A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR
Beta: @cos-geek-monkey
Word count: 7607
Read on AO3 Previous chapters
5
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP
Heart racing, holding her breath, her eyes were not deceiving her, it was her. The traitor, the liar, the woman who discarded her and didn’t look back when she left her alone. The green eyes that haunted her dreams every single night were vivid, her high boned cheeks that were a pleasure to view on sight and those lips that tasted of sweet honey were real, this was not an illusion or a dream.
Lexa Woods was standing in front of her after many days and nights suffering for her, crying alone and hating her.
“Hello Clarke.” The brunette said in her usual way where she clicked the k of her name making it sound holy and sacred. It sent shivers down her spine.
That soft and alluring voice, how she missed that sound. Still Clarke was not going to bend to her unwelcome feelings. she was stronger now. She didn’t care for that woman, not anymore. Clarke was different.
Silence.
A silence that extended for several minutes.
A silence enveloping the awkwardness of the brunette standing in front of the blonde, eyes fixed onto one another.
Clarke couldn’t muster words at the moment, she was still assimilating the fact that Lexa was standing right there in flesh and blood. All the feelings Clarke had bottled up inside of her started to rise to the surface, the pain and the hurt, the anger and the hate. Clarke clenched her fists.
“The Commander honors us with her presence.” Clarke finally spoke.
Lexa perked her eyebrow, the mocking tone Clarke used was intended to humiliate. But Lexa was not going to fall for childish provocations. She took a step forward, then another until she was close enough to the blonde.
“Mockery is not—”
“The product of a strong mind.” Clarke cut in. “Yeah, I got that the first time Miss Woods.”
Lexa flinched hearing the formal name, but she kept her facial expression intact, completely stoic. There was nothing left of the loving way and feeling of closeness that they had shared in the past. Lexa knew this was going to require all of her patience and determination to remain of stone.
“How dare you come here? You have no right! You left me, remember?”
“Clarke, I did what was best for you.”
Clarke burst in laughter, pretty sarcastic and the sound was lacking the brightness of her laughter, it was soulless. “Really?” Clarke gasped between her humorless laughs holding her stomach in the process, taking more air into her lungs. “For me? That’s not how I recall it. You betrayed me!” Clarke growled.
Lexa inhaled deeply, holding her stance, keeping herself under strict control, but Clarke was relentless. And it was hurting her former teacher.
For a few seconds Clarke managed to see pained emerald eyes staring back at her, and yet, the moment was brief, the cold facade of the commander back in place. She felt her heart stammer, but she dug her nails in her palms to stop from feeling anything at all.
“I never meant to hurt you.” Lexa’s voice came out slowly, a soft breath of air, raspy and low.
“But you did!” Clarke spat.
They locked eyes, neither backtracking their words or backing down from their stance. The tension could be cut with a knife, a tense silence that made the air felt heavier, almost asphyxiating. Nothing existed beyond the two of them, it was simply Clarke and Lexa standing in that gallery, face to face.
“Oh right! Miss Woods!” Bellamy intervened taking a step closer to his friend, seeing the tense scene unfolding before his eyes, even though he was not clear on what really was going on between them, Bellamy felt it was time to interrupt the quarrel. “You were at the graduation ceremony. It’s good to see you.” The man offered his hand using his trademark charming smirk, trying to bring some calm to this storm in which he found himself trapped.
Clarke widened her eyes and looked at Bellamy. She had no idea that Lexa had been there. That was surprising.
It was not until now Lexa paid attention to the man. “Mr. Blake.”
Lexa eyed Bellamy, her cold stare boring into the man, observing his relaxed stance and the way he stood protectively beside Clarke. Still she shook his hand firmly. Then she was back to her staring contest with Clarke.
“You have no business here, Miss Woods.” Clarke entangled her hand with Bellamy’s, trying to use him as support, to gather strength and not succumb to the threatening tears stinging her eyes.
“Actually I do. I came here to write a piece on the exposition and the main artist. You.” Lexa said, she took out the notepad to prove it. “I am very interested in hearing about what inspired you to create this collection, Clarke.”
Of course Lexa was going to recognize her own damn tattoos in each of her paintings. Clarke wanted to scream at her, to slap that stupid smug look off of face, she wasn’t going to give her the pleasure, and much less facilitate her work. “No.”
“Clarke, don’t be childish.” Lexa sighed and closed her eyes for one second to keep her composure, to avoid falling into the web that Clarke was spinning.
Clarke was fire, her anger seeping in angry waves from her glares. And to beat fire you needed something as cold as ice. Lexa had to remain cool, not moved by the angry spats of the girl. “This is not personal, Clarke. Costia asked me to do this.”
