip!’ Lauren’s basically tearing my clothes off with her eyes. Shane nudges me with his elbow and I reluctantly start to take my clothes off.
'Thank god I wore a matching set of underwear today’ I mumble tugging my denim shorts down.
Shane feigns shock at me before laughing and I just glare at him.
'You look hot Karms, red is defiantly your colour. Go get them shovanistic pigs’ He nudges me forward and I walk out onto the so called 'runway’.
A couple of wolf whistles can be heard in the background and I see Liam nudge Theo and wink at him. This contest is the definition of disgusting. I walk down the path with as much confidence as I can possibly muster, knowing that if I don’t Lauren will kill me. All I can hear is gross comments coming from drunk horny teenage boys in every direction. I’m about to shoot Liam and Theo death glares for organising this stupid competition when I notice that their eyes are no longer on me. There jaws seem to have hit the floor and I see Liam shift his pants uncomfortably. It must be fucking Ivy’s turn for the soccer girls. Slut. I still haven’t forgiven her for ruining my morning after with Amy in the hotel. If I wasn’t terrified that she will spill my secret I would definitely of tried to take her down of her high horse by now.
'Who is that?’ a girl asks me as I step off the 'runway’ into the crowd. I snort and turn around to see none other than Amy Raudenfeld walking down the runway in her matching black lacey underwear looking like a victorias secret model.
'Holy shit’ I blurt out. My jaw hangs agape and my mouth dries up. She is so sexy. I’ve never seen Amy this sexy before. I cant believe that I’ve slept with that girl. It looks as if every boy in the crowd is now dreaming about what that would be like and I’ve done it. I nearly want to walk over and high five Liam and Theo shouting out some disgustingly cheesy line like 'I’ve tapped that’ but then my brain quickly starts working again.
What the fuck is my free spirited, independent Amy doing parading up a 'runway’ like some slutty girl with daddy issues. I feel the overwhelming urge to run over to her and wrap her up in a towel or something so no one else can see her. Naked Amy is supposed to be reserved for only me. Why is she up there right now, it’s not like she craves the male attention. Probably looking for attention of some slutty girl like Ivy or the girl in the kitchen.
Amy steps into the crowd at the end of the runway and cheekily squeezes my bum as she walks by me, as if we didn’t have another argument about what we are earlier today. She strides back over to the soccer girls who erupt into a cheer when she makes it back quickly reaching for her clothes. It irritates me beyond belief that some of them hug her while she’s half naked. How dare they touch my fucking Amy. I quickly push my way back to the cheerios to find Shane waiting for me on the edge of the group.
'Holy fuck Karma. Amy… sexy… I think I’m straight’ Shane’s eyes are buldging with fear as he slaps his hand across his mouth.
'Well I know that I’m definitely not straight’ I scoff at him as I rip my clothes out of his hands to throw them back on.
'Les-behonest, you may just be Amy-sexual. I think I am too’ Shane’s attempts to lighten the mood are not helping me at all. I’m still fuming at Amy for being a part of that competition.
'Ugh. Amy won didn’t she? Lauren is going to freak out on me’ I sound like a child about to throw a tantrum.
'Karma you could of at least pretended to enjoy it… now we’re going to lose to fucking Amy of all people. By the way that girl eats way to many donuts to have a body like that. She is defiantly popping pills or something’ Laurens glaring in Amy’s direction and rolling her eyes.
'She runs four times a week and trains five Lauren’ I scoff.
'What? Since when do you know anything about the step sister monster?’ Laurens looking at me curiously now. Oh fuck.
'That’s obvious Lauren’ Shane chimes in. I feel like turning around and kissing him but I fear that may arouse a little bit of suspicion.
'The winner is the girls soccer team with the girl who is now titled Hester Highs sexiest girl Amy Raudenfeld’ The entire party erupts in applause as a now clothed Amy buries her head in Ivy’s shoulder. Ivy smirks over at me and kisses Amy’s cheek knowing it will piss me off.
