Question:
I've had a not brilliant but better few weeks lately, been out of my place, spent time with family etc. But yesterday & today I've been pretty withdrawn again & haven't been anywhere or spoken to anyone, except my partner whom now appears to be my ex.
She puts so much pressure on me all the time, says I don't love her anymore cause I'm not affectionate with her. Of course I love her, it's just hard to explain my feelings when having a bad day. I HATE it cause I feel she thinks I use my anxiety disorder as an excuse all the time. What's more frustrating is she's a mental health nurse so you'd think I'd get more understanding from her, being her profession & all. But sometimes I feel she uses this to her advantage to manipulate me
She makes me feel bad about myself, lets me down a lot & tends to call me a 'freak' or a 'weirdo' which obviously hits a nerve & brings my self esteem & confidence crashing down.
I know it all sounds bad but the other side of her is the complete opposite, she's so loving, caring & would do anything for me & I sometimes wonder if its just my anxiety playing tricks on me, I'm being over sensitive & paranoid & should give her a break!
I'm really at my wits end as to what to do & drained from banging my head against a brick wall with her because she never listens & “everything is MY fault” I know I'm not a bad person & I keep telling myself that but I feel so alone even though I have people that love me around me. No one understands.
I have an appointment with my Dr today, but once I'm there my front automatically goes up & I get completely tongue tied & say nothing I needed to. Should I write it down or will that just look stupid? I've been like this for years & the Drs STILL haven't given me a diagnosis, although from reading up about it I believe I have depression & Social Anxiety Disorder.
My meds Sertraline seemed to work for 3 weeks but now feel I'm back to square one. I liked Mirtazepine because they helped me sleep along with ease my symptoms, but made me put weight on so I stopped them.
When I do have a good day, though rare it's such a great feeling, I wanna feel like that most days like other people, will that ever happen?
Do I go back on Mirtazepine & be down about my weight or stick to the other which doesn't appear to be working? My partner says I need CBT but the Drs have never suggested it, do I bring it up?!
Any advice would be a great help. Thank you x
BFFA Reply:
Sorry this and my answer didn't post??
Basically I said that writing it down would be a wonderful idea. I'd advise you to fax it to your doctor a day or two before you visit so he has time to read and think about the best treatment.
In the mean time please listen to our anxiety audio Fear Less-Live More. It will help you decide if you are getting the best treatment for YOU! And, after listening you will know more than most health care professionals.
I had a girl from Australia tell me after she listened (actually she had a phone session with Josh too) that she went into her psychiatrist's office and told him what she needed and what she would allow. She said he was the most animated she had ever seen him. I was so proud of her!
Re your partner. You have to understand that living with a person with anxiety is really, really hard. I tried my best to make up to my husband and family for all the trouble I caused but my husband left twice. He did come back but I realized that I was asking too much of him.
Once you get your anxiety symptoms under control, you two will have such a much better relationship.