Since using the little business card sized reminders I can see it having an effect on my thinking. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can see the light and I like the feeling.
I did notice that I have a hard time with the one that says: "I know that excessive eating is not the right thing to do, so I don't do it." Because, the last part of the statement is not the truth for me all the time. The "I don't do it" part. Sometimes I do do it and it is hard to reconcile and accept the card when I read it. So I started to think about a better way to state the same premise so that it is something I easily take inside me. Something that encourages me to do the right thing, not makes me feel guilty for not yet mastering the right thing.
Since the word "don't" is the negative form I began to think that it needs to be stated in the positive form to be more encouraging. The words "moderation" and "small portions" seemed like a more positive way to make the statement. The next problem, though, was the entire thought was just too long to put on a business sized card and still be able to read, so this is what I came up with:
"My Goal Today: Eating in Moderation and Small Portions." Here is the card:
Now when I think of: "I know that excessive eating is not the right thing to do," it sinks into me better.
Since I had a stated goal of what to do on days that I am eating I decided to put the fast day goal and benefits on the back. It not only is a way to save on the cost of the cards, it makes perfect sense to have either one or the other showing, but not both.
That way, I can just turn the card over to suit the day.
I need the reminders and encouragement every day. I like having the cards everywhere around the house. They really do work to get a refocus on my thoughts, too. Since I just made the new cards today, I will try them out and see how it goes.
Because I know I have an addiction and need to learn how to overcome it, I started to watch a reality program on Netflix called "Addicted." Just to see how the process of addiction recovery works.
The beginning of the program introduces the addict and their drug of choice, along with the interventionist, Kristina Wandzilak, who is, herself, a former addict. Her story is pretty amazing, too. At first I simply watched it. It was very interesting to me, even though it is also what I would call a little bit "hard core." I think when it comes to the treatment of addiction it would have to be that way. In this program either the addict or the family of the addict contacts Kristina and she decides whether to take them on or not. No one is surprised when the day of the intervention comes. Everyone, including the addict, has agreed to participate in the intervention, so it is not an "ambush."
Then the actual "process" begins. What I've observed after watching every episode that Netflix had which I think is about six of them, is that the stages seem to be very similar no matter what they are addicted to.
I think it looks like this:
The addict admits he/she is addicted and does not know how to not be addicted. They really want to stop but are so deep into it they cannot see anything but the addiction -- up close and personal.
They seek help, knowing they cannot do it on their own.
Since the intervention is scheduled for some time in the future they have a few days left before they know they have to quit -- and most of them, whether it is drugs or alcohol, go on a binge. Most of them have what they consider to be "a little" to help them get to the intervention, too, so they often show up stoned or slightly drunk.
At the intervention the family shares how they feel about what is happening to the addict and how they feel at that moment. The addict also shares. This is usually very emotional for the addict -- and the family, too.
At some point the addict gets the opportunity to decide whether they are going to go to "detox" or not. We don't get to see the ones that don't agree to go because, obviously, that is not what the program is about. The program is about recovery, so we see the ones who decide to participate.
After they agree, Kristina immediately, right then and there, takes them to a facility that will help them "detox" -- or get the drugs out of their systems so they can be sober when they go to the actual recovery facility. Detox is physically very rough to do so the doctors at the facility have some medications that will help them get through this process. The program narrative points out that going "cold turkey" without medical intervention is not only very hard to do, it is dangerous. A drug addict really does need to be helped through this particular part of the process.
Observing this process is not the same as doing it, but what I see happening at this stage is all the worst emotions inside each one of them bubble to the surface. They are in a great deal of fear and pain and stress and as a result all their worst behaviors come out, too. They cry, they whine, they threaten. Every angry form of "I don't want to do this" comes out. Their bodies begin to "betray" them and they shake, and sweat, and agonize for as long as it takes to get the drugs physically out of their system. This process may go on for a few days, but, finally, by the grace of God, they do begin to feel better.
The next time you see their faces, they look very tired, but they have come through the darkest part and have come out on the other side. This is hard work, but they have done it.
Then the actual process of learning to live life sober begins. For this part of the process they move to a living center or rehabilitation center to relearn how to live without drugs. This part is scheduled to take 90 days but often actually takes a little longer just to be sure that when they are on their own, they can survive as a sober and responsible human being without fear of relapse. Although there is no guarantee of no relapse.
One sentence that one young man said that really hit me was this: "I will be an alcoholic for the rest of my life, but I don't have to be a drunk."
It was then that I began to relate this process to me and my addiction. I see that if I am ever going to truly overcome my own addiction, I will have to use some very similar steps -- admit, agree, surrender, recover.
1. Admit I have this problem and need help to overcome. Admit that I need the help of God in this area, too.
2. Agree to try a new way. Agree to go down a path I have not been willing to go down before.
3. Surrender to someone else's plan. I trust Jesus Christ and through prayer and surrender I turn my eating over to Him.
4. Recover. This is the part that requires total participation from me. It is the surrender step, over and over again. I need to continue to turn my eating over to Him at every moment. Grab hold of Him and let Him help me at every meal and every snack -- even every mouthful and breath.
Those are the required daily spiritual steps to recovery from a food addiction.
There are physical steps, too, starting with "detox," which means actually cutting out the foods that are my own worst enemies. It means that when I get a craving for chocolate or mac and cheese, I need to just say no. I need to do the hard work of facing down the cravings rather than giving in to them. I need to literally turn my back on them and walk away -- letting the chips fall where they may.
James 1:14-15:But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Giving in to the desires for carbs has never been a satisfying experience in the end. After all, what do you have after the food or candy is eaten? And in the process you have put a load on your body that is wearing it out.
I have enough experience to know that "detox" for a carbohydrate addict takes three days of solidly saying no to carbs at every turn. It requires a three day commitment.
I think this may be the part that I fear the most. The part where I actually stop giving in to the old habit and start forming a new one. Even as I think of it I feel afraid that I will not be able to give up my Snickers bar. I like them. I desire them, but James says that when we allow ourselves to be drawn away by our own lust, or desire, it eventually ends in death.
This is where the rubber meets the road. I like the idea of the rubber tire meeting the road over and over as it rolls along. It goes down the road with no wavering. The tire gets to know the road. It meets the road like a new old friend every day. The road appears to change by the appearance of pot holes, or different colors of pavement, or even road hazards, but it is still the road.
I hear the fear in the words that other people who are addicted to carbs say, too. I hear them say, "I could never do that" or "I can't imagine living without my bread, or chocolate, or _______________ fill in the blank." That is the addict talking. I've been through this before, too, so I know three days of detox will work to get the cravings in check, but it takes more to be in actual recovery.
The part where I waver is always after the "detox." Not giving a place to the cravings or "magical thinking" in the future. That is where step four begins and that is what I have never done before: continued to turn my eating over to Jesus... every meal... every snack... every mouthful... every day. The recovery work. The actual participation in my own recovery.
What I want is to overcome this addiction. As I thought about the scriptures I remembered this one, too:
1 John 5:3-5: For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
The thought occurred to me that faith in Christ overcomes death -- and that temptation or desire leads to death. So the fork in the road is at the choice between faith in Jesus, and desire for food, or heroin, or alcohol, or __________________ fill in the blank -- at every moment. The choice is always the daily one of who are you going to follow today -- right now. Are you going to live by faith and follow Jesus allowing Him to be in charge or are you going to take charge again and follow your own desires unto death.
And the message God wants me to remember is this:
Prayers said.
Keeping the faith.
See you soon,
Marcia