From: colin@benzobuddies.org
Subject: BE / BB Problems
To: Donna
Date: Monday, May 9, 2011, 10:52 PM
Hello Donna,
There are some issues concerning the behaviour of two of your members at our forum. To be as clear as possible on this point, although this relates to a ‘pattern’ of problems involving BE, and although we have had disagreements, I accept that you did not mean to use the BB chat room to promote BE; nor do I believe that you are in any way behind the problems I report to you in this email. I hope you will treat this information as confidential. Whatever you decide to do, I will not be commenting about it on our open forum (not unless there are dramatic developments).
Firstly, yesterday, we had a member report to us (using the Report to Admin function, which copies the unedited PM to the forum Admins) that they had received a speculative PM from alaniscecelia asking the member to contact her at her (provided) email address for links to other websites where they might help them taper. The member that received the PM hardly knows alaniscecelia – so made the report. Through our checks, it *appears* that she is referring to BE.
Our members are free to post (non-spammy) links to other useful resources on the forum. Though, such links should fall comfortably within the context of a discussion. This is not about us stopping links to useful and relevant resources. It is about us protecting our members from unwarranted intrusions. Again, I am not suggesting that you are behind this, or know anything about it. I just thought you should know, especially given our recent exchange of words regarding an analogous situation.
I probably would not have contacted you about alaniscecelia if not for another problem that came up in discussion regarding alaniscecelia’s PM. As I’m sure you are aware, TC was a Senior Moderator at our forum at one time. I cannot detail everything that occurred, but I will address two issues about which TC seems to be misleading people within the wider benzodiazepine community. One of our team has reported to us that TC had also encouraged him to join BE via AIM (private communication away from BB is not our concern). However, TC also stated that moderators look into the PM’s of our members (this claim was made 19th March, 2011, before the member joined our team). Firstly, I should like to point out that there exists no function within our forum software for moderators, Senior Moderators, or Admins to review member PMs. SMF (the developers of the forum software) will not allow the development of forum modifications to allow for such functionality. Additionally, if we operated such a system, I’m sure this would have been revealed long before now (we’ve had a large number of moderators pass through BB). Further, we have plenty to do without monitoring even more content, most of which – no doubt – is drivel. Even if such a function were available, we would not use it.
When the team member reported TC’s claims about the monitoring of PMs, we asked further questions about TC. It then transpired that TC claimed to be Reddawg, a problem member over at BW. Long ago, when TC was on our team, he claimed to be the *neighbour* of Reddawg. He made certain promises to us about not sharing information, etc., with Reddawg (after all, we thought they were two separate people). We were not aware of TC’s double-life, where, in actuality, he was causing problems at BW. If we had known, he would been removed from the team. One of our Senior Team commented to TC within a senior team discussion, “I didn’t know Reddawg was your friend, but honestly, he engages in some nasty stuff over there himself. It’s a brutal board.”
The wider team were not aware of TC’s claim to be a ‘friend’ of Reddawg, certainly not the new team member that casually mentioned TC’s remarks made within Messenger. I have now read the Messenger transcripts where TC admits to being Reddawg. There is no grey about his remarks – TC states: ”i was red dawg over there”. He makes several other remarks that confirm this was indeed his meaning.
There is another issue that caused us great concern with TC. He was already off the team when we learned about it. I cannot go into the details here. He probably should have been banned for it, but the person that made the report declined to pursue the matter, and TC stonewalled us.
In your shoes, I think I would be wary of acting upon unsubstantiated reports (from me) about one of your team. This is more about me giving you a heads-up about someone that may cause problems for you (and, more importantly, your members). If you have any questions, I will try to provide clarifications. However, I’m trying to stick to correcting information that TC has chosen to discuss. Or, more precisely, lies and misinformation he has provided to others.
A few additional thoughts:
If we did read PMs, we probably would have known all about this stuff long ago. I am not suggesting that this is a good reason to have such monitoring in place – only that the very fact that we did not know about this before now, strongly suggests that we do not access private communications.