“It is to me,” the blonde was not going to relent on her bitterness. “Bell, let’s go meet O and Raven, they should be here already.” Clarke walked past Lexa pulling a dumbfounded Bellamy away with her.
Once she was out of view she took several deep breaths, she was shaking and she had to lean on a wall to avoid falling. Her legs felt like jelly. Her heart was beating fast as if she just ran a marathon.
“Clarke are you okay?” Bellamy reached for her arm stabilizing her.
Clarke nodded. “Yeah.”
“What was that bickering about?”
“Nothing worth your time Bell.” Clarke felt more at ease now that she had calmed her spiking heart rate. “You met Lexa at the graduation ceremony?”
“Yeah, I arrived a little late and had to go through the back door. Miss Woods was standing in the back wearing a black hoodie all alone. I told her I was here for O trying to make small conversation thinking she was the big sis of a senior, but Miss Woods told me she used to teach Octavia English lit.” Bellamy recounted that night where he met the brunette during the graduation ceremony telling Clarke what he remembered which was not much considering graduation had been months ago.
Clarke remembered she had seen someone, but back then she wasn’t sure it was Lexa. Now she was and that hurt her more, knowing that after dumping her, Lexa had been there for her.
Asshole.
Clarke shook her head removing those thoughts. She was not going to feel anything for Lexa.
“There you are Clarke!” Octavia came with Raven, the two girls were walking hand in hand. Their coats were drenched in water, but that didn’t deter them from reaching the art exposition “It’s pretty crazy out there with the rain, but we made it.”
“Hey Bell.” Raven greeted Bellamy with a kiss on his cheek. Octavia rolled her eyes.
“Big brother, now that we’re here, would you like get lost or something?” Octavia shoved Bellamy out of the way. “It’s girl time so buh-bye.”
Bellamy chuckled, “I still need to see the other paintings O. I’ll be around for a while.”
“Bell, you’re making up excuses to keep an eye on me. I’m a big girl Bellamy and this is a gallery, I don’t intend on doing anything sinful here.” Octavia articulated with some sassiness looking at Raven and making the characteristic Blake sibling puppy eyes to her girfriend. “Unless Raven wants to.”
“Oh hell no. No sex anywhere here O, I forbid it!” Bellamy crossed his arms in front of his puffy chest, eyeing his little sister with a stern look.
“Bell, I could tell you all the ways Raven has made sure to keep me warm and wet.”
“Alright alright, I’m outta here. I didn’t sign up for this. You three take care and go home right away after you’re done here O, I’m serious.”
Octavia huffed. “Yes dad.”
Bellamy hugged Octavia, next Raven and Clarke last. The blonde held him a little longer thankful for his presence kissing him on the cheek. “Okay then, have fun and don’t do anything reckless.” Bellamy winked at his sister.
“Yeah yeah.” Octavia waved farewell to her brother and focused on her friend.
“Let’s see your paintings Clarkey.” Raven proposed, but she caught Clarke staring at something or someone.
Octavia frowned and Raven shrugged. The two girls followed the line of sight when they met the cause.
“Oh my fucking god.” Octavia gasped.
Raven smirked. “Look what the rain brought in. Commander Hot Stuff.”
“I think I need to have some words with that bitch.” Octavia rolled up her sleeves of her coat, and headed towards the brunette who was talking with Monroe probably catching up and nerding about books.
“Woah, O. Calm your tits!” Raven followed her girlfriend, who was a tiny ball of rage. Clarke sighed and went to stop her friend.
“O, she’s gonna kick your ass. Don’t forget she fought Emerson and company last year bare-handed.” Raven warned Octavia, however, Octavia was set on getting at least some justice for her friend.
“I got this Ray.” Octavia decided to punish that woman for what she did to Clarke. “I should kick her traitorous ass!”
Raven grabbed Octavia’s arm stopping her in her tracks. “O, stay put. There are other ways. We don’t wanna create a scandal at Clarke’s big debut.” Raven was more worried about Octavia getting punched in the face. Raven couldn’t let such a pretty face be ruined with a bruise. Particularly since she had been witness to the incredible strength and brutality Lexa was capable of when in a fight.
“Guys,” Clarke finally spoke, “please don’t.” Clarke glared at Lexa who seemed more at ease now that she was with someone showing her some kind of respect. Monroe was always the kind of student who participated in all English class discussions stealing her time with Lexa. Clarke didn’t like that Monroe was still swooning over her former english teacher either. But she wasn’t going to stay around to watch Monroe and walked away with her friends to show them the exposition hall.
