ROBERT ST. JOHN
I started a diet a few months ago. The two main offenders I gave up were bread and sugar.
It seems to me those two items are toxic to my system and are the primary reasons for weight gain now that my middle-aged metabolism has slowed to that of a sloth.
The diet has gone OK. Though there are two things I sorely miss – bread and sugar.
I love bread.
I don’t love sugar like I love bread. I just love the things sugar is “in.” It’s not necessarily even sweet, sugary things, but food items that convert to sugar inside my body like corn and potatoes.
Who starts a diet excluding corn in June? An idiot, that’s who, and I am that idiot. Sweet corn season came and went and I barely noticed.
I was supposed to lay off potatoes, but that’s just silly. Potatoes are one of God’s little gifts to the culinary world. They are cheap, they are versatile, they are starchy, and they taste really good.
Back to bread. In the book of Matthew, Jesus said, “Man cannot live by bread alone.” Now, I won’t proselytize here, and I understand it wasn’t a literal interpretation. But I think I really could live on bread alone – at least for a year.
That was a discussion topic at our family dinner table a few weeks ago, “If you could eat only one food item every meal for an entire year, what would it be?” At least on the heels of this most recent diet, I think my choice would be bread.
Good bread, mind you. I’m not talking about 365 days of mass produced white bread. Give me a good ciabatta, foccacia or French loaf, and I think I could eat that every day for the next 52 weeks – especially if I had butter and salt.
I went in for my annual check-up last week. My doctor walked into the room and noticed the button I always wear on my left chest which reads “Eat Local.” He took one look at me, then looked at the button, and said, “That’s exactly what I was about to tell you to do – ‘Eat Low Cal.’” He’s a funny doctor.
This is the same guy who, on a previous visit, while viewing my chart, told me, “It says here you are too short for your weight. You’re either going to have to grow nine inches in height, or drop some pounds.”
Back to bread and sugar: It is a known fact broccoli and cauliflower don’t taste as good as doughnuts.
Sitting at my desk last week, I started ranking my favorite breads – because that’s what one does when he’s been deprived of flour and yeast for eight weeks (whole grain wheat is not included on this list because that is what I have been eating on this diet).
5.) Focaccia – We bake focaccia fresh every morning and evening at our Italian restaurant. This is what I was eating when I first had the thought – I might be able to live on bread, alone.
4.) Seeded Rye – This might be the most underrated sandwich bread on the planet.
3.) Ciabatta – We bake this fresh every morning and evening at the Purple Parrot. When it’s warm and the butter melts so fast it can barely be spread, it’s another level of gluten heaven.
2.) French Bread – If one can reach gluten heaven by eating ciabatta, a self-actualized nirvana is just around the corner with a warm loaf of French bread. I have embarrassed myself too many times by asking for seconds, thirds, and fourths of warm French bread at New Orleans restaurants.
1.) Croissant – This is what all bread wants to be when it grows up. It’s the top of the food chain and the pinnacle of wheat realization.
Who can argue with 81 light, flaky layers of buttery awesomeness? As a younger – more foolish – man, I used to add butter and fruit preserves to croissants. The only time butter and fruit are needed is with frozen or pre-baked croissants, and one should never eat frozen or commercially pre-baked croissants. Croissants should be eaten in a bakery that makes them from scratch that morning. I am blessed to work across the street from a place that makes fresh croissants every morning. As a matter of fact, I am declaring this a “cheat day” and walking across the street right now to eat a freshly baked croissant.
Robert St. John is a restaurateur, chef and author of numerous books.