Hi guys, this chapter is pretty deep be warned. Amy and Karma have to come together to tell Sophie about Lauren. There’s cute moments in there too!
Present day – Austin, Texas - 14 hours after the crash.
Previous Chapters
I sat on the edge of my bed watching Sophie breath and tucking a loose strand of her blonde hair behind her ear watching her sleep. How on earth was I supposed to explain to her that her Mommy wouldn’t be picking her up today when I couldn’t even explain it to myself. A four year old should not have to understand that their mommy’s in heaven. A four year old should not have to grow up in a world that is so cruel and unforgiving. What am I supposed to tell her. I’m not even related to her so I don’t get a say in what happens to her next and to be honest my chest tightened when I think of what Amy’s going to make of this tragic situation. Amy has never been one to confront her feelings. She’s always been better at becoming cold and distant and avoiding them. How is she going to do that when she has a four year old orphan to look after. I fear that Sophie will become a constant reminder to Amy of the pain of loosing her only sister. Just like I became a constant reminder to Amy of the pain and heart ache that comes with love. People are unpredictable and unpredictable never suited Amy. She’s scared of anything that’s not in her plan, she has to be, that’s what they’ve been training her to do for the past 9 years of her studying to become a surgeon. Surgical residents are cold and calculated people, warmth is something they can’t offer and a child needs warmth. Especially a child as sweet and sensitive as Sophie. I know she means the world to Amy, that’s the one side of Amy’s life that Lauren kept me up to date on. Lauren couldn’t help it she was obsessed with Sophie and she always told me that Sophie’s aunt Abey felt the same way about her. Aunt Abey never missed a birthday party or Christmas or any opportunity she had to spend time with Sophie. Lauren described Sophie as Amy’s Achilles’s heel. The one part of Austin that Amy could never truly give up on no matter how hard she tried. Hopefully the warm, kind and caring side to Amy will prevail for Sophie’s sake. Hopefully she’ll move back to Texas to allow a certain amount of normality to remain in the little girls life.
I haven’t seen or heard from Amy since Shane’s bacherlorette party. I have no idea how she’s going to react to the news of Lauren’s passing. I have no idea what she’s planning on doing. A lump formed in my throat when I thought of Amy shipping Sophie of to North Carolina. What if Amy never lets me see her again? Sophie has become the child I never had to me. Tears started to well up in my eyes and my mind started racing. She’s the only child I ever really grew an attachment too. I love spending time in the Cooper household watching her grow up day by day. I was given the blessing of having a niece by Lauren even though we aren’t biologically related. Sopie calls me aunt Karma. This year she even went as far as to ask Lauren why aunt Karma wasn’t coming to christmas dinner like aunt Abey. No pain could compare to the pain I would feel if Amy never let me see Sophie again. I’ve played a large role in her short life and I’m not willing to give that up without a fight. I’ll need to talk to Amy when she gets here and ask her to put our history aside and think of Sophie’s feelings. Selflessness is a key part in becoming a parent. My thought process was broken when I heard the engine of a car pull up outside. I stood up and walked over to the window peeking out at the car between the blinds. Amy sat in my driveway with her head resting on the steering wheel and her hands holding her head. The tell tale signs of an Amy on the verge of entering the realm of distance and coldness. My least favourite kind of Amy. The kind of Amy that once she went over that emotional cliff she was hanging onto there’s no pulling her back for days, maybe even weeks at a time. Sophie stirred gently behind me stretching out her small arms and legs in her peppa pig pj’s. That’s when I realized that I need to stop Amy from falling over the cliff for Sophie’s sake. I need to let go of all the pent up mixed emotions between the blonde sitting in the driveway and I and think of the little girl who just lost her parents.
I wrapped a sweater around my shoulders and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My skin is pale, cheeks are tear stained and make up is non existent but I don’t care in the slightest. All I care about is Sophie and helping to get her through this. Yes, I lost my best friend last night but that child lost her mother. The one person in the world that is supposed to be there for you no matter what. The person who is supposed to pick you up when your down, to bandage up your wounds, to teach you life lessons and to wipe away your tears. I am not going to let Amy fall apart. She needs to step up right now like Lauren would have wanted her too. Lauren trusted Amy with her most prized possession over anyone else in the world. I’m going to help Amy to deal with her emotions like a normal human being instead of shutting off like a robot. Sophie doesn’t need a robot. Sophie needs a mother right now. Not a best friend.
I closed over the door to my bedroom softly making sure not to wake the sleeping child and crept down the stairs and out the door to the driveway. Amy hadn’t moved from her earlier position. ‘Please don’t be too far gone Ames’ I whispered to myself as I moved over to the drivers side of the rented car and tapped on the window with my knuckles. Amy head popped up like she had been awoken from a bad dream and I signaled for her to open the door of the car. I needed to be gentle with her or she’d dive head first into an emotional tank so I took a step back from the car and walked over to my front door leaning against it and waiting patiently. I could see Amy trying to calm her breathing and wipe away her tears before proceeding to open the door and step out of the car. That’s my girl, she’s not gone yet I can see it in her blood shot eyes. Poor thing probably hasn’t had time to process what’s happened yet between the phone call and the overnight flight. All of a sudden I felt the urge to wrap her up in a tight hug I know we both need but I can’t because of the way our relationship stands at the moment. It may trigger that beast within Amy that’s hoping to drag her down to an emotionless hell. She smiled weakly at he before locking the rented car and following me into my cosy living room.