For the rest of the stormy night, Clarke presented her work with a smile on her face, trying to keep a positive attitude at her debut. She even had some potential buyers enthralled in her work and were interested in commissioning her. The goal was to stay busy and not think about Lexa who was interviewing people for ‘Polis Magazine.’
Octavia and Raven stared at Clarke’s paintings in awe of the designs and the raw emotions that they evoked while always keeping a close eye on her friend.
“You know O?” Raven leaned on Octavia’s shoulder looking intently at one of the paintings. “I think I have seen this design before.”
Octavia kissed Raven’s head trying to find what her girlfriend was seeing that she didn’t. “Well, not to me.”
“I think this is like one of those things Clarke drew during recess in school.”
“Oh! One day she got so mad at us because we stole her sketchbook, she had something like this.”
Raven nodded, “yup, when she was head over heels for the commander.”
“Good thing Clarkey is way over her.” Octavia concluded taking Raven back over to their blonde friend.
Clarke’s mother squeezed some time from the hospital to stop and look at her paintings and that made Clarke happy. After her dad passed away her relationship with her mother had been strained, but little by little they started to fix it. This was another step to overcome their differences or at least close the gap that years of being distant had created.
“Your father would be so proud, Clarke.” Abby pulled her daughter closer, a smile spreading on her face.
“You think?”
“Yes sweetie. I know Jake is happy for you.”
“Thanks mom.”
Clarke took a moment to silently pray that her father was happy for her and that he was okay wherever he was. Jake was the one who supported Clarke the most with her aspiration to be an artist, her mother wanted her to be a doctor, but Jake always pushed her to follow her dreams. Too bad he didn’t live long enough to see it in the flesh.
“Hey sorry to interrupt Clarke. Can I have a word?”
Clarke’s smile disappeared, Costia greeted her mother briefly thanking her for coming and walked away waiting for Clarke in the corner of the exhibit hall.
“Go ahead sweetie. Lots of accidents today so I better go back to the hospital. You drive safe honey.” Abby kissed her daughter goodbye.
“Stay safe mom.” Clarke smiled briefly because it was necessary. No one was going to see her broken again, she wouldn’t let it happen. She showed her strength and kept the fake smile on display to avoid worrying her mother and went to meet her sponsor and friend.
“You invited her.” Clarke accused.
“Yes, I asked Lexa to cover this event. ‘Polis’ is one of the best selling magazines nationwide, Clarke. This is good exposure for your art. You need this.”
“No I don’t Costia! You knew how I felt about her, you knew!” Clarke censored her other thoughts, she clenched her fists biting her cheek.
“Clarke, let her do the interview and be done with it. Don’t let your pride ruin this opportunity for you.” Costia had a point. ‘Polis’ was a great chance to expose her name to the world and if Lexa was the way to do that, she might as well use her.
Clarke frowned observing Costia closely. The woman had become close to her since Lexa left her. That didn’t make sense to Clarke, why would Costia help her? The same girl who envied her and wanted what she couldn’t have.
Clarke closed her eyes sighing. “Shit! You did all of this for her.”
That clearly made more sense. Costia was in love with Lexa, and Costia would do anything for Lexa. Even help the girl who took the love of her life away.
“You helped me because of Lexa. Just fucking great!” Clarke pouted lowering her gaze.
Costia rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder shaking her head. “She asked me to keep you safe, to watch over you Clarke, I admit that. The rest came because I saw how talented you were, this is not because of pity or guilt. I saw your potential Clarke, you were on the verge of self-destruction, about to throw your potential career away. We both got hurt by the same woman, we bonded over it, and we created something special.” Costia cupped Clarke’s cheeks to make her look her in the eye. “I consider you a friend Clarke. I got to know how amazing you are, and I knew this was the right thing to do. Even if you don’t forgive Lexa ever, I’m glad I did this. Don’t ruin this because of your hate Clarke. Do the interview and move on.”
Clarke sighed in defeat and nodded. “Whatever.”
Costia felt at ease smiling kindly at the blonde, she meant every word she said to the young artist. Costia had developed a tenderness for Clarke, no wonder Lexa was so into the girl. Lexa would do anything to keep that girl safe, and she did. The problem as Costia saw it was that Lexa burned bridges between them without thinking about the consequences of her actions.
“Those paintings mean something to you. You poured your feelings into each one of them. Hearing you talk about them fills me with pride, and I want you to be successful.” Costia leaned down and kissed Clarke’s forehead surprising the blonde by the gesture. The art teacher nodded, and she headed back to the exposition are continue her work.
