Brian Holloway says he's been threatened for going public with the names of teens he believes trashed his upstate N.Y. home. Image Credit: ABC NEWS 10
Whether or not you are a NFL fan, you must have seen this story splashed all over TV, Social Media and the radio!
If Brian Holloway thought the hundreds of teenagers who destroyed his
home were ruthless, wait until their families are through with him.
Several parents are reportedly considering lawsuits against the former
NFL star after he posted their children's names on a website created in
the wake of the Labor Day weekend house party.
The website, www.helpmesave300.com, identifies over 100 of the
estimated 300 house-crashers who trashed his upstate New York residence,
and includes photos and tweets that documented the reckless
destruction.
But rather than apologize to Holloway for their children's behavior,
some parents have contacted their lawyers to see what legal action they
can take against the former Patriots and Raiders offensive lineman,
local affiliate ABC News 10 reported.
We've got irresponsible parents protecting their irresponsible kids and now we get to the nitty gritty of this.
image credit: Gary Knox
Gary Knox explains how NAGGING and YELLING at your child doesn't work! My mom and dad used nagging and yelling and I purposed in my teens that I would never be the same kind of parent as mine. I purposed first in teaching to BE POSITIVE and that continued on in life. I try to remain positive to my adult sons who are experiencing some rough times right now. There's a hard time in being "present" and listening but not "over powering" with advice. Communication is such a big factor in parenting.
This should help everyone (responsible parents and irresponsible parents):
An OP ED that everyone should read about Parents Defending Irresponsible Kids.
This information may be invaluable to you, The Calm Parent AM and PM.
I think this article is a great way to empower ALL parents.
Parenting Young Children with Behavior Problems
"Some children present special parenting challenges. We often label
them "difficult" or "disobedient" or even "bad." These children don't
intend to try their parents but rather are born with a challenging
temperament.
Unfortunately, most young children with behavior problems provoke
negative reactions from adults. These reactions tend to make the child's
behavior worse, starting a harmful pattern that can continue throughout
a child's life (Mandal, Olmi, Edwards, Tingstrom,& Benoit, 2000).
Constructive reactions, on the other hand, can help children
improve difficult behavior. With the help of researchers who have
studied children with difficult behavior, parents of difficult children
can learn how to interact constructively with their child (Forehand and
Long 2002).
Temperament, Parenting, and Behavior: A Continuing Cycle
A child's temperament, or behavior tendencies, is an inborn trait.
Researchers Forehand and Long (2002) believe that temperament problems
can create a negative cycle between parent and child. A child with a
difficult temperament behaves badly, and in turn his parents react with
ineffective or inconsistent discipline. This cycle has to be broken
(Forehand & Long, 2002). Below are parenting habits that can
contribute either positively or negatively to this cycle.
Modeling. "Modeling" is learning
by watching others. Children tend to do what they see others do. If
parents or siblings model bad behavior, a child is likely to behave
badly in the same ways.
Reinforcement. "Reinforcement" is rewarding a child
for his behavior. Sometimes unacceptable behavior is unintentionally
reinforced. For example, parents sometimes laugh at a bad word their
child said because it seemed cute or funny. But laughter tends to
reinforce a behavior.
Punishment. It's easy to punish a child out of
anger, but this reaction does more harm than good. Harsh punishment or
using punishment too often can create feelings of resentment in a child.
It also teaches him to obey just to avoid punishment rather than to
obey because he understands right from wrong (Forehand & Long,
2002).
Reciprocal
escalation. This occurs when parents become
aggressive toward their child because the child behaved aggressively.
Reciprocal escalation tends to make a bad situation worse (Omer, 2001).
Complementary escalation. This occurs when parents
give in to the demands of a child (Omer, 2001). Rather than respond
appropriately to aggressive behavior, parents ignore it so they can
avoid conflict. Usually the more parents cave in to a child's demands,
the more demands the child will come up with (Omer, 2001).
Strategies for Overcoming Difficult Behavior
Child development experts suggest a five-step method parents can
use to help a child improve difficult behavior. The steps build on one
another, so each one is important.
1. Attending
Attending is simply reinforcing desired behavior by describing it
aloud with enthusiasm (McMahon & Forehand, 2003), such as "Look how
high you're stacking your blocks!" or "You're talking with your inside
voice." Attending can be a powerful foundation for changing behavior
because it helps parents relate to their child through constant,
positive attention. It also improves the parent-child relationship.
