By Steven dos Santos
Author Steven dos Santos
Once upon a time, I wished upon a star, a luminous heavenly body, so I could follow my own star, my destiny, and see people like me as stars, playing the lead roles in stories filled with excitement and wonder.
I can’t tell you how empowering it feels to have finally reached the top step of the slippery publication staircase, staring down on my long journey, breathless, clutching copies of my debut novel, The Culling, the first book in my Post-Apocalyptic The Torch Keeper series (which was recently chosen as a Top Ten Selection of the American Library Association’s Rainbow List), and the newly released sequel, The Sowing.
Life’s good now.
But it wasn’t always so.
Ever since I was a child, I had a passionate love of story in all its forms. Even before I could read on my own, I still remember the excitement of tearing open the shrink wrap of a storybook album, back in those ancient days when we had those vinyl Frisbees called records. I would sit enthralled for hours and listen through the tinny speakers of my portable plastic record player, as narrators spun wondrous tales of cursed Princesses, genies, fairies, giants, evil witches, mischievous gnomes, etc.
It was the heroic and handsome Princes, however, that always captivated most of my attention, though at the time, I wasn’t quite sure why. Part of me wanted to be like them, for sure, charging in on my white horse and saving the day from darkest peril. But another part of me which I never spoke of, wondered what it would be like to be the object of their quest, the one awoken from a long enchanted sleep by true love’s first kiss like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, or whose foot fit the glass slipper like Cinderella’s.
No matter how many stories I devoured, however, I never came across one that ended with two Princes sharing an enchanted kiss, let alone riding off into the sunset together to a sparkling castle in the clouds. The child I was just accepted that these feelings I had must be wrong and I shoved them inside an ivory tower room in my mind, locked away year after year, growing mossy vines while awaiting rescue by a Prince that, it would seem, would never come.
Looking back on it now, I can see the absurdity of the homophobic rhetoric, that pontificates that somehow children will be “turned gay” if they are exposed to same-sex couples. If growing up with heterosexual parents and being bombarded with tale after tale of opposite-sex love in storybooks and animated movies wasn’t enough to turn a gay kid like me and millions of others heterosexual, then there obviously isn’t enough magic for the converse to be true.
It wasn’t until I hit puberty, though, that the The Mystery of Steven’s Fascination With Heroic Princes was solved at last.
I was one of them.
I still cringe at the memory of how the epithets that were hurled at me as an adolescent burned into the very fiber of my being. Ugly words like Sissy, Faggot, Maricon branded me with their hatefulness, more potent than any storybook witch’s vile curses. I was ostracized by many of my classmates and became extremely introverted, escaping into the refuge of literature. But now that I was older, I saw the glaring absence of people like me in stories as confirmation that somehow those slurs were true. People like me weren’t worthy enough to be heroes in books, and that plunged me deeper into depression.
I felt pretty much alone.
One of the things that helped me through this tumultuous time during my school years was my love of writing, everything from short stories, scripts, and even plays. Fast forward to 2002 when I wrote my very first novel, a middle grade fantasy story called Darius Devine & The Necromancer’s Curse, a throwback to my childhood love of fairy tales.
But Darius never had its happy ending. Despite numerous submissions, Darius Devine & The Necromancer’s Curse didn’t sell. In the meantime, I started noticing that Young Adult novels with gay protagonists were slowly beginning to emerge. Books such as Alex Sanchez’ Rainbow Boys (2003), Brent Hartinger’s Geography Club (2004) and David Levithan’s Boy Meets Boy (2005) had helped pave the way for gay characters in mainstream literature. These books dealt with important issues for gay youth, including coming out and self-acceptance. Finally, gay teens were seeing themselves represented in literature, something I had always dreamed about.
As inspiring as this new wave of stories was, however, I wanted something different, to move beyond the “problem” aspect of being gay, and have gay characters be the stars of their own adventure, suspense, fantasy, and horror stories, just like their heterosexual brethren.
In 2007, I decided to take a shot at just that kind of Young Adult novel, and wrote a paranormal, espionage adventure tale entitled Dagger, after the main character. The manuscript featured a gay teen who goes to High School during the day, and belongs to a secret, supernatural spy group that takes him all over the globe at night to combat the forces of evil.
I did derive some hope that the world had evolved and was ready for a gay Young Adult hero. That same year, the late Perry Moore published his novel, Hero, featuring a gay superhero. Things were changing. The time for gay characters in teen literature had arrived.
Once Dagger was finished in 2008, I started querying agents— and started receiving passes. Of course, I received some rejections citing the publication of Moore’s book, basically saying that the quota for a “gay hero” Young Adult novel had been filled, as if there were only one novel featuring heterosexual heroes in the market place.
One agent said she loved it, but could never sell it. Cryptic.