Neither of us spoke. I sat down on one end of my couch and Amy sat down on the other wrapping her arms around herself and rubbing up and down as if she is freezing. ‘Are you cold? Can I get you a blanket or a cup of tea?’ I finally spoke up breaking the silence. Amy finally lifted her blonde head up and allowed me to see her face for the first time. This is an Amy I didn’t recognize and after five years together and a life long friendship it terrified me. Her green eyes were blood shot, as if she’s been crying for hours, her skins normal healthy glow was replaced by a paleness that could rival my own and her bottom lip had not stopped trembling since she lifted her beautiful head up. She helpless, fragile and broken. Three emotions that she always managed to bury deep down with plenty of locks and no keys.
'Karms… Lauren can’t be… I can’t be… Sophie’ her eyes bore into mine like she was searching for answers that she didn’t want to know 'I’m begging you. Please tell me they made a mistake’ she finally choked out. And that was it, she broke down sobbing hysterically in front of me. I have never seen Amy look so child like. She stood up and started frantically paced the room avoiding any response I could give her. She didn’t want to face it. She didn’t want to know the truth. I needed her to face it before Sophie wakes up. Amy’s realization needed to happen now. So I stood up and walked over to her causing her to stop in her tracks and face me 'Amy I’m so sorry but Lauren’s gone’ I stated taking a hold of her wrists in front of her to keep her still. Amy fell to her knee’s at my feet and started sobbing hysterically. I could tell that was she was on the verge of a panic attack so I got down on my own knee’s and did the only thing I could think to do, I wrapped her up in my arms like a child and she buried her head into my neck letting it all out. I gently rubbed up and down her back and kissed her on the head with as much love as I could muster from my empty heart. It wasn’t long before tears started to flow from my own eyes so I gently stood Amy up and walked over to the couch sitting us both down. Without hesitation she placed her head on my lap and curled into the fetal position as I stroked her blonde locks soothingly. It felt nice to be with her like this. It felt like we were best friends again. The one thing I regret the most about Amy and I’s relationship is loosing sight of our friendship. I should of prioritized it, it meant the world to me.
Our peaceful moment ended when a little angelic and tired voice was heard from the stairs 'Aunty Abey, Aunty Karme’. Amy shot up from my lap and rubbed her eyes attempting to regain her composure 'Hey Soph, do I get a hug?’ she cooed walking over towards the end of the stairs wrap the little girl up in a what could only be described as a big bear hug. Sophie pulled away in Amy’s arms and wiped away the stray tears that were falling down her face 'Abey why are you sad? Did aunt Karme eat you last cookie too?’ innocence poured out of Sophie’s voice and Amy looked over at me pleading with me to say something.
'Yes Soph I did eat Amy’s last cookie, how about we get some breakfast kiddo?’ I said sweetly taking Sophie from Amy’s arms into my own. Amy gave me an apologetic look before mustering up a smile for Sophie.
'Can we have mommy’s special waffles? Can aunt Abey have some too?’ the little blonde girl asked resting her tired head on my shoulder. I heard Amy choke out a sob behind me at the mention of Lauren so I quickly walked into the kitchen and placed Sophie on top of the counter to stir the waffle batter. Amy needed time to think about how to tell her that her mommy and daddy were in heaven. How on earth do you tell a child that. I got to work making Lauren’s special waffle recipe and thanked God for my nosiness that led Lauren to sharing it with me. Amy was nowhere to be seen. I imagined her crying in the living room with no one to comfort her and felt a tug on my chest. I needed to check on her. So I put the wiggles on the tv in the kitchen and placed Sophie on the floor where she could watch it before muttering 'keep stirring Soph’ to the grinning child.
Amy had stopped crying and was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at the ceiling as if it had the answers to her questions. When she heard the creak of the kitchen door and saw me appear she replaced the wall with me before starting off on a long rant 'Karma… how am I going to tell her that Lauren’s not going to pick her up in the next hour because she’s sitting in the morgue? How am I going to tell her that she may have to move to a different state away from everything and everyone she’s ever known her entire life because I can’t afford the mortgage on the Cooper house by myself? How am I going to tell her that she’s going from living in a loving household to a cold apartment with her aunt who will never be home when she needs her because she works too much?’ Tears were streaming down Amy’s face until her facial expression turned to anger 'How am I going to tell her that I’m about to fuck up her life? That I’m now supposed to be this mother figure because some drunk asshole can’t take a taxi home instead of driving their car into her parents killing them both!!!’
