Author: Mr Stepford
Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:04 am
For a moment confusion distressed her. He couldn't be taking her outside, could he? That had to be against the rules. And even if that wasn't the case, were they actually going out to dinner, like on a date? Her face felt hot and butterflies filled her stomach at the thought of going out in public. And given that the Warden was wearing an nicer suit than usual, she was guessing they weren't headed for the local greasy spoon. He was holding up a coat and she turned and slipped her arms into the sleeves. He lifted it over her shoulders and turned her to drape the scarf around her neck. Had anyone ever shown her such care, such tenderness. Maybe, maybe tonight she could pretend it was all real. That she was a young woman, young lady, going to dinner with a handsome, charming man. When he held out his arm, she looped hers through it and smiled.
It wasn’t the first time she had rode in the back of a car, but those back set had real bars not a mini bar and the driver was a cop not a chauffer. “A limousine…I’m in a Limousine” Jacqueline thinks to herself. It was still so surreal for her, she would have never imagine this when she first walked into special counseling and more importantly she would have never believed that she would have been so willing to play along. “Play along….it that what I’m really doing” Jacqueline think to herself “Have I played along my whole life, play the part of the tough punk girl …what all it really was a part….not me“ As she straighten her dress she felt any thing but rough and tough, she felt docile and feminine and she loved it she truly did. The more she acted like a lady the happier she felt, but could it last. At least when she was Jak she was able to fool herself into believing that there wasn’t a better way to live, but Jacqueline know better and that will make it all the more painful if the Danny Boys of the world take it away from her. As the limo pulls up to the restaurant Jak…Jacqueline can’t help but wonder if this a blessing or a curse.
Was this how Cinderella felt when she'd arrived at the ball? she wondered as the car stopped and the door opened. Her Pri-Warden got out and then held his hand to help her. She couldn't help but notice the difference: his strong and powerful, hers slender, and well, dainty. She'd spent most of her life despising weakness in herself, but now it seemed okay. She didn't have to be tough, and that was, a relief. As they entered the restaurant and took off their coats her mind briefly flashed back to a health class lecture on bulimia. How after a certain point, even if they wanted to, bulimics couldn't stop throwing up because that's what their bodies were used to. She'd been Jak for so long, convinced it was the only way for her to survive. Yes, being Jak had landed her in jail, but Jak hadn't needed anybody either. She'd taken care of herself because she'd figured out that nobody else would. They'd been shown to their table and the Warden pulled out a chair for her. "Thank you," she said as she sat adjusting her skirts. all the different forks and glasses seemed to mock her. Even setting aside the fact that she'd never used eating utensils that weren't plastic, how was she supposed to know which ones to use when? But that wasn't the worst. She opened the menu and discovered it was written in French. At least she thought it was French. It could just as easily have been Italian or pure gibberish. Now what was she supposed to do?
Before special counseling Jak would hide her ignorance with a defiant roar, She would state loudly and vulgarly the stupidity of a menu being in french and how it was oppressive to the underclass. Not that Jak ever really took the time to understand the veil political and society stance she was making, it was just a shield to protect her from her shame. But special counseling has primped and polished that out of her leaving a Lady with an adorable pout on her lips and a look of concern in her eye's.
"Relax Jacqueline, I won't require you to learn French tonight" said The Warden. A sense of relief feel over Jacqueline along with a strange thought "It would be lovely to learn French". The Warden summoned the waiter and began speaking to him in French. She notice the Warden pointing at her and realized the he was ordering for her. "Why the nerve" Jak..Jacqueline thinks to herself "He didn't even ask m.....well I guess he.....he would know what best here.....he...he always knows whats best" Glancing around the restaurant she noticed for the first time how much the decor resembled that of the special counseling room. There was soft music playing somewhere and through an archway she could see couples dancing in the next room. Don't get your hopes up, she told herself. Just appreciate what you have now. Part of her wanted to ask what it was he'd ordered but that seemed rude somehow. "So how did you learn French?" she asked hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt.
