Photo by Retrograde Works via Flickr
Ask a woman how long it takes her to get ready in the morning. Your average answer will be between one and two hours.
Now, ask a man. More than likely, he’ll say a half hour. Why is that?
Women have a lot of beauty decisions to make. We can’t, like men, simply step out of the shower, dry off, and put some clothes on. We do our hair: blow dry, straighten, curl, crimp, mousse, depending on the day’s look.
Now clothes – oh how I sometimes wish women didn’t choose to empower themselves by demanding the right to wear pants, adding another layer of possibility to my morning clothing decisions. If I decide to wear pants, it often means I won’t shave my legs, thus shaving (excuse the pun) at least ten minutes off my shower. If I wear a sleeveless shirt, though, I do have to shave my underarms. This American concept of shaving is such a nuisance.
Makeup must also be considered in the daily routine of beautification. Ladies, check your makeup bag. Does it contain eye shadow, blush, mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, lip gloss, concealer, foundation? Is it not constraining to remember each piece of the intricate faux-face puzzle?
Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: at the bottom of the pyramid is physiological needs, and as you climb the slope you find safety, love, belonging, esteem, and finally self-actualization. The idea here is that if your stomach is incessantly growling, you won’t be able to achieve any of the other levels of need. In my opinion, this obsession women have with beautification is part of the scale, and society feeds the problem.
If I enter the real world unarmed with weapons of beauty – fashionable clothing, makeup, neat-looking hair – I will feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that I will be unable to focus on real needs: morality, creativity, problem solving, unprejudiced behavior. Without confidence, a factor of the esteem category, women cannot bump themselves up to the self-actualization level.
This is a problem of society, for confidence is inextricably linked to beauty.
We compliment beauty and fawn over attractiveness. In my opinion, there is no logic in complimenting physical beauty. If a person is “naturally” good-looking, which no doubt there are people who are (symmetrical features, fast metabolism, and other hereditary gifts), complimenting them on something they have zero control over is senseless. It would be like complimenting a person for breathing. “Wow Jill, you’re so breathy. I mean, I just wished I breathed like you.” or “Hey girl, nice breathing. Let’s go to dinner.” Compliments are linked to accomplishment; natural physical attractiveness is no accomplishment.
But what about people who need a little more effort than the lucky ones? With the right amount of makeup, the right fashion choices, and the right hair styling products, they’re most assuredly “hot”. You may think wasting hours of your time to become what you perceive as beautiful is an accomplishment, but it isn’t. Instead of spending your time in the mornings preparing your outward glory, utilize the extra hour or two to achieve something good for the world. Then you deserve a compliment.
This brings me to women in leadership. Generally speaking, women in leadership positions go for two types of dress: male-associated professional clothing, or tauntingly revealing professional clothing. Women believe they won’t be taken seriously unless they dress like men or dress to seduce men. Even when women achieve positions of power, they give the power back over to men in the way they dress.
What’s more, women view other women as competitors, and it’s not often because they’re threatened by achievement; they’re threatened by beauty. Your boss thinks your coworker Sally is more attractive – the horror! If he keeps hitting on her instead of you, she’s going to get the promotion. By golly, you better go buy a new outfit! Make it slutty!
Sadly that is the reality in some workplaces. And the reality, too, is that neither “professional style”, if you will, is more effective. Women who dress in pantsuits and fashion their hair in tight buns will be mocked in some workplaces; think of the tomatoes men have thrown at Hillary Clinton for literally wearing the pants in her relationship.
However, an outfit that reveals plenty of skin will certainly garner male attention and in some despicable cases a sex-lined path to the top, but that to me is not women’s liberation. It’s a slide down the uptick in the progress chart.
It’s a massive societal problem, and it requires an even bigger societal upheaval. But women are the answer. Here’s how:
1) Start praising women for their achievements, not their appearance. Recognition is important, and right now women feel that they are most recognized when their appearance matches the norms of beauty. If women start feeling most appreciated for their work, they will in response work harder to earn more respect and subsequently put less effort into their appearance knowing approval is not linked to it.
2) Be yourself – it’s the simplest phrase but the hardest to achieve. Women in leadership should dress to impress themselves, not men. Recognize that being taken seriously comes from proving your worth through actions, not appearance. I’ve heard it said that if you always look people in the eye, they won’t notice what you’re wearing. Wear what makes you comfortable.
3) Mentor young girls. Teach them how to value themselves and define their own battles. Teach them that success is personal, not universal. Teach them that it is more important to love and to serve and to work hard toward achievement of your vision than it is to paint your nails and do your makeup and shop for the finest clothes.
We’re all a little guilty of perpetuating the norms, but by doing the opposite of what people expect, we will stand out as examples to other women and change the way beauty is perceived.