I sat down beside a fuming Amy flabbergasted by her long rant and thought of what to say. All the questions she had just asked had flooded through my own mind at some stage since I got the phone call from the police department last night. Then I realized something. All Amy was talking about was herself and how this was going to affect her life. She never once thought about Sophie’s feelings otherwise she wouldn’t of jumped to the conclusion that shipping her off to North Carolina is the best option. Looking at how lost Amy is now, I knew that I needed to remain in Sophie’s life. Amy can’t do this alone and I’m not willing to let her try out of stubbornness or our past. I needed to have this conversation with her seriously at the right time. If I were to bring it up now seriously with Amy is this fragile state there’s a good chance I could loose Sophie for good and I am not willing to let her go. I leaned over and reassuringly rubbed Amys back before stating harshly 'Maybe you need to stop being so selfish Raudenfeld and think about how all of this is going to affect Sophie instead of yourself’
Amy looked at me in disbelief before blinking twice and smiling at me. Not the reaction I was expecting from my comment but I’ll take it. 'What are you smiling about?’ I asked nudging her shoulder playfully.
'You’re the only person in my life who isn’t afraid to tell me the truth when it’s obvious I don’t want to hear it. You know that right?’ she said grinning and nudging me back.
'Well I think after half a decade of dating you and half a decade of avoiding you I haven’t got much too loose. Honesty is the best policy Ames. I learned that about five years ago’ I looked away from her as I spoke. She must of known that was my backwards way of acknowledging the fact that I shouldn’t of lied to her about cheating on her. Oh boy do I regret that over everything else.
'Thanks’ she said softly leaning her head on my shoulder. 'Will you help me tell her? I don’t think I can handle it on my own right now.’
'Of course, I’m going to help you through this Ames if you’ll accept my help. Lauren was my best friend, I was at her house nearly everyday with her and Sophie so I really feel it will benefit Sophie if I can help you bring some form of familiarity to this horrible situation’ I pleaded with her looking at her facial expression scrunch up like she was confused by something.
'Well obviously I’m not equipped to be a parent to a four year old so thank you for offering to help. Lauren never told me you guys were that close? To be honest she never really talked about you at all’ she stated almost in disbelief. Amy sat playing with her hands, a nervous tick of hers.
'Lauren never told me anything about you either Amy. I think she figured it was best to separate us in her life to avoid any unnecessary repeats of our kitchen screaming match two years ago.’ I muttered sadly 'Right now our main focus needs to be Sophie. We need to put our bullshit aside and work together for her sake. How are we going to tell Sophie?’
'Together?’ Amy asked untangling her hands and reaching out her hand to me. I was about to reach out my hand and intertwine our fingers when I stood up and walked over to the kitchen door 'I know your upset right now Amy but I really feel like we need to keep things simple, we can’t have another blow up like two years ago and have Sophie become collateral damage of our issues. She doesn’t deserve that’
'Oh right I didn’t mean to…I swear…’ Amy trailed off awkwardly pulling her hand back and tangling her fingers together again.
'I know you didn’t Amy but… I just can’t ok’ I said smiling weekly at her before opening the door to the kitchen. I swear I saw a glint of sadness in her green eyes at my confession. Things are about to get very complicated.
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The three of us sat silently at the kitchen table tucking into a plate each of Laurens special waffles. Amy more so played with her food than anything else, every now and then lifting her head to steal glances at Sophie as if she was about to disappear. Sophie was telling her about her favorite colors and places to play now that she’s four not three and stuffing her face with waffles.
'Aunt Abey me, mamma, Karme and you should go to my favorite playground today when mamma gets here and play together’ Sophie smiled picking up a piece of waffle and putting it in Amys hand. I looked over and noticed tears starting to form in Amy’s eyes again and her mouth opening and closing as if she was trying to tell the little girl the truth but the words weren’t coming out. I reached over and placed my hand on top of Amys squeezing it reassuringly before starting to speak.
'Sophie remember that time that I read you the story about the doggy who’s mamma got sick and up to holy god in heaven to look after the little children up there’ Sophie nodded at me innocently waiting for me to continue 'well your mamma and Ben, just like the doggys mamma, went up to heaven last night. Holy God asked your mamma and she said yes as long as she knew you will be ok down here. Aunty Amy and I are going to look after you her special little princess before you get to see her again someday in heaven’ Sophie stared blankly from Amy to me as if she was trying to process what’s happening. Then the tears started to form in her little eyes 'I want my mamma’ the little girl finally sobbed. Amy stood up from the kitchen table frantically knocking over a plate on her way out and the next thing I heard was the slam of the front door and the sound of a car skidding out of the driveway.
I wrapped Sophie up in comforting hug letting the little girl nuzzle herself safely into my arms and listening to her muffled sobs. Where did Amy go? Was this her way of walking over the edge? The only thing I did know was that I needed to find her. I needed to find her and help her pull herself together for Sophie’s sake. I felt my face getting hot and tears starting to fill my eyes. I needed her. I was defiantly going to need the strong and confident Amy I knew five years ago to help me get through this.