My mother taught it to me when I was little, I spent a quarter in France during my doctoral study, so it help out quite a bit. "you learn it as a child?" She respond "Yes along with Russian, Chinese, Arabic and a few other...it the benefits of having a classical education" said The Warden. Jacqueline looked confused "whats that" she asked "A Classical Education is language-intensive and not image focused. It demands that students use and understand words, not video images." The Warden responds. "It trains the mind to analyze and draw conclusions. It cultivates and enforces self discipline. I am convinced that a classical education
shapes your mind for elegance. It helps you become an accomplished lady or gentlemen.I also believe, as silly as it sounds, that your thoughts, heart and value shapes the beauty of your face and your expressions. An interesting person has an interested face. An interested face is more beautiful than just a pretty face, which you can sometimes tell results from superficial thoughts. "Jak always scoff at anyone who told her that tv would rot her mind. But now she wonders "where they right". Her biggest Resistance to changing was the fear of losing her independence and become another mindless pretty face. But now she realizes how ridiculous that is. The Warden didn't want to turn into a doll, her darli....he wanted to mold into a Lady of true sophistication. Although she didn't truly understand what a classical eduction was Jacqueline want to have it.
Of course she was probably too old. Yeah she'd heard about those language programs that promised to make you fluent, but seriously, what chance did she have to use something like that. "I don't think it sounds silly. People who are really smiling always look nicer than people who are fake smiling." Fake smiling? Had she honestly just said such an air headed thing? "I mean people who are smiling, but they don't really mean it." She stared at the pattern on the plates trying not to fidget. Of all her meager achievements she considered learning to read the best one. Short of getting her brains scrambled it was something nobody could take away from her. It had taken her longer than usual, and then she hadn't really practiced. Bookworms and nerds were easy targets. For a moment her eyes misted up as she remembered how one of her foster brothers had grabbed her first real "big girl" book, A LITTLE PRINCESS by Frances Hodgson Burnett and ripped it apart. Instead of helping her tape it back together, her foster mother had put her in the Naughty Closet for complaining. She took a deep breath and blinked. All she needed now was for her mascara to start running.
The last thing she wanted was to endure the embarrassment of crying in public. But the warm and gentle feel of the warden touching her hands helped hold back the tear. "Your doing great" said the Warden "What do you mean" replied Jacqueline "With everything, you have made splendid progress" The Warden said "I will never truly understand all you have been through in your life, but I know enough to understand how truly difficult a transition like this must be to you" As The Warden talks Jacqueline looks deep into his eye and saw true compassion....compassion for her "I want you to understand that I don't expect you to be perfect" The warden continues "it okay to fall ....I will catch you" Jacqueline heart skips a beat (He will always Catch Me) " Thank Sir" she replies "I must admit I was a bit skeptical about all this, But I believe that I have turned a corner and I am doing the best that I can....without the benefits of classical education of course" She was taken aback by the last comment she made worried that Jak had crawl out of the darkness add a little sarcastic jab at the warden. A fear sunk into Jacqueline, fear that her comment offended the Warden and a fear the Jak would never truly go away. But all the warden did was smile "Well that wont be a problem after tomorrow" The Warden said "How so Sir?" Replied Jacqueline " I've talk to your teacher and judging from the Splendid progress you have made in class. You will be remove from the general education program and will receive specialize tutoring in the classical style"
She looked down at her hands in his. Then had to sit back as their food arrived. A shallow bowl more like a plate was placed in front of her holding steaming liquid. Soup of some kind. "Thank you," she said to the waiter. Oh boy, now which spoon am I supposed to use? Glancing across the table she decided to see which one he used. Okay that took care of that, but what was it? Would it be rude to ask? "It looks, hot," she said. Hopefully she could get it into her mouth without dribbling on her lovely dress and she did and felt a sense of accomplishment. Growing up food was something you devour as fast as possible or it would be taken by a bigger foster sibling or fellow prisoner. But tonight there was no need to rush as Jacqueline slowly sipped her soup savory every moment.
