Last week, comedy fused with tragedy to bequeath us with a horrific spectacle, the Presidency’s underbelly was cruelly exposed and social media proved itself a veritable tool (once again) for persons seeking a just society.
Here’s a wrap of last week in 6 sound bites….
1. America Knows Everything
It is a wonder we still live in a world replete with wars, bombings, terrorist onslaughts and HIV when Uncle Sam has become the ‘all knowing’ reference point since the satellite was invented.
Asked for his take on the alleged disappearance of some cool $20bn from the coffers of the nation during a Presidential media chat, President Goodluck Jonathan, sounding irritated and befuddled, railed into the cameras: “I am telling you that if that amount of money was indeed missing, America will know.”
The #AmericaWillKnow hashtag trended for most of last week: a sad reminder that the chaps in Abuja revel in cluelessness and have since ceded the running of the country to the dogs.
2. President Jonathan Has A Thing For Diezani Alison- Madueke
I have often wondered why the Minister of Petroleum, Diezani Alison-Madueke, thumbs her nose with uppity at everyone and turns down invitation after invitation from legislative probe panels. Until last week, that is.
President Goodluck Jonathan rebuked the House of Representatives for becoming too political with its probes and baulked at how the House of Representatives would invite the Petroleum Minister to appear before it on more than 200 occasions previously. It was a tacit endorsement of corruption from the nation’s number one citizen. It was also proof that members of the federal executive council and just about anyone in the President’s good books, could indeed get away with just about everything.
Diezani and Jonathan enjoy a special kind of relationship—one that ensures that despite several indictments of the powerful minister and the state oil corporation she oversees, she has never been in any danger of losing her job.
Last week, we learned that the President would rather pull the trigger on himself than let his goddess walk…
3. #Hashtags Will Never Remain The Same Again
Social media is empowering lives globally and handing a voice to the voiceless–from Cape Town to Antarctica. Social media is reshaping global discourses, reinventing the rules of engagement between leadership and the led and breeding a band of keypad hugging activists.
From a four letter word hashtag begun in Nigeria and initially given short shrift by the Nigerian leadership, #BringBackOurGirls has been tweeted over 2million times and has resonated across the globe with viral efficiency. From the FLOTUS (Michelle Obama), PM David Cameron, Angelina Jolie, P.Diddy, The Pope to Chris Brown, Christiane Amanpour and just about every other global personality worth his/her name, #BringBackOurGirls has put Chibok community (from whence the schoolgirls were abducted three weeks ago) firmly on the map.
#BringBackOurGirls has allowed the Nigerian government to accept international help in a bid to rescue the girls from the lair of a blood curdling terrorist sect. Last week, we were ushered into a promising new world of social media and hashtag engagement. The rules may just have been altered forever. The power is in your hands. How you deploy that power is all that matters, henceforth.
4. There Is God Ooooo!
Nigeria’s first lady, Patience Jonathan, inexplicably redirected more odium towards the first family last week.
It was a potpourri of unnecessary melodrama, needless histrionics, a “made for TV shedding of crocodile tears” (as the APC did succinctly describe the moment much later) and an insight into how the Jonathans view the very serious business of statecraft.
This columnist has no beef with the first lady’s grasp of the English Language (which is quite fantastic, to put it mildly). Everyone has the right to express themselves in ways they deem fit, even if it means mangling words and making them sound as ‘Prinspa’(Principal), ‘Diarris’(There is), ‘sharing’ ( shedding) Wayec (WAEC), while interjecting them with ‘Chai!’, ‘Na only you waka come?’—all on national TV.
This columnist’s grouse with the first lady’s TV moment last week had nothing to do with her lack of poise, class and her array of gaucheness.
I had a problem, however, with Patience Jonathan assuming the role of Commander-In-Chief—taking over investigations aimed at unraveling the abduction of the schoolgirls, ordering the arrest of peaceful protesters, reprimanding the people of Chibok for making up the abduction story and dishing out blames here and there. Heck, she even had a commissioner of Police quaking in his boots and had plans to have the wife of a serving State Governor completely dressed down on national Television!
To the Jonathans, please remember: there is God o! In everything we are doing…there is God o! Chai…chai!!!
5. The President’s Media Team Is A Joke
Moments after over 234 schoolgirls were abducted in a restive community in the hotbed North East region, the President’s Special Adviser on media and Publicity, Reuben Abati, regaled his horde of Twitter followers with images of the President at a campaign rally, dancing like his very life depended on it. Abati wasn’t done just yet. Minutes later, he tweeted pictures of the President clapping excitedly before a giant cake in Ibadan. All of these, some 24 hours after 76 Nigerians had lost their lives and several lay in hospital wards injured; no thanks to a bus park terrorist bombing.
It was a show of shame.
The President’s media team went on to treat the abduction of the schoolgirls as a non-event for three weeks—not saying a word about efforts to rescue the girls until the international gaze on Nigeria in the wake of the kidnappings forced them all to join the #BringBackOurGirls bandwagon. Epic fail.
Sometimes, a President is just as good as his media team. Throw in a clueless C-In-C and a joke of a media team and what you get is an absolute disaster.
6. The International Media Has Exposed The FG’s Underbelly
You could see the eggs on the faces of Doyin Okupe (Senior Special Assistant to the President on Public Affairs) and Labaran Maku (Minister of Information) as they stood before CNN anchor person, Isha Sesay; stuttering away incoherently.
The Coordinating Minister of the Economy couldn’t fend off the barrage of questions from the international media and President Jonathan looked chastened as he attempted to explain away his tepid, tacky and tardy approach to governance since he became the country’s President. “We started acting the moment the girls were abducted. We weren’t slow….the charge that we were slow is a misconception”, President Jonathan cooed as the rest of the world spotted his mendacity from miles away. The damage to his government’s reputation from across the Atlantic, had long been done.
They had all been living in denial and playing politics with the lives of the girls for three weeks. There was not a shred of harmony from the government’s communication team when the international media came calling. They all looked to be singing from different song sheets.
Worse, the Government of Nigeria last week proved to the world that if it has a counter-terrorism strategy, it is yet to flip through the document, let alone deliberate on it.
The international media led by the New York Times, The Economist, The BBC, CNN and ABC reaffirmed what Nigerians have always known: that this government has never meant well; will never mean well for the Nigerian people.
Extra
As she made her way out of a vigil church mass during the early hours of Saturday, May 10th 2014, my mum (Mrs. Josephine Egbas) was attacked by a group of bandits in Ovonum, Obubra Local Government Area of Cross River State. The attackers made away with her cell phone and other valuables and left her with several machete lacerations—enough to drain so much blood off her and endanger her survival prospects.
She’s been transferred to two hospitals now as my siblings; friends, Doctors and I battle to keep her alive. I want to particularly thank Odo Awukam, Remi Opakunle and Adekunle Oyekunle who have been on the phone to express their concerns and have helped where necessary with logistics.
Mum ploughed the soil as a poor farmer in Cross River State to see us all through school. She’s the real reason I write. She’s the real reason I can even string words together into sentences; especially after Dad abdicated his responsibilities.
Happy mothers’ day, mum!
This column will be taking a break until mum is able to bounce back and work the farms again.
Twitter: @egbas
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