By Erin Migdol April 08, 2015
If there is one thing all single women know, it’s that nothing ruins your day faster than the question, “So why aren’t you dating anyone?”
More people today are single than ever before: According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, just over half of American adults are unmarried. And in 2006, the Pew Research Center found that among singles, 55% say they are neither cohabiting nor looking for a relationship. Despite what conventional wisdom might say, those singles are doing pretty well: Recent research — and plenty of anecdotal evidence — has shown that unmarried people with solid social support are just as satisfied as married people.
But that shouldn’t even matter. Some single women would love to be in a relationship, while some are totally happy to remain unattached. Either way, women who happen to be single shouldn’t face the stigmas they do. The only person who gets to pressure and question a woman about her love life is the woman herself.
Here are 13 women who fired back when faced with the question of singlehood.
1. Taylor Swift: “I just want to have as many adventures as possible.”
Source: Mic/Getty
After gaining a reputation as a serial dater, Taylor Swift decided to take a break from boys and embrace her singledom. As she fills her life with friends and work, she says she’s never been happier, and told the Telegraphthat she’s not sure when a relationship will be able to fit into her new world – but that’s OK.
2. Diane Keaton: “That old maid myth is garbage.”
Source: Mic/Getty
Diane Keaton wants to kill the stereotype of the old spinster once and for all. The actress has famously never married, and in 2001, according to WENN, she challenged the idealism of “soul mates” and the sexist assumption that single women over a certain age live lesser lives than their married counterparts.
3. Jennifer Lopez: “I gotta be whole on my own first.”
Source: Mic/Getty
High-profile romances with Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony taught Jennifer Lopez that before she can be happy in a relationship, she has to be happy with herself as an individual. She told Arianna Huffington on HuffPost Live in 2014 that after heartbreak, it’s important to learn that you are enough, even without a partner. Period.
4. Mindy Kaling: “I don’t need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires.”
Source: Mic/Getty
It’s no secret that Mindy Kaling loves dating (although she’s not a fan of one-night stands). But as she told Good Housekeeping this year, she’s found a new confidence and is no longer obsessed with finding “the one.”
5. Rashida Jones: “I actually don’t feel like I’m some sort of loser.”
Source: Mic/Getty
After being raised on a diet of Disney movies, what woman hasn’t bought into the fantasy of the princess waiting for her prince? Rashida Jones, who has written about feminism and relationships for Glamour, revealed to theGuardian in 2014 that she’s finally learned to not feel like she’s failed her “princess” destiny for remaining single.
6. Shailene Woodley: “I became my own best friend.”
Source: Mic/Getty
Shailene Woodley has questioned whether people are even capable of monogamy, and in 2014 revealed to theHuffington Post that after she and her first boyfriend broke up, she took time off from dating. Like many single women have realized, Woodley said she had more fun with herself and seeking her own amusement than she ever had relying on another person.
7. Jennifer Aniston: “There is nothing you can control about love.”
Source: Mic/Getty
Jennifer Aniston has been in a relationship with Justin Theroux since 2011, but back in 2008, she was recently divorced when she opened up to Vogue about her rom-com He’s Just Not That Into You. Aniston revealed that she actually wasn’t thrilled with the film’s treatment (and society’s treatment at large) of singledom, and that in fact too much focus on finding a partner is besides the point. There are just some things you can’t control.
8. Julie Delpy: “Women throw themselves into romance because they’re afraid of being single.”
Source: Mic/Getty
Research has shown that the fear of being alone may drive some people to stay in unfulfilling relationships, a fearBefore Midnight actress Julie Delpy is all too aware of. In 1997, she told theSan Jose Mercury News that her freedom and independence are more important to her than any relationship.
9. Joan Rivers: “A man, he’s 90 years old, he’s not married — he’s a catch!”
Source: Mic/Getty
Joan Rivers: standing up for the single girl since 1967. In a classic bit from her appearance onThe Ed Sullivan Show, Rivers brilliantly skewered the double standard between single women and single men, and how much tougher it is for a woman to find love after a certain age — when it shouldn’t be.
10. Rihanna: “I don’t have a lot of time to offer for a man right now.”
Source: Mic/Getty
In a recent interview with UK Screen, Rihanna echoed the thoughts of millions of career-focused women who refuse to give up their passions for a relationship. Props to Rihanna for owning the fact that her partner would have to accommodate to her schedule, not the other way around.
