A/N: One step at a time. And a friend arrives in town for the holidays.
Beta: @cos-geek-monkey
Word count: 8,073
Read on AO3 Previous links
7
There was a cryptic silence in the office; the accustomed vibrant rhythm on the 12th floor of the ‘Polis Magazine’ building was missing. The majority of the employees were at the company’s Christmas party. For Lexa, it was another day at the office to write to her fans and followers, check the blog and advance on the final draft of her upcoming debut book. Besides, Christmas had no meaning to her. Christmas meant a call to her parents to wish them a happy holiday which was stressful enough for her. Even after all these years her father was still not used to having a lesbian daughter. Her mother had begun to accept her throughout the years, but there was still distance between them. She wasn’t looking forward to Christmas at all. Besides this year had been shitty enough, she lost Clarke who was the center of her world. She couldn’t celebrate her birthday, couldn’t be there for her during the anniversary of Jake Griffin’s death, much less be able to celebrate Christmas with the blonde.
Shitty year indeed.
Lexa was typing when she took a peek at the bracelet on her wrist that Clarke gave her last Christmas. The pattern was nice, and the colors were sober but pretty, the word Heda clearly legible on the accessory. Lexa returned her focus to the computer screen avoiding giving much thought to how happy she had been that day with Clarke, exchanging gifts and being simply in love with each other.
The ding of the elevator was the only sound that interrupted the clicking of the mouse and fingertips hitting the keyboard. Lexa stopped writing and waited to see who was wandering onto her empty floor at this time of night since everyone was supposed to be at the party on the 7th floor exchanging gifts and drinking.
The door to her office was opened after a couple of knocks, and the first thing that Lexa noticed was the bright hazel eyes and then the wide smile aimed at her. Tanned skin covered by a dark strapless cocktail dress that reached right above her knees and brown wavy hair that was a tad longer than shoulder length.
“And here I was wondering where was Lexa Woods.”
Lexa stood from her desk. “The bastard from the north is back. I’m glad to see you’re finally here, Ontari.”
The hazel-eyed girl walked and hugged the writer after leaving a kiss on her cheek. “Yes, it’s been a long time, and you should stop watching Game of Thrones, seriously. When we talked on the phone, I told you I was going to be here for the holidays though I was expecting a warmer welcome.” The smooth tanned skin had the marks of a bikini top on her shoulders meaning Ontari had spend some time under the sun. “Why are you stuck here? The party is not so bad, you know?”
Lexa offered Ontari a chair and returned to her previous place. “I know, but as my book editor you should know I like to comply with deadlines.” Lexa started to type again as she made small talk with her editor and friend Ontari Snow. Dante Wallace recommended her as an editor once she got the book deal. They met in Los Angeles where Ontari currently worked, and things clicked instantly between them. Ontari was around her young age, but she had vision, offered quick feedback and was honest; it was easy to see why she was known as a beast in the editorial world. It was that raw brashness that appealed to Lexa.
The editor smiled scanning the expression of her friend. “True, so far I have no complaints. You’ve been writing nonstop, and as I reviewed your first draft, I think you’re doing a pretty good job at it.” Ontari smoothed her skirt to sit with her right leg crossed on top of her left. “I made some important contacts in Europe while I was on vacation, but I will brief you later.” The dark-eyed woman propped her elbow on the desk and cupped her face looking intently at Lexa.
“I’m still worried about your protagonist Lexa.”
“And why is that?” Lexa asked unconcerned.
“Because you’re pouring too much of yourself into her. I’ve read your draft a million times, and I can feel your pain in her Lexa.” Ontari expressed thoughts with her hands which allowed her passion and ideas to become alive and clear. “You need to separate her from you, she’s miserable because her love interest moved on, or at least is trying. She’s struggling to find her footing because the love of her life is with another. And I know you’re projecting your fears, which makes a good angsty story and great drama, but I need a resolution Lexa. Your writing is becoming sloppy because you can’t find an exit to the angst as long as you’re struggling to find your own outcome.”
Lexa stopped typing and reclined in her leather chair. She brought her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose and a loud sigh escaped her lips. “I’m trying here Ontari.”
“I know but your writing needs to be less about you and more about your two lovebirds and how their forbidden relationship is not going to stop the way they feel for one another. How keeping their relationship between the sheets is an obstacle to be free of the shackles of their forbidden romance. Your characters are suffering because you have not set them free.”
Lexa shrugged, trying to come up with a proper answer. This story was all about her inner frustrations coming to life, to at least let a fictional character have the happy ending she couldn’t have. “I don’t think I can cut myself from her Ontari.”
Ontari nodded, she licked her pink lips thinking about her next question. “Fine, just make sure to step up your game. However, I think this has to do with your own forbidden love. Any advances on your secret crush?”
Lexa perched her brow eyeing Ontari momentarily before returning her eyes to the computer screen. “I don’t have a secret crush Ontari.”
Ontari’s lips opened wider until her white teeth were exposed. “You’re as broody as ever my sexy writer. I guess no advances then. Which again opens the possibility of my offer.”
