Words by: Travis Keller, Jules Ross, and Stephen Sunday
Photos & art by: Jason Barrr
WASSSSSSUUUP!????
We sure have gotten a bad rap here at “The Head.” A lot of people seem to think that we mingle exclusively with the dark side of the force; that only negative thoughts escape our mouths and minds. If you find yourself as one of these nay-sayers, then YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION! As in years past, I have yet again assembled a year-end “Best and Worst Records” list for 2015, just in time for February 2016! Having deadlines and being on time is for squares. Homie don’t play that. As usual, I really didn’t feel like doing one of these this year, mainly because I’m lazy, but also because 2015 was a really shit year for good albums. But as soon as I stopped thinking about myself for a second, I remembered Buddyhead is for the children, and they need this list more than ever. So I reached out and got a little help from my friends, Jules Ross and Stephen Sunday (so, a firm pat on the ass to both of them).
You’ll probably notice that this year-ender is pretty different than every other one out there, because right along side Buddyhead’s pick of the best albums of the year, comes Buddyhead’s pick of the worst albums of the year. Now, don’t start talking all that shit about how the dude at Buddyhead is negative, likes to bum people out, and is an all around downer – not so! Buddyhead is just like Nardwuar The Human Serviette: we’re here to serve the youth.
The worst of entries are to be used as a “compass of evil;” a guide for the children, to point them in the right direction, and steer them clear from audio molestation. Because just as in history, we study all of the world’s wars so as not to repeat such mistakes, these albums and artists should be studied so that their musical atrocities will never be committed again. Plus, how could you possibly decide between Future and Wolf Eyes, and which of them contributed the greatest album of the year? That’s apples and oranges, my good friends: the universe needs both opposing energies to keep balance and remain in perfect harmony. It’s science; look that shit up!
The “Rules” for the lists:
No reissues, “best of” albums, live albums, or previously unreleased material collections. Also, no Buddyhead releases, or bands with Buddyhead people in them, cuz that’s just not classy. Plus, by now you should know that if we’re involved with it, owning that shit is totally mandatory.
I also made you all a best of 2015 mixtape that includes some of the singles I liked a lot this year, the records on the best of and some other records I liked that didn’t happen to make the list. Make sure you DIME this shit while you read the below… it’ll make looking at the Worst Of covers a bit softer and easier.
Best of 2015 Mixtape by Buddyhead Radio on Mixcloud
So without further ado…(drum roll please…) Once again, ladies and germs of the internet, in a very immature attempt to shock and wow people with bad words and even badder grammar, re-cycle jokes, showcase my latest euphemisms for penis, vagina, and wussy, and most importantly, for the benefit of the children worldwide, here they are: Buddyhead’s 20 Best & 20 Worst Records Of 2015, in no particular order, cuz that’s how we fuckin’ roll.
BEST OF: (in no particular order)
A$AP Rocky – At. Long. Last. A$AP
In a year that was thick with releases of solid hip-hop records (if nothing else), this pretty motherfucker named A$AP Rocky released one of the best of the best, with his psychedelic sophomore album. It really not about what he’s saying for the most part; it’s how he says it. And what he says it over. Which is lush guitars (there’s an unknown singer songwriter named Joe Fox on pretty much every song), fluttering keyboards, 808s, lots of “UGGGGHS” and can’t forget about Rod Stewart singing a hook with Miguel. Now if we could only get Rocky to stop saying “jiggy” unirronically… -TK
Grimes – Art Angels
On Grimes’s latest, she mixes haunting strings with eclectic beats, unique vocals, a variety of textures and layers, not to mention some balls-out screams and even a Taiwanese rapper. It’s complex. It doesn’t follow a formula. It’s definitively “art pop.” Because she can. There are no rules in music, and Grimes gets this. Her music is what pop would sound like if it got its PhD and stopped shaving its pits. -JR
The Icarus Line – All Things Under Heaven
