Editor’s note: My good friend and staff writer Cory Robinson has decided to delve deep into the pits of really bad comic book films (actually this one is more mediocre than awful) to give us a review of The Legend Of The Lone Ranger. You have to appreciate that tagline, ‘The film where you hiss the villain and cheer the hero.‘ as opposed to the countless other movies where it’s the exact opposite. Marketing misstep aside, this movie had a lot of other things working against it. Read on for Cory’s review.
Hi-Yo to all of you fans here at Comics-X-aminer, or should I say Ho-Hum. This time, we’re going to take a look at that notorious Lone Ranger film that caused a lot of controversy and did poorly at the box office which led it into quick obscurity. Yes, we’re taking a look at the mostly forgotten film The Legend of the Lone Ranger. What?!?!? You thought I meant the Johnny Depp vehicle that seemed more like The Adventures of Tonto and Some Guy Called the Lone Ranger? Actually that movie wasn’t the only time where the Lone Ranger franchise bombed at the box office, that honor actually belongs to the first reboot that happened in 1981 that was released with fan outcry and terrible reviews until it faded away until the Disney reboot brought it back into the limelight and I personally did not hear of this film until a couple of months ago. So how does this film hold up to today and does it deserve the backlashing that it got? Well keep reading Ke-mo sah-bee and you will soon find out.
The film starts with our protagonist John Reid who we first see as a little kid playing with his new friend Tonto, so at first glance it seems we are getting some shitty children’s show The Adventures of Lil’ Lone Ranger and friends but thankfully no. Instead we get to see them playing for a few seconds until a bunch of unnamed bandits ride in through nowhere and automatically start looking for Tonto because he is an ‘injun and he must be killed. John manages to hide Tonto from the bandits but this doesn’t stop the bandits from finding a complementary prize, and that just happens to be John’s family. With John’s family all dead, Tonto convinces his father that he should live with them and surprisingly, Tonto’s father accepts even though he goes through his whole spiel of that the white men are trying to kill them all and that they don’t belong blah blah blah. You’re going to be hearing this speech a lot throughout the film.
We see the film transition a couple of years while John and Tonto grow up a little together by playing and hunting plus whatever else Indian stereotypes do when all of a sudden John’s older brother Dan Reid magically shows up out of nowhere to pick up John. Yes, somehow Dan figures out that John is living at an Indian reservation and waited a couple of years after his family died in order to find him. Apparently the reservation wasn’t too far off from where the Reid family lived, SO WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?!?!?! Was he just getting drunk off of his ass until he’s like “Shit, my family’s dead. Where the hell is John? Well let me finish my whiskey first and let me take a nap and then I’ll get right on this.” But before John leaves the Indian reservation, Tonto gives him a necklace in order for them to have a connection together in case something happens.
Now, it’s about this time to where the first major flaw of the film rears its ugly head. Apparently the producers decided that it would be a good idea to hire aging country star Merle Haggard to be the narrator for the film but it just shoots in all of the wrong directions. Most of the time Merle tells a story that was just obviously played out 30 seconds ago so there was no need for him, and most of the time that he talks while playing his banjo it feels like you are watching a silly Disney film. Haggard’s voice makes the film seem too goofy and hillbilly and doesn’t at all set the serious tone that the film’s going for. It’s like the producers couldn’t decide whether to make the film comical or serious so instead they took the serious script and added Haggard in order to make the film seem more lighthearted but does it the most lazily way possible.
Many years pass and we are “treated” to a song by Merle Haggard that seems like it’s going on for years until we are finally introduced to an adult John Reid (played by Hollywood cautionary tale Klinton Spilsbury) taking a trip to Texas in a carriage while trying to woo a woman named Amy who is supposed to be the love interest but that plot is mostly abandoned into half of the film so this is the only time where we get to talk about Anna in this review. John happens to be going down to Texas in order to set up his new law firm close to where his brother Dan lives and whatever aging cream Dan uses, it’s fantastic because he hasn’t aged a day since we saw him in the flashback. Dan sent John away to be a lawyer because Dan is a Texas Ranger and doesn’t want John to be one but instead let’s John deal with justice through being a lawyer.
After all of the money that Dan wasted and all of the time and hard work that John put in to pass the bar exam, he decides that he really doesn’t want to be a lawyer and instead wants to be a Texas Ranger just like his big brother instead. Dan rejects the idea but John tells him that he must because of a feeling his has in his gut and that what his gut must be telling him is true. This beautiful piece of poetry moves Dan so much he gives up arguing with him and makes him an honorary ranger even though he has no training with a gun or how to track down a fugitive.
It’s at this point in the film that it would be hard to notice that the actor playing John Reid, actor Klinton Spilsbury, that his voice seems a little off. You would be correct because according to the production log’s, the producers of the film wanted an unknown actor playing the Lone Ranger much like how Christopher Reeve was discovered when he was cast for Superman. But unlike Reeve, Spilsbury never had any acting experience and was cast only because of his chiseled good looks and the way he looked in the Lone Ranger costume. Unfortunately for the producers, Spilsbury had a big ego that grew even more after he was cast in a starring role that made him almost impossible to work with on set.