“I already told you, I’m not interested in a one-night stand. We were going to keep this professional between us, remember?”
“Yes, sadly. Just a little reminder that if you want a booty call, I’m in town. I like you, you like me, no strings attached and it’s fun for both. It’s a win-win situation Lexa, and you know I don’t mind sharing.”
Lexa rolled her eyes, her lips curved in amusement. “Anya would totally be on board, not me.”
“Sometimes seeking comfort might help too, you know? Whatever you do Lexa, I need you to get your shit together and move the story forward. You’re stuck in the damn angst. Like how fucked up is it that the love interest is sleeping with her new boyfriend while thinking of her old flame? Girl I need you to get laid or something because your readers won’t tolerate the angst for too long. You’re killing me with the awful decisions your protagonist is making!”
Lexa snorted. “It’s not that bad Ontari.”
Ontari glared at Lexa, her dark brown eyes narrowed. “Lexa trust me, it’s bad.”
“Geez, fine I’ll review it again.”
“Good enough. Now, speaking of Anya, we should totally go out and have fun. I’ll be here working with you on the book, and then I’m back to LA to finish the editing.”
Lexa nodded. “Anya would love to talk to you. She’s been lowkey pining for my ex and it’s been torture watch her like this.”
Ontari pulled her brown locks behind her ear and laced her fingers resting her hands on her lap. “Lexa, you’re highkey pining for that crush of yours, every time I read your ‘Between the Sheets’ it’s so obvious you’re still hooked. Anya and you need to get their shit together.”
Ontari stood up and rounded the desk; she tilted Lexa’s chin up and pecked her lips. “It was lovely seeing you Lexa, now I’m back to the party.”
“Have fun.”
Ontari moved her hand to her ear showing her thumb and pinky finger. “Call me,” and the brunette was gone.
Lexa sighed slowly, the air leaving her lungs at a slow pace before she filled them again with fresh air.
Ontari was damn sexy, successful and a great listener. The perfect catch. In another universe Lexa could have fallen in love with Ontari, or maybe she could have married Costia. Who really knew what would have happened if she hadn’t met Clarke.
Lexa had been lucky meeting wonderful women who had helped shape who she was today. Anya, one of the most important influences in her teen years, and then Clarke who showed her how to be more open and trustful. Too bad things didn’t end fairy tale style with her and Clarke. The only consolation she had was that Clarke was safe.
Lexa returned her attention to her work answering some tweets from fans before resuming work on her book. The clock kept ticking as night progressed. In a couple of days they would be celebrating Christmas, and Anya was already preparing their usual dinner in their new home. At least she could enjoy a bit of the holiday spirit thanks to her best friend. They really needed to spend some quality time together and speak frankly to one another. Sometimes she could feel a bit of resentment from Anya, and Lexa imagined that had to do with Costia.
Another ding coming from the hall alerted Lexa of another presence in the 12th floor. After knocking on the door Ryder came in.
“What is it Ryder?” Lexa pinched her nose and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, sitting for several hours in front of a computer screen drained her sometimes.
“Excuse me boss, someone left this for you at the reception desk earlier in the day.”
Lexa frowned and stood up to take the colorful Christmas bag. “Thank you Ryder.”
The big man tipped his head and immediately left her office. Lexa found a tag hanging from the bag. Lexa sat back down to open the bag. Inside the gift bag there was a bottle of red wine with a red ribbon tied lovingly around the neck of the bottle. Lexa left the gift on her desk and read the tag containing a short message.
“I think I owed you a bottle of wine, didn’t I??? Have a wonderful Xmas! xoxo, Princess69.” Lexa read the message, and her reaction was to smile from ear to ear.
Lexa took her cellphone and unlocked it, she clicked the familiar bird app and went to her messages.
AlexandriaBTS: Thank you for the gift. I’ll make sure to open it on Christmas Eve and drink on your behalf.
Lexa stashed her phone in her bag and shut down her computer. She planned on briefly stopping at the Christmas party before going back home. Maybe the holiday mood will reach her if she hangs out with her co-workers.
Lexa left everything in order on her desk and made her way to the elevator. Her phone bleeped and when she checked the notification she chuckled.
Princess69: cool. Happy to hear you got it ;D
AlexandriaBTS: I’m going to the office party now. Not a big fan but I guess I have to spend some quality time with my peers.
Princess69: that sounds like more fun than hearing your best friends have loud sex again.
Lexa smiled as the lift opened up. She boarded and pushed the button for the 7th floor.
AlexandriaBTS: Your friends do that??? Mine too. We’ve got some stuff in common!
Princess69: lol totally. I assume you’re not getting any action then, huh? Me neither btw, just cos I have a 69 in my username doesn’t mean shit. I get to do zero 69’s. Maybe I should get back in the game.