11. Mae Whitman: “The only time I’m ever unhappy … is when I see one of those silverfish things.”
Source: Mic/Getty
Real talk: Being single rocks. You can come and go as you please, eat cereal for dinner and stay in bed with Netflix free of judgment. Actress Mae Whitman, who has admitted that she really enjoys being alone, spoke for single women everywhere when she tweeted the only (small) downside to not having a partner – but you can get a good flyswatter, right?
12. Emilia Clarke: “It’s in our nature to nurture someone else … at the expense of ourselves.”
Source: Mic/Getty
With 4 in 10 American households now including a mother who is the primary breadwinner, and 83% of womendoing housework every day (compared to 65% of men), it’s no surprise that women crave alone time they often don’t have (and feel guilty about wanting). Being single can allow you to indulge in some much-needed “me” time, which Emilia Clarke told InStyle UK is one of the main reasons she’s flying solo – and not feeling ashamed or guilty about it.
13. Irina Dunn: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
Source: Mic/Flickr
Though commonly attributed to Gloria Steinem, this witty analogy was actually said by Australian writer Irina Dunn, who scribbled it on the backs of two toilet stalls in 1970. Modest beginnings but powerful beyond all expectations — fitting for a quote that serves as an awesome battle cry for women everywhere.
Erin Migdol – Erin Migdol is a freelance writer for Mic. Her writing has been featured on LAStageTimes.com, FabFitFun.com and the Huffington Post, and she is currently an assistant editor at Inside Weddings magazine. She is a UC Davis alum and resides in Los Angeles.
TLC Guide to Buying Lingerie – FOR MEN ONLY!
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Does the picture above relate to you? It’s the season of giving and as a gentleman, you would like to buy lingerie for your other half.
The only problem is that you have no idea where to start. Well, fear no further for the Whispers’ Angels are here to help.
Here is our step by step guide for buying lingerie.
Size Matters!
This is where your James Bond-like skills come in. Sneak a look through her lingerie bag for her size. This is usually clearly stated on the labels attached to the clothing. Women usually have a few different sizes so be sure to look through a few of her lingerie as the most common size she has is most likely to be the correct size. Try to put it all back as you found it so she does not suspect a thing.
Remember, Style is a reflection of attitude…
Forget James Bond, this is where you need to bring your A game. Your other half’s style is much more than just colours and cuts. It is how she presents herself to the world at large so it is really an extension of her personality. Think of her style as the front page advert of a major newspaper. So take some time to jot down the colours she wears, the fabrics she loves down to the whether she’s most comfortable with whips & chains or she’s a lace & flowers kinda girl. The good news is that there is a lingerie for every type of girl. If in doubt, ask her BFF aka best friend forever.
Think “there is no box”, except a lingerie box…
Body shapes differ and so does lingerie. Welcome to the 21st century, guys! No longer is the full meaning of lingerie defined by bras and panties only, there are now wide variations to suit every body type. If your your other half is tall and slim, then we recommend a lingerie set complete with garters and stockings.
Ooh la la by Freya
If she reminds you more of Marilyn Monroe with her curvy, hourglass shape, then we will recommend a corset, a teddy or a Matching Set Lingerie with high waisted Knickers.
Amelia by Elomi
And finally, if she is slim or athletic then we highly recommend feminine booty shorts like the ones below.
Rosa by Tutti Rouge
Just a few teeny tiny warnings…
Colours
Once you decide on the type of lingerie you want, the rest is easy. Most lingerie now come in a wide variety of colours and prints, stick to the types that are appear most frequently in her closet.
Material and Textures
Padded or non padded, lace, satin, silk, cotton, polyvinyl chloride (PVC), leather, lycra, and velvet – these are all the materials that lingerie come in. Be adventurous, don’t stray too far out from what she has in her closet. Unless she has hinted at PVC several times, do not buy her PVC if she’s a cotton-and-lace type of girl. Rather, buy her silk.
Boomerang…
Now that you done your homework and followed our guide, we can guarantee that you are now well equipped to and ready to buy lingerie. Click here to shop now. Delivery is free nationwide and you can add a personal, handwritten note at no additional cost. All our orders are gift wrapped and delivered straight to your order. Or hers. Now all you have to do is sit back, relax and let her show you just how much she appreciates her new lingerie.
