I am not posting any recipes (except for one that is scheduled for Valentine's Day) from here on out until March. Instead I want to write about some things that have been on my mind for a very, very, very, long time.
As most of you know, my family and I are about to embark on a relocation journey to another state. A state that is completely different then where we are at now.
For the past 10 years, we have called Louisiana home. Lives have been created and started here. Friendships have been developed and formed...some of which have been kept and unfortunately some of which have been broken. Medical issues appeared and have been solved. Careers have been maintained, started, and changed. So many things have happened in this household in the last 10 years and I can't believe it is all coming to an end at this base.
As we close a chapter in this phase of our life and start a new one, I wanted to jot down a list of lessons I have learned in the last 10 years. Some of them may shock you. Some of them may make you cry. Some of them may even make you laugh. And some of them you may already know.
This is a form of therapy for me though and it is so much cheaper then seeing a shrink, so indulge with me if you will.
If you do not wish to read on...you are more then welcome to click that little x in the top right corner. It honestly will not bother me one bit. For those who'd like to continue...please...read on...
Lessons about Friendships and life in the Military:
My best friend and I. We met 10 years ago at this very base and have stayed close friends the whole 10 years I have been here. She's moved twice already since we met...and we STILL have each other's number on speed dial to this day. Tis true what they say, you never forget your close military friends.
Gossip and rumors go hand in hand and are everywhere, avoid both of them at all costs.
~I have learned this within the military community AND in the workforce. People talk. Period. The less they know about you, the better. They can't talk about you unless you give them something to talk about. So don't...unless of course, you want them to.~
Never chase a friendship. Period.
~If someone doesn't want to be your friend, leave em' alone and move on. It is not your fault, nor theirs. Sometimes certain friendships are just not meant to be or just aren't in the cards. Accept it and move on. ~
Not everyone wants unsolicited advice. Don't give it unless it's asked for.
~This is a hard one I have had to learn over the years because I am pretty quick to dish out advice, even when it's not wanted. I am still learning that certain subjects can make people touchy. It's just better not to go there...depending on the issue. Unless of course, you are asked your opinion on the matter.~
Cherish the ones who stick by you through thick and thin.
~In the whole 10 years of living here, I can count on one hand the amount of people who have stood by our family through the good and bad times. These are the people who matter in our lives. These are the friendships I will cherish. I may not have an entire group of friends, but at least I know who I can trust and can't trust in my life. And to me, that rates higher then winning any popularity contest.~
Don't get mixed up in everyone else's drama. Worry about your own life and focus on yourself.
~I think this one goes hand in hand with the first lesson at the top. When you are a military spouse, it's so easy to get sucked in to the problems of others. Don't do it and don't get involved. Pay attention to those who matter the most, your family and your closest friends. Let the drama around you fade away. If it doesn't concern you, leave it alone.~
Do not pull rank in any of your friendships (if you are military). Period.
~Last time I checked, it is your active duty spouse who has that rank. Not you. As spouses, yes, it is our job to support them, however, rank should not come in to play in any of your friendships. We all put our pants on one leg at a time in the morning. The way a junior enlisted spouse puts their pants on is the same way a senior enlisted spouse puts their pants on. Do not wear your spouse's rank and at the same time, don't put others down who's spouse's are of a different rank then yours. We are all equal and are all here to do the same job. Get used to it.~
Don't get involved in the whole "my military life is worse then yours" deal. It's not worth it.
~Why? Because everyone's military experience is different. No two are alike. If your spouse deploys a lot, don't use that as ammo against a spouse who's active duty member rarely deploys. For all you know, that same spouse may be going through something totally different...like having their spouse work 14 plus hours a day....every day...even on the weekends at times...for 6 months straight. Everyone's job is different in the military. No one job is like the other. We are all on the same side. Learn to accept this fact and move on.~
Do not bully another spouse. Period.
~I know what you are thinking. Bullying? Doesn't that just happen in middle and high school? Well, unfortunately it happens way beyond high school. One thing I am noticing since starting my new found writing career, is that more and more and more of these cases seem to be popping up among the military spouse community, especially in the last year or so. And you know what? It just breaks my heart. It seriously does. Why? Because I too, have been a target of it.