And right on cue Lexa made her entrance into Clarke’s exposition hall. She was followed by a tall bearded man with brown eyes, olive skin, a weird punk-ish haircut and tattoos on his face, which reminded her of her Calculus teacher Mr. Gustus.
“Ryder, make sure to snap a couple of pics of this collection. I want to have enough material to choose from.” Lexa ordered, and the man nodded getting to work immediately.
Lexa approached with firm steps yet cautiously, biding her time with each of her strides. Octavia and Raven came closer to Clarke standing on each side of the girl keeping an eye on the two girls.
“Thank you.” Lexa curled her lip slightly causing a break in Clarke’s resolution to be cold. She hated Lexa for making her weak.
“Let’s get this over with.”
Clarke made her way to the centerpiece of her collection that was on the other side of the room, the main piece was hung at the center of the wall by itself. The rest of the paintings combined told Clarke’s story, but this piece alone was enough to express the rage and sadness of the artist, the conclusion to her series of paintings. Therefore earning an exclusive spot on this whole wall to shine.
Lexa followed the three friends keeping her hands behind her back, her posture tense and defensive until they reached the last section of the gallery where the biggest canvas was located.
The name of the piece read ‘Heda.’
“What the…” Octavia looked from the painting to Lexa and back to the painting again. She checked the other paintings but not this one. And that’s when Raven’s earlier words clicked. The whole collection was about Lexa Woods.
Raven whistled. “Damn, good shit.”
“I think we better give Clarke some space Ray.” Octavia was reluctant, but this was an important moment for Clarke to describe her work to the writer. To face the woman and show her that she was over her.
“We’ll be around Griff.” Raven grabbed Octavia’s hand and moved away giving space to them.
Lexa pulled her notepad out again to take notes, and took a deep breath before proceeding to do the interview.
“What is the motive behind this collection?” Lexa used her teacher voice, the one that was focused on her task and did not convey emotions. The one Clarke loved to hear every single day in class.
“Betrayal.” Clarke replied. The blonde look at the painting and touched it. “All my work was done in acrylics. I added more texture to the first couple of paintings, to show the rocky pathway of Heda. The chiaroscuro effect is predominant in most of the collection.”
“Light and dark.” Lexa added as she scribbled in her notepad.
“Yeah, it adds more depth. And to finish it up I glazed it to give it life since the colors I used were pretty dark.”
Lexa nodded, her gaze stuck on Clarke’s beautiful golden locks instead of her notepad. She blinked again and returned to her task.
“Heda?” As Lexa asked she lifted the sleeve of her shirt and glanced at her left wrist.
Clarke recognized the bracelet Lexa was wearing. She gave her that bracelet on Christmas day. Clarke did it herself and the word Heda was weaved into the pattern in color of grey as the black and red colors complemented the design. Really similar to what she did here, the difference was that the bracelet was done with all her love, these paintings with all her loathing.
Lexa let the sleeve fall in place again. Green eyes examined Clarke, coldness was what the artist expected to see reflected in them, but the more she paid attention to Lexa the more pain she recognized. And that was something she really didn’t want to see.
“The woman.” Clarke answered. “Each painting is a part of Heda, part of her body. This painting completes the body, it’s the head.” Clarke pointed at the big canvas behind her back. “The blood represents what was spilled on her journey, the betrayal remains heavy in her mind, and her eyes are haunted because of it.”
“Head over heart.” Lexa knew this was her doing, her teachings had clearly permeated the brilliant mind of Clarke.
“Yeah, I had a great teacher.”
And that was the truth.
The magazine writer kept thinking, analyzing the features of the painting, her own face looking back at her with sad eyes. She put her notepad back in her pocket and took a step closer to Clarke so only she could hear and not her troublesome friends Raven and Octavia. “What if Heda did what she thought was right? What if the betrayal meant something else?”
Clarke chuckled at the pitiful tactics of the writer. “Like what? Heda lied, and she has to carry that burden forever, she won’t be forgiven.”
Another step took her closer to Clarke’s warmth, where she could almost feel her breath. “Maybe she’s not looking for forgiveness, maybe what she really wants is understanding.”
Clarke was glued to the green emerald depth of her former teacher eyes, and why was she so close to her?
Lexa’s words were reaching her, affecting her to the core of her heart, and Clarke hated her for it, hated Lexa for the simple fact that having her close like this could falter her determination to keep her bitterness alive. But Clarke was stubborn, and this display of whatever the hell this was, was not going to break her down.
“Maybe, that doesn’t change the fact that I hate you. Because I hate you Lexa.” The blonde took a step back needing air to breathe, as far away from Lexa as she could. Spewing poisonous words that showed how much anger she had inside.