AlexandriaBTS: Haha yes, that sounds about right. Maybe we both need to move on, but it’s hard when you have someone else in your heart. Got to go, party time :)
Princess69: enjoy that party for me, pls??? take care xx
Maybe she could enjoy the party after all. Princess69 caused her to feel lighter, even less sad. After all the crap she had endured this year, Princess69 was the bright spot that held her together and made her smile. This friendship was something she was definitely glad to have.
A day before Christmas Eve, Lexa and Anya had everything ready for their dinner tomorrow night, and the duo could finally relax now. Not that Lexa was stressed out, but Anya tended to get extra annoying for the holiday season. Anya was a perfectionist, and Lexa couldn’t expect less from her friend.
Lexa had invited Ontari to spend some time with her and Anya at ‘The Dropship’ where they could drink, eat and chat about anything other than work. It was a clear day, cold outside but pretty. The coffee shop was adorned with beautiful Christmas lights blinking on the windows. Inside the shop the decorations matched the Christmas motif with candy canes, tiny elves and Christmas hats. Now that the school kids were on holiday break, the coffee shop wasn’t bursting at the seams with young noisy students, and the adults could comfortably enjoy the warm ambiance.
The three women chatted comfortably at a table in the back. Eating pastries and telling anecdotes that were fun and enjoyable to share among friends. Anya always had interesting stories about her students, and Lexa always had a story about some fan messages that made her blush madly or laugh, depending the case.
Ontari couldn’t help but notice the slight tension between the two almost sisters. And of course she had a good guess about the source.
“Let’s be honest, what is this mess you two are in?” Ontari sipped her Frappuccino and licked her lips. “You’re into Lexa’s ex.” Ontari eyed Anya, then she pointed at Lexa, “and you’re pinning for mystery girl. When are you going to fix this disaster you have on your hands?”
Lexa rolled her eyes. “Ontari, this is not a topic I would like to discuss.”
“And that’s the issue. You need to open up Lexa. How are you going to move on if you don’t talk about it?” Ontari asked.
“She won’t get over it, this dweeb even bought her a present.” Anya grinned seeing Lexa’s ears turning red. “Romeo here is waiting for a chance to give it to her though.”
“Shut up Anya. I’m not… I don’t think… shit.”
Ontari giggled. “That is so cute Lexa, you have to give it to her.”
“She won’t want it, probably.” Lexa shrugged and finished her cup of tea.
Her phone bleeped, and as Lexa checked the message, a small smile tugged at her lips.
Princess69: it’s fucking cold today. My damn nipples are hard af.
“Oh man here we go again.” Anya rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee looking at her best friend chat with her secret fan.
“Shut up, Anya.” Lexa quickly typed a message.
AlexandriaBTS: Nothing that a good cup of hot tea can’t solve :D
Princess69: even erect nips? XD
AlexandriaBTS: Yes, there are other things I could recommend but I don’t think they are suitable for public audiences.
Princess69: lmao, ok. I’ll stick w coffee. Hmm I wonder what else you have up your sleeve, writer ;D
“Lexa has been chatting with this Princess for some time.” Anya told Ontari who was curious about Lexa’s text conversation. “She told me it was a fan who needed her, but for some reason I think it is the other way around. Lexa is getting into very friendly territory if you ask me.”
“She’s just a friend, Anya. Gosh, you’re always thinking things that are not! Just like with Costia!” Lexa blurted out, not her initial intention, but the words came out.
Anya clenched her jaw at the mention of this very sensitive topic for her. This was their golden apple of discord.
“Look,” Lexa huffed running her fingers through her hair, “I’m going to get another tea before we go. Excuse me.” The brunette stood up and went to the line to place her order.
“And there she goes, Lexa always finds ways to avoid talking about blondie or the mystery chatter.” Anya let out a long frustrated sigh, she ran her delicate fingers through her long mane, pushing her hair back behind her shoulder.
“And what about you?” The brunette propped her elbow on the table and leaned on the table to look at the pensive woman drinking her coffee.
“I can’t compete with Lexa. Costia still loves her, and I’m just her loyal friend. I don’t want to make things awkward between us.” Anya admitted.
Ontari tilted her head and frowned. “Compete? Lexa is head over heels for her crush. I don’t think there needs to be any kind of competition between you two. Have you ever mentioned this to Lexa?”
Anya shook her head. “Not worth it. Nothing is going to happen anyways.”
“Shit, you two are the most closed up, stubborn sisters in the world. Why are you afraid to tell Costia how you feel? Talk to Lexa too.”
Lexa didn’t give time to Anya to reply before she was back from the cashier.
“Order should be ready in a couple of minutes. Thanks so much for joining us Ontari, seriously.” Lexa offered a small smile to the brunette.
“You know I love hanging out with you guys. When Costia comes back I would love to do this again.” Ontari offered a sincere smile to the two women.
“Commander!” The barista called.
“Okay let me get that, and I’ll walk you to your car Ontari.” Lexa went to pick up her order while Anya and Ontari grabbed their purses.
Ontari and Anya headed to the entrance to wait for Lexa. “Commander?”
“Yeah, that’s a story for another day.” Anya smirked.
