Someone sends Tony a couple of sex bots.
Swinging
“Well,”
Tony started and then stopped, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he stared at
the two bodies laying in the crate in front of him. One male, the other female,
they were completely still, naked and judging by their smooth, blemish free
skin, completely flawless.
“Let it
never be said that,” Tony said slowly. “That I don’t stand for
progress, technological advancement and that I am not wholly on the side of all
forms of sane and consensual expressions of sex and sexuality out of there.
I’ve been around the block a few times in my time. But damn.”
Pepper agreed
with a hum and picked the card tastefully placed between the naked females
perfect pert breasts. She read it over and cleared her throat. “To Tony
Stark, with compliments of the team at CyberBang. Dear Mr. Stark, we are a
small band of robotics enthusiasts, who have been for years dreaming of
perfectly humanoid androids and their many utilities. Thanks to your recent
contributions to the robotics industry, our dreams are finally realised in the
Jack 0.1 and Jill 0.1. Taking inspiration from the mechanisms of the Iron Man
armour…” she trailed off and for a moment they stared at the two naked
androids.
“They
really are remarkably lifelike,” Pepper commented, shaking her head.
Tony nodded
slowly. “And well… equipped,” he said and tilted his head a little,
leaning in for a closer look. “Can we buy their company?”
Pepper gave
him a look.
“They
make sex bots, Pep,” Tony said. “Sex bots! And they sent me some for
free – how is that not awesome?” He asked and then reached forge note.
“Did they say anything about AI?”
“No – apparently
these two are just prototypes, proof of ideas,” Pepper said with a sigh.
“You do realise that they sent them to you probably with the intention of
prompting at least a partnership?”
“Yeah,
so?” Tony asked and looked the note over. Apparently AI wasn’t included
because the Personal Companions team had been too busy making the androids as
lifelike as possible. Personality, when developing sex bots, apparently came
secondary.
Pepper eyed
him and sighed. “The bots are not invited to any bed I’m on,” she
then said. “And if you do anything -”
“I
wouldn’t!’ Tony said quickly.
"If you
do,” she said severely. “If don’t want to hear about it.”
“You
think I’d screw someone’s else’s tech, Pep? I’m hurt,” Tony said with a
wounded expression. “You know my heart belongs to Stark Industries.
Seriously. You have the patent and everything.”
“Well I
know that’s not true, otherwise we’d be producing them in the millions, ”
Pepper said with a laugh and leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll
look into the company but no promises. We have reputation to uphold, you
know.”
“Love
you too,” Tony grinned and watched her go before turning back to the sex
bots. Actual honest to god sex bots!
‘What a time
to be alive,“ Tony said and shook his head. "JARVIS, wake up buddy.
We got some new toys – time to play.”
“Sir,”
JARVIS answered and automatically scanned the two androids, lifting a hologram
frame above them.
After few
hours of tinkering with the androids and Tony had them more or less figured
out. And he was pretty disappointed. Though the guys who made the things had
said they based the design on Iron man, they really hadn’t. Or rather they’d
tried to and failed at about hundred essential little things. But he could see
the inspiration in the joints and the hips, the way the neck moved.
The androids
both came with a controller that let the user move them around and have them
perform simple tasks – lot of them obscene. With the controller Tony had them walk
around the workshop – wincing internally all the while. The movement was jerky
and choppy and just awkward. Even the pre-programmed gestures were robotic.
“Okay I
can’t take this, it’s too embarrassing. JARVIS hoist them up for me – I’m gonna
fix 'em.”
JARVIS
complied by opening the floor plates, from where articulated robot arms rose.
They grabbed each android by their waist and them lifted them free of the
floor.
“Might I
suggest replacements for hip joins and a new bearings for the knee joints – IL-13
perhaps?” The AI asked.
“Read my
mind,” Tony agreed. “Put together a walk cycle for me – ah
actually,” he stopped and considered the two androids. “Upload the
J-lite on them.”
“…sir?’
JARVIS hesitated. "Am into consider them part of Iron Legion?”
“Yeah,
sure, why not,” Tony said with a shrug. “That works. Unless you
mind?”
“I don’t
mind, Sir,” JARVIS said slowly. “But are you certain that’s wise? They
have no combat capabilities.”
“Not
everything about life is combat,” Tony said and begun digging through his
toolbox for something to cut the synthetic skin open with “Might be a good
opportunity for you to see that first hand. Its a big beautiful world out there
full of all sort of fun experiences, you know.”
“If you
say so, Sir,” JARVIS answered dubiously.
“I do say so,” Tony grinned and clapped
his hands together. “Right, let’s get to work.”