Kim Kardashian Smacks Down The CEO Of Pepsi Over Women Not Having It All
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Last week, Indra Nooyi, the CEO of Pepsi, told an audience convened by The Atlantic that the idea that women “can have it all” is a myth. If someone asked her daughters if she’d been a good mother, she explained, there was a chance they’d say no.
In an appearance on CNBC, Kim Kardashian strongly disagreed, suggesting “having it all” is something that can be achieved.
“I just think that’s not really a positive outlook,” she told “Closing Bell” anchor Kelly Evans.
She continued:
My mom taught us girls that we could have it all. She works hard and taught us that if you work hard … it’s just all about prioritizing. Yeah, it could get tough and after you have a baby — there are so many times when I just didn’t want to get up and work on something and I just wanted to be home with my baby. But, you know, for me, and I think I can speak for my sisters, it makes us feel good when we are out working and we can provide something for our friends and products that, you know, we can’t find, that we really want. And it just makes you feel productive. So if anyone really feels like they can’t do it all … I feel like it’s a little bit discouraging to say that. Even if I couldn’t and it wasn’t possible, I would try. And I would, you know, try my best to do it all.
Read the article that’s got Kim Kardashian all fired up: Pepsi CEO’s Mother Had a Brutal Reaction to Her Daughter’s New Job
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Pepsi CEO’s Mother Had A Brutally Honest Reaction To Her Daughter’s New Job
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CONOR FRIEDERSDORF, THE ATLANTIC JUL. 1, 2014, 4:33 PM
While interviewing Indra K. Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, at the Aspen Ideas Festival Monday*, David Bradley, who owns The Atlantic, asked two questions that elicited as frank a discussion of work-life balance as I’ve seen from a U.S. CEO. Below is a lightly edited transcript. The second question was preceded by a brief discussion of Anne-Marie Slaughter’s “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.”
Q. You come home one day as president of the company, just appointed, and your mom is not that impressed. Would you tell that story?
This is about 14 years ago. I was working in the office. I work very late, and we were in the middle of the Quaker Oats acquisition. And I got a call about 9:30 in the night from the existing chairman and CEO at that time. He said, Indra, we’re going to announce you as president and put you on the board of directors … I was overwhelmed, because look at my background and where I came from — to be president of an iconic American company and to be on the board of directors, I thought something special had happened to me.
So rather than stay and work until midnight which I normally would’ve done because I had so much work to do, I decided to go home and share the good news with my family. I got home about 10, got into the garage, and my mother was waiting at the top of the stairs. And I said, “Mom, I’ve got great news for you.” She said, “let the news wait. Can you go out and get some milk?”
I looked in the garage and it looked like my husband was home. I said, “what time did he get home?” She said “8 o’clock.” I said, “Why didn’t you ask him to buy the milk?” “He’s tired.” Okay. We have a couple of help at home, “why didn’t you ask them to get the milk?” She said, “I forgot.” She said just get the milk. We need it for the morning. So like a dutiful daughter, I went out and got the milk and came back.
I banged it on the counter and I said, “I had great news for you. I’ve just been told that I’m going to be president on the Board of Directors. And all that you want me to do is go out and get the milk, what kind of a mom are you?”
And she said to me, “let me explain something to you. You might be president of PepsiCo. You might be on the board of directors. But when you enter this house, you’re the wife, you’re the daughter, you’re the daughter-in-law, you’re the mother. You’re all of that. Nobody else can take that place. So leave that damned crown in the garage. And don’t bring it into the house. You know I’ve never seen that crown.”
Q. What’s your opinion about whether women can have it all?
I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. And we have two daughters. And every day you have to make a decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom. I’m not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.
I’ll tell you a story that happened when my daughter went to Catholic school. Every Wednesday morning they had class coffee with the mothers. Class coffee for a working woman — how is it going to work? How am I going to take off 9 o’clock on Wednesday mornings? So I missed most class coffees. My daughter would come home and she would list off all the mothers that were there and say, “You were not there, mom.”
The first few times I would die with guilt. But I developed coping mechanisms. I called the school and I said, “give me a list of mothers that are not there.” So when she came home in the evening she said, “You were not there, you were not there.”
And I said, “ah ha, Mrs. Redd wasn’t there, Mrs. So and So wasn’t there. So I’m not the only bad mother.”