Lexa joined them a minute later with her steaming cup in her hand. The three women made their way to the door. Lexa was going to pull the door open to let her friends out as the gentlewoman she was when someone pushed the door to get inside almost bumping into her.
“Whoops sorry.”
“No, it’s o… Clarke?” Lexa met blue eyes staring back at her in surprise.
“Lexa.” Clarke said, eyeing the company of the writer. Recognizing Anya with a nod and a frown when she noticed the pretty brunette a step behind Lexa.
“Hi.” Lexa managed to say and of course, Ontari noticed the slight change. A smile crept on her lips.
“Blondie huh?” Ontari quipped her eyebrows looking at Anya then back at the young girl. “I see.”
Lexa ignored Ontari and focused on the blonde girl. Her puffy red cheeks and lips seemed a bit colorless, probably from the cold outside. Clarke always looks pretty. Today she had her hair in a half-up ponytail, a blue scarf around her neck, below a black and blue jacket and those jeans that hugged her curves to perfection, complementing her look with black boots. Clarke always was on point.
Lexa slapped herself mentally because she was staring like a perv. “Clarke, what are you—“
“Apologies for the delay Clarke, this call took me longer than expected.“
“Quinn?” Lexa turned pale as soon as she saw the tall blonde woman who made her blood boil in anger that amplified as she approached Clarke. Nia had referred to Clarke in a friendly way, almost like close friends. It was like they had been acquainted for some time. Lexa clenched her jaw and took a step blocking Nia’s path.
“What are you doing here?” Lexa growled.
Nia realized to her astonishment who was also in the coffee shop. Not the conditions that Nia had hoped, but this might as well work in her favor. “Woods, what a coincidence. What? Can’t I come here and have a coffee with my friend?”
“What? Friends?” Lexa looked from Nia to Clarke and back to the older writer.
Clarke shrugged matter of factly. “Yeah.”
Lexa’s mouth opened slightly, she was shaking her head in disbelief. “You two know each other? Since when!?”
Nia circled her arm around Clarke’s shoulders in a gesture of camaraderie. “This is a small world, the hero of TonDC also knows you? And here I thought I had an exclusive interview.” Nia chuckled, her shoulders shaking slightly with her laughter.
Ontari noted the rigid spine of the brunette and took Lexa’s hand in hers to give her comfort. Ontari offered a top model smile to both women in greeting, eyeing particularly the short girl. “Who is this pretty friend of yours Lexa, if I may ask?”
“I’m Clarke.”
Ontari smiled politely and analyzed the girl in front of her. Clarke had a tight-lipped expression, her blue eyes were piercing, examining her from head to toe, carefully, alert to every detail. Clarke was observant, and Ontari liked that.
“Nice to meet you Clarke. I’m Ontari.” The brunette winked, moving much closer to Lexa on purpose. “Anyway, we have to go. Have a great day Clarke.”
Lexa was still speechless, the deep frown meant she was drowning in speculation and angry thoughts, her rigid frame evidence that she was uncomfortable, even sullen, so Anya interjected giving a slight push to her friend on her shoulder.
“Good seeing you Griffin. Take care.” Anya walked out first. Ontari hooked her arm with Lexa’s to guide her outside of the coffee shop as Clarke watched how close that Ontari chick was to Lexa.
Lexa walked in silence back to the parking lot. She couldn’t believe this situation, her worst nightmares coming true. Nia and Clarke were friends; the blonde had no idea the kind of woman Nia was. However, she couldn’t go back and drag Clarke away. She had to speak with the blonde alone and warn her. The question was how could she speak with her when Clarke wanted nothing to do with her?
“Lexa? Something wrong?” Ontari turned around to check on her friend before opening her door to get inside her car.
“Don’t worry Ontari. Drive safely.” Lexa moved on to her car, and Anya followed closely behind knowing that Lexa was anything but okay. Nonetheless this was not the place to talk about it, Maybe when they got back to the apartment it would be time to sit down and finally try to talk about the rift that was forming between them before it gets bigger.
_________________
“Let’s go Clarke.” Nia’s voice took her out of her reverie.
“You know Lexa?” Clarke removed her scarf once she was inside the warmth of the coffee shop. Alexandria was right, a hot cup of coffee might help her with her strained nipples, because she was effing cold, particularly her soul after seeing Lexa with that brunette.
“Yes, we were competitors while I worked at ‘Polis’ before she was promoted over me. The brunette I suppose is her girlfriend. They look like a cute couple.” Nia smiled seeing the tension in the jaw of the college student. “And you know Lexa as well?”
Clarke remembered that day in the art classroom when Lexa announced to her the she got the job at the magazine. Lexa had been over the moon, and Clarke was ecstatic for her then secret girlfriend. She would have been there for Lexa every step of the way, but things were different now. Lexa left her for her career, Clarke understood that Lexa left her to let her fulfill her own dreams as well. But still, the betrayal hurt like a bitch. Still hurts.