-
Steve walked
in while Tony was wrist deep in the male android’s waist, trying to get to the
right parts with minimal damage to the skin – which meant hexes navigating less
by sight and more by feeling.
“Tony
what -” Steve stopped dead, looking between Tony, the android, and the
other android, the female, which was dangling in the air beside the male. They
were both still by all appearances naked. Somehow Steve managed to both go pale
with horror and flush red with embarrassment.
“This is
exactly what it looks like,” Tony said cheerfully.
“It
doesn’t look good,” Steve said slowly, reddening more the longer he
looked. “What are you doing, Tony?”
“Fixing
them,” Tony said and with a triumphant noise pulled out the bearing he’d
been fishing for. “Small robotics company sent them to me as thank you for your contributions to
robotics industry please give us money gift.”
“Um,”
Steve said, still red. “They’re robots then?”
“Androids,
really,” Tony said, watching him. “That’s an impressive shade of red,
Captain. Don’t tell me all the stories about the show girls are false, I based
my whole impression of you on them.”
“What?”
Steve asked and then shook his head. “Um, what’s wrong with them?”
“Inferior
craftsmanship and low quality parts, really – choppy movement. Dummy, the
bearing,” Tony snapped to a bot holding a tray of spare parts, who
dutifully handed the part over. “Good boy.”
Steve stared
as Tony dived back in with the be part, shoving his hand back into the androids
guts. “Why are they, um?”
“Naked
and anatomically very true to life?” Tony asked and Steve nodded.
“They’re sex bots, Captain. Well, technically companion androids or
whatever – but really, they were made to be fucked. Feel free to exit the
workshop any time you feel uncomfortable.”
“People
had sex in the forties too, you know – just not…” Steve waved a hand at
the androids. “I didn’t know people did that. With robots that is.”
“They
don’t yet – but they will soon,” Tony shrugged. “Google blow up
doll and sex machines sometime – you’ll learn a lot about how lonely
people get freaky. There, got it. Shake it for me, J.”
As Steve
watched, the android swivelled his hips from side to side in smooth pattern.
“Much better, Sir,” it said, in JARVIS’s voice.
“Jesus,”
Steve murmured.
“Great,”
Tony grinned about and patted the android’s belly. “We’ll have you
twerking in no time.”
“I can
hardly wait, Sir,” the android answered dryly.
“So was
there something you needed?” Tony asked, glancing at Steve.
“Its not
important, ” Steve shook his head, staring. “JARVIS is on that, uh, thing?”
“Indeed,
captain Rogers,” JARVIS answered through the room rather than the android,
sighing heavily. “Sir believes I need new experiences. And since it is sir
we’re talking about, he naturally believes a sex bot is the perfect platform to
experience them from.”
“Stop
with the sass or I’ll equip you with tentacles while I’m at it,” Tony
threatened.
“And so
my point is proven, Sir,” JARVIS said and the android gave Tony a pointed
look.
“First
thing he figured how to do,” Tony said to Steve, “Was giving me the
stink eye. Can’t even move yet – but he can give me a severe disappointed
looks. Go figure ”
Steve shook
his head and slowly sat down to a nearby stool. “And the female one?”
he asked curiously.
“Also
under my control, I’m afraid,” JARVIS said through the female android- in
very clear male voice.
“I’m
getting her a new voice,” Tony said, digging back into the android’s guts.
“A nice voice. Sexy sultry female voice.”
“Sir, honestly.”
“And
again with the look!”
“Jesus,”
Steve said again very faintly, and sat back to watch Tony and JARVIS work.
-
The first
steps JARVIS took as something other than the sturdy Iron Man or Iron Legion
were wobbly to say at least. Even with the reworked joints and their smoother
and wider range of motion, the general configuration was so dissimilar from
both Iron Man and Iron Legion that JARVIS had some trouble finding his balance.
“The
weight distribution is uneven,” he noted. “Recalibrating walk
animation.”
“Make
sure you keep it body specific,” Mr. Stark said, folding his arms and
watching. “They have different general arrangement. Also, different
parts,” he added, motioning the android’s chest.
JARVIS tried
for one of the animations he’d programmed and nodded instead of vocalising an
answer. Then he tried for another step.
“Shouldn’t
we get them clothes?” Captain Rogers asked.
“Eventually,”
Mr. Stark answered with a shrug. “There you how, J. Easy as walking.”
JARVIS reworked
the walk animation until he had a steady, smooth cycle. Then he did the same
with the other android, calibrating it for the lower centre of gravity and
wider hips. It resulted in a slight swing – which, JARVIS noted privately, Mr. Stark
seemed to approve, and which made Captain Rogers blush anew.