(McMahon & Forehand, 2003).
2. Rewarding
Rewarding is showing a child approval for her good behavior.
Rewarding doesn't take the place of attending but rather adds to it. As
parents describe their child's appropriate behavior, at times they
should add rewards and praise (Forehand & Long, 2002).
3. Ignoring
Ignoring is a very effective way to reduce a child's unacceptable
behavior, and it is much easier to use than punishment (McMahan &
Forehand, 2003). But ignoring should never be used alone. Instead, once
your child stops the unacceptable behavior, immediately reward him for
his now-acceptable behavior (McMahan & Forehand, 2003). Ignoring
also should not be used when a child's behavior is potentially dangerous
to himself, others, or property. Instead, use more active measures,
such as a time-out (McMahon & Forehand, 2003). Examples of behaviors
that can be ignored include whining, nagging, temper tantrums, and
interrupting (McMahon & Forehand, 2003, p. 117).
4. Giving Directions
Parents sometimes give directions that are hard for a young child
to follow. "Chain direction," for example, is when a parent gives
several directions at once (Forehand & Long, 2002). Instead, parents
should give one direction at a time. "Vague directions" aren't specific
enough, such as "Behave yourself" or "Be nice." Instead, parents should
say exactly what they want their child to do.
"Question directions" ask a child to do something rather than tell
him (Forehand & Long, 2002). For example, "Will you please stop
jumping on the couch?" Instead, parents should deliver their request in
the form of a statement: "Please stop jumping on the couch."
Finally, directions are ineffective when followed by a reason. For
example, "Pick up your toys because Grandma is coming over, and it
would be nice if the house was clean when she got here." Instead,
parents should make sure the direction is the last thing a child hears.
For example, "Aunt Laura is coming and it would sure be nice if the
house was clean. So please pick up your toys." (Forehand & Long,
2002).
5. Using Time-outs
It takes time to help a child change difficult behavior. Even if
you're using all the right techniques in all the right ways, your child
might continue to behave badly, especially at the beginning stages of
using a new approach. Time-outs are a helpful consequence for
non-compliance, especially when they're used consistently (Forehand
& Long, 2002).
Promoting Changes in a Positive Environment
While helping a child change is not easy, it can become easier and
more effective when he or she has a positive environment. Parents can do
many things to make the environment of their home more positive.
Forehand and Long (2002) suggest the following:
Have fun with your child.
Communicate "I love you" often.
Have structure and routines.
Participate in family traditions and rituals.
Be a good listener.
Request feedback from your child and take turns talking.
Work on developing patience.
Build your child's self-esteem.
Help your child solve problems with peers.
Conclusion
While helping your strong-willed child change his behavior is not
easy, it is very important. The progress may come slowly. It will
require much time and patience, and at times you might feel like his
behavior is not improving. When you feel discouraged, it might be easy
to slip back into old discipline habits, but it's important to stay
constant in your efforts. If you do, you will eventually help your child
improve his behavior and you will strengthen your relationship with him
(McMahan & Forehand, 2003).
Written By McKenzie Young, Research Assistant and edited by
Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young
University"
References
Forehand, R. & Long, N. (2002). Parenting the strong-willed child. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Magg, J. W. (2000). Managing resistance. Intervention in School and Crime, 35(3), 131-140.
Mandal, R. L., Olmi, D. J., Edwards, R. P., Tingstrom, D. H., &
Benoit, D. A. (2000). Effective instruction delivery and time-in:
Positive procedures for achieving child compliance. Child and Family Behavior Therapy, 22(4), 1-12.
McMahon, R. R., & Forehand, R. L. (2003). Helping the noncompliant child. New York: The Guilford Press.
Omer, H. (2001). Helping parents deal with children's acute disciplinary problems without escalation: The principle of nonviolent resistance. Family Processes, 40(1), 53-66.
Whaler, R. G., Vigilante, V. A., & Strand, P. S. (2004).
Generalization in a child's oppositional behavior across home and school
setting. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 37, 43-51.
I hope that any parent, young or older and responsible and irresponsible has picked up some gem of information here today.
Do you have some nuggets of advice to give?
If you like a certain entry in this blog, come back and
comment if you wish. Thank you!
