Get a life hater. The Rock is a millionaire. You are nothing. Deal with it.
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Revision as of 22:11, October 12, 2013
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[[File:28452_the-rock_l.jpg|thumb|The Rock]]Wrote the greatest wrestling book of all time.
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[[File:28452_the-rock_l.jpg|thumb|The Rock]]
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Paid his dues by having his father's good friends have him defeat four guys in his debut match, then win the Intercontinental Championship three months later.
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<p style="margin-top:0.4em;margin-bottom:0.5em;">Born on planet Smackdown, Dwayne "Don't call Rock, well no, maybe you should" Johnson was born via electrucution from a raging thunderstorm, permanently electrifying his neurons, thus literally making him the most electrifying man in sports entertainment. He was sent away from the planet while it was being destroyed from said thunderstorm to preserve it's legacy. His real parents, a metamorphic rock and Lyndon B. Johnson, died in the planet's destruction, but live on in the hearts of volcanos and Republicans worldwide.</p>
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Is the "most electrifying man in sports entertainment".
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<p style="margin-top:0.4em;margin-bottom:0.5em;">Rock's first foray in his new home was attending cooking classes, where he became less known for his actual cooking skills and more known for his insistence on making sure everyone knew what he was cooking. This was a result of the electrcution in his brain, it gave him a permanent mental disability that he could only cope with by spamming catchphrases and talking about monkey's anuses. While it puzzled the school, Vince McMahon (who had been attending for reasons he doesn't have to explain, fuck you, I'm Vince McMahon dammit), took an interest in Rock's physical size and promptly brought him into the WWF, giving him leftover streamers from the Ultimate Warrior and a strategically placed pineapple in his hair in hopes that he would get over. Kids love pineapples and streamers are cool, so it seemed like a flawless plan.</p>
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Maybe he shouldn't use that vibrator so much.
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Alas, Rock's ultra smiling demeanor quickly wore thin on the edgy fans who demanded sex, drugs, and rock n roll, because they were teenagers. Vince completely forgot Rock even existed, as his attention had now shifted to mastering the ablity to controlling his own sneezes.
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When he wrestled Hulk Hogan, the fans all chanted "Hogan" and "Rocky Sucks".
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As a result, Rock was able to cut loose and let his mental disability take over. To make a long story short, it worked, and he became the biggest star in the business since TL Hopper. Rock was harshly criticized for leaving the business for Hollywood and refusing to be like his contempararies, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, by staying in the spotlight for another 15 years on a weekly basis and demanding that he shouldn't drop the strap to Bret Hart, because he wasn't ready brother.
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When he wrestled Stone Cold Steve Austin, the fans all chanted "Austin" and "Rocky Sucks".
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Rock's movie career hits include Doom and The Tooth Fairy. These movies were widely praised as the greatest of all time, just behind No Holds Barred and They Live.
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When he wrestled Ric Flair, the fans all chanted "Let's Go Flair" and "Rocky Sucks".
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Rock returned in 2011 by staggering into the arena WWE was holding RAW in that night and mistaking John Cena for a giant bowl of fruity pebbles. Rock was extraordinarily hungry, so he demanded that he bed fed Cena at Wrestlemania in order to satiate his hunger. He was greatly disappointed when he found out Cena was actually a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
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When he wrestled Rob van Dam, the fans all chanted "RVD" and "Rocky Sucks".
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When he wrestled Chris Jericho, the fans all chanted "Y2J" and "Rocky Sucks".
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When he wrestled Brock Lesnar, the fans all chanted "Let's Go Lesnar" and "Rocky Sucks".
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When he wrestled the Brooklyn Brawler, the fans all chanted "Brawler" and "Rocky Sucks".
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Biggest and Most Popular Superstar of All Time.
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Currently making some box-office turkey, set not to open at a theater near you.
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Stole his "People's Eyebrow" from Drake Hogestyn.
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Tried to make the Sharpshooter move his own, but was always booed when he put it on his opponent.
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Super-popular(and totally realistic-looking) move The People's Elbow was always met with boos and jeers.
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Stormed out of WWE in tears after being booed out of yet another PPV where he was booked as the face and his opponent as the heel.