I suggest that you take steps to protect you and your members, and, at least, restrict the information you share with TC, and do your best to monitor his activities. TC was nearing the end of a two-month suspension at our forum (it was his final warning – this time, for attacking a new member in the chat room, openly (and unreasonably) accusing him of being a troll – the member did not return). TC’s two month suspension at BB will now be transformed into a permanent ban.
TC signed a confidentiality agreement when he joined our team. It appears that he cannot be trusted to respect the agreement. Not only has he skirted upon some team issues within Messenger, he has lied and spread malicious rumour. I don’t know what you might choose to discuss with TC, but if he goes further with misinformation and lies, I will have no choice but to deal with those issues too. I might even have to post publicly about it.
Ain’t managing benzo forums fun!
Take care,
Colin.
From: Donna
Subject: Re: BE / BB Problems
To: colin@benzobuddies.org
Date: Sunday, May 15, 2011, 2:16 PM
Dear Colin,
I do want to answer just a few things until I can have time to reflect on this information.
Regarding alaniscecilia, I do believe that she is probably referring to the website called benzodetoxrecovery.com because she had sent me a private message regarding their taper plan, something about dual titration method with milk. I think that your old moderator, Jana, is the head of that group. Alanis asked me about this method when we were all in weekly chat the other day and appeared offended that I didn’t agree with this method. Apparently this is the taper method she is using and touting to as many people as possible. As far as I know she seems to be very passionate about it.She also belongs to a facebook group that has been forming for awhile. I understand that this group has at least 50 members. I am not sure exactly why you would automatically assume she was referring to BE. She really doesn’t post much on our forum and usually utilizes our new chat for the most part.
I think that there are numerous people who belong to at least 3 or more benzo support sites.
Regarding TC, I knew of the person reddawg on BW. I never had the occasion to speak to him as far as I can remember. I never did and still don’t get into any drama at any forum, especially BW. I was entirely too sick to participate or read for well over a year and, even if I wasn’t, I would have had no interest in anything other than giving people hope. There are people on these sites that are sincere and others that will never recover due to other psychological issues that may not be benzodiazepine withdrawal related.
TC has been a very caring moderator thus far. I know that Lee has some concerns regarding a management organization he is thought to be associated with. Also, as far as him ‘leaking’ any forum private information, we are always above board and don’t have anything to hide. I suppose, since he has access to our moderator control panel, he could cause some problems if he had the intention but I don’t believe he would go to that extreme.
Members and their well being is my first and foremost concern. I am only concerned that they receive good and sound advice as well as factual scientific information rather than personal opinion and/or a preset belief system regarding withdrawal from benzodiazepines. My main goal is to give people hope, support and facts so that they will be successful while withdrawing and go on to live a full and happy life, hopefully leaving my website behind. As far as your forum private message access goes, I’m not concerned as to whether you can read your members’ messages or not.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. I am not trying to be rude. Your business is yours and none of mine. You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation. I’m sorry that TC is saying this, however, this is the first I’ve heard of it. I don’t usually concern myself with the inner workings of other websites but only respect the fact that people like you and I have decided to dedicate ourselves to helping others who are in a very precarious and non-validated situation. I know there are many people out there in cyberspace that are “less than favorable”.
Thank you for caring enough to give us this information. I want you to know that BB was a wonderful, positive tool and support for me when I was extremely benzo ill.
As far as the run in with Pamster, it was hard for me to understand why she would be as aggressive as she was with me when we had such a kind on line relationship in the past. I haven’t changed, Colin. I am still trying to be positive and kind to whoever I meet in this circle and I always believe that kindness goes a lot farther than presenting with a combative or aggressive attitude. I never would have ill will toward anyone or any other support site and continually hope that we can maintain positive relationships because we all have the same intention.I also realize that there are some not-so-nice people out there and others with a lack of concern for others and only for themselves.
Regarding TC and what appears to be evasive and secretive behavior, Lee and I will discuss the issue in length before we take any action or make any decisions. I’m sure she will keep you updated on the situation.