Next came the salad and with the confidence she got from the soup Jacqueline decide to figure which fork to use on her own "let see the fork to left is smaller and it is the farthest out and since the salad comes first it would be the first one I use" she thinks to herself. Finding the logic sound she grab hold of the fork and look up to see the Warden smiling holding onto the same fork. "I was rig...well of course I'm right it is the only sensible place for it to be" she thinks to herself with the same steadfast confidence in formal place setting that a scientist would have with the laws of physic.
The rest of the meal was exquisite, all fast food she ate in her life tasted like cardboard compare to this food. It was as if she had truly discover taste, not just taste in food but in cloth, music, literature. It wasn't a lie ...the Finer things in life are truly Finer. Jacqueline talk very little during the meal, it just seem inappropriate to bring up the unpleasnatries of her life as Jak in such a lovely place. She most ask her darl..the warden question about him, his doctorate in psychology, his love of horse racing and polo, his patience while waiting for that special lady to come into his life. "How was it" The Warden ask as the waiter took the dessert plates" "It was splendid" Said Jacqueline "But I am stuffed" "Well I know how we can work that off" said the warden. A flood of inappropriate thought run the Jacqueline mind...thought unbecoming of a Lady "Excuse me" she Replies. The Warden extend his toward her "My Lady may I have this dance?"The food in her stomach turned into butterflies as she stood up. What if she tripped or...but when she placed her hand in his the butterflies flew away. All she had to do was follow his lead.
As she stepped into his arms it was as though muscle memories she'd never known she had kicked in. She stepped, she glided and turned in perfect time to the music. If anybody else was looking at her she neither knew nor cared. She only had eyes for her partner, and she couldn't seem to stop smiling.Not once did she stumble or slip or step on his foot. The evening was perfect. When the music stopped they applauded for the musicians but suddenly she was aware that the evening couldn't last forever. Time stands still for nobody and soon, too soon, she would, she would...Her chest seized up as though all the air were being squeezed from her lungs making each breath a battle against her own body. Her hand felt as though it was stuck in a trash compactor. She'd been fooling herself but she would have to go back to that horrible place, and it was all her own fault. She'd brought it on herself.
She didn't want to be Jak anymore. Hot tears came to her eyes as she struggled for breath. I'm not Jak, I'm Jacqueline. I'm not Jak, I'm Jacqueline. I'm not Jak, I'm Jacqueline. I'm not Jak, I'm...
A LADY does not come from privilege she comes from WITHIN....I AM JACQUELINE. A new found sense confidence fell over Jacqueline as the paragraph she read on her first day of special counseling repeated in her head...As a LADY My world is generally a more PLEASANT place. Everyone speak kindly and gently to me as I would to them. I feel like ROYALTY whenever I go. The more I act like a LADY, the HAPPIER I WILL BE”.....But these where no longer mere words on a paper. To Jacqueline these where Holy Commandment for at this very moment she truly knew who she was meant to be and all the prisons and Danny Boys of the world couldn't not take it away from her, she will always Be A Proper Lady.
The bliss of this revelation cause Jacqueline to close her eyes for just a moment. But when she open them again she was not at the restaurant but back at her beautiful garden. She's wearing a wide brim hat, silk long sleeve gloves and a black and white hourglass dress the perfect attire for a day at the races. She looks over and see her Darling Gentlemen in his best morning suit and waistcoat with a top hat to finish off the ensemble. "My Lady you look stunning" He said "As do you my Darling" Jacqueline said as she leans in and kisses him. The bliss of the kiss cause Jacqueline to close her eyes again, But when she open them she was back at the restaurant kissing the warden. Mortified, Jacqueline stepped back. She managed to keep her face straight but couldn't control the heat blazing in her cheeks. Oh, this was awkward. She couldn't look at him. Was he angry? Embarrassed? Did he, gulp, pity her?