“Uh yeah, She taught me language arts English when I was in my senior year. Miss Forrest, the blonde with Lexa, was my World History teacher.”
Nia laughed, but her laughter was void of life and eerie, and she had noticed how affected Clarke was by seeing Lexa with that new girl on her arm. This was the moment to use that bitterness to get what she needed. “What a small world. I bet you have great memories from school.”
“Yeah, some I guess.” Clarke placed her order and took a seat at a table close to the window. Her heart was in pain, she felt discarded, replaced by Lexa, she let the anger simmer.
Nia took out her recorder and pressed the red button. “Tell me a little bit about your days as a student Clarke. Was English class interesting? I’m very curious how someone as stoic as Woods could be teaching high school kids?”
Clarke smiled sadly at the memory of her first time meeting Lexa. She had been late for class thinking Ms. Rivers was in the classroom; little did she know that the beauty of deep green eyes and pretty chestnut curls was going to be her teacher. And hot damn, her threatening voice was fucking scary and unexpectedly arousing. Nonetheless, what Clarke found most interesting about Lexa was her passion. Clarke knew right then and there that Lexa Woods was going to rock her world.
“Yeah, you have no idea. Miss Woods was the best substitute teacher I had the honor to meet and the biggest liar there is…”
After spending some time with Nia to finish the interview, Clarke took out her phone and texted her friends. She was sullen, utterly crushed that Lexa had been able to move on. Lexa was hers, how in the world could Lexa be with anyone but her? To forget her so damn quickly with that hot brunette. Clarke wanted payback. She wanted anyone who could make her forget, anybody, man or woman, Clarke didn’t care; she just needed someone who could fill this void inside her soul. A moment of human connection, maybe even intimacy, was what she needed.
Wanheda: we are totally going to Monty’s party 2nite.
Clarke sent the message before she turned on the engine of her car. Her head spinning with wild ideas to find a way to numb this awful pain.
Pocahontas: I thought u didn’t want to go to the massive orgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Wanheda: we are. I think Echo mentioned her cousin was going too.
Pocahontas: mmm rekindling some old flame, Clarkey??? ;)
Wanheda: idk, I just wanna have some fun O. Tell Bell that I’ll drive you back home.
ZeroGRay: shit I have to be @ shop til late. I’ll meet you at the party then losers.
Wanheda: k, O meet me at my place and we meet Raven @ Monty’s.
Pocahontas: gotcha, c ya 2nite bby.
ZeroGRay: sure O, love ya.
Now that the plans were all set for tonight, she drove home.
She had been spending the holidays with her mom and going back and forth to Raven’s place. Octavia was staying with her brother Bellamy, but most of the time the three friends stayed with Clarke or at Raven’s. Their company was what kept her mind busy during the day and at night she had Alexandria. She always found being alone at night the most difficult because the memories always were there to haunt her. When the memories overwhelmed her, she would seek out Alexandria. That woman was simply amazing. She let her ramble at night; it didn’t matter if it was late, and she would give her words of comfort and acceptance. On occasion, she made her laugh which was a feat nowadays. Alexandria was starting to become someone important. Clarke had no idea what was developing between them, but she was starting to feel this rush of excitement whenever she texted with the writer. It was special.
Clarke noticed the eerie silence in her home, her mom must be at the hospital. Clarke grabbed a package of red Twizzlers from the kitchen and went upstairs to her bedroom. Clarke plopped on her bed. Clarke quickly texted her mom to let her know she was going to party tonight with her friends so that she wouldn’t worry. Next, Clarke flicked the bedside lamp on and flipped on the TV to watch Netflix while she tried to forget the way Ontari stood right beside Lexa, how her hand grasped Lexa’s hand.
This was going to be a long night if Clarke didn’t get herself under control. Lexa didn’t deserve anything from her, certainly not the burning sensation in the pit of her stomach or the bile rising in her throat.
When the veil of night fell upon the city, it was time to head to Monty’s place. Clarke had been pre-gaming with Octavia for a while talking and discussing random topics.
When the hour to get dressed came, Octavia advised Clarke on the best combinations of clothes to get her laid tonight. In the end Clarke opted for a low cut shirt and jeans that hugged her ass tightly. Her hair was loose, and her makeup was on point. Octavia gave her a thumbs up once the blonde was ready, and the two headed to the car so Clarke could take them to Monty’s place.
The music could be heard a couple of blocks away from the big house. Clarke went wild at last year’s party, not that she was intending to get drunk tonight, she just wanted to have some light fun. If she could get under someone else’s body, that would be a big bonus.
The two girls walked through the entrance and met several familiar faces. Octavia and Clarke greeted Monroe and Harper who were in the living room playing beer pong. Next they headed into the kitchen to meet Jasper and Monty.
As expected the two boys were mixing some drinks. Monty was pouring some plastic cups and Jasper was adding god knows what into the mix.
“Hey hey hey. Where is the third musketeer?” Jasper offered two cups with a crooked smile on his face. “You gotta taste this. It’s pretty strong but amazing.”