Anyone spinning out of control talking about the death rattle of rock n’ roll need look no further than these weirdo rockers’ sixth full length album to find that for which ye seek. ATUH is their most mature and diverse work yet. Aye, the force of rock n’ roll is strong with this one. In a time where The Frontman (let alone the Rock n’ Roll Band) is all but extinct, Joe Cardamone and his gang, better known as The Icarus Line, are still here fighting the good fight for all of us poor souls without a proper voice. You can call them the last rock n’ roll gang, or one of the last good authentic rock bands; either way, they are one of the last true originals, still making relevant rock n’ roll albums. The Icarus Line fill a sonic void that is just as important and American as apple pie. The Icarus Line have been deep in the rock n’ roll trenches since their debut album Mono in the late 90s, yet sound more significant now than ever. Compromise and giving up are not part of their story: sentiments that are (sadly) extremely rare for contemporary rock bands today. What is part of their story is continuing to survive as visionaries, despite the odds stacked against them. Plus they got a little help from their friends in the form of appearances from Bad Seeds/Grinderman Warren Ellis and outsider artist Joe Coleman. The struggle is real, and from that place of uneasy discomfort, the Icarus Line has learned to thrive! -TK
Pusha T – King Push – Darkest Before Dawn: The Prelude
This album serves as a prelude for his third album King Push, and if this is a sign of the direction Pusha T is going, I’m all in. But it’s deeper than just “money, pussy, alcohol” and being “Kim Jong of the crack song” once you scratch past the surface. Dropping knowledge and reaching minimalism in the production as well as with his delivery (rarely do you hear him use a metaphor), ex-narcotics trafficker and current head of Kanye West’s G.O.O.D. Music, King Push has never sounded this honest. He’s also never sounded this mellow (although even at his most mellow, Pusha T has more bite than 99% of rappers). Yuugh! -TK
Dungen – Allas Sak
These crackers sing in Swedish, which means you can pretend these songs are about whatever you want them to be. Weird trippy white dudes who seem to be whipping together folk, psych-rock and prog-rock into a thick and lush musical batter that’s just what you wanna put on when the shrooms start to take hold. Ride the snake bro. -TK
Erykah Badu – But You Cain’t Use My Phone
Miss Badu’s phone-centric mixtape seemed to spontaneously spring from the popularity of an internet release of it’s center-piece and title song, her remix (more like improvement) of Drake’s pop culture contagion “Hotline Bling,” a song which was inescapable in 2015. Based on simplicity and melody, this album seems to curiously explore our frustration and intrigue with communication in the 21st century. Plus, it gave us a new Andre 3000 verse. -TK
Wolf Eyes – I am a problem : Mind in pieces
This past year, Wolf Eyes suffered some personal losses. Family deaths. I imagine death isn’t a foreign concept, growing up in Detroit. A city that for the last few decades has eroded into some kind of post apocalyptic metropolis. The decay of their city has always been at the forefront of their sound, but this time around it’s much more personal. And you can tell. No Answer : Lower Floors was a super 8 of a building under demolition, Problem is a impressionist painting of loss. Beyond that there is a sense that they know they are one of the last true Detroit punk rock bands and one of it’s best. This is what the Stooges sounded like to your parents. -TK
Future – Beast Mode / 56 Nights / Dirty Sprite 2
Future’s life exploded with highly-publicized breakup from Ciara, Future’s fiancee and the mother of his child (named Baby Future); and yet, from the ashes he has risen like a fuckin’ phoenix as rap’s newest antihero; one that we didn’t even know we needed. Dude gave us three solid, soul-bearing full length albums/mixtapes (and a Drake collaboration I won’t fuck with). What you get with these Future albums are honest, dense and at times even heartbreaking autotune-and-codeine-drenched albums about the depths of drug use, strippers, groupies, putting your thumb in butts, being insanely rich, keeping your jewelry at the bank, and waking up to make motherfuckin hits! -TK
Marilyn Manson – The Pale Emperor
It’s nice to know that the all-grown-up me can fearlessly see past the gory videos and onstage killing of poultry, to what lies at the heart of Marilyn Manson’s shtick: good fuckin’ music. On his latest release, he mixes impossibly catchy beats and melodies, with complex themes like narcissism and seven day binges, reminding the kids that sometimes rock stars do drugs. Plus, I figured this mention might persuade Brian to not threaten Travis’ life via Myspace again. -JR
Vince Staples – Summertime ’06
This double-disc debut album, the follow up to 2014’s stellar “Hell Can Wait” EP, is unflinching, honest, funny, smart and so very southern California. It’s also one of the best hip-hip debuts from LA since Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d. city and YG’s My Krazy Life. Plus, you can’t name another hip-hop album cover that gives a nod to joy Divison. WEST SIIIIIDE! -TK