After all she could hardly be the first female to completely lose her head over this man. His physical charms not withstanding, he was like someone from another age, a more gallant age, such as the era of courtly love. Her knowledge of history was, patchy at best, but she did remember something about that, how the knights and gentlemen of the court would woo their ladyloves with music and poetry and brave deeds done on their behalf. She remembered feeling somewhat wistful at the time, torn between what she had only ever dared to dream of and the harshness of what experience had taught her.
Well, it wouldn't do any good to stand here like a silly goose. She cleared her throat and said. "I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have done that. It was inappropriate."Not that she actually regretted kissing him. Oh, she'd be reliving that moment for years at least. But such a public display like that. If somebody had snapped a picture or video and he got in trouble because of her, she didn't know how she would cope.
"It quite alright My lady" The Warden "One deserves some forgiveness for being caught up in the moment". A moment that all it was, Jacqueline felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, her childish hope for her and the warden were dashed. But at least he handle it like a Gentleman....He's a Gentlemen I'm a Lady. "Come now it getting late" The Warden takes her by the hand and walks her out of the restaurant. Jacqueline set quietly in the limo dreading the moment she has to remove the glass slippers and become prisoner 102 again. But from that dread came a new sense of resolve, for she knew that before she can truly be Jacqueline she must serve a penance for Jak's sins.
Jacqueline awoke from a peaceful nights sleep of dreaming about frolicking in the garden with her darling. As always she took an extra few moments to straighten her drab prison ware (A Lady always wants to look her Best). It had been 3 month since she began special counseling and her progress, as been nothing short of miraculous. She has excelled in all her classical study and has obtained knowledge of Etiquette that would rival a royal princess. Her French is good enough now that she can now has a basic understanding of the menu during her weekly dinner with her darli…the warden. Jacqueline was giving herself once over in the mirror a when a guard enter her cell. “Jacqueline come with me” Said the Guard
“Jacqueline, please sit.” The Assistant Warden motioned to the chair in front of his desk, on which she sat primly, demurely, folding her legs at an extreme angle so she could sit as tall as possible. “Now Jacqueline I must say that when the warden choose you for special counseling I had my doubt, but I was wrong. Your rehabilitation has been nothing short of remarkable” said the Assistant Warden ” Thank You Sir, I have tried my best” Jacqueline replied “Well young lady your hard has paid off, It is with great pleasure that I am here to inform you that you have complete Special Counseling and you are here by release from this facility” said Warden “Release” Jacqueline replied while doing her best to contain the wave of emotion that were rising up in her. “w..when?” “Well right now of course” said The Assistant Warden “Right Now?...Um..Sir if you don’t me asking were is The Warden?” said Jacqueline “Well he had to attend to some personal matters today, but he wanted me to tell you how proud he is of you” The Assistant Warden “Now if you follow the guard he will take to get your things”
“Get my thing” Jacqueline thinks to herself as she walks down the hall. She remember the outfit she wore when she arrive here, a wore out leather jacket with metal studs, a ripped up misfits t shirt, Jeans with holes in the knees. She recoil in horror at the thought of wearing those ghastly rags again, but that paled in comparison to profound sadness she felt toward the idea that she may never see her darlin….The Warden again. Jacqueline was so consumed in her self-pity it took her awhile to realize that she wasn’t walking to the processing room she was walking to the spa. As she enters the room the nurse was closing the last of several suitcase. “Oh My Darling” the Nurse said as she ran over and embraced Jacqueline “I’m so happy for you” “I couldn’t of done it with you madam” Jacqueline replied while in mid embrace. The Nurse let go her “ Well let’s get you dressed” The Nurse said as she direct Jacqueline attention to an outfit in the closet.