“Raven will be here later.” Octavia accepted the cup and took a tentative sip. By the twist of her face, it was clear she disliked the beverage. “Ugh! This is really strong Jasper, you wanna kill us?”
Monty laughed. “Told ya!”
Jasper shook his head. “No one appreciates my efforts. Gimme one sec and I’ll improve it.”
Clarke also took a short sip. “Fuck, this almost burns a hole in my throat. No thanks.” Clarke left the plastic cup on the kitchen counter. She pulled a stool and took a look around. “Nice decorations Monty.”
The house was filled with candy canes, elf hats, snowflakes and lots of colorful lights blinking on and off. Clarke noticed a couple of mistletoes hanging around the house. If you weren’t careful, you might end up kissing the wrong person.
“Thanks,” Monty scratched his neck shyly. “Miller gave me a hand.”
“Yeah and more than that.” Jasper joked getting a slap on his arm by Octavia.
“Don’t be an idiot Jasper. Miller is cute.”
“Way to go Monty!” Clarke cheered and laughed seeing the Asian boy’s reaction.
“This is the booze headquarters.” A voice cut the laughter as she made her way into the kitchen. “And I think you remember these nerds.”
“Hey Echo.” Octavia waved at the taller woman who was clearly accompanied by someone very familiar.
“Hi Luna.” Clarke stood up from her chair to greet the marine biology student from UCLA. “It’s been a while.”
“It has Clarke. But you look amazing as usual.” Luna eyed Clarke from head to toe. Clarke met Luna with a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug. “Visiting your family for the holidays I presume.”
“Yep, my little cousin here invited me to the party since we were bored at home. I’m glad I came.”
“Me too.” Clarke smiled and dragged Luna to the dance floor.
________________
Lexa was pacing like a caged animal inside her apartment. She wanted to go to Nia, to warn her to back off and stay away from Clarke, but that would be giving too much away. Nia had her suspicions since she witnessed her fight with Anya outside her old house several months ago. Nia had been the one to tip Dr. Griffin on her affair with her daughter that resulted in the decision to leave Clarke. Even without evidence Nia could do 2+2, and she has been on her trail ever since. Lexa had kept all information about Nia to herself carrying that fear alone, but she couldn’t do this anymore. She had to share this burden.
Anya was sitting on the couch trying to read, but apparently that was not going to happen when Lexa was acting irrationally again.
“Lexa stop for fuck’s sake. You’re going to make a damn hole in the carpet.” Anya quipped keeping her eyes on the book.
Lexa strained her neck, moving it to one side then the next. “You don’t get it Anya. Nia is dangerous. She’s the one who tipped Clarke’s mom, the one who has been trying to destroy me since I began at ‘Polis’. Clarke has no idea what she’s doing.”
“Clarke is none of your business anymore Lexa. You left her, remember? So what that bitch Nia does is not your problem.”
Lexa stopped her pacing to look at Anya, her brows furrowed, and her anger was bubbling slowly to the surface. “Nia will use Clarke to destroy me! I thought it had been Costia who tipped Abby, but it was damn Nia. That woman can’t be with Clarke!”
“Why are you telling me this now Lex? It’s been months.”
“Sure Anya, if I had told you that I suspected Costia was the snitch, you would have punched the fuck out of me again!”
“Griffin is nothing but trouble Lexa. Stay away from her! Maybe you should give Ontari a chance instead, and let others live their life.”
Lexa balled her hands into fists. This discussion was starting to heat up, and it was going to end badly.
“Yes, I said it. You left Griffin and for good reason, now let her live her fucking life, and you move on with yours!” Anya dropped the book on the table and stood up. “You stopped living your life and worry about that girl all the time. She’s making new friends, let her.”
“Yes, but at least I’m doing something, not like you!” Lexa spat pointing her finger at her friend. “You’re just hiding behind random strangers every damn night!”
Anya rested her hands on her hips, her gaze on Lexa. “Fuck you Lexa. What do you expect me to do, huh? You have no idea the wreckage you left behind cause you only have eyes for fucking Griffin!” Anya raised her voice and walked towards Lexa’s personal space. “I had to deal with your mess. Costia was left broken. She came to me crying from a hurting soul because the woman she thought was the love of her life fucking lied to her!”
“I already apologized Anya, you know I didn’t do this on purpose!”
“Yeah but you destroyed Costia. How do you expect me to deal with that? When all she does is for you, you fucking moron! You asked your ex to keep an eye on Clarke, who does that crap?” Anya shoved Lexa hard on the shoulder making her back track a step. “How can I compete with your damn memories when all you do is keep the flame alive! I love her, but I can’t do shit because you won’t let her go!” Anya shoved Lexa again harder this time. Lexa stood her ground, clenched jaw and eyes hard on the hazel of the taller woman. They were one more shove away from punching the fuck out of each other, but Lexa gritted her teeth “Are you done?”
“Yeah, I’m done.” Anya bumped Lexa in shoulder when she walked past her to on her way to her bedroom.