You know, you have to cope, because you die with guilt. You just die with guilt. My observation, David, is that the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other. Total, complete conflict. When you have to have kids you have to build your career. Just as you’re rising to middle management your kids need you because they’re teenagers, they need you for the teenage years.
And that’s the time your husband becomes a teenager too, so he needs you (laughing). They need you too. What do you do? And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they’re aging. So we’re screwed. We have no … we cannot have it all. Do you know what? Coping mechanisms. Train people at work. Train your family to be your extended family.
You know what? When I’m in PepsiCo I travel a lot, and when my kids were tiny, especially my second one, we had strict rules on playing Nintendo. She’d call the office, and she didn’t care if I was in China, Japan, India, wherever. She’d call the office, the receptionist would pick up the phone, “Can I speak to my mommy?” Everybody knows if somebody says, ‘Can I speak to mommy?’ It’s my daughter. So she’d say, “Yes, Tyra, what can I do for you?”
“I want to play Nintendo.”
So she has a set of questions. “Have you finished your homework?” Etc. I say this because that’s what it takes. She goes through the questions and she says, “Okay, you can play Nintendo half an hour.” Then she leaves me a message. “Tyra called at 5. This is the sequence of questions I went through. I’ve given her permission.” So it’s seamless parenting.
But if you don’t do that, I’m serious, if you don’t develop mechanisms with your secretaries, with the extended office, with everybody around you, it cannot work. You know, stay at home mothering was a full time job. Being a CEO for a company is three full time jobs rolled into one. How can you do justice to all?
You can’t. The person who hurts the most through this whole thing is your spouse. There’s no question about it. You know, Raj always said, you know what, your list is PepsiCo, PepsiCo, PepsiCo, our two kids, your mom, and then at the bottom of the list is me. There are two ways to look at it. (laughing) You should be happy you’re on the list. So don’t complain. (laughing) He is on the list. He is very much on the list. But you know, (laughing) sorry, David.
* The Atlantic co-hosts the Aspen Ideas Festival with the Aspen Institute. PepsiCo is an event sponsor.
10 Easy To Miss Signs He’ll Never Commit
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January 23, 2014 ‐ By Julia Austin
There are the obvious signs you’re being strung along, like he’s dating somebody else, he only calls you to hang out at 2 am and he’s never introduced you to any of his friends. But some signs that a man will never commit aren’t so obvious—in fact, women will make excuses, saying the behavior is normal.
HE NEVER GETS JEALOUS
If you get drunk and pass out in your male friend’s bed, your boyfriend doesn’t bat an eyelash. If you sit on another guy’s lap at a party, your guy doesn’t care. If you’re at the office late alone, working on a project with a cute male coworker, your guy doesn’t complain one bit.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
Of course you ignore it! It’s awesome to have a boyfriend who is so NOT controlling. But the truth is, if a guy is in love with you, he doesn’t want you sitting on other guys’ laps. But if he has no plans to commit, he isn’t going to start a fuss over it because that sends you the impression he cares more than he does.
HE IS RIGID ABOUT HIS SCHEDULE
If he said he was going to come over, but his meeting got out just an hour later than he’d expected, he says he wants to go home instead because it’s getting late and he needs his sleep. If you’re in his neighborhood by chance and ask to stop by, he says he was about to go to the gym and doesn’t want to miss a workout.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You want to be “understanding” and “chill” and hey, you get it: sleep is important and exercise is important! But come on! If a guy plans on making you a real part of his life, he understands he
HE DOESN’T INVITE YOU, WHEN OTHER GIRLFRIENDS WENT
He goes to a friend’s birthday party and doesn’t invite you. You find out later other girlfriends were there.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You get it: sometimes he just wants time with his friends without you. You don’t want to be clingy–he doesn’t have to invite you everywhere. But hold up: if other girlfriends were there, he should have invited you. If he planned on keeping you around, he’d realize it was embarrassing for you to clearly not be invited when plus ones were welcome.
HE HAS A LOT OF ACTIVITIES HE KEEPS TO HIMSELF
He’s never taken you to one of his basketball games, or to his chess group, or to the Sunday brunch meet-up group he’s a part of. There are a lot of regular activities he does that you’re never included in.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You tell yourself that it’s healthy to have activities all to yourself—it helps a person maintain their individual identity inside of a relationship. But, a guy can still share his hobbies with you a little bit without losing his identity. If he absolutely refuses to share them with you, it could be because he doesn’t plan on being with you forever, and doesn’t want you infiltrating those areas of his life.