Lauren storms over to Theo to protest but within three minutes he has her sitting on his lap sucking his face. He is literally the only person I know who can calm Lauren down that quickly, maybe they are perfect for each other. My eyes however are glued on Amy who is now clearly being flirted with by that slut Ivy. I feel like going over there and clawing Ivy away from her but can’t think of a way to do it subtly. So I settle for a better option, drown my sorrows again. I pick up a cup of god knows what and knock it back quickly before knocking back another… who am I kidding I have no idea how many I have drank. A grouo of boys I recognise from my english class appear holding more cups and I am more that happy to converse with them since no one else seems to want to talk to me right now. A cute blonde one hands me a cup which I down quickly before flipping my hair to try and get some more.
Next thing I know Shane is hauling me up the stairs and throwing me down on what I can only assume is his bed. I try to protest and stand up but he pushes me back down mumbling words I cant comprehend right now. Before I know what’s happening I’m sobbing uncontrollably on his bed while he tries to soothe me but I just keep slapping his attempts away. I want Amy right now. I need to tell her I want to be her girlfriend and I need to tell her right now. I shove Shane off the bed mumbling what I assume is a incoherent 'Amy’ and he disappears out the door leaving me to sob more by myself. Everything around me hurts. I cant believe that this is happening. Amy is officially the most desired girl in the school and I still cant be with her. The thought of that slut Ivy having her paws all over Amy right now makes my blood boil. I’m a fucking jealous coward. That is literally the only way to describe me. Tears are streaming down my face because I am a pathetic looser who can’t face up to her feelings for a girl because she’s afraid she might not be popular anymore if she does. She liked me, the girl of my dreams actually liked me. Of course I fucked that up. For stupid fucking Lauren who is proving to be more of a bitch then I ever thought she was. God I’m so stupid.
My head shoots up when I see a stream of light flood through the door.
'Hey, I saw Shane drop you in here by yourself so I figured you might want some company?’ someone drunkenly stumbles into the room and I’m a little bit frightened until I see Amy’s figure appear beside me on the bed. I can smell the alcohol emanating from her breath. I mentally thank Shane for turning off the lights so she cant see that I’ve been blubbering like a big baby over her.
'Did you lock the door?’ I ask more aggressively than I hoped to sound. I’m trying to push back the tears in my eyes that are threatening to fall. She can’t no I’ve been crying, I’m so sick of fucking fighting with her. Amy’s body language shifts from comfortable to defensive in a matter of seconds.
'No Karma, I’m just going to saunter into a random room to have sex with someone while there’s a party full of drunk students downstairs and not lock the door’ I can’t see Amy’s expression but her tone is back to that cold shrill voice.
'Why are you being so fucking cold with me?’ I snap back at her. Jesus I sound so defensive.
'Well it’s not really the first time you’ve accused me of trying to out you now is it?’ she spits back.
'I made a mistake Amy. Are you ever going to fucking forgive me or are you going to keep shoving it in my face every chance you get?’ I’m sitting up now, I reach over to turn the lamp on so I can see her forgetting what I look like in the process.
'Karma… are you crying?’ Amy’s brow is furrowed and her expression is confused.
'No’ I huff out hoping my face doesn’t betray me.
'Karma I can see the tear stains on your cheeks. Why are you crying in a dark room by yourself at a party?’ Amy states blankly with a raised eyebrow.
'You expect me to believe you don’t actually know’ my tone is full of disbelief.
'Stop with the dramatics and spit it out Karma’
'Fuck it. I like you. I still like you ok. So excuse me for getting upset when all you seem to want to do is have sex with me and probably every other dumb slut around’ I bury my head in hands to avoid Amy’s eyes.
'I’m not having sex with anyone else Karma’ Amy pulls my hands away from my face and my hazel eyes meet her green ones.
'Why not? If you don’t have feelings for me anymore than why are you not having sex with Ivy? Or the girl in the kitchen? They both clearly want you’ I’m upset and drunk, I can’t help being so straight forward about it.
'I don’t want to’ Amy states as if her reasoning is obvious.
'You’re incredibly frustrating. Why are you avoiding the part of the sentence where I told you I still like you. 'Avoid Karma when she actually wants to talk’ is that you’re new catch phrase?. It’s clearly working out really well’ I throw my hands up to gesture between us.
'Sorry Karma but the last time I tried to talk to you, you screamed in my face to remind me that I’m not your girlfriend before slamming a hotel room door on our 'relationship’. So you’re just going to have to forgive me if I don’t really want to try that again’ Amy snaps back at me.
