There is a moment in soapland when children go off the rails. Having seen them grow up with almost no toys or meals, and being pawns in their parents’ games, we witness The Omen’s Damien moment. Coronation Street’s David and Tracy, Emmerdale’s Andy, EastEnders’… well, pretty much everyone. It’s the crossing over of that bridge from youthful innocence to the heady world of adult debauchery and clandestine evil that is the heart and soul of serial drama. Emmerdale’s Belle didn’t speak for the first 12 years of her life, but gosh, has she made up for it, not least in her relationship with Dr Bailey. Coronation Street’s Amy is proving that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and has already revealed herself to be a blackmailer in an attempt to keep Steve and Michelle together. EastEnders’ Abi, once the Virgin Mary of Walford, resorted to lying about a pregnancy in order to hang on to gay Ben (I remain baffled why she would want to). The Damien Moment happens in an instant – and should. No one wants to see what it’s really like being a child growing up. We see enough of that in real life.
Final Curtain
And so, the big day is finally here. Peggy’s funeral. You can’t beat an Albert Square send-off, but Phil is having trouble writing the eulogy. Doubtless he is – wondering which way up to hold the pen. When Margaret arrives to say Gavin has been acting strangely (wouldn’t anyone, with that wig?), Sharon sends her away to concentrate on Phil and the funeral arrangements. You’d think she’d be used to them by now. She’s seen more corpses dispensed with than at a cannibals’ Christmas ball.
So will the day go as expected? Don’t be daft. There’s an emotional moment for one family member. And will Phil be able to get through the day without a drink? Will Sharon be able to get through the day without a man? When Roxy encourages Sam to open up, she says she’s finding it difficult being a mum and, with her bags packed for Portugal, can Roxy persuade her not to go? It’s a big decision: the Algarve, or Walford. With Roxy as your mentor, there’d be just one word: ‘Tax-iiii!’ Sharon is not happy to discover that Dennis has been in touch with Gavin, but is shocked when Buster tells her he saw him drive off with Kathy, who finds herself in danger. For a woman who came back from the dead, I’m sure she’ll cope. But when Buster and Sharon also find themselves embroiled in the situation, they’re all in danger. They never learn, do they?
Who’s going to do all the work?
It’s a medical emergency as Amarealises the extent of Jake’s problems. Jake explains that his bag containing his insulin and blood monitor was robbed. Ama explains to Charlie that Jake is diabetic but that he won’t register for help and she is at a loss as to what to do. Over at the Station, Robbie has forgotten to call the cleaning agency to arrange a new cleaner, leaving Sash and Carol to do the dirty work.
Carol tries to convince Robbie to hire Nora back, telling him that between them, she and Sash don’t have the time to take on the extra work. Hayley organises to go out with Laura, annoying Sash in the process, especially when Hayley produces a box of trainers as a present from the ‘grey market’. Sash tries to warn Laura about Hayley and worries about her getting into trouble. Later Sash is pleased when Laura stands up for her after Hayley has been winding her up. Doug discovers Ciarán is fixing up a drag racer in the garage but agrees not to tell Ray. Alannah is working at a checkpoint when Ciarán and Doug test drive the car. Alannah knows that the engine is too powerful to be on the road and asks whether or not it has been modified. Ciarán insists that it’s his friend’s car and that everything is by the book.
Spa-ing partners or just good friends?
How great was Wednesday’s episode featuring Jason’s exit? Not only was it packed with funny lines, it was Ryan Thomas’s best ever performance as Jason departed. Desperately poignant, it brought tears to the eyes. Tracy’s sarky comment about buying the film rights – ‘Boring builder goes on holiday; I can smell the BAFTA now’ – was hilarious, and Tracy has something else to smile about this week when, on the anniversary of Deirdre’s death, there’s a reconciliation with Amy.
Phelan, who engineered the holiday, grows ever more sinister as he tries to get his hands on Jason’s cash, but with Todd keeping a close eye and the return of Michael, it’s an uphill battle. It’s a great performance from Connor McIntyre, whose tiny smirks speak volumes. Mary finds herself sharing a hotel bedroom with Dev (above), after Erica has to bail on his spa day. He’s horrified the morning after, suspecting he’s done the dirty deed. Sophie, meanwhile, is trying to get to the truth about Caz’s lies. Oh, just put her on a level crossing. Let’s see how bad that leg really is when there’s a train coming.
Full English breakfast with grapes
When your husband calls you by the name of his ex, it’s reason enough to hit the bottle – but not if you’re an alcoholic. Waking with a hangover and drinking again, Laurel tries to seduce Marlon. Normally, this doesn’t take much work but on this occasion he decides Laurel needs a cooked breakfast – and a talking to.
When he leaves, though, she decides what she really needs is a little breakfast wine. Come on, give her a break – with Marlon’s cooking, she needs to get rid of the taste somehow. Will Laurel renew her vows with Ashley or instead hook herself up to the nearest vine?
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