She got a look at her reflection in the varnish on the door. A pink Chanel suit with matching high heels, her skirt just below her knees properly fit above her hips and her collarless jacket was tight enough to modestly accentuate the extremely feminine curves she had, Her favorite pearls hung large around her neck and in her earlobes. Her Brown hair was done up in a beautiful bouffant that curled slightly away from her face and neck around its edges topped off with a pillbox hat place on the top of her head. She was a bit hesitant to open the door because beyond that door lied the real word a far crueler place then fantasy world she was living in. “It’s time dear” The Nurse said as she gently nudge her out the door. As soon she stepped outside Jacqueline saw a limousine with a chaffer loading some suitcases in the trunk. “Of course he won’t be able to take all your luggage today” Said the nurse “but it will be enough to get you by” “Get me by?” Jacqueline responds “Madam I must confess I am at a bit of a lose, were is this limousine taking me” The Nurse smile at Jacqueline as she response “To home of course”
Home. She didn't have a home yet. She'd thought that, after being released, the next step would be a halfway house since she had no relatives with whom she could live. Then once she got a job and saved enough she could get a small apartment somewhere of course she'd also expected to have more advance notice of her release date which would give her more time to make firmer plans, she thought as she removed her sunglasses from her bag and put them on against the glare of the sun.The chauffeur had finished loading her luggage and was now holding the passenger door open. Jacqueline turned to face the Nurse again. "Will, will I ever see you again?"
The Nurse just smiled and urged her toward the car. Jacqueline took a seat in the back and fastened her belt. The chauffeur got behind the wheel and headed for the gate. She turned slightly to look behind her.Not all that long ago the person she'd been would have been glad to leave this place without ever looking back. And yet in the last few months it had seemed less like a composite of nightmares and more, well, like a rehabilitation center inasmuch as she had become a new person, one who could contribute to her community instead of being a drain on it. She had come here very much the Ugly Duckling and now she was a Lovely Swan. And none of that would have happened without him. She'd thought he'd be here to say good-bye. She had so much to thank him for, so much she wanted to say.Well, first things first, she told herself. Once you get yourself established in your new life, then you can find him to tell him everything.
She spent the rest of the drive formulating a plan in her head. "first I will need a job, Perhaps at a country club" She thinks to herself "then I could take some classes at the community college and try and be an executive assistant.. I certainly have the wardrobe for it" Jacqueline let out a little giggle at the thought. She looks up for a moment and notice the neighborhood they were driving in and it was certain not what she expected. Mansion after mansion they passed until the driver pulled into a long lane. As the gates to the estate open she began to get a look at the house ahead. One story, white with a covered walkway around the outside and column like from an old Greek temple or fancy museum. "It couldn't be?" she thinks to herself "Driving" she ask "where are we?" The driver respond "Your Home"
Maybe this was a halfway house, she thought. Some philanthropist had donated this place to a foundation or something and she started looking around for a sign or plaque. By the time the car came to a stop she couldn't find one. The driver opened her door and helped her out. She thanked him and headed slowly toward the front door. Am I, am I dreaming? she wondered. Am I hallucinating? She had shed much of her cynicism and pessimism in the last few months but even now she felt a slight tremor of apprehension that all of this could somehow disappear and she'd wake up back in her cell. If this is a dream, she told herself, then I don't want to wake up. The door opened just as the clouds shifted around the sun throwing the face of the other person into shadow. She couldn't make out any features but she heard a familiar voice say, "Welcome home, my lady."
Jacqueline Heart skipped a beat "I know that voice" she thinks to herself. Warden? she said timidly "Oh course My Lady" said the Warden as he emerge from the shadow and kiss her hands. "Sir...I'm...I'm confus....." her words are cut off by the touch of the warden lips as he kisses her. As Jacqueline fell deeper her into his embrace she felt a graceful bliss wash away all her doubts and fear about ever truly being a lady. That apprehension that one last linger piece of Jak disappeared...She was a Lady....She was His Lady. "Oh Darling" She said still embraced in his arm "You don't know how happy you have made me" "it is nothing compared to how happy you have made me my lady" The Warden replied "I knew the first time I layed eyes on you that you were the one. I saw the Lady within and I wanted her" "Well you have her Darling" Jacqueline replied
The End