HE WON’T FIGHT WITH YOU
You could be screaming at him, insulting him or bawling your eyes out and he remains quiet, or just agrees with everything you say, or leaves saying, “Let me know when you’ve calmed down.”
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You say maybe he just doesn’t want to fight because he feels it drives you two apart. But, a guy who plans on being with you for the long haul cares a lot about what you think about him, and how he makes you feel! He would never let you criticize him without defending himself, and he would never watch you cry without wanting to fix it. Meanwhile, a guy who doesn’t plan on sticking around won’t exert any energy into fighting.
HE WON’T ACCEPT HELP FROM YOUR FAMILY
Your parents have offered to introduce your boyfriend to their broker, their real estate agent, professional contacts they think would be great for him or a friend who has a vacation house he could stay in. But he always turns them down.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You tell yourself he is just very independent and is uncomfortable accepting help. You tell yourself he doesn’t want to be a bother to your parents. In reality, he probably feels guilty having people go out of their way for him, when he knows pretty soon those people won’t even be in his life.
HE TELLS YOU HE’S MADE BIG DECISIONS; HE DOESN’T ASK YOU
He tells you he’s going to travel around the world for three months, or that he’s quit his job, or that he is moving apartments next week. He doesn’t ask for your input.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You want to be the “cool” girlfriend so you just tell yourself, “I’m not his boss! He’s a grown man! Good for him that he’s traveling for three months…! He can go find himself and learn new things…!” Oh please. Because you won’t admit it to yourself I’ll say it for you: a man should want to bring you on that trip for three months or at the very, very least, want to discuss it with you to make sure he wouldn’t be missing any big events in your life, or to give you the option to say, “I’ll miss you so much! Can’t you just make it two months?” And he should want your opinion on the apartment he’s moving into if he plans on you spending tons of time there! It’s not too much for you to ask to be included in these decisions.
HE WANDERS OFF AT SOCIAL EVENTS
When you go to parties or events together, you find yourself alone for most of the time. He’ll pass by you with a drink and plate of food, but he never offered to get you one. He’ll wave at you from a circle of people, but won’t wave you over.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You say to yourself, “It’s good we’re not one of those couples attached at the hip! I’m happy we’re not one of those annoying couples who is afraid to socialize without the other one.” Okay, yeah…but even the “cool” couples check in with one another. Even in the “independent” couples the guy never goes to the bar without offering to get his girlfriend something. But, if in your guy’s head he is unattached (or soon to be), he’s curious about meeting tons of people without you at parties.
HE’S PUSHY ABOUT SEX
He won’t accept it when you say you’re tired or just not in the mood. He acts like an indignant college boy, continuing to bother you while you try to sleep, and even getting noticeably annoyed that you won’t have sex with him.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You say, “Oh, he’s just a guy! They’re animals! They’re all like that!” UM…that’s not just being an “animal.” That’s almost sexual molestation. You should be able to sleep in peace. A guy who plans on being with you for a long time can let a few nights without sex go by because he knows there will be plenty of time for that in the future. But a guy who sees an expiration date on this relationship wants to get in all the free play he can, before he’s out hunting at bars again.
HE HAS EXCUSES NOT TO DO YOU FAVORS
Any time you’ve asked him for a ride to the airport, or to stop by your house and feed your dog because your meeting was running late, or to pick up your prescription because the pharmacy was about to close and you were stuck in traffic, he had an excuse not to.
WHY YOU IGNORE IT
You tell yourself, “I’m a grown woman. I should do those things myself. I shouldn’t be depending on a man anyways.” Accepting help does not mean you’re depending on somebody! And if you think of it, there have probably been dozens of times he’s asked you to do him a favor, and you’ve done it even though you had better reasons not to, than the reasons he’s giving you. When you care about someone, you don’t find excuses: you find a way.