Donna
From: Donna
Subject: Re: Odd Comment
To: colin@benzobuddies.org
Cc: comisado@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, May 21, 2011 4:56 PM
Dear Colin,
Note: I wrote this msg several days ago and saved this as a draft.
Your thread regarding site jabber on BB was pointed out to me by L’andy this morning. I read through your thread and through the site jabber thread again and noticed that there are even more comments now. Perhaps you drew unneeded attention to the site jabber comments? The best advice I can give you is to ignore site jabber and direct your attention to keeping your forum as good as it already is. People will always have opinions and they will never all be 100% good.
I understand you are very concerned with TC. Since we have no proof that TC made that post at site jabber and only your suspicions we can’t react to the supposition. If there were definite proof I would then be extremely concerned about Benzo Exodus and Benzo Buddies, i.e. the welfare of both our forums. This is a moot point seeing that we will not be able to gather any definitive proof of any of the allegations. I personally do not think he was the one who made the post.
The internet is a funny thing. It’s somewhat like the wild west. People can do and say what they please under the cloak of their computer screen. We will always have somebody who is disgruntled with us, whether it be a former moderator or a member that doesn’t like the way we run the show, even another forum owner who may see our forums as competition. Unfortunately, here we are trying to give of ourselves to help others, even strangers to us, and we have to deal with these extracurricular and completely unnecessary negative distractions. I have heard many things, over the months that we’ve had Benzo Exodus, through the grapevine which I consider to be hear say, gossip and borderline paranoia with some.
Because women own Benzo Exodus we have actually had a few male members treat us with disrespect and abusive speech, of which I assume would not happen if we were men. Being a highly educated woman it is very easy for me to turn around and walk away. There is no time or energy to waste on nonsense of this nature as it will always happen no matter what we do. In my personal life I take no part in such things. Life is too precious to be concerned with the unwarranted business of other peoples’ minds, especially going through several life altering cold turkey withdrawals myself.
One of the great American quotes was made by our early president, Abraham Lincoln.”You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time” Over time, Americans have inserted the word “please” in place of the word “fool” to read: “You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not please all of the people all of the time” If we accept that this is fact (and, in human interpersonal communication it is a stark reality) then it is much easier to move on and accomplish the task at hand, which is to be strong and supportive for those who are in a precarious and weak position as we once were.
The joy of seeing someone accomplish their taper, gain inner strength and go on to completely recover is unparallelled to any small inter or intra organizational issue that we may have. A problem is only as big as we decide to make it. You have dedicated your life, for the past years, to providing a safe place for people who are withdrawing from the most devastating withdrawal syndrome on the planet. They are confused and scared and you have been there to give them support and encouragement.
That makes you a very wonderful person in and of itself. Sometimes things can get in the way of our heart’s intent but only if we let it. If we keep our eyes on our passion and not let these distractions enter into play we will always be successful in our goal. The strength and joy that comes from seeing even one person go through the stages of withdrawal only to move on with life is unparallelled. Being a good example in as many ways as we can is one of the best ways to help a person strengthen their soul.I wish us all joy, inner peace, good relations and fulfillment in all we endeavor to accomplish.
I also wish nothing but the best for Benzo Buddies. It was a great help and haven for me when I was extremely ill.
Donna
From: colin@benzobuddies.org
Subject: Re: Odd Comment
To: Donna
Cc: comisado@gmail.com
Date: Wednesday, May 18, 2011, 10:25 AM
Hello Donna and Leeandy,
When I first contacted you about TC, I thought we shared similar concerns. Of course I understand why you might feel you cannot act (without independent verifiable information), but I am surprised that TC, as a representative of Benzo Exodus, can post what he wishes about other benzo forums (so long as he does not do this at BE, I suppose). We would not allow our team members to behave in this way, as it would cause us too many problems with other forums and bring BenzoBuddies into disrepute. I do not have independent proof of much of what has been reported to us, but since it rang true with me (and the wider team), and fits a pattern of behaviour (and known facts at our forum), I felt I owed you a heads-up.