'God I wish I never had sex with you Amy. It fucked up everything’ I shout at her.
'Why did you have sex with me Karma? You basically through yourself at me? Did you do it just so you could dump me the next day? Do you get some sick satisfaction out of fucking with peoples emotions? I’m sure there’s a couple of Liam Booker-esque guys out there right now who’ll high five you when you tell them the story of the dumb blonde girl who thought you actually liked her’ Amy’s on her feet now, rage pulsating out of her. My face drops for a second when I think I heard pain in her voice.
'Oh fuck you Amy you’re out there walking around half naked like every other slut at this party and you expect me to believe that I hurt you! That sex actually means something to you! Bullshit!’ I’m on my feet now rising up to meet her at eye level, temper flaring.
'I’m sorry if I’m not Liam Booker Karma. I’m sorry if I thought that having sex with you would bring us closer together instead of pushing us apart’ she screams back at me.
A pang of guilt rises in my chest. I can see Amy’s eyes are full of tears and she’s staring up at the ceiling trying desperately to hold them in. The tension in the room is thick now. I feel like I’ve just come to a horrible conclusion, I’m the one who fucked up. Amy’s too good for me. All I do is cause her pain.
'Amy… I never thought that it mattered to you. I mean I know I wasn’t your first so I thought…’ I take a step closer to her reach out for her hand but she quickly pulls them back.
'Well you thought wrong didn’t you Karma. You’re a selfish person. You never think about how any of this affects me. All you care about is your stupid reputation, Liam Booker and which party you and Lauren are going to next week’ Amy’s hands are on her hips now and she’s looking anywhere but at me 'You know what, I’m done. I’m so done with whatever it is we’re doing here. I deserve better than this Karma. I deserve to be with someone who actually wants to hold my hand in public and isn’t ashamed to sit with me at lunch. As much as I wish you were, your never going to be that girl Karma, you told me yourself that morning in the hotel room’
'A-A-Amy please don’t do this’ I’m sobbing again now. Amy looks down at me and I can see the tears trickling out of her eyes. I can’t believe I’m about to lose her again.
'No Karma. I’m making this easy for you. You wont have to lie to anyone any more. We’re completely over now’ Amy’s choking out her words in between sobs.
'I need you Amy’ my voice breaks.
'I’m sorry Karma but need isn’t enough for me’ She leans over kisses me on my wet cheek and walks out of the bedroom leaving me alone with my thoughts.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
'So your lesbian lover has decided to put kapoots on your dirty sexy love affair?’ Shane asks with an eyebrow raised at me.
I hate Mondays. Especially Monday’s after I’ve been dumped. I haven’t spoken to Amy since the party and it’s killing me. I needed to talk to someone, Shane in particular. The two of us are walking around the school aimlessly avoiding going to our respective classes.
'Yes, I’m a self centred bitch who never thought about the fact that Amy may have felt something when we slept together for the first time at the hotel’ I mumble out running my fingers along the lockers on the left of me collecting dust.
'Oh Karms… I feel like this is my fault, I should have warned you that lesbians posses more emotions than your typical Hester High boy. Oh wait, I thought you were intelligent enough to realise that, those pom poms have clearly gone to your head honey’ Shane’s tone is dripping with sarcasm.
'Maybe I’m just not built for a real relationship Shane…’ Shane stops walking beside and stares at me.
'Maybe you just need to stand up to that bitch you call a best friend and go be with the girl that your lusting after’ Shane’s looking at me excitedly.
'She doesn’t even want to be with me anymore. I miss her Shane. Like I actually miss her. Not the sex. Talking to her. She’s so funny and she does this thing were…’ I’m daydreaming about Amy now.
'Oh Karma sweetie you have it bad for blondie… can I make a suggestion?’ Shane asks placing his hands on my arms to get my attention. I stop and stare at him hoping he’ll have the answer to my problems.
'Be Amy’s girlfriend, I know it will be hard in the beginning but atleast you’ll be happy’ he says it as if it’s so simple. I pull away from his grip and keep walking along the lockers frustrated by his lack of feasible planning.
'Right Shane, I’ll just go sit at the soccer girls table at lunch and maybe ask them if I can come to there mid week movie night. Are you forgetting who my best friend is? That’s the dumbest suggestion ever’ I look at his eyebrows raise further than I ever thought they could go.
