Since when does being young when one falls pregnant equate to it being a mistake? Or worse, having an unwanted, poorly cared for child?
Twenty eight is the average age for Aussie women to have their first child and that age is continuely rising. With persisting pressure on women to ‘have it all’ – aka career, relationship and offspring (all while maintaining a svelte size 10 figure), there’s little wonder why we’re trying to cram as much in as possible before having kids. And why not? Want to build on the foundations of a great career while you’re still young? Or travel the world before being responsible for a tiny human? Me too - go for it, girl! However, just because the majority of us have leant towards this approach, doesn’t mean it’s the only way.
Before I go any further, I feel it’s important to admit that I’m no innocent in this conversation. I’ve never said anything nasty to a young mother, or thought the child of a young mother is poorly cared for, but I can’t deny that in the past words like ‘mistake’ and even ‘held-down’ have crossed my mind upon seeing a young mum. Admitting this single-mindedness is embarrassing, because I’ve always been a big believer that not everyone is (or needs to be) on the same path. Perhaps we’re conditioned to question anything that differs from the norms of society.
‘Everyone’s different’ is an easy thing to say, so why do we find it so hard to live?
Roxanne Keenan is the mother of two gorgeous kids, and at the age of 25, she has taken the entrepreneurial step of setting up her own website – Baby Mamas. The site was created with the purpose of providing an online destination offering support, guidance, and a voicing platform for young mothers like herself. It features advice and education on important health issues such as perinatal depression, sex education and nutrition. Sadly, despite being a woman of many talents, and most importantly an adoring mum, Roxanne has faced years of prejudice. She was stigmatised when she bore her first child at 19, and at times suffered complete isolation from other mothers.
“The comments and stares I’ve received over the years are etched into my memory. It started during my first pregnancy, when I went to see a GP to get a referral for an obstetrician. The doctor asked how old I was then quipped ‘So you’re going to keep it then?’ Why else would I seek the care of an obstetrician?!
I’ve been told that I was far too young to be having a baby, and that I should be out with my friends. I’ve even been asked if the reason I’m having a child is because I forgot to take the morning after pill! People’s tuts or raised eyebrows when they saw my age on my medical records eventually started to turn me off seeking professional care during my pregnancy.”
The scrutiny continued when Roxy became a mum. “I felt I had to be overly defensive of my position when I should have just been able to enjoy my parenting journey. It seemed like either the way I looked, or the way I parented was being dissected all the time, and that I had to constantly justify myself. It was exhausting. Trying to connect to other mums has been hard too. I've often felt that a lot of older mums don't know how to relate to me, and it's easy to feel like the odd one out.”
Reading through Roxy’s site, I find it hard to believe that this capable, warm and smart young woman has been at the receiving end of such spite. What right does anyone have to suggest to a mother that the child in her arms is a product of her forgetting to take the morning after pill? It’s outrageous! Surely it’s time we not only accept, but also support the decisions of our fellow sisters?
Lauren Cooksey, another ‘young’ first time mum, went through her own experience of prejudice; but despite the sometimes negative reactions to her motherhood, she went on to start her own business, just months after her son, Zac, was born.
“Becoming a mum made me realise the importance of preserving our precious environment for his future. When Zac was five months old, I sat down and worked out how many boxes of nappies we had used. I counted 10 boxes – 900 nappies and over $300. It was at that stage that I knew what I wanted to do; to create my very own modern cloth nappy business which offered affordable nappies to families so they could also make the switch to help save our environment. This is how Cute Botts was born.”
Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge that young mothers aren’t quite the uneducated, ambitionless women they’re often made out to be. For those out there prone to gracing us with their (ever-judgmental) opinions – zip the lip. Besides, didn’t your mother (who I’m sure was a vision of appropriate age) ever warn you – if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?
Tori is a staff writer at Business Chicks, request her online business card and connect with her here.