Irrespective of what you might do in this matter, I, of course, will look out for the interests of BenzoBuddies. As a courtesy to you, I indicated that I might feel compelled to post to our forum if I find that TC is in a habit of lying about how we operate at BenzoBuddies, or if he causes us other serious problems. How is this any kind of threat? We have a right to defend BenzoBuddies (and its members) from lies or abuse, especially when they might impact the emotional state of our members (the perceived invasion of privacy by wrongly believing their PMs are being read by members of our moderation team, for example). This is not a personal matter between TC and me – but, of course, it is hard to not take it personally when (it is reported to us that) he lies about how we operate.
Donna, you appear to be unhappy with my directness in questioning your actions within our chat room. As I indicated in my e-mail to Leeandy (regarding her posts to BW), it is about perception. It seems to me that your refusal to take my comments seriously, and at face value, is a personal reaction. But, like my comments regarding alaniscecelia, I feel this is a side issue and only complicates the real issue: TC’s behavior. I never expected that you would remove TC because of what I reported to you. I certainly did not ask you to do this. I simply reported what has been reported to me, what I know, and my concerns about this situation. As I said before, I do not envy your position, and you should make your determinations.
I will keep you informed of any developments or new information. I hope you feel that you can reciprocate.
Colin.
From: Donna
Subject:
To: colin@benzobuddies.org
Date: Monday, November 21, 2011 8:28 AM
Hi Colin,
L’andy just forwarded the mail you sent to her regarding the comment made on site jabber.
I read the comment and I sincerely doubt it was TC that made the comment. We didn’t talk with TC until very late Sunday > evening, USA time. Although late Sunday night was three actual days ago I’m not sure how site jabber decides what 3 days is, i.e. 72 hours or otherwise.
We spoke with him regarding your issue and he has agreed to walk away from the situation. Apparent to us is that there is definitely bad blood between TC and your staff. This is, for the most part, unavoidable when we, as forum owners, ask staff members to step down. We have had our own share of disgruntled former moderators who have showed no bones about publicly declaring their distaste for us. We don’t really bother ourselves with that end of this job but try to keep our eyes on the original goal we have.
It is starting to make me quite uncomfortable being drawn into this issue. Whether TC is a member of our staff or not has no bearing on what previously occurred between you (Benzo Buddies) and him.
Out of respect for your concern and for Benzo Buddies we did bring up the issue with him and asked him to explain his side of the story. It was very similar to what you told us. Since there are other things you wish not to discuss or must withhold from us for various reasons we can’t form an unbiased and completely informed opinion of the whole of the issue and have no choice but to go with what we feel is best for Benzo Exodus and all concerned. Therefore, we have no intention of removing him from our staff as he has proved to be very dedicated and caring. We are only grateful that we have people willing to give of themselves without receiving anything in return. If TC is externally promoting Benzo Exodus on neutral grounds I see no harm being placed to either of our websites.
I am truly sorry that you are dealing with this issue. As I explained in a previous paragraph, TC has agreed to let sleeping dogs lie.
I have now had time to read through your previous e-mails in detail. One thing that does concern me was statements made in both of your previous e-mails regarding you threatening to post publicly:
“I don’t know what you might choose to discuss with TC, but if he goes further with misinformation and lies, I will have no choice but to deal with those issues too. I might even have to post publicly about it.”
“If we find that TC continues to spread lies (and they are lies), we might have to post publicly about it. After all, he is a Global Moderator at your forum (and a former Senior Moderator at ours), and he usually makes this quite clear to people.”
I’m not sure why you are making these statements. I don’t like to judge but the impression I get is that these are subtle threats and the meaning behind it that I receive is “Control TC or we I will make a public post about it.” I don’t do well with double speak and believe the direct method is best for all when it comes to understanding so I do hope that I’m mistaken in my impression. If I am not I think you should know that I don’t take kindly to threats and I give them no credence. Threats are somewhat like subtle terrorism of which I have no intention of extending the least bit of emotion or reaction to.