'Karma we both know that the cheerleaders, specifically your best friend Lauren Cooper, are turning this school into a cheer-dictatorship. I mean just this morning I saw Lauren pour a juice box over Lisbeth’s head because she accidentally sat in front of Lauren’s locker’ Shane’s tone is serious now and I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
'Lauren wouldn’t do that Shane. Stop being dramatic’ I huff out angrily and push open the door to the canteen. Shane and I stroll over to the cheer table and take our seats.
X
I’m halfway through my peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I notice Amy for the first time that day. She’s sitting at a table with a guy from my physics class who I don’t even know his name pretending to be interested in whatever he’s saying when she’s clearly not. Lunch was our time for awhile now, we spent a couple of the days a week either hooking up, fighting behind closed doors or my favourite hiding behind an old cobble wall in the courtyard just chatting about our days. A wave of sadness washes over me at how miserable Amy looks right now when I know I’m partially to blame for her mood. Our 'break up’ is clearly taking a toll on her. She more than likely thinks I’m heartless and unaffected because of the image of perfection I’m so used to painting on myself at school. I swallow down a lump in my throat thinking about how she must be feeling towards me. To be honest I’m not taking the break up very well at all. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since that night in Shane’s and thought of about a million reasons why we’re meant to be together. I’ve never been with someone who makes me feel so amazing about myself. The only thing that’s stopping me from begging her to take me back at any available opportunity is the fact that I know that I’m hurting her by not being exclusive. I’m just not ready to come out of that closet yet.
'Who’s that guy your lady love is sitting with?’ Shane whispers to me while munching on an apple.
'I think his name is Oliver isn’t it?’ my eyebrow is arched now and I find myself blatently staring at this Oliver guy.
'Whoever he is thank god he’s sitting with her, she’s looked like a zombie all day, I’m surprised she hasn’t broken down yet’ Shane mutters.
'What? Why do you think she’s going to breakdown?’ I’m dying on the inside hearing this because I know that I’ve already broken down on several occasions in the privacy of the Ashcroft residence.
'A couple of the soccer girls may or may not have mentioned to me that a certain blonde sports superstar has been showing up to practice with tear stained cheeks and a lack of focus’ Images of a distraught Amy on the verge of loosing her starting place on the team flood my mind causing the lump in my throat to form again.
'I need your car keys Shane’ my tone is serious so he hands them over immediately 'I need to do something really important, I’ll text you when I drop it back’ I stand up from the cheer table and sling my bag over my shoulder before walking over to the table where Oliver and Amy are sitting and tapping her on the back impatiently.
'Amy, can I talk to you outside for a minute? Alone if Oliver doesn’t mind?’ Amy looks up at me from her zombie like state and shock fills her expression. This is the first time since I’ve met her that I publicly acknowledged her in school.
'You know my name?’ Oliver asks in disbelief. Amy is still opening and closing her mouth in shock with no words coming out.
'Amy please’ I extend my hand out to her and she stares at it for awhile before taking it and standing up.
'Eh… I’ll be back in awhile Olly… thanks for having lunch with me’ Amy smiles politely at him before giving him a small wave.
'Nice to see you Oliver, hopefully the three of us can hangout some time soon’ I smile politely at his shocked face before intertwining my fingers with Amy’s and dragging her out of the canteen.
'Wait how do you two know eachother?’ Oliver voice can be heard in the distance. Fear fills me at what he’s saying but it’s not as strong of an emotion as my need to be with Amy is right now.
X
'You do realise that people just saw you hold my hand in there right?’ Amy tries to pull her hand out of mine as we make our way through the carpark but I just squeeze her hand tighter in mine.
'Yes’ I shrug at her 'Get in the car Amy’ I unlock Shanes car and open the door for her.
'Karma what are you doing? Where are you trying to take me?’ Amy’s stepping away from the car now. I pout at her knowing she thinks it’s adorable before signalling for her to get in again. She backs off a little obviously still thinking about the conversation we had in Shanes.
'Amy. I’m miserable without you. I want to be your girlfriend. Now can we please go somewhere, anywhere, where we can figure us out together’ I’m pleading with her now.