Lexa let out a long painful sigh. She heard the strenuous sound Anya made when she slammed her bedroom door shut. The adrenaline was pumping in her veins, and Lexa wanted to punch something or someone. Instead she walked to the kitchen pantry. She needed a drink.
This all went to hell really fast. She listened to Anya’s angry words, and it had hurt her. Anya had every right to hate her because she really did fuck up Costia. Not her intention but still, and she didn’t take into account Anya’s feelings even though she knew Anya was in love with her ex. Anya had been there for her all this time and not once had Lexa taken the time to ask her best friend and almost sister how she was feeling.
“I’m really an ass.” Lexa needed cool air. She was hotheaded, and Anya was as well. They were similar with strong personalities that melded well together in sync, but right now they were going to do more harm than good if they didn’t cool down before talking again. Lexa took her car keys from the coffee table and went to the parking lot.
Her mustang was awaiting for her in her parking spot. It was pretty late at night, and she thought a drive around the city was going to help her a bit.
Thankfully traffic at this time of night wasn’t as heavy so she could drive around for hours trying to put her life in perspective and her terrible decisions. She had wounded not just Clarke but also Anya and Costia. People who had been there for her and in return she had isolated herself and carried the burden alone, not thinking about the consequences of her actions and how wrong she had been.
Anya was her best friend in the whole world; she was the first one who offered her a place to stay while the disaster with Clarke exploded. The first one to put her in her place for being an idiot. In return, Anya had been carrying not just her burden but Lexa’s as well, and Lexa didn’t even consider it. She took her friendship for granted, and now she knew how crappy of a friend she had been.
Lexa turned around at the next intersection when she caught the young mechanic trying to hail a cab. She drove to the car shop and stopped near the dark-haired mechanic.
“Hey Raven. Let me take you home.” Lexa offered through the window.
“I’m not going home, Commander. Actually I’m trying to get to Monty’s.” Raven put her hands inside the pockets of her red jacket.
“Oh, I have nothing else to do. I’ll drive you.”
“You sure?” Raven arched her brow, skepticism in her tone.
“Yes. Not a problem.”
Raven shrugged and got inside the car she loved. “Okay it’s at 3800 52nd Street Northwest.” Raven instructed, but Lexa hit the brakes suddenly. “Woah what the hell?”
“I know that place.” Lexa remembered the desperate voice of Clarke calling her, telling her she needed her help. “I uh, I picked up Clarke there last year.” Lexa finally put the car back in motion.
Raven tilted her head. “I had no idea. You rescued Clarkey huh? That night had been crazy for all of us. Thanks for being there for her.” Raven commented, not meeting Lexa’s gaze.
“You’d do the same for her.” Lexa simply stated, keeping her eyes on the road as she maneuvered her car around the streets of DC.
“Yeah but I didn’t, neither did O. She needed us, and we weren’t there for her. You were Lexa. So thanks.”
Lexa didn’t add anything. That was a lot coming from Raven Reyes, and she wasn’t going to ruin that too.
The drive had been rather smooth the rest of the way. Lexa and Raven talked a little bit, nothing too serious, but it was good to have someone else to talk about general stuff.
The music reverberated through the windows of her car, and she drove down the street to reach the house filled with college kids at this ungodly hour.
Lexa found a parking spot in front of the house and killed the engine. She took a quick glance at the place. Her heart started to beat in anticipation because she knew that if Raven was here, her other two friends were waiting inside the house. And she needed to speak with Clarke.
“Thanks for the ride Commander. I do love this car of yours.”
“Yes, you have stated as much Raven.” Lexa unlocked the car to let the Latina girl out of the vehicle.
“You know?” Raven leaned on the passenger car door, “she’s in there. Maybe you should talk.” Raven winked and made her way to the house.
Lexa squeezed the steering wheel wondering if it was wise to go inside and speak with Clarke. She opened the glove box and took out the small package enveloped in dark green Christmas wrap.
“You have to start somewhere.” She breathed in and gathered her courage to go inside the house. Lexa locked her car and walked towards the house storing the present inside the pocket of her leather jacket.
The music was a bit deafening, but nothing she hadn’t experienced before. Lexa made a quick sweep with her eyes looking for the familiar luminous hair that attracted her like pollen attracted bees.
She moved past some kids shouting around a table where a group of college students were playing cards. She kept walking until she reached the back of the house. It seems upstairs was off-limits. She really didn’t want to look for Clarke upstairs and find her in bed with someone else. Instead she opted to go to the patio where some boys were shooting each other with Nerf guns. Lexa walked past them and in the corner around a bush there was her heart with another girl.
Luna. Lexa recalled.
Still that wouldn’t stop her, she had to speak and warn Clarke. She moved with her usual silent grace, her eyes fixed on the girl who was whispering things into Clarke’s ear, touching her here and there, subtle but with undertones of flirting. Lexa wished she could murder Luna, but Clarke wasn’t hers.
Not anymore, maybe never again.