Then another agent’s response shed some light on this reaction and really shattered me:
Hi Steven,
I really appreciate your sending the manuscript for Dagger my way. I had a chance to read over it, and you really have a talent for writing YA with a paranormal/fantasy bent. The story was fast-paced, original and witty. I found myself laughing at numerous instances during the book, and there is definite series potential there. It’s hard to make a book like yours stand out from the crowd, especially with the paranormal YA market as flooded as it is. You have accomplished this with Dagger.
Now here comes the hard part (and I’m sure you’re no stranger to this feedback at this stage in the game) … I love your story, but I just don’t see a large enough market existing for Dagger. To begin with, readers in the YA market are primarily female, so generally speaking, it’s harder to publish a young adult novel with a male protagonist. As much as I hate to admit it, young men just don’t read as much as young women. In addition to this, your protagonist is not only male, but he’s gay as well. Even if Dagger could command a significant male audience, the element of a homosexual protagonist would reduce this demographic to a mere trickle of readers. Any YA books that have incorporated homosexuality as a major theme have not sold well, either (such as Between Mom and Jo by Julie Ann Peters). Publishers take note of these sales trends, which affect any their future decisions to purchase similar books.
Believe me when I say that I loathe grouping audiences in categories like this, since there are numerous exceptions to the rule and it makes no room for individuality. Unfortunately, selling a book to a publisher is a business transaction, and this means that publishers choose to follow general market trends when deciding whether or not to purchase an author’s book. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the general market trend for YA audiences is straight and female. I regret it (as I’m sure you do), but market circumstances are just not favorable to selling a book like Dagger. As a result, I’m going to have to pass on offering you representation.
I really hope that this doesn’t discourage you from continuing to write, because you do have a gift (and you can rest assured that agents DO NOT say this lightly). Please keep my agency in mind for future submissions. We wish you the best of luck in your writing career.
Needless to say I was crushed. Devastated. My first question after reading this letter was, “How the hell is this supposed to not discourage me, or anyone else who writes books with gay main characters?” Would they have dared send this letter to someone substituting race or religion for gay? Try this experiment: Read the letter again, except everywhere it references “gay” or “homosexual(ity)” plug in “African American,” “Asian,” “Jewish,” “Muslim,” etc. See how ugly it sounds? Imagine what it must feel like to get a letter like this, especially if you are a part of that minority being referenced. It’s truly hurtful and disgusting. I guess I could have kept this agency in mind for “future submissions,” as long as I wrote a book with heterosexual leads…sigh.
Now I’m not saying that all agents or editors share this view, or that this was the only issue that someone might have had with my manuscript. Of course not. I now have a wonderful agent and editor who believe 110% in diversity and two published novels featuring a main gay protagonist and supporting gay, lesbian, and bisexual characters.
However, that being said, the fact that an agent could send a rejection letter like this and not even grasp the magnitude of the underlying implications is truly sad and eye-opening.
In 2009, I began working on, The Culling, a Post-Apocalyptic epic, once again featuring a gay male protagonist. And once again I received rejections, most notably those that asked me to change the gender of the main character from male to female, effectively eliminating any traces of Gay. Maybe I could have made things easier for myself by changing the gender of the character or not making him gay. But I held my ground. A writer should never betray his or her instincts, and the best writing comes from the heart and what you’re passionate about.
And more importantly, what of the LGBTQ teens like I once was, yearning to see themselves reflected in literature and find affirmation that their stories are just as exciting and compelling as those of their heterosexual counterparts?
No. Giving up was not an option.
Then, on Friday, June 10, 2011, everything changed. I received word from my agent, Ginger Knowlton, that Brian Farrey of Flux Books had contacted her to let her know they wanted to buy not one, but two Torch Keeper books, with an option for a third one. It was one of the most thrilling, joyous moments of my entire life and I’ll never forget that feeling.
The world is changing. Same-Sex marriage is no longer an impossible dream. Books featuring transgender characters like Stonewall Award winner Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills are now being published. Author Malinda Lo’s wonderful novels Ash and Huntress feature lesbian characters. My own recently released The Sowing features new lesbian and bisexual characters in addition to the series’ gay male protagonist. But even though LGBTQ teens can find more characters to relate to in literature today than I did thirty years ago, these characters are still too few and far between. More publishers need to take a proactive approach in representing LGBTQ characters if they don’t want to be left behind. Young people are now more open and eager than ever to read about diverse characters, people of different sexual orientations and ethnic backgrounds. And LGBTQ teens should not have to wish upon a star to be The Star. The time for pining for your prince or princess to come to the rescue, no matter what your sexual orientation is, has passed.
We can be our own Princes or Princesses.
And all live together, Happily Ever After.
The Culling and The Sowing are now available. Visit Steven dos Santos at his website, Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter @stevendossantos.