Those words pushed the dagger deeper into Lexa’s heart, hearing those words from Clarke’s mouth was the hardest thing to do as she tried to keep her composure and control.
“Fair enough.” The brunette conceded.
“You got what you came for. We’re done here Miss Woods.”
The formality again between them, Lexa gave a stoic nod pleading with her eyes for her to listen, but tonight that was not going to happen, maybe another time would be good to tell her why she left. Lexa turned around on her heels to get her photographer. There was nothing else to do here. Clarke had been clear all night by expressing what she thought of her. Clarke hated her, and that had to be enough for Lexa.
Clarke’s hate in return for her happiness and safety.
Clarke sighed once Lexa left, and her friends returned to her side. The faces of Raven and Octavia were serious, looking for any sign of discomfort from their friend, preparing to soothe her if she needed it. They would be here to keep Clarke together, in one piece.
Raven circled Clarke and pulled her in a tight embrace. “You okay Griff?”
“Yeah.”
Octavia joined her friends and leaned on Clarke’s shoulder. “We should totally celebrate tonight. It’s been awhile since we hung out with the crew. Jasper and Monty are having a meet up at ‘The Skybox.’ Time to get wild ladies.”
“Aye aye captain.” Raven winked earning a smack on the ass by Octavia.
“Yeah, that sounds perfect to me. I’m gonna need some booze after tonight.”
_______________
Lexa walked with Ryder towards the gallery exit when her cellphone started to ring, she pulled it out from her bag and checked the screen, it was Anya calling.
“Hey Anya, what is it?” Lexa turned the next corner passing a set of stairs right before she found the exit of the gallery. However, she spotted Costia talking with some parents probably, and she clearly needed to have some words with her friend. “Yeah why not, I guess I’m going to need some drinks. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Got to get back to the office to write this article first.”
Lexa removed the phone quickly from her ear. “Ryder go ahead, I’ll take a couple more minutes here.” Lexa offered the car keys to the man, Ryder gave Lexa a thumbs up and went outside as Lexa put the phone between her shoulder and ear to continue her call with Anya.
“Costia is here An, we should invite her too.”
A pause, then she heard a long sigh on the other end of the line.
“Come on Anya don’t be an idiot. You two see each other at school everyday, what is the problem if we invite her to drink?” Lexa approached Costia now that she seemed to be concluding her little chat with those parents. “Anya, I’m inviting her so cut your crap and be ready in an hour. Yes, I know jerk.” She put the phone away and crossed the distance to reach the art teacher before other parents took her away.
“You and I need to talk.”
Costia twisted her body to meet a not so happy and very grumpy Lexa. “You’re mad.”
“Mad is an understatement Costia, you kind of forgot to mention that Clarke was showing her art here.” Lexa narrowed her eyes, locking them with the caramel eyes of her trusted friend.
Costia grinned and that lowered the defensiveness of the writer. “You wouldn’t have come if I told you. It wasn’t so bad Lex. You can relax now and see for yourself that Clarke is doing great. Win-win situation.”
Lexa shook her head, raking her long fingers through her chestnut curls in frustration. “Yes, I’m glad Clarke is doing great Costia. Still it was low of you to use such petty tactics.”
Costia placed her hands gently on Lexa’s arm. “You saw the paintings. You have been on her mind all this time Lexa, that has to mean something.”
“Yes, that she hates me. Which is fine by me. I can take her hatred Costia.”
Costia kissed Lexa’s cheek with softness, seeing the stoicism of the woman whom she considered so special. “Yes you can, but I know that what you really want is her love back.”
“Nonsense.” Lexa rolled her eyes, Costia was pretty insistent, and Lexa wasn’t in the mood to discuss this again with her friend, at least not here. “We’re going clubbing tonight. We as in Anya and I, you should join us. It’s been sometime since the three of us spend some time together, and then we can talk.”
Costia tilted her head pinching her nose, her lips were pressed together giving deeper thought to Lexa’s proposal. “I’m not sure about that Lexa. Anya has been distant since the school year began. I don’t think she wants me there.”
Lexa shook her head laughing at the irony of it all. Costia playing matchmaker with her and Clarke, but she couldn’t see, actually denied to see what she had in front of her nose with their mutual friend. “Anya wants you there Costia. You two were friends way before she introduced me to you, maybe it’s time you go back to the root of your friendship with Anya, don’t you think?”
“I guess it would be nice to speak with her again as we used to. Count me in then.”
Lexa was glad that at least her friends might end on a positive note today. Lexa wanted to drown her sorrow and forget the words echoing in her head over and over like a broken record.
I hate you Lexa.
