I had a bit of an… I’m not sure altercation is even the right word with someone last night On Here. They asked me to leave them alone, so I’m not replying to their post with what they did wrong (answer: many things) but I’m going to give you a guide to how you, as a White Ally In Fandom™ should NOT behave, based on their poor decisions. Lemme break this down into a couple bullet points before I get my discourse on:
If you’re white, and a person of color calls you on behavior that is racist, or asks for clarification about your statements you FUCKING DEAL.
If you flounce off, accuse them of being “mean” or a “bully” and play the victim that is a form of emotional manipulation. You have re-centered the conversation around yourself, and attempted to put the fault on someone else. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM, YOU ARE THE ABUSER.
Flouncing off, melodramatically declaring that you’re obviously racist filth and will never speak of race issues again is childish, insulting, and plain disgusting. Also, I will simply take you at your word and dismiss you as a racist because of your disgusting behavior
Tumblr has a massive mix of different people, many from marginalized groups, sometimes from multiple ones. In the end though, racism in fandom is so constant and egregious that it’s become a serious focus of mine. A LOT of fandom/tumblr is white. As such, they are racist.
Wait, wait, hold on, before you go clutching your pearls at me, this is (probably) not your fault! But century upon century of colonization, white rule, enslavement, and genocide have put white people in a place of UNDENIABLE privilege. I don’t care if your life is hard, I don’t care if you’re poor, or queer, or disabled, or trans - if you’re white you STILL HAVE WHITE PRIVILEGE. Maybe it’s not working out as well for you as you’d like, but your problems do not center around your race. (This is not to diminish your issues and other challenges, it is only to identify a root cause.)
People of color are also indoctrinated in racism. We’re taught to hate ourselves instead of others. (And sometimes other PoC because White Supremacy loves to throw some scraps and let all the brown people fight for them, as if all the resources aren’t being controlled by the white power structure anyway.) It’s a very difficult process to try and cleanse that hate.
So - you’re (hopefully) working to unlearn racism, and we’re learning to unpack self hatred and struggle to push back against racism and micro-aggressions in spaces that WE SHOULD BE WELCOME IN.
I can pretty much guarantee that every person of color, at some point or another has had to deal with this White Flounce shit. It is classic derailing - you recenter the interaction to be about you, declare yourself the victim, and proclaim the PoC to be a meanie pants bully. Nothing pisses me off faster than that shit, let me tell you. Seriously I’m fairly certain every black or brown girl on the planet has had this shit pulled by a little white girl, and the world being what it is, they had to fucking apologize to the little white girl.
But guess what? I’m grown now, and I’m not fucking apologizing because you got your feels hurt when I pointed out your problematic behavior. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM.
So a quick summary of what happened last night (if you want to read the whole thing I haven’t deleted it, it’s tagged Cullen Critical:
Person: Cullen doesn’t fetishize elves, he’s just only attracted to people who are like him! Stop looking for reasons to hate him.
Me: Wut? How is this defending Cullen? Preferences don’t exist in a vacuum, that’s a classic racist argument about beauty preferences. You’re trying to defend Cullen from accusations of racist behavior with racist arguments? I’m confused??
Them: OMG YOU ARE SO MEAN AND YOU”RE CALLING ME A RACIST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Me: *in my head* O_o Uh… wut???
Them: Proceeds to flounce back to their blog, paint themselves as the victim of persecution, saying that everyone is accusing them of being racist and they obviously shouldn’t speak on race issues because their a filthy racist and they deserve to die.
That kind of behavior? I don’t put up with shit like that. That is horrible, emotionally manipulative, and genuinely gross. You’ve twisted the situation for your own needs for attention. Don’t you dare flounce off and make yourself a victim - I was never the one who called you racist, but hey, if you want to identify as such, I will take you at your fucking word.
The intersection of marginalization does NOT give you the right to dismiss the opinions and yes, the callouts of people of color on matters of race if you are white.
I am not @ing this person because they asked me to leave them alone and I’ve now blocked them, but please learn from this, because this behavior is just fucking gross. And rest assured I will let as many of my PoC friend as possible know that this is the kind of behavior they may have to deal with if they interact with this person.
Like… basically the most relevant post I’ve ever made, tbh. I’m reblogging in light of fandom never actually changing lol (And it doesn’t really matter what fandom it is, either.)
Bringing back an oldie but a goodie because woo, is it needed.
@myothermountsaqunari, this is for you girl!