The day after I dislocated my knee for the first time I received an email letting me know I had been chosen as one to read and review Sheila Walsh's new book coming out, The Storm Inside. I received my copy that day and the timing couldn't have been more ironic or perfect.
That night I started reading it as I lay in bed, so many things popping out to me right away, and I had just finished writing out quotes from it in regards to disappointment. One exact quote I last wrote said...
"As you look at your life, can you identify areas where you have faced (or are facing) disappointment?"
Moments later I dislocated my knee for the second time, hoping for a miracle, knowing what was coming for me in the way of pain, trauma, etc. Talk about disappointment currently.
I knew a little about Sheila Walsh, but was not totally familiar with her. When I was in real desperation in regards to my depression I had heard that she had stuggled with it, and I wanted to know how, as a Christian, you are "supposed" to deal with that. I found a short video of her on youtube about her story and time in a mental ward because of her deep depression, all while working a Christian ministry job on TV!
All I knew was, the woman was real, she had been through it, and now she was writing about the exact topic I know I needed to read. Something with meat, from someone who "gets it" and is not gonna sugar cote something and try and force it down my throat, or so it may feel sometimes.
As I have struggled through this dark time, this storm, I have realized how many of you can relate. Maybe yours is much longer and stronger, maybe it's not, but they still hurt, they are still hard to endure. None of us skate through life pain free. Actually Jesus Himself says that we will have trials in this world and that we will identify to Him through suffering. There is a way of knowing God that I believe may only come through these storms.
My trouble has been where do we go when we walk through these, and feel like we are almost drowning?
The church, sadly, has not been a safe place for me to run to, at least not in my circumstance. That is not an overall sweeping notion of the church as a whole, but it gave me great comfort to see how Sheila addressed this in her book. She says...
"...a woman who lost a child in a random accident told her Bible study froup that on some mornings she honestly didn't know if she could make it. Someone saw her cure and declared, "Just remember this verse: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! The grieving woman took a risk and voiced her pain and instead of being heard and given the space and grace to struggle, she was silenced by a verse that clearly she hadn't lived up to. And how could she miss that clear implication that if you're not strong, then your not in Christ. {His Word is not a Hallmark card}.
This is my favorite quote in the book, the one that really stuck out to me. Sometimes not because I have had that direct thing happen to me, but I have seen it happen, that I probably have even done it. That is the voice the exists in my head the "yeah, but Ashley, this is the thing you know to do" and the guilt that came along with that,I have felt that somehow I wasn't good enough, strong enough, had enough faith because my struggle was so deep, so long. I felt as though Sheila "saw" me, she was validating something I have desired to be understood and held in the middle. She says this...
"We all need a place where we can give voice to the worst that torments our soul and still be held".
"No one wants to stand up in a prayer meeting and confess God has let her down. We want to say the right thing, the spiritual thing, the religious thing, the things that make others applaud and say Amen!"
Yep, that is and has certainly been me. And I ask myself, what is more courageous, to keep your pain inside and slap on your "happy clappy face" or to share that you are mistrusting God, and your hurt, and you don't know what to do next? We need to value the person who can be so honest, not shame them. Because for me, it wasn't that I didn't know the truth, it wasn't that I didn't want to trust God or return to Him, it wasn't any of those things. It was the fact that it was hard, and I needed someone to acknowledge that and walk that valley with me, not band-aid slap it.
The book goes on with not only great insights but questions at the end of every chapter to get you to think about the conclusions you are drawing as you read. That hard work, if you will. Helping us to realize that it's OK to struggle, and its OK to bring those struggles to the Lord.
"Only when you tell Jesus the whole truth, pouring out everything that you see as ugly and unredeemable, can you experience the blessing of hearing Him say in the deepest recesses of your heart, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed."
We want healing, He wants to make us whole, and that process is a lot longer.
So much more great content all around, I highly recommend it.
You can order the book from SheilaWalsh.com as well as watch the webcasts they have been hosting the past couple weeks on these topics.
You can also enter to win a Spa Day for you and a friend HERE
{this ends in 2 days}
I am also giving away a
FREE AUTOGRAPHED COPY
of
THE STORM INSIDE
These are the all the ways you can enter...
I will announce the winner Tuesday morning!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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