Kendrick Lamar – To Pimp A Butterfly
A dark, dense, funk-laced album that isn’t that sonically different from D’angelo’s “Black Messiah” which came out a few months before (and is on our Best Of 2014 List cuz we’re not posers). 2015 was the year Kendrick Lamar become rap’s golden boy… and honestly, it’s well deserved. This album slays. -TK
Ty Dollar $ign – Free TC
Boasting a tracklist packed with THE who’s who of hip-hop in 2015 (YG, Kendrick Lamar, Teecee, Kanye West, E-40, Future, Rae Sremmurd and R. Kelly) yet doesn’t overshadow its main singer, Ty, is an impressive feat. This is modern day blues/gospel music about strippers, drinking Bombay & Los Angeles, all live from the gutter! Music for the people! -TK
Young Thug – Slime Season / Slime Season 2 / Barter 6
Aside from giving the lip piercing a second life and gifting us with term “swagonometry,” Young Thug managed to take us all to school with three full length albums/mixtapes (two of em released six weeks apart from one another) that tread a fine line between incomprehensible and slightly comprehensible. Thugger likes to get weird as he unexpectedly goes from soothing garbled melodie,s to full psycho as he spits, stutters, yelps, burps, mumbles, barks, bird calls, yodels, whispers, warbles and croons over these three albums. And I can’t not mention his song “I Know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times),” from the Jamie xx record, where he gave us the line “I’ma ride in that pussy like a stroller / I’ll survive in a mothafuckin’ gutter”. -TK
Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats – The Night Creeper
The arrangements are spare, leaning on that crunchy, hypnotic grind and carefully constructed narrative of mood; it’s about murder and evil and terror and death and fear, and there’s probably a wizard in there somewhere. It’s somehow atmospheric while being relentless, like being beaten to death with a velvet crowbar, bleeding out on some cracked, industrial linoleum while choirs of angels sing a litany of your secrets. It’s a trippy-ass journey through a haunted house. It was apparently recorded at Toe Rag, which makes sense, because this album sounds like a time capsule, done any time from the mid-70s forward. There are plenty of standout moments, like “Waiting for Blood,” and the title track (which is like Black Sabbath filtered through library leather and psilocybin), but my favorite moment on here is “Melody Lane,” which is an honest-to-Odin certified fucking barnburner, which you should include on any mixtape you make for that special someone you’d bleed for, kill for, or die for. As a bonus, it’s perfect album to just hit play and walk away, as it’s even better when taken as a whole. My dog heard this album once and came home with a Cthulhu tattoo. Don’t miss this record. -SS
Bully – Feels Like
This four-piece rock band from Nashville, Tennessee takes the best bits of 90s college rock, grunge, and pop-punk, melding it all together to make their own brand of fun rock n’ roll. If I was a betting man, I’d place a tenner on the fact that their record collection probably contains stuff by The Pixies, Hole, Weezer (“Pinkerton”), The Breeders, Juliana Hatfield, Superchunk, Nirvana, and Smashing Pumpkins. I keep seeing these guys being compared to Best Coast, but honestly, Bully is scuzzier, fuzzier, smarter… and it’s way more fun. Plus, zero songs about cats on here. -TK
Travi$ Scott – Rodeo
Travis “La Flame” Scott is one of Kanye West’s frequent collaborators, helping him craft the sound of 2013’s “Yeezus” album, though if Ye’s drunk ex, Amber Rose, is to be believed, Travis also wrote a bunch of dude’s lyrics for him as well. “Rodeo” could have benefited from a shorter, more focused track listing, as well as more of Travis Scott’s personal story (“Oh My Dis Side” flirts with this, but still leave you wondering who Travis Scott actually is); but, at the end of the day, this album’s bangers are undeniable. Garbled auto-tune vocals, gothic trap beats and guests that include Future, Metro Boomin, Young Thug, etc. Travis has been quoted as saying “I am everything except a rapper,” which smashes the nail on the head. You don’t necessarily listen to a Travis Scott album to be blown away lyrically. He’s more of an interesting producer, and ultimately, a really great curator, which means that at times Travis gets outshined by the guests on his own albums. Oh, and don’t try to listen to this during the day: it really only works at night, (STRAIGHT UP! – in Travis Scott auto-tine voice)! -TK
The Mountain Goats – Beat the Champ!
