Insert Bryan Mills Taken joke here. He might seem like the guy of your dreams, you might connect with him more so than with any other guy and it might have been a long time. Especially, since you’ve had nothing more romantic than a crappy Tinder date that didn’t even lead to a hookup. But you should never see a guy who’s in a ‘committed’ relationship as a potential suitor. I know that people can develop feelings for each other, even if there’s another person in the mix. This is something that they can’t quite control, but they can control their actions. If some guy who has a girlfriend has been giving you a little too much amorous and reciprocated attention, you need to back up and off. If you continue with your ‘flirtationship’ it will just lead to everyone getting hurt. You don’t need the drama, trust me…
1) If He Is Chasing You, That’s a Bad Sign
I know everything is not so black and white. It is totally possible that he does have feelings for you, but if he goes out of his way to hang out with you or even instigate some more intimate sessions: like inviting you back to his after a night out, that’s a huge red flag. He’s inviting you to cheat with him. This shows that he is emotionally immature and a coward. If he really truly liked you and wanted to pursue a relationship with you, he would end things with his girlfriend and try it out with you. But he hasn’t done that, has he? Instead, he is disrespecting his girlfriend and you by treating you as ‘the other woman’. Who wants to be the ‘other woman’ anyway? Playing second best? No thank you.
2) If His Relationship Is Complicated, You Don’t Need The Drama
Are him and his girlfriend going through a rough patch? Maybe they are in a long-distance relationship or she’s never around because she’s doing an intensive content-heavy course, or maybe he is and you are both in the same course together. Or maybe he works all the time and you work with him. Whatever the situation, even though it might not feel like it all the time, there are plenty more options out there. There are even options that don’t exist on Tinder. Try to keep your drama among your single friends. Let him deal with his relationship problems, don’t become one of them.
3) How Do You Know It’s Just You?
Do you have access to his Facebook and phone messages? Are you with him 24/7? If you do and are, that is really weird. But if you don’t, then how can you really know that you’re his only other woman? If he is bending his relationship commitments for you, who’s to say that he hasn’t done this before with other single girls, or is doing that right now? Also, say you did end up together, how could you ever trust that he would never do that to you? If it was just you, then you wouldn’t need to be reading this article. He has a girlfriend, yet he continues to flirt with you, or even kiss you. You don’t need that, you deserve better, like someone who wants to be with you and only you, for example.
4) You Deserve Better
Maybe you have low self-esteem, maybe you think that you deserve to have a shitty relationship because you think you’re not that great. Well, that’s a load of bullshit. If this guy is telling you that if it wasn’t for his being in a relationship he would be with you, that’s not fair. He’s basically telling you that you’re his second choice, his plan B. Don’t you want to be someone’s plan A? You deserve to be someone’s plan A. If you genuinely (and not in some pseudo-twilightly-dramatic version of reality) believe that the two of you would make a good match, clearly the timing is not right. He met his girlfriend first and it’s up to him to decide whether to be with her, or break up with her and try it out with you. This might mean that you will have to face the fact that he likes his girlfriend more than you, or fears being alone so much that he’d rather stick with her and flirt with you and mess with your emotions – sounds like a great guy, right? Wrong.
5) Do You Want A Relationship Or Is It The Thrill Of The Chase?
Can you actually imagine what it would like to date them? Or have you just been focusing on your stolen moments and deep meaningful drunken conversations? Have you considered what it would be like to actually date him? There would be no more stolen moments because you wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. There would be no more chasing and far less flirting because you would be an item. Are you certain that both of you are into this situation because you genuinely like and care for the other, or is it just the thrill of the chase? Who’s to say that you both will get bored with each other after one frantic week of endless sexcapades? This is why you should avoid people in relationships, everything is so bloody complicated and everyone gets hurt at some point. Unless they have an agreement with their girlfriend to be in an open relationship or are polyamorous, don’t even go there.
6) Does He Make You Feel Good?
Do you come away from your conversations feeling elated and content, or is there a dark feeling bubbling around in your stomach? That would be guilt because you know you’re infringing on someone else’s territory and you’re being less moral than you normally would be. You’re changing who you are for a guy who doesn’t even respect you enough to let his girlfriend know you exist. Try to imagine his conversations with his girlfriend. Imagine one night you have what you perceive as an intimate conversation where your feelings appear to be reciprocated, but then when he calls his girlfriend the next day to let her know how he got on he doesn’t even mention that you were there? He’s not being a good friend to you, he’s not being a good person. Any good feeling he gives you is temporary, but how shitty he makes you feel, that will last. You want someone who will make you feel good all of the time, not only some of the time.