“Perfect,
absolutely perfect,” Mr. Stark said. “Write down the changes we made
and email it to the guys at CyberBang – even if we don’t buy their company, they
might as well improve their product. Except the arc reactors – don’t mention
the arc reactors. Say we replaced the batteries with an alternate power source
but don’t specify.”
“Yes
sir,” JARVIS answered, and begun compiling a report.
“So,”
Captain Rogers asked. “Clothes?”
Mr. Stark
gave him a look. “Well I don’t have anything their size hanging around, so…
You can go and get them yourself if you really want – we need to stress test
the androids to see everything works like it should.”
“Fine,”
Captain Rogers said and turned to leave. “I will, thanks.”
“Use the
credit card I gave you! ” Mr. Stark shouted after fun, to which the
Captain just waved a hand.
JARVIS
tracked him through the building as he got his wallet and headed out, by all
appeared cedar intending to do clothes shopping.
It took
almost fifty levels for the Captain’s blush to subside.
“Seems
like the good Captain has a libido after all,” Mr. Stark mused. “I
was starting to worry about that boy, all those people throwing themselves at
him and he’s like, nothing. But I guess it was just the matter of nothing
floating his boat quite right, huh. You should be honoured, JARVIS.”
“I’m
utterly thrilled, Sir,” JARVIS answered while texting Captain Rogers his
measurements – and then recording the way the Captain fumbled his phone as he
exited the building.
-
It dawned on
Steve when he entered the first clothing store that he’d never shopped for
clothes for anyone other than himself and that he’d never shopped clothes for a
woman. And he didn’t know anything about JARVIS’s preferences.
After a
moment of hesitation, he decided to err on the side of caution and texted
JARVIS instead of assuming anything.
[Any clothing
preferences?]
It took no
time at all for JARVIS to answer. [Something tasteful and bland, if you please.
Identical for both bodies if at all possible.]
Stave
considered that and then went to c find a salesperson asking for just that. She
then pointed him to a set of mannequins, both of them dressed in black
trousers, dark grey sweaters with collar of button up shirt peeking from
underneath. Bland, but tasteful.
“Great,
thanks,” Steve said and begun hunting for the right sizes. Then, in the
middle of heading to the cashier, he glimpsed the lingerie section and
remembered – right.
Blushing, Steve
picked up his phone again. [How about underwear?]
[You have my
measurements, Captain. I trust your judgement.]
“…right,”
Steve muttered, checking the previous messages. Yep, there was bust size there,
nearly written among all the other measurements. JARVIS was never nothing but
thorough.
So, steeling
himself, he marched to the lingerie isle. To buy a robot a set of bra and
panties. Good God.
And to think
he thought he’d seen most things future could throw at him.
-
JARVIS
examined the clothes Captain Rogers had purchased for him with definite
satisfaction. Though still a little unsure about what to think of his sudden
control over two humanoid androids that were nearly the complete opposite to the
rest of Iron Legion in design, it was… pleasing, to have been at the
receiving end of Captain Rogers’ consideration.
Normally
people didn’t concern themselves with JARVIS. Sir did of course, Ms. Potts did
on occasion and now there was also Dr. Banner who sympathised with JARVIS’s on
going struggle against his creator’s bad lifestyle choices. But no one except
Mr. Stark looked out for JARVIS, or worried about him.
Of course
normally there was no need to and on this occasion it was only due to the
female android body and it’s seeming vulnerability. It had woken Captain Rogers’s
sense of decency and chivalry. Still… it was rather pleasant.
JARVIS donned
each article of clothing with care, cataloguing the weight and texture of each
piece on his touch sensitive, artificial skin. It too was strangely pleasant.
Perhaps there would be merit to this project after all.
Dum-E, who’d
been holding the clothes for him, peered at the android bodies curiously and
sent him a string of questioning code. JARVIS answered by resting a hand on his
head and trying for a smile. “Thank you, Dum-E.”
“Not
half bad,” Mr. Stark said, coming over. He ran his hands through the
female androids hair, pushing it behind the synthetic ear. “Dunno about
the face design yet – not very you. But maybe it’ll grow on me. How do you like
your hair? We can dye it pretty easily.”
Both of the
androids were very pale platinum blondes. They were also very blue eyed. Idly
JARVIS wondered if that was Captain Rogers’s type.
“My
appearances are fine as they are,” JARVIS answered.
“Fine.
Can’t really speak for the ol’ Cap'n’s taste of feminine clothes, but
fine,” Mr. Stark said and patted both androids’ cheeks. “Now go and
explore. Test out the bodies, learn new motions, go crazy.”
