By Kristy Wilson
It’s once again that time of year when Christmas lights start to appear, holiday party invitations begin arriving in the mail, people begin to think of the gift to give to put the biggest smile on the faces of those they love, the smell of fresh baked cookies and other yummy food smells permeate homes, and mental health symptoms begin to increase.
Wait a minute! Have you ever played that game one of these things is not like the other? Mental health symptoms? Not something that seems to go with the happy thoughts first listed, but definitely something that people need to be aware of and sensitive to. For some the holidays could not be further from the “most wonderful time of the year.”
Mental health during the holidays is something that could be written about extensively as it is something that can be as unique to individuals as the hairs on their heads. However, I hope that this will provide you a few quick tips and resources for managing your own symptoms, or empathizing with those people in your life that may be struggling during this time.
Before moving on it is important to understand that I am using mental health symptoms in the broadest sense of the definition. I am not speaking about a particular diagnosis, rather I am speaking of a broad range of struggles from increased, temporary stress to those who have lived for years with a diagnosable mental health condition.
For some, the holiday commercial’s with the perfectly set table, the gorgeous food and people, and the smiles on the faces of all is a reality. To those families I say, “good for you!” while thinking “they have to be lying about/hiding something.” For others holidays may go something more like this: attending multiple holiday events with different sets of family members in a short time-frame, inappropriate and upsetting conversations, relatives or friends that drink too much and become belligerent, becoming upset because you indulged in too much food and now feel fat, a sense of obligation to be somewhere and not a sense of true joy about togetherness, grief over the loss of a loved one and how things change with the person not present, etc. This list could go on and on.
Here are eight simple tips for dealing with the realities listed above and other situations that may arise:
1. Keep it simple-Sure, it would be amazing to pull off a commercial-looking holiday, but be realistic. If a bakery bought pie/rolls would significantly decrease stress, then do it!
2. Know you audience-As much as possible know what is appropriate and what is not. If you have relatives that drink too much and cause significant disruptions to events, then consider not serving alcohol.
3. Be flexible-If you know that there are certain traditions that are important to the family, don’t try and change them. On the flip side, if a family member has passed away and now a tradition that involved them will be difficult to continue, develop new ones or modify the tradition accordingly.
4. Don’t ask “what’s wrong?!”-When people are in distress it is important to notice the signs of the distress and ask “how can I help?” The words “what’s wrong?” are often paired with the words “with you?” and therefore can be perceived as being negative and cause people to become guarded and defensive.
5. “How can I help?”-If you ask those words be prepared to act. Asking the questions and not following through on a reasonable request can increase stress for the person.
6. Be willing to listen-Many people are problem-solvers by nature, myself included. We see people in stress and we start thinking about how we can fix things. Then, before we know it we are giving unsolicited advice and solving the world’s problems. Sometimes people don’t want answers; a hug or an arm around the shoulder and a listening ear can sometimes be enough to decrease the stress.
7. Take and give time-Make sure to take time for yourself as needed. If a situation is frustrating, upsetting, overwhelming, etc. walk away for a few minutes and find a way to decompress a bit. Make sure to give time to others. Don’t expect that someone who has just experienced a great loss in the last few years will not struggle to find how to redefine the holidays without their loved one. Be gracious, allowing them to express their feelings as necessary and helping them to cope in a healthy manner.
8. Acknowledge feelings/behaviors-This can be very challenging for many people. For example, a person whose loved one has passed away may become teary at various times and crying is an emotional expression that often causes those who observe the behavior stress. You can say things such as “It’s okay to cry. It is hard not having Aunt Jane here with us.” Then refer to tip number seven, followed by tip number five.
Here are some additional resources to assist you in dealing with mental health during the holidays (note, in general the information given above and in the resources is good to practice throughout the year as well):
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/25-ways-find-joy-balance-during-holidays
http://www.nami.org/Content/Microsites58/NAMI_Of_Multnomah_County/Home55/Get_Involved2/News_and_Events1/holidays.pdf
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/healthy_living/stress_management/hic_managing_holiday_stress.aspx
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.
Kristy Wilson considers herself a “towney” having lived in the community for 24 years. She grew up in Unit #4 schools and attended the University of Illinois. Kristy is passionate about her work with youth and families in the community and is interested in how nutrition affects youth’s behavioral health. Kristy is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with a degree concentrated in community and mental health