Moms are a fount of good advice. From our earliest years, they teach us to wash our hands, look both ways and not to put crayons in our mouths. As we grow older, the lessons our mothers provide become the values we carry through life — some of which we don’t truly appreciate until we are parents ourselves. For Mother’s Day, the Herald’s Nikki Jamieson asked some well-known Calgary moms what is the best advice they’ve ever given their children. Here are their answers:
ATP artistic director, Vanessa Porteous
Vanessa Porteous
My son is not quite two and a half, so he doesn’t pay much attention to my advice yet! But I am keeping a diary for him. I’ve been writing in it every few weeks since he was born. Mostly it documents all the funny things he does, and expresses how much joy he brings to my life, and to his dad’s. And I’ll be honest, occasionally it documents the difficulties too. Sometimes, I give him advice.
For example, I’ve tried to convey how much the arts have meant to me, how they’ve illuminated and enriched my life, and given me comfort, pleasure, understanding, compassion. I have told him that I hope he finds his own personal relationship to art, in whatever way makes sense for him. I’ve tried to share with him that your experience with the arts can be life changing, that they open your mind and your heart. I really, really hope that’s true for him too.
This past December, he came to ATP’s production of Charlotte’s Web. At the end, he looked up at me and, with incredible satisfaction, he said: “Pig.”
So far so good.
United Church Minister, Rev. Linda Hunter
Reverend Linda Hunter of Knox United Church
You might find this difficult to believe, but I don’t think that I have ever given my children advice. Mainly because they always seemed to know more than I did at any given moment in time! When we were toilet training our daughter, she took matters into her own hands, stepped out of her soggy diaper and decided that was more than enough of that. When our son decided to challenge the dress code at his school, he bravely walked out the front door wearing a tutu and unflinchingly faced any repercussions that came to him.
Oh, I’m not saying that I didn’t try to offer advice. There was the day when my daughter brought home a boyfriend that I didn’t particularly appreciate. When he left, Dawn turned to me and said, in a simmering voice, “I could bring home Prince Charles and you wouldn’t be happy.” That very day, she taught me that she had to make her own choices. I couldn’t make them for her. When our son decided to go to university and obtain a BA in Ancient Medieval History, I despairingly thought, “Will he ever get a job?” Today, he works contentedly as a manager in a bookstore and the depth of his knowledge about history astounds me.
So, I offer grateful thanks to my children for offering me the best advice that has served me well in life: “Follow your heart.”
Businesswoman and philanthropist, Ann McCaig
Ann McCaig
I guess the first thing that came to mind was to be kind to one another. I think that’s basic, that’s what you learn in kindergarten and you learn from your parents and I think that’s always one that, it’s very basic, but it’s so pointed that if we could all think of that in whatever situation we’re in, I think it’ll get us out of a lot of conflicts that we have. So just being kind to one another.
And there’s a quote that I absolutely love, it’s a quote from somebody else, from Will Rogers, and I just think it’s so neat. It is, “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” I just think that is absolutely sage advice.
Also, the importance of family, relationships. You learn so much; you learn to forgive, you learn to communicate. Those things are so important in a family. So … keep your family close would be one of the ones I’ve always stressed — do things together, never lose sight of your values as to how you treat one another. The respect you have for one another is very important in all your relationships with other people.
So it’s kindness, respect and (looking) forward (towards) the future instead of being too involved in the past. We need the history of the past in order for us to succeed in the future — we don’t want to lose sight of the past — but we also don’t want to dwell on it.
Chef and cookbook author, Julie Van Rosendaal
Julie Van Rosendaal
I’m always amazed at what kids absorb and remember (and what they forget), so I try to come up with witty bits of advice that I hope will stick — sort of like throwing a big handful of darts and hoping one will hit the mark. I like to remind him that it’s important to always treat people with respect — that they won’t always remember specifically what you say or do, but they’ll always remember how you make them feel. When he gets frustrated, I tell him what my mom told me — something she got from her dad — life is hard by the yard, by the inch, it’s a cinch. If something seems insurmountable, break it down and tackle it one manageable bit at a time. Because everything starts from scratch — not just food. And speaking of food, I try to teach him basic cooking skills — how to cook an egg, make a biscuit, follow a recipe — because the ability to feed yourself and others is an important life skill.