See more at: MadameNoire
Billionaire Tory Burch’s Seven Lessons For Entrepreneurs
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Walk down any sidewalk from New York to Shanghai and you’ll see women wearing ballet flats with Tory Burch’s distinctive double-T logo. They’re also wearing her patterned tunics, handbags, clutches, and bold country club–chic pants, skirts, dresses, and tops. Tory Burch hasn’t just made preppy clothes hip and modern, she’s built a multi-billion dollar fashion empire in less than a decade. And she’s leveraging her experience and influence for the greater good with the Tory Burch Foundation, an organization dedicated to empowering female entrepreneurs.
Recently named to Forbes’ list of the World’s 100 Most Powerful Women, Burch has helped change the world’s notion of what being a female entrepreneur means—the fashion mogul has proven that it doesn’t have to be hawking cupcakes or launching a Mommy blog. At just 46 years old, she’s part of a growing group of women who are newly minted, self-made billionaires, like fellow power woman & Spanx founder, Sara Blakely. Including Burch and Blakely, 16 of this year’s Forbes Power Women founded their own businesses.
I recently sat down with Burch at the inaugural Forbes Women’s Summit where she opened up about her dazzling journey to the top of the fashion world—and offered some entrepreneurial advice and leadership lessons she’s learned the hard way on her journey to incredible success.
1. “Follow your passion.” Although Burch grew up as a self-described tomboy, she became interested in art history and fashion in college at the University of Pennsylvania and went on to work for influential designers like Ralph Lauren and Vera Wang. And when she decided to launch her company, she dreamed big—she wanted a global brand. “I never designed before this company,” Burch says. “[You have to] take a risk and put yourself out there.”.
2. “Thicken your skin.” Burch went through 10 names (including Tory by TRB) for her company before reluctantly settling on using her own. And while she’s proved wrong all of the naysayers who thought she’d fizzle out in a flash, having her own name on the brand makes her acutely sensitive to criticism. Which is why she relies so much on the advice of her parents to thicken her skin. “Being a sensitive, thoughtful person opens you up for criticism and being affected by it,” Burch says. “I heard and tried not to listen to a lot of negativity. The noise and negativity were just the sidebar.”
3. “Put the right people in the right positions.” Burch describes herself as a very loyal person, and one of the toughest business lessons she learned was that loyalty—a strength in most circumstances—can also be a weakness for her. Loyalty made her reluctant to make staff personnel changes. “When you have the wrong people in the wrong position it affects the entire company,” she says. “It’s a hard lesson to learn. It has a ripple effect.” Be aware of the potential for your strength to become an Achilles Heel.
4. “Create relationships.” As part of the programming for her Tory Burch Foundation, there are 10 mentoring events a year. That’s because Burch believes that networking, collaborating with, and rooting for other women helps you make lasting relationships that organically further your career and set you up for success. “Every job that you have might not be the perfect job, but you really take away different things, and you create relationships,” says Burch, who counts Saks’ Ron Frasch, Google’s, Eric Schmidt, as well as her older brother and company’s co-president, as major mentors in her life.
5. “Go big.” On the one hand, Burch had a five-year plan of opening just three stores. (She has launched dozens around the country and world, including stores in Portland, Oregon and Dubai.) On the other hand, from the beginning, she knew she wanted to build a global brand. Just as she’s had to roll with setbacks, she’s also embraced the happy boosts that come along the way, like the Oprah Winfrey show “Next Big Thing” shout-out that gave her 8 million website hits, and media coverage from her editor friends in the magazine world.
Luck is important, but the power of networking and collaboration helps you make your luck.
6. “Be authentic.” While talking about her personal life and her children are off-limits, she is an open book when it comes to her business, her foundation, and the Tory Burch brand in general. One for instance? When her company changed operating systems, they endured a glitch-y six-month period where they couldn’t track shipments. But rather than hiding the snafu, Burch decided to embrace social media and be transparent with customers about what was happening. The result? Her customers became her advocates.
7. “Buckle up.” When you see someone as successful as Burch, it’s easy to view that success as a destination she’s reached, instead of an ongoing journey that takes hard work, creative solutions, handling setbacks, and constant innovation. Burch admits that being an entrepreneur isn’t for everyone: She works long hours and remembers the early days when her business was launching when she would put all of her children to bed and then be on the phone until 4am with her Hong Kong office. “Buckle up, and know that it’s going to be a tremendous amount of work, but embrace it,” says Burch. Setbacks are always going to be there—some of them even bigger than the challenge of launching a business in the first place—and it’s crucial to think of them as learning opportunities.