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Possesses superhuman powers as he was run over by an nWo truck attack, yet returned a few days later without a scratch.
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Also has magical saliva, as spitting on his fists makes his punches knockout blows.
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Is likely religious, as he often stops during matches to close his eyes and look skyward with a big silly look all over his face.
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Bought his sideburns from Greg Valentine's old Rhythm 'n' Blues days on ebay.
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His tattoos wash off with soap and warm water.
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Appeared in The Mummy Returns for all of about 3 minutes, yet convinced himself that he is the star of the movie, and its box office success was due to his role.
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Appears to suffer from uncontrollable spasms, twitches and tics which often manifest themselves during his matches and promos.
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Enjoys walking backstage and has spent entire shows wandering the passageways and locker room area without any real purpose.
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When he joined the then-small group of men who have won both the WWF/E and WCW/World titles, it had the immediate effect of that distinction meaning a whole lot less.
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Made so many references to shoving things up people's asses, that it's obvious he indulges in such activities frequently himself.
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Holds the record for having most signs confiscated by the Sign Police in his name. At one single event more than 50 000 anti-Rock signs were taken, as Rock was booked to be the face.
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Returned in 2012 to general apathy. Booked to face [[John Cena]] at Wrestlemania 28, thus taking away a spot on the card that an actual, you know, WRESTLER(and one that cares about the business at that) could have taken.
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All common sense had Cena going over the arrogant, flabby, bald, middle-aged Rock.
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However, much to the delight of [[Scott Keith]] (and NO ONE else) The Rock won clean, after a long mind-bogglingly tedious match.
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Immediately left WWE to go and shoot another box office turkey, having made the biggest draw of the last decade look like a complete doofus and loser.
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One of the Rock's 14 fans vandalized this page to say....something like how great The Rock's butthurt is. The same guy also is such a huge Rock fan, that he got the date of Rock's return wrong.
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Rock is now supposedly going to make his return at WrestleMania 29, where he will face Brock Lesnar, and no doubt go over. Because he is still full of butthurt at having to put Lesnar over back in 2002. That, and the fact that the fans were completely behind Lesnar, the heel.
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hiny
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The Drek's one fan has now resorted to posting whiny hissy fits all over this article, in the belief that that makes it "real". This guy is even more deluded than the Drek himself.
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Dwayne himself hasn't commented on this, as he doesn't give a shit about wrestling, and was only ever in it for the money, and the chance to get his ugly smirking mug on tv.,
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Dwayne is set to return at the 2013 Royal Rumble to face [[CM Punk]] for the WWE Championship. Wouldn't that be great? Punk has the 6th longest reign ever in WWE. Jeircho, Cena, Bryan, Kane, Orton, Ryback, Ziggler, Miz, Mysterio, Del Rio, Christian, Big Show, Sheamus, Kingston, R Truth, Swagger, Barrett....none of them can get the belt off Punk. But here comes Crazy Spastic Old Dwayne to win the WWE Championship in his first match in a year.
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The Crock defeated Punk to win the WWE Championship, despite the interference of Paul Heyamna dn The Shield, thereby making Cena, Del Rio, Ryback, Jericho and everyone else who couldn't defeat Punk look like complete doofuses. And after Punk had amde the WWE Championship seem pretigious for the first time in many years, The Dreck treats it like a cheap prop. Set to face Cena in a rematch at WrestleMania 29. WWE has been paying Rock huge money for this undeserved run at the top. Rock has not increased buyrates at all, and ratings are even down..
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Rock dropped the belt to Cena at WrestleMania 29, in a cartoonish match which saw both guys get booed.Rock is said to return for his one-off "just for the money" match at WM 30, thereby robbing a talented hardworking wrestler of a spot on the card. As 2013 showed however, Rock's presence doesn't increase PPV buyrates, and actually sees tv ratings go down.
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Lately, some mentally challenged preschooler has been vandalising this article, with some unreadable nonsense about how The Rock is an actual rock from "planet smackdown" or some similar bs. Apparently the article as it stands is "mean-spirited". Just like the Rock himself.
[[Category:Cunts]]
[[Category:Cunts]]
[[Category:Douche]]
[[Category:Douche]]