Thankfully the roaring storm ended, and the sky cleared for the discouraged writer to go with her friends to ‘The Skybox.’ The nightclub had become the go-to place to hook-up with random strangers. The place was always packed, and people minded their own business. Lexa usually came with Anya to keep an eye on her friend as the World History teacher flirted her way to the nearest bathroom stall to have sex. If it was good enough Anya would take the rest of the fun back home.
Lexa nursed a glass of vodka as Anya and Costia chatted in their weird awkward way. Anya had sworn to herself that she was never going to make a move on Costia, not when she clearly could see how much the dark-skinned girl still harbored feelings for her best friend and sister of the heart, Lexa.
Lexa in the meantime took another swig of the liquor and closed her eyes, seeing Clarke breathing close to her, blue eyes that she missed too damn much and lips that she yearned to taste again.
Clarke was doing beyond well, she was sure Clarke was going to be big in the art world, calling the attention of the art community with her talent and charisma, away from the stain of their relationship. No one was ever going to know what happened between them, always in the dark. A secret that was meant to be kept between the sheets.
“Lex?”
“Hmm?” Lexa lifted her gaze to meet Anya. “What?”
“I was asking if you want to go grab a table in the VIP lounge? Lincoln knows the guy, and he gave me the green light to go in.”
“Sure, why not?” Lexa shrugged and followed Costia and Anya.
Moving through the dance floor was a gargantuan task, drunken college kids grinding against each other in the midst of euphoria and booze was hard enough. The heat of their bodies irradiating the floor, the smell of weed permeated through the air, and the faint sounds of groans and moans completed the experience.
They made their way to a more secluded area where they could have a more interesting conversation away from the young loud kids.
Lexa squeezed her way through a couple of dancers when she heard Anya complain about someone throwing beer on her shirt.
“Crap! I’m sorry, my knee… Oh fuck - err - Miss Forrest.”
Lexa pushed her way to the end of the dance floor and found Raven Reyes looking at Anya with that characteristic miss know it all smirk that was common to see in the girl during her years as a high school student.
Anya quirked her brow, eyes hard on the raven-haired girl. “Miss Reyes, not going to say I’m surprised because I’m not. Getting wasted so early Miss Reyes?”
Raven chuckled. “Not my beer Miss Forrest. I was doing a favor for a friend.”
“A friend whose name reminds me of Gaius Octavius also known as?”
“Augustus.” Raven smiled widely. “Quizzing me Miss Forrest? Miss my genius in your classroom?”
Anya laughed. “You wish Reyes. You’re still the same little shit I taught. Good thing you’re not in school anymore.”
“Ouch.” Raven eyed Anya from head to toe, “on the other hand yeah, good thing I’m not in school anymore.”
“Okay.” Costia pushed Anya away from the young girl. “Let’s move on Anya.” Dragging the taller blonde away from Raven.
“Do you have a DD?” Lexa asked, concern etched in her face knowing very well that where one of the girls was the other two followed. And whenever the trio partied, mayhem ensued.
“Yeah, O is driving us back to Mrs. Griffin’s home where we’re staying, it’s cool. By the way, I believe your Mustang is due for a tuneup, you should bring it to my shop.” Raven grinned confident in her advances.
Lexa rolled her eyes. “You’re not touching my car, Raven. Give up. Take care of…” Lexa whined.
“Clarke is going to be fine, Lexa. I won’t let her do crazy shit if that’s what worries you.”
Lexa nodded once, “Does she knows you and I are on neutral ground?”
“Nope, Clarke is not ready to hear I’m buds with you. She wouldn’t believe it’s because of your car anyways and probs be mad at me.” Raven smirked seeing Lexa’s reaction of uber dismay.
“If and only if my car needs a check up I’ll take it to your shop.” Lexa conceded, “Thanks Raven,” for being there for Clarke Lexa didn’t say and moved on.
“See ya around Commander.”
At least she was glad that her interactions with Raven were civil. Clarke’s friends were as important to her as Clarke herself. Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake were ⅔ of Clarke, if one was hurt the other two felt it as well. And she had to admit that getting to know them through Clarke had been a cheerful experience. Lexa respected them both and having Raven to talk to was good. The girl was as brave as Clarke, never giving up, and Lexa admired her tenacity and wit. Not that she planned to tell Raven, the girl was already full of herself.
As the night moved on Lexa kept her gloomy face drinking glass after glass of rum. Making small conversation with Anya and Costia. The music was great and the environment felt light, fun and enjoyable, however, Lexa could only stare from afar at the table where Clarke and company was. Who would have thought that they were also in the VIP area?
“Lexa, you’re still pissed.” Costia took a sip of her margarita trying to find a way to make things right.
