I was stomping around super angry that our house was a mess this past weekend. Kids toys were scattered everywhere, like an explosion of Matchbox cars, Monster High dolls, crafts and board games. I was ranting about our family philosophy (OK, my philosophy) that every time we take out a toy we clean it up before we take out the next one. My son and daughter jumped up and said they’d clean their rooms once they realized I might actually grab the trashcan any moment.
They came out a short while later, feeling good, and invited me to come for an inspection. My expectations were low and I was still fuming as I made the walk down the hall.
TRUTH: The floor was clear and the mess was now in piles, hidden in closets and under the bed.
CHOICE A: Rant and rave that they did a terrible job and demand that they actually clean.
CHOICE B: Appreciate their effort and acknowledge that they tried.
CHOICE C: Acknowledge their effort and suggest that we finish up together.
CHOICE D: Let it go.
I’ve run into similar situations with my teams. They asked if they could run with a new idea and a few days later I’m excitedly invited into a team meeting.
TRUTH: I am quickly pelted with a few half-baked approaches with great enthusiasm but no organization or real preparation.
CHOICE A: Get up and ask them to start again and build a more thoughtful approach.
CHOICE B: Hop up to the whiteboard to focus their energy and extract meaning from chaos.
CHOICE C: Acknowledge their enthusiasm, get curious and leave them with some powerful questions.
CHOICE D: Let it go.
What’s the leader’s role? Which choice is the right one? Will you or I make it at the right time?
Our choices tell a story and when put together, create our legacy. (Click to Tweet)
There are a lot of opinions of a manager vs a leader and I’m going to suggest that rarely is someone all or nothing. The manager gives direction, and the leader uplifts and inspires others to get it done. Ummm… Leaders point people in the right direction too and I’ve worked with some incredibly inspiring managers. Every day, each one of us has choices about how we show up in our family, at work, in our volunteer organizations and in our relationships.
Critical?
Supportive?
Demanding?
Encouraging?
Eye-rolling?
Appreciating?
Telling?
Asking?
What’s interesting is that it’s not only what you do that matters, but also how you see others in the process. Are they an object in your way or are they a person, another human being, doing their best? No matter what you choose, your behavior is colored with how you see them and hold them in your heart. We’ve all spoken kind words when angry and their impact is angry. We’ve also spoken harsh words and given direct feedback with care and love and that’s how they are received. People will do what they do – you choose your way of being in the relationship.
Here’s the truth: The heart of leadership is about people and relationships – not spreadsheets, PowerPoint decks or tidy rooms.
Make the Leap Action: Before you act, or over-react… take a beat and a breath as you consider how you want to show up and the impact you want to have not only on the current circumstance but also on the people. You will be remembered for what you do and say but you can never forget that every action is a choice.
What do you choose? What’s your leadership story? Your legacy?
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