The way John Darnielle tells stories gets right through to your fucking marrow. The latter-day albums of Darnielle’s Mountain Goats are good entry points for new fans, but the depths and idiosyncrasies to each album make it hard to point out one universally perfect point of entry to the oeuvre (though you probably at least know “Tallahassee”). There’s an aphorism out there, that says one possible measure of good songwriting is whether or not the song would work with just a voice and a guitar. This rule can be applied to pretty much anything John Darnielle touches, especially if you like words. And, oh, do I love me some wordplay! In 2009’s “The Life of the World to Come,” the Mountain Goats used the literary conceit of Bible verses, to tell a compelling story about the triumphs and tragedies of existence, while this album varies the concept using a different set of lessons/explorations, with “professional wrestling” as the filter through which these stories are told. You’re not going to fuck anyone while listening to this record but your own perceptions; that being said, you’ll be wiser for listening to it. When Bob Dylan dies, John Darnielle is basically what America has left to offer. If you don’t like this record, you’re just wrong. -SS
Courtney Barnett – Sometimes I Sit and Think, Sometimes I Just Sit
Courtney Barnett, springing fully formed from the brow of Oscar Wilde, gave us one of the best (and best written) albums of the year, joining the time-honored tradition of amazing songwriters who don’t care about winning you over with impressive riffs or vocal pyrotechnics; if you don’t get it, you’re probably in the wrong bookstore. I could listen to her sing my grocery list as part of a (kinda) power trio, and wonder if I really need the Swiss cheese; not for my health, but because aren’t holes in cheese a funny thing and what do they even contribute anyway? Why am I paying more for less of something? Recommended for people who have agonized over whether to buy an ebook on Kindle or Google Play Books in the last year or so. -SS
Dr. Dre – Compton: A Soundtrack
Dr. Dre has had a big couple years: selling Beats to Apple Music for THREE BILLION DOLLARS; the success of Lifetime-ish bio pic of N.W.A. “Straight Outta Compton;” and finally, releasing a new album. I think “Compton: A Soundtrack” ended up being a much better record than anyone imagined could come from a 50 year-old tech and headphone billionaire. Sure, it’s not The Chronic, or even “The Chronic 2001” (let alone “Dr Dre Presents… The Aftermath” either). Sure, you can plainly see the fingerprints of Kendrick Lamar and a ton of other ghost writers all over this record, and the rape skit is a bummer (and really didn’t help him with Dee Barnes & Michel’le publicly allegeing that he attacked both of them in the past), but at least there’s nothing that resembles “I Need a Doctor” on here. -TK
The Weeknd – Beauty Behind The Madness
Everyone has at least a friend who compulsively brags about their excesses. They’ll tell you the pedigree of their pot, or bore you with tales of conquests: sexual, litigious, or merely socially confrontational– and everything is SO DRAMATIC. They’ve got an answer to every single thing you enjoy, most of which are anywhere from slightly less than savory, to outright absurd. They’ll give you a craft beer that looks like used motor oil, but tastes like chocolate bacon, and they can definitely get you a Blu-ray copy of Star Wars 7-15 for thirty-five bucks and some Taco Bell. The Weeknd is like that guy, except he also has well-constructed songs and that strategically