Lexa downed the rest of her alcoholic beverage, then paid attention to Costia. “You should have told me Costia.”
“If I have told you, you perfectly know that you’d come up with a cheap excuse not to go.” The curls on Costia’s head bounced as she shook her head in frustration.
“No I wouldn’t.” Lexa defended.
“Lexa yes! And you know it. Where is the girl I fell in love with?”
Costia took Lexa’s hand in hers, and Anya rolled her eyes, drinking her shot right away and standing up. “I’ll get more booze for the table. Excuse me.”
“Anya wait!” Lexa saw her friend go. She propped her elbows on the table cradling her head, then she eyed Costia. “Okay fine, yes. I’d send someone else if I had known.”
“You used to be happy, you smiled more, but now it’s only constant brooding and pining from afar.” Costa made a quick glance to the group of college friends at the corner of the VIP lounge. “I want you to be happy Lex, you deserve it too.”
“And so do you Costia. Why don’t you talk with Anya? I mean, you two are seated right here and you barely speak with each other.”
Costia slumped in her chair and took another swig of her margarita, licking the salt from her lips away. “Anya is, how do I put it, distant? I talk to her and she just smiles and goes away. You two are acting like children if you ask me.”
“Maybe it’s because you wouldn’t get it.” Anya collapsed back in her chair distributing shots for her friends at the table and taking a swig right away.
“Why don’t you tell me then?” Costia perked her brow, crossing arms in front of her chest waiting for the blonde to address the current issue between them.
Anya simply shrugged, and hid her face behind the amber bottle. “It’s not important.”
Costia sighed exhausted. “See? You two are unreasonable. I swear to god you two are like real sisters, you are so much alike.”
Lexa noticed the weird commotion at Clarke’s table, the girl was holding her cellphone with a huge smile which didn’t sit well with the brunette, it was the smile that used to be aimed at her. Not anymore.
It seemed that Octavia and Raven were teasing Clarke by the soft blush of her cheeks, even under this light Lexa noticed everything about Clarke Griffin. Whatever Clarke was seeing on her phone had to be interesting to capture the full attention of the young girl. Maybe it was a text from someone special.
It didn’t matter how Lexa felt, Clarke’s presence meant that Lexa couldn’t escape her attraction to her, she was like a magnet and the pull was too strong to deny it. Lexa simply couldn’t stop caring about Clarke. She excused herself from the table after downing her shot.
“I’ll get more drinks, you two talk, will you?”
Anya glared at her friend, but Lexa decided to ignore her and casually moved to the bar which was near Clarke’s table.
The brunette weaved her way through the bodies moving with the beat in the middle of the lounge, she passed the dancing college kids and reached the bar. She stood in a corner and waited for the bartender to finish serving some patrons.
“Hey gorgeous, what can I get you?” The bartender came seconds later, the woman eyed Lexa and offered an easy grin.
“Three tequila shots please and could you please serve a round to those college kids of whatever they’re having.” Lexa pulled a bill from her wallet and gave it to the bartender. “Right away.” The woman winked and got to work. Lexa turned around slightly and heard a bit of the familiar voices of the three girls who used to interrupt her classes most of the time. With the music so loud she couldn’t tell what kind of conversation they were having, only heard bits and pieces.
“Damn princess, you’re now the most hated girl or at least the most envied on twitter. No wonder you had so many notifications.” Octavia cackled in laughter as she pushed Raven who was making her faces as she read the feed.
“Like all her stans are gonna send you more hate than ever. Oh this one is good, from @alexandriasbitch ‘What did you do to get a follow? Are you fucking her?’ Damn that bitch is salty or in need of a good bang.”
“Ah no this one is the best.” Octavia clicked the tweet to read it. “@betweenyourslit ‘they say that there is one fine line between love and hate. I bet that Alexandria is in love w Princess69’ is what said the tweet.”
“Woah listen to this from @alexandriastans ‘@Princess69 is always sending hate towards my bby, why would she follow that asshole???’ That is amazing Clarke you’re famous.” Raven was laughing pretty stunned at the turn of events.
“I really don’t care about the haters, I already changed my profile to private.” Clarke commented. “I guess Alexan—” The blonde stopped abruptly as the bartender delivered the extra round of booze to each of the friends hanging out with Clarke. The woman leaned down to speak to Clarke’s ear in order to be heard, and that’s the moment when the blue eyes found the green of Lexa standing at the corner of the bar.
“Hell yeah, cheers Commander!” The white kid with goggles on top of his head cheered in Lexa’s direction. Lexa didn’t know the kid, he wasn’t in her class, but she knew he hung out with Clarke regularly.
