Had a rough night. Stayed up watching SVU and got this in my head after a certain episode and just wanted to get it out before bed. Admittedly I think this would be a neat little AU but we’ll see.
TW: Abuse
“Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Strider. Why don’t we start things off by telling me a little about yourself?”
“Well… I’m 22 years old, former Special Forces. Though that didn’t last long.”
“How come?”
“CPS contacted me about my brother, Dave. Said he was being taken into protective custody, and since I was an adult, I could either take care of him or have him go into foster care.”
“And you chose to take him in?”
“Yeah of course. Army wasn’t happy, that was for sure. My commanding officer said he was losing one of his best soldiers. But, given what I was already doing… I figured if I didn’t take the opportunity now to see him, I might not be able to. They helped me get out a little faster, so Dave only had to be in foster care for about a year.”
“And you were alright with that?”
“I mean, yeah. You hear horror stories, but my foster parents were great. Still talk to ‘em on occasion.”
“How did you end up in foster care?”
“Pretty much the same way as Dave. Our mom was a nutjob. After dad died, she lost in completely.”
“How did your dad die?”
“Went to the store, walked right into a hold-up. Guys shot him on the spot then bolted… My mom blamed me. I had asked him to get some milk for my cereal. If I hadn’t sent him out, then he would still be alive, she said.”
“And how old were you?”
“Thirteen. Dave was 6 at the time. She started beating the shit outta me, but she never touched him. So they only took me out, and left him with her.”
“And how did that make you feel.”
“Angry, but what the fuck was I gonna do about it? I guess… At the time, I told myself that you know, she never pulled that crap with him. Never hit him, never even cussed him out or raised her voice. He was her golden child. Me…? I was a misfit in her eyes.”
“So, how did you feel when you received the notice about taking custody of Dave?”
“… Like I fucked up. You know, I kept telling myself, he’ll be fine. But doesn’t change the fact that I left him with that… Fucking monster. Shoulda known it’d only be a matter of time before she started fucking with him too.”
“What happened?”
“She… Had a thing about food. Eating. You could only eat certain things, couldn’t have this or that. Total control freak. When Dave was at home, he obeyed the rules. She even homeschooled him to fucking control him more.
“He made a friend through some of the homeschooling stuff she had him in. The kid let him have a soda when he came over, and Dave would drink the stuff till he got sick. Same thing if the kid’s parents took them out to McDonalds. Dave tried to hide it, but I guess at one point, he snuck a cheeseburger home. Mom whooped his ass black and blue, then threatened to kill him. Said he’d be safer, said he was infected now. Only a matter of time until he got cancer, and that he’d suffer his mistakes.”
“And then?”
“He snuck out. Went to the family’s place begging for food. They saw the bruises and Dave admitted that she was starving him after that. Said he had to purge himself of the toxins. She was running him ragged with exercise. He said he fainted after one, and when he woke up, she said she was going to get some medicine for him. After that, he bolted it. They called CPS, she was arrested, the rest is history. She can rot in jail for all I care.”
“I don’t blame you for feeling that way towards her. What she did to your and your brother is awful.”
“Tell me about it.”
“So how is Dave now?”
“Doing good. I tell you, it was hell getting them to get off my back. Before I enlisted, I started doing porn for quick cash. When I got back… I decided to start my own business. I made decent money then, figured if I started my own shit, it’d be easy to support the two of us. Gives me the opportunity to work from home, too, so I can be around for him. CPS didn’t like that though. Once they found out, suddenly they thought I was molesting him. Monthly visits started where they checked out everything, from what food I was buying to what I was spending my money on. Even checked his clothes to make sure they were all in good condition. I guess that stuff was pretty routine, but every visit required an exam… We both hated that. He insisted up and down I didn’t touch him, and everything came back clean. That went on for a year, and then they backed off. We’ve had peace and quiet since then, save the occasional visit.
I’ll tell you one thing, though. The Texas heat for once saved my ass.”
“Oh?”
“Dave always wore short sleeve shirts, or tank tops in the summer. Never covered up save when it got cool in the summer. Then he’d just throw on a hoodie. But he never covered up, no one could see any bruises outside of the ones a typical kid gets. When he started skateboarding, they got on my ass until Dave explained to them he was trying to learn how to olley and had a few nasty falls. Walked one of the works outside to show them how he’d finally mastered it.”
“And you encouraged these hobbies?”
“Hell yeah. With mom, Dave was a robot, parroting what she said. With mom, if you thought she was wrong, you were dead in her eyes. If you thought she was right, then that’s when you got to be loved. I mean, her own fucked-up version of love, but still.
“When Dave came, he didn’t have any interests. For a while, he just sort of… Stayed in his room. Sat on the bed or on the couch. I gave him my room; I didn’t want to get out of the lease, so I sleep on the futon in the living room. Got so used to it, we signed a new one and never changed a thing. But… I digress. I got him a computer, showed him some neat sites. It’s how he talked to most of his friends. He had a hard time with other kids in person; guess that’s what happens when you’re out of the school system for everything but high school. I thought about continuing to homeschool him, but I wanted him to learn how to deal with people. God knows I had to. But he got interested in stuff through that. He liked reading little webcomics on the net, so he started doodling in his notebooks at school. So I got him a tablet. Then he started making his own, and low and behold the kid gets a little following for his comic. I don’t get it, but if it makes him happy, well… All power to him.