histrionic voice. He’s got that “I DO WHAT I WANT” attitude, singing about eating enough pills to get full, while aggressively rocking the vibe of a creepy dude surfing Craigslist for MMF threesomes on the low. This is Terrence Trent Darby with a substance abuse problem, for a new generation. The Weeknd’s best feature, apart from giving syphilis a reason to believe in itself, is creating albums that perform very well as complete works. Plus, by dating that instagram model, he’s giving real hope to average looking men with shitty haircuts worldwide. There’s something to be said for that. -SS+TK
WORST OF: (in no particular order)
Kurt Cobain – Montage Of Heck
You can add this soundtrack and the HBO documentary of the same name (which was made from personal home videos and Kurdt’s journals which had “DON’T READ ME” written on the outside), to the list of shit we didn’t need in our lives. For starters, there were no Kurt Cobain solo records when Kurt was alive, so doing one now, especially with what are clearly scraps that were never intended for release, is not only disrespectful and lame, but also very clearly a disgusting cash grab. Plus, I’m pretty sure no one was asking to see Courtney’s boobs, the junkie squalor they lived in, or hear the story where Kurt claims to have fucked a retard. Total buzz kill. Every time you listen to this record, you piss on Kurdt’s memory. -TK
The Eeries – The Eeries EP
OK, technically this came out in 2014 and is an EP, so it really shouldn’t be on this list; but FUCK, this shit sucks so bad I couldn’t just leave it out. Yep, The Eeries have really raised the bar here as far as sucking goes so I’m bending the rules for them. You know Jared Leto is riddled with jealousy that he’s stuck playing The Joker, and thus can’t quickly try to make a shittier record than this. Now, before I dive into what this crap sounds like, lemme get this outta the way: make no mistake, I would find this shit offensive no matter who was in this wanna-be Nirvana tribute act, but the fact that it’s led by Courtney Love’s future son-in-law really twists the knife and makes it that much worse. Yeah, if Kurdt hadn’t been cremated, he’d be rolling around in his grave right now, knowing that his green backs were paying for this poser shit. Much like when two mentally retarded people breed, this next generation offspring called The Eeries is twice as retarded as the before-mentioned musical atrocities. This shit makes Stone Temple Pilots sound like Black Flag! The Eeries have taken the Nirvana sound, image and message, and diluted it to the point where it ends up sounding and looking like Candlebox or Blind Melon. They’re lazily following a formula that was never intended to be followed. When I was a teenager in the nineties, Nirvana meant something to me, because they represented the hope and alienation, despair and abandonment of all the weirdos, fuck ups, queers, and losers of my generation. Plus, there was always an element of dissonance (or punk rock – whatever you wanna call it), even on their most radio-friendly songs. No matter how hard The Eeries wanna pretend or play dress up, they’ll never represent anything more than the privileged, the desensitized, and the posers who have never worked or waited for anything. Two snaps in a circle BITCHES! -TK
Danzig – Skeletons
This is a covers album by Danzig. The 2015, past-his-prime, cat enthusiast, and semi-professional Danzig-tribute artist version of Danzig. As bad as you might think this is, I guarantee that it will surprise you by being worse. No, really. It’s not even interesting as a novelty.