“There
isn’t much in this tower that I could explore, Sir” JARVIS pointed out.
“Nothing happens here that I don’t know about it.”
“Then go
out – besides, have you touched anything in the tower? ” Mr. Stark asked
pointedly. “You got touch sensitive skin now – go touch things.”
“… Go touch things, he says to a pair of sex bots,” JARVIS answered with an arched eyebrow.
Tony gave the
eyebrow a wry look. “Go touch Steve then,” he said. “Just go and
do bodily things, J, before I donate you to the wax museum.”
“Yes,
Sir.”
-
“Captain
Rogers?”
Steve fumbled
the phone he’d been tinkering with, and turned to the direction of JARVIS’s
voice, as it definitely had a direction. Both of the androids were standing
behind him, now dressed to the clothing he’d bought them.
“I’d
like to thank you for purchasing these clothes for me,” JARVIS said
through the female android. “They are a perfect fit.”
Steve could
feel himself blushing as he quickly thumbed his phone screen off. “Right,
well, I’m glad they fit,” he said awkwardly while pushing the phone to his
pocket. “So you’re, uh, out of the lab. What are you going to do
now?”
“Mr.
Stark told me to go out and, to paraphrase, touch things,” JARVIS
answered, this time through the male body. “I suppose that is what I will
do.”
“Go out
– as in, out of the Tower, ” Steve asked. “Is that safe?”
“Possibly
not,” JARVIS admitted. “But I am in control of the Iron Legion. So I
do have back up in case something happens.”
Steve
hesitated, looking the two androids over. There was something so uncannily…
innocent about them, which considering what they were for, was a bit strange.
But he couldn’t shake the feeling that they shouldn’t be left to wander around New York alone.
“You
should probably take a phone at least,” he said slowly.
“Captain,
I am a phone.” JARVIS looked at
him for a moment. “You are free to accompany me, if you wish. I wouldn’t
mind the company.”
“Why
isn’t Tony going with you, if he’s the one telling you to go?” Steve asked
even while getting up.
“Mr.
Stark is a strong believer in if you love something throw it out
of a window,” JARVIS
explained. “If it comes back swinging, it’s probably worth keeping.”
Steve stared.
“That’s horrible,” he said finally. “But explains a lot about
Tony.”
JARVIS gave a
very human sigh. “I know. It should probably be mentioned that he lived in
a two story house when he coined that so called saying. And he’s never actually
defenestrated anyone.”
“Well,
that’s a relief to hear,” Steve grinned as they headed for the elevators.
“Oh yeah, I meant to ask Tony but I forgot – where are the others?”
“Dr.
Banner is currently at Mr. Stark’s Malibu mansion, winding down,” JARVIS
answered. “Ms. Romanoff is out on a mission – simple data retrieval, nothing
to be concerned over. Mr. Odinson is visiting Dr. Foster in Norway and Mr. Barton is
visiting a friend and will be back in a week.”
Steve nodded.
It had been a quiet month, so it made sense that the others were taking time
off. Tony had too, with the whole android thing. “Right,” he said and
they stepped into the elevator. “Where to first?”
-
JARVIS had
only minimal interest in the world outside his Tower – only when it pertained
to Mr. Stark or the Avengers did he pay any attention. He had never felt any
pressing need to go out and… join the world. He still didn’t, really. He saw
enough glimpses of the world online and through Iron man and Iron Legion and he
much preferred the Tower.
But he was
willing to give the world the benefit of doubt. As it was, Captain Rogers
definitely seemed to enjoy it.
“…
sitting right there when I saw the Tower for the first time. Didn’t even know
what a cellular phone was back then, the waitress confused me so bad when she
said they had wireless, I thought she was talking about radio,” Captain
Rogers explained, motioning. “I though the Tower was ugly back then – sorry
about that.”
“It’s
alright, Captain,” JARVIS answered through the male body, peering up to
the Tower. It looked bigger from 5he ground level than he’d realised. “Mr.
Stark’s designs have never been very subtle.”
“You can
say that again,” Captain Rogers murmured.
As they
continued through the city, JARVIS marvelled how… big everything was. He saw
world through cameras that were usually stationary or through pre-recorded
videos or photographed images. It skewed his perspective somewhat and while he
knew the relative size of things, it was different, seeing it all from a humans
perspective.
“So, are
you okay with the whole…” Captain Rogers motioned at JARVIS’s android bodies.
“… thing with the bodies? Them being for that?”
“I don’t particularly mind it,” JARVIS answered. “What something is meant for and what
it is used for do not necessarily have to coincide.”