Based on how I was previously addressed through private message from you and Pamster on your forum and through e-mail, as well as what I deem to be subtle threats, I feel that there is a passive aggressive aspect to your communications with Benzo Exodus, specifically L’andy and I.
Should you wish to continue communications with us we are more than happy to do so but I ask you to be forthwith and humble in your expressions so that I may not have the opportunity to misjudge what you are trying to convey.
Thank you,
Donna
From: colin@benzobuddies.org
Subject: Cesspool Entries
To: Donna
Date: Sunday, November 20, 2011, 7:13 PM
Hello Donna,
I assume that you have read the latest blog entries at Mike59′s Cesspool. In case you do not know, he is posting some of your private communication with me and the team, and is deliberately misrepresenting what occurred between you (and your team) and Nicolette. And, of course, he continues to post private communications he stole from our team and members.
What are your intentions (if any) regarding these matters, and Mike59′s misrepresentations of what occurred between you and Nicolette in particular?
Thank you,
Colin.
From: Donna
Subject: Re: Cesspool Entires
To: colin@benzobuddies.org
Date: Monday, November 21, 2011 8:28 AM
Colin,I told you before that I don’t read that site. What part of that didn’t you understand?
There are a few things I would like to address with you and I am going to be very blunt.
First, I forwarded you some e-mail exchanges I had with L’andy (Comisado) after I read her post on your site tonight. I hope you’ve had a chance to read through them. They are unedited. I, unlike SOME people, am an honest person.
Second, I am very sick and tired of you allowing people to slander me and lie about me on your website. I realize you banned Hope-Fiend for saying I gave out IP addresses but why on God’s green earth would you leave that post up there for everyone to read? I would NEVER give out any personal information or IP addresses to anyone for any reason and I certainly wouldn’t allow an ounce of slander on my site.You have proven to me that you are nothing more than a participant in all of this and I have no respect for you at this point. I will never understand why you allow such bull shit to go on at your site.
Third, I am flabbergasted at the audacity you have to even approach me and ask what I intend to do about something after you have allowed people to lie about me and make me out to be a demon on your website. Where do you get off doing that? I don’t owe you, Nicolette or anyone else, for that matter, any type of action on anything after what you’ve allowed to happen on your site with regard to smearing my name with lies.
I don’t consider you anyone who would deserve such an action at all based on what you seem to be eagerly participating in at your site. I’m sorry things were taken from your site. I have nothing to do with that and nothing to do with Mike59′s site either so let me say this. Either do what’s right or leave me the hell alone. Don’t expect any help from me in any way, shape or form while you still allow people to talk shit on me and, what’s even worse, shit that isn’t true. I’m done being diplomatic with you. I don’t think you have an ounce of integrity at all.
Show what you’re made of or get lost and don’t contact me again.
From: colin@benzobuddies.org
Subject: Re: Cesspool Entires
To: Donna
Date: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 5:40 AM
Donna,
Since you have made it abundantly clear that you will take no action against Mike59, an active member of your forum, for his long-standing activities at CoM, consider this fair warning. I will defend the integrity and reputation of the BenzoBuddies community, its members, the BB team, and me. Contrary to your baseless accusations, we posted public warnings or even suspended the accounts of those that made baseless or unsubstantiated claims about you or BE. You, however, have allowed Mike59 to continue his membership of BE while using his blog to post outrageous claims and imagery relating to members of our forum (and the wider benzodiazeopine withdrawal community) for many months. Now he has stolen private communications from our website (and, previously, from BW). Mike59 has also posted (and distorted) your and my private ‘Contact’ communications. When I inform you of this, you are unconcerned; you instead acquiesce, taking no action against Mike59.
Even your most trusted and senior (ex) Administrator has distanced herself from Mike59, CoM, BE and you. Either get on the right side of this argument, or I will deal with this issue publicly.
Colin.