First of all, these aren’t particularly inspired choices of songs to cover. Obviously, there’s an Elvis track on here, but the weak performance and low quality of audio combine to make even that one a ripe, steaming turd. Used to be, dude’s vocals had power, had danger. This, however, is the voice of a man who orders his french fries unsalted in the drive-thru and a Diet Coke. I could go on, but then I might forget to tell you that this sounds like it was recorded BY Danzig on a laptop, and barely mixed. You get the idea that he figured “nah, let’s leave it raw, sounds more real,” hearkening back to the aesthetic of his Misfits/Samhain days, but that’s not how it turns out; too much effort to be that kind of raw, but not enough to sound good at all. It sounds like a shitty demo that someone incompetent spent an entire afternoon mixing, before saying “fuck it.” Nothing about this is real or authentic, unless you’re referring to the mixture of apathy, ignorance, and a vague desperation. The only remotely noteworthy part of the record is the cover, and that’s only because 1, Bowie reference, and 2, unintentional hilarity. I wish Glenn had good friends and people who loved him, who could have dissuaded him from this, or any of the other questionable choices he’s made in the days since Danzig mattered. I honestly feel sorry for him after this one. Fucking hell. -SS
Twenty One Pilots – Blurryface
Ever wonder what happens when you put a trust fund in a recording studio? I don’t know what kind of families these hacks hail from, but I’d be surprised if didn’t involve “blue ribbons for participation,” or “wearing helmets to the dinner table.” This kind of bullshit is what happens when you coddle your children too closely: they grow up to be complete douchebags. The dude who recommended this album to me said “there’s a lot going on here, and the lyrics are amazing.” Yeah, neither of those things is true, unless by “a lot going on here” you mean “it’s really unoriginal, and jumps genres because they’re even bad at trying too hard.” The only “amazing” things about the lyrics is that they came from adult men in their twenties. It sounds like some basement-dwelling bro stealing some grade schooler’s shitty poetry notebook to use as rap lyrics. Shit makes Macklemore sound like Mobb Deep. This album is so whitebread that it vacations in Branson, MO. If someone you love tells you they actually don’t mind this “band,” it’s your obligation to preform an intervention on their ass. Twenty One Pilots is to music what unexpected, uncontrollable explosive diarrhea is to a hot tub. But hey, at least it gives Nick Lachey something to be happy about, as he’s no longer the most embarrassing thing to ever come out of Ohio. -SS
Death Cab for Cutie – Kintsugi
Death Cab for Cutie is the exact opposite of Kendrick Lamar, so in a year where Kendrick released something groundbreaking, of course Death Cab had to balance out the force by dropping the sonic equivalent of a sleeping pill. This album should come with a parental advisory label, because any child exposed to this particular bowl of unsweetened oatmeal is definitely going to grow up to be more boring than an unabridged phone book. If you like your music bland, forgettable, and completely vacant of passion, emotion, danger, sex, storytelling, meaning, value, etc, then this is probably the album for you. If studying to become a paralegal is too wild for you, this is probably your speed. I’d say this would probably be a good soundtrack for scrapbooking, but the possibility of papercuts makes that activity more dangerous and exhilarating than anything on this record. As I said in the original review, the only good thing about this album is that, even for such an unmemorable band, these songs are all so EXCEPTIONALLY unmemorable; you won’t get any of these songs stuck in your head at all. -SS
Coldplay – A Head Full Of Dreams
To refresh my memory I looked up “whitest” in the dictionary…
[hwahyt, wahyt]
adjective, whiter, whitest.
1.
of the color of pure snow, of the margins of this page, etc.; reflecting nearly all the rays of sunlight or a similar light.
2.
light or comparatively light in color.
3.
(of human beings) belonging to a group marked by slight pigmentation of the skin, often of European descent.
4.
for, limited to, or predominantly made up of white people:
a white neighborhood.
5.
pallid or pale, as from fear or other strong emotion:
white with rage.