“Then he started listening to music. Everything was so new and novel to him, even my old Springteen shit. But he really liked the hip hop and house kinda stuff I played. I’d gotten a couple mixing decks for myself, but I could never get into the stuff. So I gave them to him. He pounced right onto them like he’d been doing it since he came out of the womb.
“And then there was skateboarding, so after he learned on a piece of shit hand-me-down from the thrift store, I bought him a decent deck. He’s really come alive since he started living with me. He’s… A kid now, you know? We get into our fights, and it’s frustrating… But afterwards, I can say that this is better than what mom was doing to him, never letting him think for himself.”
“Do you notice any behavioral problems?”
“I mean… I dunno. He can be different. There are times where he’s just… Extremely demanding. I was at a shoot one day, and we were running long. I check my phone, and there are about 10 text messages asking when I was gonna be home, that he needed me. I shut things down, rushed home… Found out the kid wanted Chinese and to rent a movie. That was the big emergency.
“But I think, well maybe he’s not really sure how to tell me, you know? He’s pretty… I don’t know the word. Stoic? He wants to be the cool kid, you know. Stoic, unmovable. Says he wants to be like me, that I made it out of mom’s clutches and went through the system and ended up big and hardened and cool. But that’s not true, you know. S’why I’m here.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say you’re completely incompetent emotionally.”
“Oh, hell no. I mean… Being in the Army, doing what we did… That’ll toughen you up real quick. Harden you, make you jaded. I guess I got out too soon before it could really take hold.
“But Dave… He doesn’t want to let it show. Doesn’t know the difference between controlling your emotions and hiding them. I told him I wanted him to get therapy, you know, for all the shit mom did. He was iffy on it until I told him I’d do it too. Then he was all for it.”
“So is that why you’re here?”
“… No, not really. I mean… If it get’s him help, sure… But I got issues too that… Like, I try to be a good parent figure. I don’t have him call me dad or any shit like that, just Bro. But after his friend was talking about his dad, how awesome he was, Dave started talking about it. So I ended up contacting that guy, Mr. Egbert. He’s helped me a lot, but this new problem… I don’t even want to bring it up.”
“Why is that?”
“With all the allegations originally about me molesting Dave… I don’t want to lose him. But like I said… He wants attention. And I don’t know what it is that got it into his head but… He’s been coming onto me.”
“As in, sexually?”
“I guess… I don’t know. We’ll be sitting on the couch watching TV and then all of a sudden, he’s nestled up to me. Whatever, you know. The kid needs some love and affection. But then he starts rubbing my thigh and nuzzling my chest. When I tell him to stop, he gets upset. Last time, he wouldn’t talk to me for two days. I’m worried about what might happen to me AND to him. You know, what if he pulls this one someone at school? What if he picks the wrong kid to flirt with and gets the shit beaten out of him. I want him to get help, but… I need help trying to control the situation.”
“Have you tried setting boundaries?”
“I mean… I told him he can’t do that. That I’m here for him, that I love him, but that people flip out about that shit. That he could get taken away if he does it. He gets upset, says he doesn’t want to leave, and I tell him I don’t want him to leave. We hug it out, and then it’s good for a little while before he starts back up again. And it seems like every time, he gets a little more brave, starts back up a little quicker.”
“So what else have you tried?”
“Nothing. Well… This. I don’t know how to handle it, and I can’t go to the CPS going ‘my little brother is coming onto me’ because they sure as hell are going to think it’s the other way around. I can’t talk to anyone about it because they’ll think the same thing, won’t believe me. When ever was it a case of a child abusing an adult?”
“It’s rare, but it doesn’t happen.”
“Yeah, but you don’t hear about that in the news. You hear about the abused vet brother pounding his kid in the ass because he’s a psycho.”
“And do you want that?”
“… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I wanted to give him everything he wants. I want to make him happy, you know. To make up for lost time. He’s grown so much in the short time we’ve been together. He’s told me he loves me, and before it was just… Nonchalant, just… I love you, Bro, you’re the best. Now it’s more… Like what I’d tell my partner. Just the way he says it, the way he looks at me with those fuckin’ doe eyes… If he feels that way, if it’d make it happy… Then how can I do that to him?”
“You don’t know if it’ll make him happy, though. In the end, many victims of abuse seek out people to recreate their trauma.”
“But I don’t want to control him. I let him do what he wants. I don’t think mom ever fucked with him but… Oh god.”
“Calm down, it’s okay. But he might be feeling like if he’s put in a powerless situation, like… Being underneath someone much larger than him, of being taken advantage of in a way… Then he’ll be powerless and he can return to that state of heightened arousal.”
“Yeah…”
“What you should try, instead, is redirection. If putting up boundaries isn’t working, then try to employ them through other means. If he starts getting too close, get up and take a walk with him. Get him out where there are things to do and look at. You said he only left the house to see his friend, right? So going outside into the city may do the trick.”
“… Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll try that.”
“Good. Well, I’m sorry to say we’re out of time for today. I’ll walk you up to the front.”
“Thanks, Doc.”