We moved here when I was in my 20's. I am now a few short years away from my 40's. I have been the target of some major backlashing and bullying (more so occurring when I was in my 20's...and a recent incident late last year)....online, through texting, and in person. It ruined my self esteem and it made me feel like I didn't deserve anyone's friendship. What's sad...is that these same spouses who did the "bullying"...never really took the time to get to know me as a person. They just saw what they saw, heard what they heard, and started in on me.
If I had made a specific comment they didn't like, joked around in a way they didn't like, or decided not to attend something of theirs (like a birthday party or a social function), they zeroed in on me. I was their target. I was made fun of. I was called specific names that did not fit me at all. Dare I say, it was like I was back in middle and high school! And these were GROWN women! GROWN women! Believe me when I say, that the gossip mill is HUGE here...and unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way.
It caused me deep emotional turmoil. Due to trust issues, I shut anyone who was a military spouse, out of my life. My personal Facebook page went from 120 people down to 60. I took anyone and everyone who was associated with my husband's squadron...and anyone who was associated with them...off of my page...even if they weren't directly involved.
I ran into one of those spouses a few years ago and she said to me, "where did you go? It's like you just dropped off the face of the earth." I just laughed and told her that I've been around and that I've been doing good.
And honestly...that was all she needed to know. Period.
So don't bully people around and don't start the drama. You never know what ramifications you may be causing while in the midst of doing it. If someone makes you irritable, upset, or angry...vent to an outside source (particularly one who is NOT military related)...or better yet, instead of taking it to social media sites like Facebook, write it down in a journal or type it up on your computer in a word document...and don't send it. I'm happy to say that I made it through all of that mess...and I came out on top. They didn't break me. They didn't tear me down. I'm still here. Like Toby Keith loves to sing..."How do ya like me now?"
It's made me a stronger and wiser person. I know what not to do to when I meet a new spouse (no matter how different they are from me). I know that I will NEVER treat them like how I have been treated. I also know when to have my guard up to protect myself from being mistreated again.~
Expect that others around you who aren't military related won't get it...and chances are, they never will.
~I was raised in the military. My dad was in the Army and retired in the Army. When I met Husband Man, he was in the Army as well...then we got married and he transferred over to the Air Force. All I've ever known is the military and it's practices and ways. Most of my friends, while growing up and in school, were military kids...with the exception of a few.
When we moved down here, I was not prepared to meet civilians who didn't quite understand how things worked. I found it hard explaining to them how daunting Husband Man's work schedule was. One person said to me "I remember working more then 8 hours a day...that overtime was wonderful too!" To which I replied, "Ummmmm...unfortunately my husband does not get paid overtime for all the hours he works. It doesn't work that way in the military."
I had to learn that not everyone is going to understand this lifestyle and how demanding it can be most of the time. I have a good amount of civilian friends here and it's a topic that I have learned to deal with throughout the years. They probably will never 'get it' unless they are in my shoes and that's ok. It's not their fault nor mine. It's just the way the cookie crumbles.~
Lessons about Louisiana:
(Husband Man's picture of the city...taken downtown.)
Crawfish really aren't as bad as they seem.
~I conquered my fear of eating a steamed crawfish last year. I know, I know, I know. I can hear it now. What in the world am I doing with a food blog if I can't even bring myself to eat them. I'm not going to lie....these little critters scared the bajeezus out of me. After 10 years of living here, I finally looked those suckers in the eye and ate em'. And you know what, they really weren't that bad :) They were like little mini lobsters. I have no clue why I waited so long to try em. For those who want to know, no...I did not suck the brains out from the head. I stuck with just cracking the shell open and eating them....that was enough for me.~
Never swat away a red wasp, a flying roach, or a cicada with your bare hands. You will regret it.
~Yeah. Ummm....I don't think this one needs an explanation.~
If it feels like it's hotter then it is outside, that's because it probably is.
~Being down here in the deep south, if the thermometer reads 90 degrees, you better tack on an extra 10 or 15 degrees on top of that....for humidity. Same goes for 100 degrees.~
The debate about how to pronounce New Orleans will always be ongoing.
~Is it pronounced New Or-LEENS, New ORLINS, or Nawlins? I still have yet to figure this one out.~
Purple and gold are awesome colors. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
~Until we moved here, I had no clue that those two colors worked so well together. Between LSU and Mardi Gras, these colors have been pretty hard to miss around here. I will be keeping my purple and gold Mardi Gras beads and will display them proudly in New Mexico.~
Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and King Cakes....oh how we will miss you.