noun
1. The new album “A Head Full Of Dreams” by Coldplay -TK
Tame Impala – Currents
Rich kids with way too many scarves from Australia playing some of the safest and TAMEst “psychedelic rock” around. This is muzak without balls or the ability to offend anyone (except those of us with taste). Hearing this record again is right up there with hearing my parents fuck through the walls: hopefully never again. If you couldn’t stop playing that “Get Lucky” song by Daft Punk last year, chances are you can’t get enough of these clowns either; they’re big with the “I normally don’t really dig music all that much but THESE GUYS MAN!” crowd. So, if you like your rock music sexless, dangerless and co-oped by Rihanna, sign up here! Is it just me or does the singer guy in this band have one of the most punchable faces ever? Like scale of 1-10, what do you think? I say a firm 9. -TK
Beach House – Depression Cherry + Thank Your Lucky Stars
Whenever I hear Beach House I have the same thought: can someone fucking SING, please!? What is that barely audible whisper I hear over dynamic-free, mediocre soundscapes? Like an itch I can’t scratch, a sneeze that burns my nose, a fart that stays stuck inside; Beach House makes me feel like I’m waiting for a release that never comes. I can only assume that this dreary, outdated style of music could be considered the musical version of blue balls. -JR
Muse – Drones
Who knew that these jokers had seven albums? That’s fucked! I’ve honestly never listened to a full Muse album; I really could never do that to myself. The most Muse I’ve ever heard is when I involuntarily sat in front of part of their 2007 “H.A.A.R.P. Live From Wembley Stadium” DVD at a party. Yes, it was an extremely lame party. And yes, seeing Muse in front of that many adoring fans gave me the same sick and confused feeling I get whenever I see those huge Nazi rallies where Hitler is speaking on the History channel (which I like to call the Nazi channel, cuz that’s the only history they ever seem to delve into). I’m always amazed when that many people are hypnotized by such evil forces. Much like how the followers of Hitler tried to distance themselves and pretend they were never down with the Nazi shit after we whooped their ass in World World II, I would like to pretend that most of the people at that Muse concert in 2007 are now trying to pretend they never bought into this horseshit. But sadly, that’s not the case. Oh, well. It is pretty fucking funny that they titled this new single “Dead Inside” tho, because that exactly how I feel whenever I’m subjected to this poser’s horrible “Thom Yorke (for dumber people)” impression. Music really doesn’t get more brainless than this. This is the kinda band that, if you find out the girl you’re crushing on digs this shit, it’s a total deal breaker. Like, change your number type deal breaker. No doubt. And yes, these douche-bags are still using that stupid distorted bass effect they’ve been riding on their entire career since they jacked it from Radiohead’s “The National Anthem” back in 2000. Fuck these guys with an AIDS-infested dick! -TK
Crazytown – The Brimstone Sluggers
+
Papa roach – F.E.A.R.
+
P.O.D. – The Awakening
+
Sevendust – Kill the Flaw
Like a bad acid flashback that comes on when you least expect it, 2015 saw the rise of new albums from early 2000’s nu-metal bands. This shit sucks, but I can safely say that the only people that noticed these dinosaurs were still putting out new music in 2015 were day-shift strippers, Bakersfield meth cooks, Wal-Mart clerks and militia members with ponytails and triple XL T’s that haven’t bought or downloaded new music since 1998. -TK
Whitesnake – The Purple Album
OK this one is mind-blowing on a few levels… At first I was like “Whoa… Whitesnake released a new album in 2015!” Then it hit me exactly what kinda Purple the title is referring to: DEEP PURPLE! These are weaker versions of Deep Purple songs from the three Deep Purple albums in the 70s when Whitesnake frontman David Coverdale was singing. Oh sick, just what NO ONE wanted: weird-era Deep Purple, re-recorded with a weenier and thinner sound than before. Awesome, thanks David. -TK
Stone Sour – Meanwhile in Burbank… EP + Straight Outta Burbank… EP
Just when Slipknot goes away long enough for everybody to let their guard down, a Slipknot side project band sneaks up on us with two eps of covers that are so terrible they actually eclipse Slipknot in crappiness. These backwoods hicks clearly figured out they could be more irritating if they spread out and formed a plethora of shitty bands. It’s clear now that strength in numbers has always been their game plan from the get-go. Now these posers are giving Guns N’ Roses a run for their money for the worst Stones cover ever recorded. It’s painful to hear. But honestly nothing is worse than hearing these soul-less hillbillies butcher “Sailing On” by Bad Brains; a little piece of me died listening to this one. -TK
Mumford & Sons – Wilder Mind