According to the cast and crew, Spilsbury often fought with everyone on set and demanded that most of the dialogue be trimmed because he had a hard time memorizing the lines and that he wanted the film to be shot in sequence so that he could understand the character better. It also didn’t help that the producers thought that he was showing no emotion when reading the lines to the point some cast members quoting that his tone for the film felt like he was just reading his lines without showing any emotion. Also the producers felt that his voice was an octave off, so the producers finally had enough off Spilsbury so they just decided to REPLACE ALL OF HIS DIALOGUE WITH ANOTHER ACTOR!!! The actor who dubs over Spilsbury is actor James Keach who is the brother of actor Stacy Keach. Keach’s voice for the Lone Ranger seems too monotone and dull, it’s obvious that the producers wanted to recreate a hero-like voice from the 40s and 50s but Keach’s performance makes it come out too bland and it doesn’t help when Spilsbury looks awkward and wobbling around all over the place.
It’s here we are introduced to this picture’s villain Butch Cavendish (played by Christopher Lloyd) who was a former military leader who went crazy and decided to take the law into his own hands in order to make the state of Texas into its own country to which he will be the ruler. (Note that I did not somehow drum up that plot but Cavendish actually says this later on in the movie.) Cavendish believes that he can accomplish this goal by kidnapping President Ulysses S. Grant while he is traveling by train in order to go on vacation by hunting and to also boost his public image by giving speeches. The person who is supposed to guard him while he is in the state of Texas is none other than Dan Reid, but he couldn’t give two shits because he would rather in his own words “take a piss on him.” Dan really doesn’t like what Grant is doing in office and explains why people like Grant are the main reason why Dan wanted John going to law school in the first place. Dan even thinks that he shouldn’t even protect grant even though it’s his job, great examples you’re putting for your brother there Dan.
After we learn of Butch Cavendish, we are treated AGAIN to another narration by Haggard to which WE ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. During this time John is trying to party it up during a day of the dead festival going on in the town until the Cavendish gang breaks havoc and rummages the town’s local newspaper printing station and hangs the reporter. This sends Dan and John with the other Texas Rangers after Butch and his gang in which we are treated with a looooooong sequence of the actors riding on horses going through the valley. Of course they don’t send a scout to go on ahead, so the rangers are easily ambushed and gunned down in a sequence I couldn’t watch half of the time because the dirt caused by all of the horses running around making it impossible to see what’s going on. (It also helps that the director decides to make extreme close-ups during these scenes and quick-cut editing to make it a real chore to get through.)
The sequence ends with all of the rangers dead including Dan and John. (Personally, I think they sent in the wrong Texas Rangers, if they sent in Walker and Trivette they would’ve gotten that shit taken care of in five minutes.) Tonto arrives on the scene because of their “spiritual bond” and proceeds to nurse John back to life. It’s not sure whether John really died during the gunfight or was just injured because one of Butch’s gang members checks to see if John was still alive and says that he’s dead. So if Tonto resurrected him, why couldn’t he bring Dan back as well? Tonto (played well by Michael Horse) convinces his tribe to nurses John back to health even though they are waging a war with the white men. It comes to our attention that Tonto is now bitter against the white man as they killed his wife and child but promises his tribe that if John’s heart is full of hate, he will kill him and decorate his lance with John’s scalp. Way to be a friend there Tonto, if he acts like a jerk you’re just going to finish the job that Butch Started.
Tonto tries to teach John how to shoot because I guess he forgot to learn if he wanted to be a Texas Ranger. John naturally is a terrible shot so Tonto somehow gets the equipment to make silver bullets for him because they can make him shoot straighter because “Indians use silver arrowheads to make their shots more accurate.” Those are Tonto’s words not mine. So instead of using the original silver bullet mythos of to teach a motto not to waste bullets because ones made of silver are so precious thus giving The Lone Ranger a reason to never use his gun, they change the reason because John sucks at using a gun. If that’s the case give him a rifle or something to help him shoot better instead of wasting money on silver bullets.
Next , Tonto introduces John to Silver the Horse and proceeds to tame him because he’s the untamable horse that John must make to be his horse. This is the explanation given so we’re going with it because for the next 7 minutes we get a painfully slow montage of John trying to tame Silver and it doesn’t help that someone hit the slow-mo button during the WHOLE thing. Finally John is ready to become The Lone Ranger and not a moment too soon because we already AN HOUR INTO THE MOVIE and we only got a half an hour to go before this movie ends.
So since we have half an hour left in the film the film’s story goes into overdrive and needs to wrap the story up. Cavendish decides to kidnap President Grant by disconnecting his train car to which none of the other passengers notice and ends up kidnapping him without a hitch. Now it’s time for The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into action and we actually get to hear The William Tell Overture while they both ride and everything looks great until we hear James Keach’s uttering the line “Hi-Yo Silver!” The way that Keach says the line makes him seem uninterested in reading the line and sounds like he just woke up from a nap.