The asian boy and the white one with goggles drank, even Blake and Reyes accepted their drinks, not Clarke. She didn’t touch it, of course she was going to reject her drink, otherwise she wouldn’t be Clarke.
“Here you go.” The bartender made her way behind the bar and put the order of Lexa on the table with a kind smile before retreating to take care of other clients.
“Thank you.” Lexa tipped the bartender and faced Clarke. She lifted her shot glass, “Cheers Clarke,” and took the tequila shot. “Congratulations on your exhibit!”
Clarke rolled her eyes and walked to the bar glaring hard at the brunette. “Are you following me?”
Lexa chuckled. “Clarke, this is public space, and people like me can come to have a good time. It has nothing to do with you.” Lexa noticed the sadness of the girl, even when she tried to smile to her friends she could see it. “I know it is a hard time for you, I just wanted to offer you and your friends a drink, no harm intended.”
“I don’t want anything coming from you, and you know nothing!”
“I know you miss your dad, Clarke. You can lie to your friends, but I see how sad you are.” Lexa almost dared to take Clarke’s hand in hers. Almost.
“What I feel is none of your business, when you left me you lost that right!” The girl growled.
Lexa wanted to try anything to bring a smile to the girl’s face, she was angering her at the moment though, still that wasn’t going to deter Lexa. “Okay, you won’t accept my drink, but I am sure this poem fragment will be to your liking:
‘I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly…’
It is from—“
“Pablo Neruda.” Clarke answered surprising a very stunned Lexa. “I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You, right?
‘Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.’”
Lexa smirked, and she couldn’t be more proud of the girl. “It is Clarke. I see you’ve been reading.” Lexa smiled. “I remember when you used Neruda to spite me in class, Clarke.”
“Like I said, I was taught well in school.” Clarke snapped her mouth shut, probably not what she intended to say, but she did anyway. “Just go away, Lexa.”
Lexa knew she pressed too much today, it had been an intense and overwhelming day for both of them. The writer understood that she already had caused too much discomfort to the blonde. “I wish to speak with you Clarke, but not now. I do have to explain myself.”
“It’s too late Lexa.”
“Maybe it’s not. Good night, Clarke.”
Clarke didn’t reply, she remained silent watching as the brunette made her way back to her table.
Lexa sat at the edge of her bed after a long night of hanging out with her friends. She already changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in after a quick bath. Or at least to try to sleep, as she knew it wasn’t going to come easily tonight or ever. Clarke probably would have stabbed her to death if she had a weapon or shot her if she carried a gun. Lexa was sure of it. Clarke loved with a passion and hated with the same depth.
Nonetheless the short exchange they had really surprised her. Clarke had kept reading poetry, maybe as a tool to keep finding inspiration or probably as part of her curriculum. Whatever the reason and knowing it was Neruda, one of her faves, Lexa was beaming. Even after being treated like complete garbage by the girl, Lexa couldn’t find hate in her heart for Clarke. She had to be patient though. Clarke’s anger towards her was huge. But Lexa wanted to find a way to return to her, to find that rebellious girl she met last year in her classroom because the one at the club was the real Clarke she fell in love with and not the one filled with hatred at the gallery.
Lexa started to feel hopeful, and that was one of the most dangerous things she could do at this moment in her career and life. Hope that Clarke could trust her again, and maybe love her once more. The question was how?
Lexa had been dead inside. She couldn’t feel anything at all but guilt. Guilt for leaving Clarke behind, for hurting her. Guilt for ruining the happiness of the blonde and erasing the smile on her face. With a low sigh Lexa tried to gather inner peace.
Looking out through her floor-to-ceiling window Lexa pondered her decision. Eyes trained on the nature surrounding her, the faraway city lights fading away as the hours passed in the hopes of calming the storm in her mind and heart.
Her concentration was interrupted when her phone bleeped with a notification, she reached for the electronic device and unlocked the lockscreen.
Slowly a small smile tugged on her face as she read the private text message.
Princess69: you stalking me or smth? lol, thanks for the follow.
Princess69: I guess we can now chat privately huh?
Princess69: sorry for flooding your inbox so late disturbing your sleep. I need to talk to someone. When you read this maybe we can chat? pls? I had a tough day, I miss someone whom I lost some time ago and I met another one who hurt me badly.
Princess69: sorry to fill u w my crap, forget it.
This might be just what Lexa needed, this person who was almost like a friend, an online friend that is. If she could aid Princess69, then the guilt she felt for failing Clarke might diminish. At least she hoped so.
AlexandriaBTS: I wasn’t asleep. Talk to me.