As I waited for “Wilder Mind” to download so I could hear it for the first (and last) time, I found my heart racing and my stomach in knots. I was steeling myself with fear and trepidation for what I was about to have to endure. Ever since I found out they’re considered a “rock band,” I have harbored a seething rage for the vest-wearing, accordion playing, banjo-strumming dorks known as Mumford & Sons. Three albums later, I still just don’t get it. Are we not tired of gravelly woe-is-me voices making up problems for themselves to sing about over carefully constructed chords they learned in private school? YAWN. This shit is barely okay in backwoods Tennessee. But hearing folk music shove rock music out of the way with a stand-up bass and a ukulele makes me want to smash a didgeridoo into a djembe. -JR
Imagine Dragons – Smoke + Mirrors
If “Smoke + Mirrors” is referring to Imagine Dragons describing themselves as a rock band, then their album title is spot on. As if we needed any more proof that The Grammy’s are a sham, the winners for “Best Rock Performance” have released yet another round of whiny, wimpy songs with predictable beats, hollow vocals, mopey keys, and worst of all…hand clapping. This album can be summed up in one word: trite. -JR
Dead Weather – Dodge and Burn
Every Jack White side-project seems to spinal a little further away from the riffs and songs that made us originally care about him and Meg back in the day. I’ve got five on the fact that they spent more time picking out what leather jackets they were all gonna wear for the album cover, than they did writing these riffless, boring exercises in sludge and monotony. -TK
Hollywood Vampires – Hollywood Vampires
Here’s an idea of Alice Cooper’s that should have stayed a 1970’s drinking club. Yeah, the Hollywood Vampires were a drinking club which boasted socially elite members such as Keith Moon, John Belushi, Marc Bolan, Joe Walsh, and Klaus Voormann, whose initiation was to out-drink all the other members. Anyways, back to reality: in 2015 nothing even remotely that cool is happening here. The Hollywood Vampires are a bloated cock-rock cover band boasting such guilty members as Alice Cooper, Joe Perry, Dave Grohl, Joe Walsh, Dracula star Christopher Lee, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp’s scarves, Johnny Depp’s bracelets and Johnny Depp’s earrings. -TK
Refused – Freedom
Refused aren’t fucking dead but you might wish they were after you hear this record they recorded and co-wrote with Shellback (who’s co-written for turds such as Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Ariana Grande & Maroon 5). As always, Refused are still singing about hypocrisy and complacency, and how those two always lead to ruin. The difference now is that they have become the neutered, bloated dinosaur that they’ve railing against ever since they started. Pot calling the kettle back, ammiright? -TK
Matt and Kim – New Glow
Matt and Kim, Brooklyn’s own version of a less-talented, less-edgy Partridge Family, returned in 2015 to serve up another slice of saccharine horseshit for whichever “Hipster Mom Yoga Class” still cares who these people are. Seriously, who the hell is buying their records? They’ve been trotting out the same dumb, bouncy pop their entire career, without saying anything meaningful; just soundtracking bad parties and playlists for joggers with questionable fashion. I started to Google Matt and Kim, just to get an idea of who this fanbase is, but then my computer tried to pants me and steal my lunch money. Thank God I did it in an incognito tab, because I really don’t need Google to think I’m some kind of dipshit. Anyway, if these guys don’t turn out to be actual serial killers, it’d be surprising, because no one tries this hard to be this “precious” unless they’ve got some serious shit to hide.
One useful thing about Matt and Kim: they’re a great barometer for figuring out who to unfriend/unfollow on social media, because if your “friends” are into this, they really shouldn’t be your friends at all. -SS
Kid Rock – First Kiss
To the delight of truckers, wrestling fans, white supremacists, and juggalos everywhere: republican, big game hunter and professional beer terminator Bob Ritchie released his tenth record in 2015. The record deals with complex issues such as drinking wine, drinking beer and drinking whiskey. But even if the oceans filled up with Everclear 151, there wouldn’t be enough alcohol in the world to make this album do anything but suck. -TK
Bullet For My Valentine – Venom
10 things I’ve rather do than have to hear Bullet For My Valentine again…
1. Get a root canal.
2. Read.
3. Spend a day in line at the DMV.
4. Move to Utah.
5. Fall into the gorilla exhibit at the zoo and get gang raped by all the gorillas at once.
6. Watch Beetlejuice fingerbang my Aunt.
7. Get a job.
8. Zip my dick up in my jeans.
9. Vote.
10. Watch the entire Wu Tang Clan run a train on my Grandma
-TK
The post Buddyhead Best & Worst Records of 2015 appeared first on Buddyhead.