Originally published on ForbesWoman 5/22/2013
How to Avoid 7 Common Mistakes on the Road to Success
When you’re smarter about how you set goals, you’re more likely to succeed.
Published on June 5, 2014 by Matthew B. James, Ph.D. in Focus on Forgiveness
“One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.”—Michael Korda
Everybody and their grandmother (and probably your grandmother) will tell you that setting goals is the key to success. I was taught goal-setting at an early age and I’ve taught goal-setting and goal-getting for many years, to thousands of students.
And for the most part, my students get really stoked as they work with goals and see the amazing results they can create. But every once in a while, a student approaches me and says that theyhate goals, and that goals just make their lives miserable and stressful!
How could setting a goal and pursuing something you desire make you feel lousy? I’d never had that experience so I checked some books and articles to try to figure it out. I cam to realize that there are certain goal-setting, goal-getting errors that can make the process backfire on you.
Here are seven:
1. Your goals aren’t aligned with who you really are. As Brain Tracy says, “Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” Do your goals really reflect what’s important to you?Are they the things you think you should want but don’t actually want? Pursuing a goal that isn’t who you are is like wearing shoes two sizes too big or too small—you’ll be miserable. Find goals that fit who you really are, and who you are becoming.
2. You’re pursuing someone else’s goals. You look around and see what a great relationship a friend has or the amazing new career your cousin has. You may see others winning awards or getting paid bundles of money. So you set your sights on what they’ve got. But as Marcus Buckingham says, “We can never achieve goals that envy sets for us. Looking at your friends and wishing you had what they had is a waste of precious energy. Because we are all unique, what makes another happy may do the opposite for you. That’s why advice is nice but often disappointing when heeded.” You aren’t here to live someone else’s life, no matter how good it looks from the outside. Only your own internal voice can tell you what will really bring you joy and fulfillment.
3. You want something different but you’re not willing to bedifferent. Change is an inherent part of goal-getting. When you set a worthy goal, it automatically stretches you and makes you confront some of your limiting beliefs and decisions. It forces you to become the kind of person who has or does whatever your goal is. As Les Brown said, “You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change.” If you’re determined to remain the same old you, expect to achieve the same old results.
4. You don’t appreciate the present. If your happiness is always “out there” somewhere, you’ll never be happy. Waiting to be happy until you reach your goals is a sucker’s game—because there’s always a new goal just out of reach. It’s okay to be a bit discontented with where you are. But you’ll make yourself miserable if you don’t look around and feel gratefulfor your life as it is now. As long as your heart is beating and you can take a breath, as long as you can experience a new sunrise, you have plenty to appreciate. As Bo Bennett says, “Success is about enjoying what you have and where you are, while pursuing achievable goals.”
5. You don’t really believe you can achieve your goal. Are you trying to do something you believe is impossible for you to achieve? That’s like shackling a 200-pound weight to your ankles before a race. It doesn’t matter how brilliantly you design your goals or how tenaciously you pursue them. If you don’t really believe you can reach them, you’ll be fighting yourself the whole way. As Ralph Marston says, “Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.” You’ll certainly create misery for yourself if you insist on dragging your doubts along with you as you work toward your goals.
And here’s the thing about “impossible”: You can never prove it. Think about it: We can prove that something can be done. We know that we canbreak the 4-minute mile and walk on the moon—both things once considered impossible. But there’s no way to prove that you can’t do or achieve something. Even if a million people try and don’t succeed, the 1,000,001st person might. So why believe in impossible at all?
6. You’re trying to get there too fast. People often say that life is a journey—but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone describe life as a sprint! Goals can propel us forward. But natural momentum is not the same as a frantic chase. Andrew Bernstein writes, “We need to distinguish between stress and stimulation. Having deadlines, setting goals, and pushing yourself to perform at capacity are stimulating. Stress is when you’re anxious, upset, or frustrated, which dramatically reduces your ability to perform.”
7. You haven’t built in smaller wins along the way. Some people have goals that are huge: Eradicate world hunger. Create peace in the Middle East. Marry George Clooney (wait, that one’s been taken). I would never discourage anyone from having big goals. But we all need to make sure we have steps along the way so that we can feel progress. You won’t eradicate hunger all at once. But you can come up with a good project to feed the homeless in your community. You can inspire conferences and brain trusts to develop new approaches. Give yourself bite-size pieces of your large goals. As John Johnson said, “If you make them too big, you get overwhelmed and you don’t do anything. If you make small goals and accomplish them, it gives you the confidence to go on to higher goals.”
