2013-12-03

Well-crafted dialogue, made up off the top of their heads.

1. Apocalypse Now

Captain Willard (Martin Sheen) was not supposed to punch that mirror in the hotel room. Sheen, drunk at the time, advised the crew to keep the cameras rolling as his PTSD officer sobbed uncontrollably. In addition to smashing his fist against real glass, Sheen also lunged after director Francis Ford Coppola. Coppola told the crew to keep the cameras rolling.

2. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Captain Obvious improvised the line “I need a vacation” in the denouement, the same quip he used during one of the scenes in “Kindergarten Cop,” which was released one year earlier. Schwarzenegger, whose DVD commentary for “Total Recall” is evident enough that he has never before heard the word “subtext,” said that the “need a vacation” line made sense because, after all the explosions and fighting, you could really tell that the T-101 needed a vacation.

3. The Fugitive

When Dr. Richard Kimbell (Harrison Ford) pleads with the U.S. Marshall (Tommy Lee Jones) “I didn’t kill my wife,” Jones’s character responds with “I don’t care.” The original line was “That’s not my problem.”

4. Blade Runner

Rutger Hauer’s soliloquy at the end of Ridley Scott’s iconic snorefest was all part of Hampton Fancher’s script, except for the last line: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe/Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion/I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate/All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.” The “tears in rain” part? Improvised–as if the scene‘s dialogue wasn’t emo enough.

5. The Warriors

Arguably the most famous line from Walter Hill’s 1979 masterpiece (“Warriors — come out and play-ay!”) was ad-libbed by actor David Patrick Kelly. It was apparently a quip his neighbor used to shout when ready to pounce.

6. Bottle Rocket

The robbery scene in which Wes Anderson muse Kumar Pallana (R.I.P.) asks Owen Wilson’s character, “Who is that man?” was not by design. For a moment, Pallana actually forgot who the dude was. Wilson used the unscripted quirk to his advantage. (Wilson: “That’s Applejack, man, come on!”)

7. Caddyshack

When Ty Webb seduced Lacey Underalls at his douchebag abode, he gave her a completely worthless massage which included an unnecessary splash of lotion on her back. “You’re crazy!” shrieked actress Cindy Morgan, which was not one of her lines. It was left in. Fun fact: Morgan claims she stopped auditioning for movies after her bitter experience on the set of “Caddyshack,” in which the producers strong-armed her into doing a topless scene.

8. Dumb and Dumber

Thanks to the Internet, Jim Carrey’s Most Annoying Sound in the World can now be listened to on loop for 10 hours straight. It was not in the Farrelly brothers’ script either, which, according to “Dumb and Dumber” scholars, is evident by the look on Jeff Daniels’ face.

9. Shark Attack 3

In this must-watch scene [NSFW language], the director allegedly told actor John Barrowman to say anything in order to make the actress react with emotion. Thinking the “eat your pussy” line would get edited out in the final cut, Barrowman went for it. It, apparently, was so effective that it stayed in the picture. Classic cinema in the making, folks.

10. Raiders of the Lost Ark

In the Cairo street chase scene, the script originally had Indy in an elaborate fight with the swordsman dressed in black. Harrison Ford was suffering a bad case of dysentery the day of the shoot, and so, instead of using a bullwhip in an extended fight scene, Ford suggested to Steven Spielberg that he just shoot the guy. The result is arguably the most memorable scene in the whole movie.

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