Clearing her throat enough to be heard she finally broke the intimate moment between Clarke and her fuck buddy from hell. “Hello Clarke.”
“No way!” The brunette exclaimed when she raised her face away from Clarke and took a step back recognizing the murderous green eyes of the chestnut-haired woman who she met last year.
Lexa narrowed her eyes. Luna had been Clarke’s something, and Lexa had hated it with every fiber of her being. She had a lot of issues with Clarke being with this girl again, but she couldn’t express her discontent and ruin the little progress she had made with Clarke. Instead she kept her mouth shut. “Sorority girl, I see you’re back in town.”
Luna smiled awkwardly, still holding Clarke’s hand. “Yep, DC has something special that the east coast doesn’t have.” Luna already knew the kind of murderous vibes Lexa gave off, and she really didn’t want to step in her way, but a little prodding wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Lexa took the challenge and took a step forward getting into Luna’s personal space. “And what that might be?”
“Lexa, what the hell are you doing here, you stalking me?” Clarke jeered crossing her arms with a stern expression in place, stepping between Luna and Lexa. The blonde really wanted to avoid any kind of disturbance at her friends’ party.
“We need to talk.” She glanced again at the brunette. “In private.”
“Luna um, sorry about that. Can you get me a drink, please? I’ll meet you later.” She offered an apologetic smile, kissed Luna’s cheek and strolled back into the house followed by Lexa who glared at Luna one more time.
Clarke found a silent hall between the kitchen and living room where it was fairly empty except for the Christmas decorations filling the space. She turned around with exasperation and arched her brow, tapping her shoe on the floor.
“What do you want?”
“Eager to return to the arms of your friend, Clarke?”
“Actually, yeah.”
“I’ll be brief then.” Lexa clenched her teeth, but she still kept her thoughts to herself. She had done enough shit for one night. “You need to stay away from Nia.” Lexa began. She clasped her hands behind her back keeping them in place and avoiding the temptation to reach for Clarke.
“The fuck!?!” Clarke grunted. “What the hell is this? Now you’re going to tell me whom should I associate with? I’m not telling you not to be with your latest conquest. Why should I do the same?”
Lexa shook her head. “Conquest? No Clarke, this is not my intention. If you want to be with sorority girl so be it, but Nia Quinn is not to be trusted.”
“First, her name is Luna. Second, last time I checked it was you betraying ME! You’re nobody to talk about trust!” Clarke angrily spat, she wanted so badly to make Lexa hurt. To make her feel the pain of many sleepless nights because of her abandonment.
Lexa bit her cheek. It was clear she was getting upset, but Clarke didn’t care.
“Please, Clarke. I know you’re angry at me, but believe me. Nia is not a good person, she is using you to get to me.”
Clarke tilted her head, licked her lips, giving some thought. “Why would she do that? So far we’ve been talking about me for her article. I know you two worked together, she told me. Still, I see no reason to not trust her.”
Lexa inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with most needed air. “Clarke, I need you to listen to me on this one. Stay away from Nia.” Her pleading voice made her lower her guard. Lexa did look concerned.
“Why?” Goddamit, Clarke Griffin had one job to do, to look pissed. Instead her voice was low and husky, and why was she getting so close to Lexa?
“Because…” Lexa gulped down the sudden lump in her throat, her eyes moved from the blue eyes to the rosy lips and back up again.
Because I love you.
Because I need you.
Because I want to keep you safe.
“Because Nia is resentful of me.” Lexa managed to say.
“You make yourself hard to trust Lexa.” Clarke mumbled, her eyes lost in the chiseled jaw of the taller woman, in her slender neck and how good it would feel to leave a mark in there.
“Clarke…” Lexa whispered, the name she revered left her lips like an almost prayer.
“YOOO! You gonna kiss or what?” Raven peeked through the kitchen door. She had been clearly drinking the nasty concoction Jasper made by the way her tongue pronounced the words in a convoluted way.
Clarke frowned not getting what on earth Raven was talking about. The mechanic pointed above Clarke, and that’s when she noticed the fucking mistletoe hanging on top of their heads.
“No shit.” Clarke felt a sudden heat rush crept in her face. She bit her lip before meeting Lexa’s darkening gaze. And she was smiling, that damn tight-lipped smile that made her heart jump in excitement.
“It’s okay Clarke. I’d never force you to comply with traditions that derive from many centuries ago.” Lexa opened her jacket and took out the small package. “Merry Christmas Clarke.”
Clarke rolled her eyes. “Now you’re mocking me. Just great.” Nonetheless, the girl accepted the small gift.
“Be careful.” Lexa took a step back, but Clarke gripped her wrist before the brunette went away and in a very unexpected move kissed the corner of her mouth.
“Merry Christmas, Lexa.” Clarke let her go and made her way into the kitchen leaving the writer burning with desire and love.
“That went well.” Lexa put her hands inside her slacks pockets and returned to her car. Now she had to find a way to fix her friendship with Anya.
At least she felt that she was getting somewhere with Clarke, and that was more than she could hope for.