She walks over to the car door that I’m holding open, checks around her and leans over it placing a soft lingering kiss on my cheek.
'Did you not hear me say girlfriend? You just kissed me like I’m your great aunt Tessy. This is how you kiss your girlfriend’ I lean over the door and softly kiss her plump lips in an agonisingly intense kiss.
'What about the people Karma?’ Amy says swinging her head around to see if anyone is watching us.
'Don’t you get it Amy. I don’t care about them anymore. All I care about is you and by extension us. I want to be with you, in a proper grown up relationship where I get to kiss you and hold your hand in public’ I don’t know where my courage is coming from.
'Is this sudden bravery because I’m now Hester Highs sexiest girl?’ she smirks at me smiling sheepishly.
'Well you are pretty sexy… unfortunately for me though it’s your charming, not vain at all personality that wins me over’ I wink at her before closing her door.
X
Driving. We’ve been driving in comfortable silence for the past three hours. Neither of us is speaking because we both know that now is not the time. Sitting in this car with Amy for the past three hours, even if we’ve been silent, has been the happiest three hours of my life in the past two weeks since our argument. For some reason just being near her makes me feel amazing, her aroma is like a drug to me. I need to find a way to turn this bad habit into a good habit with Amy. The scary part for me is I know that I need to come out to the school for that to happen.
I pull Shane’s car up into a carpark opposite a beach and quickly hop out of the car to open the door for Amy. She hops out of the car and smiles softly at me before closing the door behind her and taking my outstretched hand. I immediately intertwine our fingers and stroll down to the beach with my blonde on my arm. It’s a cool evening in Austin, the sky is clear and the sun is setting as we take a seat on the sand down on the beach. I want to wrap my arm around Amy and make out with her like love sick teenagers but I know that’s not how to start out the relationship I want with her, so I sit up straight and gaze out at the ocean.
'It’s so calm and peaceful out here’ Amy breaks the silence.
'It’s beautiful isn’t it, my parents used to bring me here when I was kid to break away from reality’ my voice is dreamy as I remember those good times.
'Can we talk now? I really feel like we need too’ Amy shifts so that her body is now facing mine. Her expression is serious which is scaring me a little bit, everytime she looks serious we end up fighting and I really don’t want to do that with her anymore.
'Yes, that’s why I dragged you all the way out here, to talk. Can we please not fight though? As a ground rule’ I take her hand in mine and smile when she intertwines our fingers.
'I really don’t want to fight with you anymore Karma. You go first’ she mumbles, her voice is fragile and I feel a certain heir of nervousness overcome me.
'I fucked up Amy. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I felt like this was going that way so I panicked. I’m terrified to let everyone else know how I feel about you because I’ve been lying to all of them for years about who I am’ a single tear rolls down my cheek and Amy reaches over to wipe it away for me soothingly.
'Karms, I get that you scared to come out, I really do, we all go through that at some point in our lives it’s just you saw the way my mom looks at me. I can’t be myself at home so I really wan’t to be able to be myself with the person I’m dating. I’ve been living in your closet Karma and it’s killing me’ Amy says softly, her voice dripping with emotion.
'I don’t want you too Ames… I’m ready to come out, with you. I’m just terrified that everyone I’ve ever known is going to hate me. Lauren is never going to forgive me for tarnishing the cheer reputation’
'She’s a pretty shitty best friend if she doesn’t accept you for who you are Karma. I know that Lauren and I don’t get along but do you really think she could be that cold?’ Amy looks at me with a concerned expression.
'It’s sad to say but yes I do’ I frown at her 'especially when she finds out I’ve been fooling around with you for months behind her back’
'Karma… Nobody else knew… just tell her you were scared’ Amy looks at me puzzled.
'She’s supposed to be my best friend Amy. She should have been the person I told about us hooking up. Not Shane’ I mumble the last part of the sentence.
'As your best friend she should have sensed something, I mean there were some points where we weren’t particularly careful’
'Lauren is self absorbed Amy’
'She can’t have been that self absorbed that she didn’t even notice you texting someone all the time…’
'Well lets just say that she thinks my cousin Betty in Arizona is very needy’ Amy laughs at me.
'Ok… well all I can say is that I’ll be there to hold your hand through everything involved in the coming out to the school part’ Amy looks at me with sincerity and I lean over placing a soft kiss on her lips which makes her blush a slight shade of pink.