~No other state will give their employees off for Fat Tuesday. Nothing like trying to reroute your daily activities due to certain roadways being closed for Mardi Gras parades, then finding out that the piece of King Cake you received for dessert that night contains the baby. Yes, how I will miss it all. ~
Lessons about Marriage and the Military:
(Husband Man and I...the year we moved to this base...in the summer. We were only a year and a half into our marriage...aka: newlyweds.)
No matter how much you tell them NOT to do it, men will STILL leave their dirty clothes on the floor. Accept it and move on.
~Gotta love those stinky, smelly mandated PT uniforms that grace the floors of your bathroom every night. NOT! This was a pet peeve of mine that just escalated when the kids were born. It has taken me 10 years to accept this. I am trying to teach my son not to follow in daddy's footsteps.~
Marriage is about picking and choosing your battles. Choose wisely.
~Ah yes. After being married for 11 years and counting, this statement still rings true. Pick your battles wisely. There is a huge difference between arguing over who used the last K-Cup vs. arguing over which insurance to sign up the kids up for when it comes to Tricare (Military health insurance). Choose wisely.~
When he says he's going to be home at 4 pm....add on another 2 or 3 hours and that will be when he really comes home. Don't get mad at him. It's not his fault.
~We've been on both sides of this equation....the side where he has been told by his 'higher ups' to stay another 2-3 hours and the side where he is the 'higher up' and tells his Airmen to stay to complete their jobs. On both ends, it takes a very patient and understanding woman to handle those crazy work hours. I had to learn this...just like any other spouse.~
The military comes first. Doesn't matter how long you have been married or what your situation is, the military always, always, always comes first.
~This one does not need any explanation. Read the lesson above.~
No matter how crazy and chaotic your lives are, always (and I stress ALWAYS) make time for each other.
~This is a VERY important lesson that we have continued throughout the whole 11 years of our marriage...especially when the kids came along. Make. Time. For. Each. Other. It's important. If it means putting the children to bed early at night so you and him can have alone time (which we did numerous of times when we first had our kiddos) or finding a babysitter who you both trust to watch them while you go out on a date night....do it. You won't regret it and neither will your marriage.~
In order for a marriage to work in the military (or in any other circumstance)....communication is the key. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
~I cannot stress this enough y'all. Husband Man and I have had to learn the fine art of communication during our years here. I'm not just talking about the 'forms' of communication either (phone, Skype, Facetime,etc..). I'm talking about really, truly communicating. We talk about everything...from the children's day at school to what we are having for dinner to what is going on with his job and what is going on in my day....nothing is off limits with us. We talk about our feelings and our insecurities as well. I honestly believe that our marriage has lasted this long because of communication. It has been our life saver in stressful times, even when we are separated due to work circumstances. If you haven't tried it with your spouse yet, I highly recommend it.~
Support one another. You are your spouse's cheerleader and wingman. Don't let him/her down.
~Since we've been here, both of us have had drastic career changes. He has climbed the ranks (and is still doing so), has needed my support in more ways then I can count, and I have given it to him. When our children came along, I made the decision to leave my career as a social worker behind and become a stay at home mom. He supported this decision. I'm sure the future will hold more opportunities for the both of us..and we both will continue the support...with adding our two cents in first ;)~
Lessons about Motherhood and Having Children:
My two precious children, Ava and Eli..getting into Ava's play make-up when mommy wasn't looking...little stinkers ;)
It's really ok to leave the dishes in the sink overnight. The dish police won't come and arrest you nor will they give you a ticket.
~Before the kids came, we did the dishes every night. When my daughter came along, it became harder to get them done each night, but I did it. When my son came along, I lost all hope of seeing all the dishes washed and put away by 9 pm. Just as long as they got done the next morning, it was ok. I have accepted this and am at peace with it. If you have more then one child, give yourself a break and save the dishes for the next morning. I promise, it won't hurt.~
It's ok to give yourself a break every once in a while. There is no shame or harm in it, especially if you are a stay at home parent AND a military spouse.
~I will be the first to admit that I am all for taking breaks away from being a mom. This does not make me selfish nor does it make me a bad parent. I think it actually makes me a good one. It gives me time to re-energize and re-focus my thoughts and my goals. We are not stationed anywhere close to extended family, so taking mommy breaks really helps me out as well as my kids.
