Working with an ex can sometimes make for a hostile working environment. Relationship coach Warren Munitz of Quantum NLP Coaching talks us through a few points you may need to consider if you find yourself in such a situation.
Set boundaries
His first piece of advice is to make sure there are boundaries between the two of you.
“Obviously, depending on the work you do and the kind of dynamic you had, keeping healthy boundaries is critical in the situation,” he says. “It’s what’s critical in any situation with relationships in the workplace, but it’s even more imperative when the two of you have split up.”
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He explains that if there was co-dependency in the relationship that wasn’t addressed, there will be tension at work because it won’t be easy to contain your emotions when engaging with each other. Setting boundaries can help you avoid that. Remember, you don’t have to pretend to be friends or pretend to get along – you just work together.
Discuss how you’re going to handle the situation
Munitz says it’s very important to make sure the two of you have a conversation about how you’re both going to handle the situation so it’s harmonius. And depending on how bad the break-up was, he advises that exes involve a third party in their dialogue.
“It would be a good idea to have a couple’s session or two or three. However, many are needed to discuss what those boundaries are, and to make sure they’re clear to both parties involved,” Munitz says. “Find out what the protocols of your interactions are.”
Most people make a decision based on what’s happening outside of them instead of first assessing what’s going on inside of them
Remain professional – keep your emotions out of it
Keep in mind that you’re at your place of employment, where there isn’t much place for personal issues. Allowing your emotions to take over can place you in a vulnerable position as far as your employment is concerned, so it’s important to remain deliberate about your professionalism and keep emotions out of it.
“No one has control over everything else that’s happening around them. The only thing we can do is take ownership of our emotional being. It doesn’t necessarily mean we can control our emotions, but it does mean that we are responsible for how we relate to those emotions.”
Tell the boss or keep it quiet?
Munitz says that the decision to tell your superiors or not about your previous relationship depends on the context of your situation: how long you were in the relationship and how disruptive it could be to the work environment.
READ MORE: 5 signs that you may be headed for divorce
“If the relationship dynamic is going to affect your work, your colleagues and clients, then it’s important that the nature of the relationship between the two of you is disclosed to your superior,” Munitz advises.
Leave or stay?
One of the two people who were involved in the relationship often decide to leave a job because of the presence of their ex – but is this always a good idea?
Munitz says it depends on the relationship and how things ended, and suggests one further interrogate their reasons for leaving.
“If you leave the job, ask yourself why you are leaving,” he says. “Is it because you can’t handle the intensity of what is happening? What is your decision based on? Most people make a decision based on what’s happening outside of them instead of first assessing what’s going on inside of them.”
While working with an ex may be an uncomfortable situation, the one message that comes through most strongly is to never compromise on professionalism.
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