Via Shutterstock / Jetrel
I truly have no f’n clue what it’s like to work in Corporate America. I spent years consulting for massive corporations when I lived in NYC for a decade but I never had to abide by their corporate rules, I was always an ‘independent contractor’ and therefore could do whatever the hell I wanted in meetings or at holiday parties without fear of HR firing me nor did I ever deal with them trying to corner me in a closet to hook up. Below a bunch of people from AskReddit shared the most NSFW things they’ve ever witnessed in the workplace, and I have to wonder how parts of corporate America is somehow crazier than the BroBible Christmas party:
esteban42:
The IT guy at my old job got caught banging one of the directors, in her office, while the call-center was open, by his wife who also worked there.
He then got divorced, married the director (who got fired over it), and his ex-wife turned lesbian and married one of the ops team ladies.
Certain meetings were pretty interesting after that.
Terriblyboard:
Hr lady grabbing my junk under the table at company picnic. Move her hand and look over and she is doing the same thing to my boss on the other side of her. She may have been slightly intoxicated.
SizzleSizzleSizzle:
One of my coworkers often would pull up her dress and flash another girl in the office for fun. One time she decided to do it in the copy room just as the owner of he company walked in.
LetMeGDPostAlready:
I overheard a new hire mention to someone that he had found a flash drive on the floor in the break room, “but it was just blank.” I told him to let me see it. I have my PC set to “show hidden files.” Noob didn’t. It was full of hundreds of pictures of someone’s wife, naked, sucking a dick, getting fucked, using a vibe, posing, and on and on. The guy’s face wasn’t in any of the pictures.
The funny part is that all the pictures had been renamed. There were only a couple left with the default name. Hundreds of files had each been manually renamed. “Brushing her teeth with her titties out.jpg” “Sucking my hard cock in a blue night gown.jpg” “Spreading her pussy on the bed.jpg” “Fucking her ass with the handle of her hairbrush and licking her lips.jpg”
Then there was a folder with just his first name, Tony, and her name, which I can’t remember. There were a few guys named Tony who worked there. I asked a couple of coworkers if any of them knew any of the Tony-wives’ names. Got a match. Hit Tony up on IM, “Did you lose a flash drive?” He responded with “brt” and about 3 seconds later, he comes speed walking over from his department, bright red, flop sweat, looking like a complete nervous wreck. He took it, said thanks, and walked away.
The kicker, to me, is this guy always called me and everyone else “guy” because he didn’t bother learning anyone’s name. “What’s up, guy?” You’d think after 5 years there and me saving your fucking job you’d remember my name. Nope. Continued to call me “guy.”
J0nnyGreenGiant:
I used to work at moderately priced small motel in san francisco. we used to have craiglist escorts there all time during the ” casual encounter ” days…one morning an escort who was using the free computer in the lobby, said ” this guy is willing to pay an extra $100 if i cover my entire body with jiffy peanut butter and have sex with him “….she ended up doing it….the next day the housekeepers burst into the lobby screaming in hispanic accents …” JON, OH MY GOD…THERE’S PEANUT BUTTER EVERYWHERE!!! ITS ON THE BED, THE WALLS, THE MIRRORS, THE TV…I DONT UNDERSTAND!!! ” …shit was legendary
ohherroeeyore:
Coworker found the (married with kids) boss banging one of the cashiers in the safe room. He was late 40’s. She was 18.
TheTrueLordHumungous:
Co-worker banging girl from produce in the dairy cooler thinking the shelving would hide the deed. Store manager was not pleased when he got the complaint.
HighOnGoofballs:
The girl who had been writing sex toys and other stuff off as expenses and used them with her customer was a good one. She unsurprisingly went to work for that customer after she got fired.