Setting goals and pursuing them should make you feel inspired, not tired; enthusiastic, not discouraged; and confident, not insecure. I’ll end with a favorite reminder about goals: “When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live.”—Greg Anderson
Until next time. . . Mahalo!
Matthew B. James, MA, Ph.D., is President of The Empowerment Partnership, where students learn Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Huna and Hypnosis. To learn more about using NLP to set goals click here.
101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters
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MAR. 21, 2014
By LEAH FROEHLE
1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.
2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.
4. How to apply red lipstick.
5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.
6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.
7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.
8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.
9. Love the world unconditionally.
10. Seek beauty in all things.
11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.
12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.
13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.
14. Make the world feel at ease around you.
15. Walk with your head up.
16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.
17. Never, ever bite your nails.
18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather jacket, and sneak into a bar somewhere.
19. Learn from your mistakes that night.
20. Dental hygiene is not multiple choice.
21. Your GPA is not a confession of your character.
22. There is strength in breaking down.
23. You don’t have to like yoga.
24. Pick a tea.
25. Take care of your feet.
26. Pick a perfume.
27. Even if you’re tall, wear the heels anyway.
28. Classy is a relative term.
29. Drink whiskey if you like whiskey.
30. Drink wine if you like wine.
31. Like what you like.
32. Offer no explanation.
33. Advil and Gatorade.
34. You are no less of a woman when you’re in sweats and gym shoes than a woman in stilettos and a pencil skirt.
35. A woman is a woman is a woman.
36. Love your fellow woman with all your heart and soul.
37. Cry, uninhibited, with your friends.
38. Laugh until you can’t breathe with your friends.
39. Tell me everything.
40. Exercise to be strong and healthy. A beautiful soul needs a sturdy vessel.
41. There is no shame in hoping for love.
42. My cooking is the best cooking.
43. Do not take sex lightly.
44. I mean it.
45. Anna Karenina. I’d like it if you read it.
46. The world spins on the principle of inherent tragedy.
47. Do not be blind to it.
48. Men are effectively idiots until the age of 26.
49. Carbohydrates are not the enemy.
50. Involve yourself in an organized activity of your choosing.
51. Listen to classical music occasionally.
52. Take hot baths.
53. Do not use bath salts.
54. You are more than capable.
55. I promise.
56. Don’t smile if you don’t mean it.
57. Mean your anger. Mean your sadness. Mean your pain.
58. I am always, always listening.
59. Travel.
60. Get stuck in a foreign country with $4.67 in your account.
61. Make me furious.
62. Make me worry.
63. Come home smelly, tired, and with a good story.
64. Your story isn’t really yours.
65. You are a compilation of others’ stories.
66. Well-fitting and modest is ALWAYS sexier than too small and tight.
67. Who cares if glitter isn’t tasteful?
68. It’s too much eyeliner if you have to ask.
69. Learn to bake for when you’re sad and I’m not there.
70. Humility and subservience are not synonyms.
71. Wash your face twice per day.
72. Be gentle with your skin.
73. Science is really cool.
74. So is literature.
75. And history.
76. And math.
77. There is no substitute for fresh air.
78. Carry your weight.
79. Make up for it later if you can’t.
80. That salad is not better than pasta and it never will be.
81. You’re fooling no one.
82. Find at least three green vegetables you can tolerate.
83. A smoothie is not a meal.
84. Expect the best from everyone.
85. People will let you down.
86. Bask in the sun (wearing a sunhat and SPF 90).
87. There is a certain kind of man you need to avoid at all costs.
88. You’ll know it when you meet him.
89. What other people say is right doesn’t always feel right.
90. What feels right is where your happiness is.
91. Give thoughtful gifts.
92. Form an opinion.
93. Stick to it.
94. Exfoliation in moderation.
95. Argue with people when you need to.
96. If it’s worth fighting for, fight fiercely.
97. Don’t fight for acceptance.
98. You shouldn’t have to.
99. Take pictures, but not too many.
100. Follow your bliss at all costs. (I’m cutting you off at 22, though).
101. Chocolate ice cream, however, might just be a permanent fix.
Borrowed from ThoughtCatalog