'Thank you Ames. I know it’s going to be hard but I can’t lie to her anymore, she needs to either dump me as a friend or accept me for who I am’ I sniffle back a few tears at the thought of loosing my best friend. Amy scoots closer to me and wraps her arms around me in a loving embrace kissing the top of my head.
'Karms, I think we need cool things down between us physically as well’ I pull my head back from Amy’s embrace and frown at her, my lips obviously forming a pout.
'Whhhhhhy? I’m kind of sort of hooked on having sex with you now… I don’t want to give that up’ My pout is drooping lower and lower.
'I love having sex with you too. It’s just I think it’s become a weapon between us to hurt one another and I just feel like our relationship will suffer if we hop straight back into it’
'For how long?’ I have to know how long it will be until I get my dose of Amy properly again.
'Whenever the time is right. When we’re stable and committed to each other and just get that feeling if you know what I mean…’ Amy’s voice trails off and I smile at the warmness of her tone. It was really hurting me how cold she was being when it came to sex and now I feel like this will be our chance to rectify that.
'Ok cheeseball, I’ll try keep my paws off you…’ I smile at her nudging her with my shoulder 'Ames your going to have to forgive me for what happened in that hotel room too. I mean I was freaking out and I didn’t mean it, especially now that I know that I hurt you. You can’t throw it in my face if we fight’
'I can do that, it will take time obviously for me to mentally get over that. I mean I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend that day Karma, it sucked to have you scream in my face that it was never going to happen’ Amy looks away from me for a second and I can hear her sniffling tears.
'Amy..’ I reach over and force her to look at me 'I’m so sorry baby’ I lean forward and kiss her cheek.
'It’s fine. It sucked but we’re here now. Lets move forward’ she smiles at me softly intertwining our fingers again and squeezing mine reassuringly.
'Can we start out on a clean slate? No fights, sex, hotel rooms, Liam Booker, Ivy or Lauren… just me and you, together?’ Amy smirks under my stare and I scrunch my nose up in confusion.
'No sex, what else will we do?’ Amy giggles and I smack her arm quickly glaring at her.
'I hear that talking to your girlfriend is obligatory… sorry to force it upon you blondie’ I arch my eyebrow up at her and she quickly stops laughing.
'Sorry Karms, now will you please let me ask you to be my girlfriend before you keep calling yourself it’ My face drops. Oh my god. I’ve assumed this entire time that Amy wants me to be her girlfriend. Completely forgetting the fact that she might just want to date me. I feel like I’m about to die of embarrassment.
'Relax Aschroft, just give me one second…’ Amy stands up and picks up a nearby twig swirling it around in the sand before turning around and offering me her hands to pull me up. I quickly accept even though I’m still mortified about my assumption. She walks up behind me and wraps her hands around my waist kissing my neck sweetly before resting her head on my shoulder. 'Well, what do you say?’
'Say to what?’ I’m gazing out at the sunset and trying my hardest to not sound upset but failing miserably.
Amy chuckles softly behind me and points to the place where she was swirling the stick. Written in the sand is 'Karma Ashcroft, will you be my girlfriend?’ I let out a deep breath, my heart pounding and Amy nuzzles my neck with her nose. I turn around in her arms and link my hands behind her neck running my fingers through her dirty blonde locks.
'I want to hear you say it’ I can feel myself getting lost in her deep green eyes.
'Karma…’ Amy furrows her brow and looks at me as if I’m mad.
'Amy please just say it’ I pull her head so her foreheads resting against mine.
'Karma Ashcroft, will you be my girlfriend?’ My heart is racing in my chest. I feel like everything that’s happened between us has led up to this one perfect moment.
'There’s nothing I want more in this world right now’ With that Amy leans forward and kisses me in a kiss that is emotional it takes my breath away. Our lips move in sync as if they were made for eachother. Amy grazes her tongue along my bottom lip and I open my mouth allowing her permission to enter. She rolls her tongue with mine, messaging eachother sensually and I feel like I’m about to die of happiness that this girl is my girlfriend. We finally break apart when I need to breathe so I bury my face in her chest and she kisses the top of my head embracing me still.
No sex my ass.