Radio personality, Angela Kokott
Angela Kokott
From the moment I held my babies in my arms I felt an overwhelming responsibility. A responsibility to keep them safe, feed them the right things, teach them all they needed to know to one day face this big, wide world without me. When they were little it was easy. Look both ways before you cross the street. Trust your Spidey-senses when encountering strangers. As they got older the lessons changed. Make sure you eat breakfast. The 10-10-80 rule when it came to saving money. Fill your life with more good habits than bad ones. Now that they’re young adults I realize the most important lessons aren’t the ones you teach but rather the ones you demonstrate. Treat others with respect. Give back to your community by donating your time and money. Value the opinion of others and know your opinion has value as well. Those things aren’t taught through words instead its your actions, what your kids see you doing and from the moment you hold them in your arms know they are watching you.
Hockey star, Hayley Wickenheiser
Hayley Wickenheiser
Olympic speedskating champion, Catriona Le May Doan
Catriona Le May Doan
The best thing that I have told them is that not to worry and not to worry about what other people think.
What I mean by that is, you realize as an athlete, you’re in your little bubble. But, after I retired, you know, you have kids, and start going through the regular strains and struggles and stresses of having so many things to do in so little time. But what’s been very interesting is that people have a bit of a judgment, that if you’re an Olympic gold medallist means you’ve had this perfect performance and … that everything else in your life should be perfect.
And it’s been interesting, and you’ve had to get tough skin a little bit. And I think the biggest thing I’ve realized with my kids, is that a) don’t judge people and b) don’t worry about what people say and what people think. Live your life as you know you should.
Mommy Blogger and author, Leanne Shirtliffe
Leanne Shirtliffe
Laugh at your errors. Learn from them, too. But laugh. We are all human, and sometimes the only way we can move forward is by falling and getting up again. Remember how when you were two and you were amazed that “Daddy spilled the milk”? You couldn’t believe that adults made mistakes. By now, you’ve figured out that we make a lot of mistakes, big ones. And you will too. But it’s the only way we learn. Just keep cleaning up the milk as best you can and laughing gently at your own spills.
Also, remember that kindness wins. You’ve been good at this since you were little. Whenever one of you fell and bumped your knee and cried, the other twin would sprint to the bedroom and return in record time with a beloved stuffed animal. Help others when they skin their knees. Give them a metaphorical stuffed animal, a colourful band-aid for their wound.
And floss. It’ll save you lectures at the dental office.
Co-owner of Minhas Micro Brewery and Dragons’ Den star, Manjit Minhas
Manjit Minhas
Here are 10 Mom-advices I know and believe in:
Life is boring for boring people. Boredom is a condition you bring upon yourself. In other words, have lot of interests and projects to work on for you to enjoy in life.
Nothing wonderful goes on after midnight. Go to sleep on time.
Turn off the lights when you leave a room. It is good for the environment and your mom’s mood.
There is no substitute for hard work, and it keeps you away from trouble. If somebody tells you otherwise, they are lying.
Whatever you do, do it well, and always have fun.
Do not let your bottom grow into the shape of your chair. This means be active every day.
Love your mom. She is not going to be around forever and once she is gone, you will miss her terribly as there is no substitute for having mom around.
Moms says things that are sometimes painful but she always has your best interest at heart. Everybody in this world may be jealous of you but never your mom.
Always dress your best — first impressions count and besides, it is respectful to people around you.
Laughing at yourself is the best medicine.
University of Calgary president, Dr. Elizabeth Cannon
Dr. Elizabeth Cannon
I believe that parents play a vital role in the education of their children, and as a mother, I strongly advocated the importance of education. Our attitudes about education shape our children and I hope that they remember that being a lifelong learner will serve them well in life.
Noorjah Nenshi, mother of Mayor Naheed Nenshi
Noorjah Nenshi and her son, Naheed.
I moved to Canada with my husband Kurbanali in 1972. My daughter Shaheen was only three years old and I was pregnant with Naheed. Our biggest motivation to move to Canada was to provide a better life for our children. When Shaheen and Naheed were younger, I always stressed the importance of getting a good education. I told them they had to work very, very hard every single day so that they could succeed in their studies. I wanted them to get a good education not only so that they could take care of themselves and their future family, but so that they could also help make their community better.
Our faith has always instilled in us a sense of community service and of always giving back to the community. When we first settled in Canada, life was hard and we faced many challenges and struggles. But I always taught my children that no matter how hard life was, they needed to help others. There was always someone who could use their help and it was their duty and obligation to help everyone. I always felt whatever you give to the world you will see a thousand-fold in return.
I am very happy and proud that they both completed their higher education. I stress to them now that they need to still work hard and live their lives with honesty and integrity. I always told them that they must live their lives with the highest ethics. Life position, influence and money can come and go but you will always have your good character and reputation. That is what people will always remember. Treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.
My biggest happiness in my life is seeing my children and grandchildren happy. I feel that Kurban and I have succeeded in accomplishing our goal. My one last wish is to see Naheed get married!
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.