Cavendish tells Grant that his plan is to take over the State of Texas and call it “New Texas” and that he will be the emperor of the new country and all he needs is to Grant to sign the treaty. Grant refuses because he says that he is so unliked in Washington and even if he signs it, they will veto the treaty and refuse Cavendish’s demands. It’s at this time to where I should talk about Jason Robards’ performance of President Grant and I will be a little harsh just because Robards was in his prime from winning two Academy awards and was nominated for a third one at this time and you can see that his performance was phoned in. Half of the time I can’t even understand what he is saying because his voice is too grizzled to the point it sounds like he is gargling mouthwash.
Now we can get to the climatic rescue of President Grant which in reality isn’t that climatic at all. All that The Lone Ranger and Tonto do is: walk in through the backdoor of Cavendish’s lair, knock a guy out in the back of the head, steal a key, and get the President out. The only thing left to do is put a shit ton of dynamite around Cavendish’s lair with somehow not alerting any attention in broad daylight and they actually put a box full of dynamite and send it down the river so that hopefully when it reaches the massive wooden gate that block the entrance, it will go off. Miraculously, this whole plan works and not a moment too soon as the Calvary arrives to rescue President Grant that we had no idea was coming, and then another fight scene to where I can’t see what is going on because of dirty, poorly edited fight sequences.
In the end, The Lone Ranger saves the President, gives Cavendish to the authorities, convinces President Grant to give fair land treaties to the Indians, and rides off into the sunset never to return again along with Klinton Spilsbury’s career. Overall the movie wasn’t bad but it wasn’t very good either. I would rate it overall a little above mediocre but the movie does do some things right compared to the Disney remake just over a year ago.
The movie was at a good length at an hour and a half but the pacing of the film was all over the place, this is due to the film trying to introduce characters that really don’t play that much of an importance later on into the film like Amy the love interest and the movie takes about an hour before John actually becomes The Lone Ranger and then the film tries to rush really fast in order to tell the rest of the story. The main reason behind this is due to Klinton Spilsbury hating to wear the Lone Ranger costume and forced the writers to trim the scenes in which he actually wears the costume.
The acting by Michael Horse and Christopher Lloyd are commending enough and they do a good job to what they have to work with. Most of the actors do a decent job considering that many members working on the film said that the director wasn’t an actor’s director and was actually a cinematographer who got this job at the last minute. The only actors that did a bad job were James Keach’s dubbing over Spilsbury and Jason Robards’ overly grizzled performance as President Grant. Even though I make fun of Klinton Spilsbury in the role of John Reid/The Lone Ranger but in reality he looks really good in the role and the costume but he does come off as a little wooden in his body language when saying his lines. It also doesn’t help that by dubbing his voice that it comes apparent during some of the exterior scenes and especially during the final battle at Cavendish’s lair.
Due to Spilsbury’s bad attitude during the making of the picture and his night life escapades of beating up random people in bars after shooting and even punching a waitress who happened to be in the cast as an extra ruined any PR chances of him becoming a likable actor and the fact that his voice was dubbed during the production pretty much mean that Spilsbury was dead on arrival. It also didn’t help that when Spilsbury did a cover interview for Interview Magazine in which he was asked questions by Andy Warhol who found Spilsbury “nutty” because he came in drunk and talked about getting divorced from his rich wife because “he needed time to himself” and talked about having affairs with men made Warhol realize that this man was “ruining his whole image.” Spilsbury also refused to do personal appearances as the character because he felt they were ridiculous and he “was not a person kids should look up to because I am too selfish for that.”
Spilsbury never got another role in Hollywood and the only evidence to suggest that he is still alive was a passage from Charles Grodin’s book How I Got To Be Whoever It Is I Am suggesting he was in New York depressed because he had a hard time getting another film role and supposedly Bo Derek had him lined up to be the star in Adam and Eve until the producers cut him loose because of the bad PR from Legend of the Lone Ranger. The last interview Spilsbury gave was from a LA Weekly interview in 1989 saying that he was a widow that lived in Vancouver but was now back in LA working as a freelance photographer while doing two part time jobs as a waiter and a Subway sandwich artist. Today Spilsbury’ legacy ends on a lesson to up and coming actors to remember that you can be quickly replaced as soon as you are discovered.
The other bad PR move was suing Lone Ranger TV star Clayton Moore from doing public appearances as The Lone Ranger because the people who owned the rights to the character wanted to disproportion the character from aging Moore in order to make the character seem fresh. The result was a public relations disaster to where long time fans of the character tried to boycott the movie as a result from Moore who was known as a nice person going around the country as Lone Ranger entertaining fans for decades and was told they he could no longer dress as The Lone Ranger. Both Spilsbury and the lawsuit killed the film when it hit theatres and pretty much killed the legacy of the film until the new reboot in 2012. Overall it’s a decent film that deserves a watch because it’s just not as bad as the reputation got throughout the years.
Stay tuned for more reviews.
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