Rootdown4594:
My buddy got his d**k sucked in the meat cooler by the floral shop girl.
jrpopbelly:
Deployed in Afghanistan. I was in the shower when all of a sudden we were being hit by incoming mortars. One of the mortars landed so close and loud that I didn’t think twice about grabbing a towel. I ran straight to the nearest bunker and apparently I wasn’t the only one that reacted the same way. So here I am with 10 other people completely nude. Everyone was hiding their goods and not even so much as a giggle was heard. Slowly but surely, hands were growing weary, fear of another mortar attack had subsided, and the laughing started. Eventually, nobody cared that they were being seen in the nude by the opposite sex. Boobs and cocks were all over the place and it was the first time in 8 months since I’ve seen so much as a side boob. The mental images from that incident had held me over for the duration of the deployment. We got the “all clear” to exit the bunker and everyone went about their business. Made a lot of close friends that day.
NW_JKU:
Walked in on one of the newer employees shooting up in the walk in freezer. Subway was an “interesting” place to work. I’ve got more stories if there’s interest.
mrzablinx:
Secretary got caught having sex with an intern in a room where we kept all the filing cabinets. They had started so fast that the secretary had left one of the shelves open and she held onto it to “stabilize” herself. The pair got so excited at one point that the intern quite literally pelvic thrusted her so hard that the secretary slammed the shelf closed with her body while her fingers were still in the shelf and broke most of her fingers.
The resulting scream is how we all found out.
schnit123:
I used to work in a Cinnabon at a mall. One evening a guy walked up to the front counter, whipped his dick out and started pissing all over a glass display case, smiling like an idiot the entire time, then tried to deny what he’d done and order a drink. Like most mall food places the front counter was the front of the store so this was happening out in the midst of all the mall’s foot traffic, though I should probably let everyone know we weren’t in the food court. The guy got arrested, in case you were curious.
00destin:
A guy quit and sent a company-wide farewell email detailing all the places he had sex in our office buildings. In pretty graphic detail. The IT department removed it from the servers but I assume someone saved it somewhere.
effieokay:
Someone changed the schedule at the last minute so that a lady who was previously going to be off on Black Friday and had made plans to shop was suddenly supposed to come in on Black Friday.
She stormed into the supervisor’s office and grabbed her own boobs and started twisting her nipples. She said “If you’re going to fuck me, at least play with my tits first!”
VVillyD:
On a multi-story construction site, typically there will be an elevator operator. On my first jobsite ever, the elevator operator was a very short, very friendly hispanic woman. She would make small talk with everyone and lightly flirt occasionally. A coworker thought the light flirting was a bit more and, when he was the only other one in the elevator, whipped is erect dick out. She promptly reported him and he was summarily fired.
picksandchooses:
Worked for a trucking/delivery company one summer. A woman got fired for,… well,.. I guess you’d call it nymphomania. She would disappear for 20 minutes pretty often without a good explanation. She got caught having sex at least 4 times that I know of (once with a customer in the bathroom, 3 times with the drivers in their trucks.) She was warned in writing to stop having sex while at work. She just couldn’t do it, the last time both she and the truck driver got fired on the spot.
Lord_Of_the_Strings:
This girl sucked and fucked multiple people in the bathroom, she finally got caught and fired.
She would put up a maintenance sign up and went to town.
cheeseycheeks:
My boss brings in her bull mastiff (child) every day. It is a show dog and not neutered. Its lipstick is constantly out. Nobody really interacts with it or says anything, but she brings it over to each of us every morning and talks about his big penis, how it’s always out and “at the ready,” laughing like it’s cute or impressive. I’m so sick of hearing about dog penises. Someone help.
And last but most certainly not least:
HelveticaBOLD:
This will probably get buried, but what the hell:
20+ years ago, I worked at a bookstore.
The store was carpeted.
One day, the manager elected to 1) wear a skirt without undies and 2) sit on the floor while doing inventory. The manager, it turns out, had multiple genital piercings.
She got stuck to the carpet.
The manager flagged down another woman who worked at the store, enlisting her in freeing her lady business from the carpet.
So, yeah. That happened.
Alright, bros, there are a shit ton more stories like this over on the AskReddit thread which you can get to by following that link. And if you’ve got a story like this which you’d like to share by all means toss it down below in the comments!