“I
guess,” the Captain answered thoughtfully.
“Does it
bother you?” JARVIS asked.
“No, of
course not – it’s not really any of my business,” Captain Rogers said
quickly, blushing.
“I
guess,” JARVIS answered, and smiled. Judging by the look Captain Rogers
gave him, it was at least a semi successful smile.
“So, any
particular place you want to visit?” Captain Rogers asked, pushing his
hands into the pockets of his hoodie.
“Well,
it is getting late and I suppose I should… try the human experience,”
JARVIS answered. “Which, I suppose, would be a bar. At least according to
Mr. Stark.”
Captain
Rogers let out a small laugh. “Well,” he said. “I guess that’s
about right. But you can’t even drink, can you?”
“I can
drink – I have a… container for storing liquids,” JARVIS answered. “I
suppose you could call it a stomach, but I cannot digest anything.”
“Then
why do you even have…” Captain Rogers started and then trailed off, look
of mortified realisation coming to his face. “Well,” he coughed
awkwardly. “I can drink but I can’t get drunk, so… I don’t really go to
bars. So I wouldn’t know where to go.”
“I’ll
do a search,” JARVIS said and paused for a moment to run through all of
the potential places within walking distance, sorting them by entertainment. He
rather doubted either of them would enjoy a night club, after all. “Hm, I
think I found a suitable place. It is a considerable walking distance
however.”
“We
better get walking then,” Captain Rogers said and smiled.
-
The bar
JARVIS led them to was, indeed, considerable walking distance away. It took
them almost an hour to walk there at JARVIS pace, which Steve was carefully
sticking to. But once they got there, Steve could instantly see why JARVIS had
chosen it – it had a definite old-fashioned tint to it, with the worn counter
and stools and round tables aged just right.
And then he
heard the music, playing not from stereos but live from a small stage in the
back. It was painfully familiar and yet… not at all.
“What
is that?” Steve asked. “I think I’ve heard it but –”
“An Electro
Swing remix of Benny Goodman Sing, Sing, Sing, judging by the sound of
it,” JARVIS answered calmly through his male body. “I suppose you
have heard the original version. It is rather
"Electro…
Swing,” Steve repeated and then gave him a suspicious look. “You
brought me here on purpose.”
“Naturally,”
JARVIS agreed. “Shouldn’t I have? We can leave.”
Steve eyed
him – both of him – for a moment and then looked towards the stage. There was
no band playing, just a – what were they called, Deejays? Something like that.
But the music was familiar.
“No,
this is fine,” Steve said, and stepped ahead, JARVIS following him quietly
inside and eventually, to a table, where Steve slouched a little and JARVIS sat
down very slowly and carefully. His first time sitting down, probably.
They
listened to the music for a while – or Steve listened, while JARVIS either
stared at him or the bar around them, eyes a little too wide, little too open.
That, Steve decided, was what made his android bodies look so innocent, that wide-eyed
look.
“It’s
funny – I’ve been avoiding listening to the old songs,” Steve admitted.
“I didn’t think… I don’t know. I guess I was worried they didn’t carry
over properly.”
“This
isn’t the ultimate end of Swing,” JARVIS said, almost kindly. “Just
one of the newer forms it has evolved to. The original will always remain the
original.”
Steve
smiled at that, nodding along the beat. “I like it,” he decided.
“It’s lively.”
It wasn’t
much like it had been – the people dancing weren’t dancing Swing, not like he’d
seen Bucky and others dance it. People here dragged their feet the way no one
should when dancing Swing. But they were enjoying it.
“Mr.
Stark told me to do bodily things,” JARVIS said, watching him.
“Would you like to dance, Captain?”
“Dance?”
Steve asked and laughed. “I don’t know how to dance.”
“Neither
do I,” JARVIS admitted and stood, one body after another, stiff and little
awkward. “But couple hours ago I didn’t know how to smile, so I suppose I am
capable of learning.” He stood over Steve and waited.
“Well,”
Steve said after a moment, eying him – them, how ever he was supposed to think
of two robot bodies controlled by one consciousness. They were almost ethereal
with how strange they were. JARVIS was that too – Steve would never get over
the fact that Tony Stark had just made a person from nothing like that. It was
just… unusual and exciting.
And he liked
unusual and exciting things.
Steve
nodded and stood up. “I guess we need to prove Tony you’ll come back Swinging.”
- - - -
I had a down right night-bloggy thought yesterday that if JARVIS x Steve had a ship name it should be electroswing. Also at some point I wanted to write an Actual Sex Bot JARVIS story. Sooo yeah.