So yes...if you have a chance to get a mommy break...even if it's just for a few hours a day, TAKE IT! Do not feel guilty about doing it either. Everyone will benefit from it, including the children.~
The "mommy wars" will always, always, always be around. Do your best to ignore it and focus on the things that YOU feel are important to you and your family.
~Stay at home vs. working. Breast feeding vs. bottle feeding. Disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers. Co-sleeping vs. independent sleeping. Homemade baby food vs. jarred food. Homeschooling vs. public schooling. Public school vs. private school.....
these are all things I have come across since having my daughter 6 years ago.
All I have to say is...do what you feel in your heart is the best decision for you and your family. If it works for your family, then that's all that should matter. Parenting and children don't come with a manual or a guide no matter how much we wish it/they would. Only you know what is best for your child...and don't let anyone tell you differently. At the same time, do not judge others if their decisions are different then yours. Everyone is different. Accept it and move on.~
Lessons about Life in General:
Take chances in your life. You never know where they will lead.
~We have taken lots of chances in the last 10 years. We purchased a house the minute we arrived here despite my husband's active duty status. A decade later, we have come to realize that it was the best decision we made.
I took a chance and left the paying workforce behind when I had my children to become a stay at home mom, knowing that we would lose that extra monthly income. It was scary at first, but it has been the best decision we have made to date. I also have taken a chance with this blog and my writing. I sought out opportunities that normally wouldn't have been possible if I had not put myself out there.
When faced with decisions we need to make, hubby and I always ask ourselves "10 years down the road, if we don't take this chance, would it be something we will come to regret?" The answer to this question has never steered us wrong.
So don't be afraid to take chances with things in your life. They may be the best decisions you could ever make.~
If you are military, each base is what you make of it. It is your choice. Choose wisely.
~Since living here, I have encountered some of the most negative people...mostly active duty. They don't like it here because the education system isn't the best or because they don't understand the ways and traditions of the deep south. They are always finding something to complain about.
Yes...this place has it's drawbacks (after living here 10 years, I should know), but why focus on the negative? If you focus on the negative, you will have a negative outcome. Focus on the positive and you will have a positive experience. Not that many people get to travel and get to actually leave their backyards. Take advantage of it while you can and make your experience a positive one.~
If you purchase a house and it's a fixer-uper, don't wait until the last minute to start renovations. Start them the minute you sign that deed.
~Speaking from personal experience on this one. Don't wait or postpone home renovations. Do them as soon as you can. You will save yourself lots of stress if and when it's time for you to move again.~
Don't compare your life to theirs. It will only cause you unnecessary stress in the long run.
~Someone is always going to have it better then you, whether it's their house, their job/career, their kids, etc... From personal experience, don't go there and compare. Learn to be happy with the joys and blessings in your life. Who cares if Suzie so and so has a more up to date and better house then yours? Who cares if Maggie so and so has enough money to send their children to 3 or 4 different after school activities a year? Who cares if Judy so and so just purchased a brand new car? Who really cares? And does it really matter in the long run? If you are happy and content with the things in your life, then what others have should not matter.~
Last but not least, never take life and your loved ones for granted. You never know what tomorrow may hold.
~Last year around this time, I went through a cancer scare...some of you may remember it because I wrote post after post about it on here. It was the scariest and most riveting experience anyone could ever go through. I will not go into details about things, just suffice to say that that experience taught me so much about life and love and everything in between. Hold your family and friends close to you and always let them know how much you care and love them. Tell them everyday...even on your bad days....because you never know what the future has in store.~
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That's all the wisdom I have for you today my friends. If you have followed this post to the very end, I thank you for it.
I have one more recipe post to make in the next week or so, but then I'm taking a blogging break for a good month, as we will be traveling to our destination then settling in. I will, however, be able to pop in on Facebook every now and then to say 'hi' (click here to become a follower).
I have some awesome food bloggers lined up to guest post on here until I return.
It's been a great ride Shreveport/Bossier City/Barksdale AFB, Louisiana and surrounding areas.
Thank you for welcoming our family into your community with open arms. The years we have spent here will never be forgotten! We will miss you!!!
See y'all in New Mexico!!!