I don’t know if you can tell from the above photo, but that’s a dolphin fin poking out of the water. This dolphin visited us earlier this week and I managed to snap a (blurry) photo on my iPhone.
Every so often we’ll have a dolphin swim into the little bay that’s off the back of our house, and it’s always ALWAYS magical to me. As soon as I hear the sound (a splash and then what sounds like a deep, wet breath) I scramble out back and watch. The dolphins usually come straight back towards our house, do a few laps around the little canal back here, and then head back out to the Gulf of Mexico.
I love living on an island, on the water. I love living in the tropics. Despite the fact that summer weather can be so rough here, I am reminded every single day how magical this place is. We have all sorts of amazing creatures all over the place- tiny lizards live in my garden, all sorts of birds visit the feeders, different kinds of fish swim in the water behind our house, and butterflies flitter around often. The sky is a brilliant blue, and the sun is strong and fierce. When storms roll in, they come in with serious *presence*- you can literally FEEL them, feel the weight of them, as they move in. Nature is a part of life here- it has to be since the weather has such an impact on our lives.
In addition to visits from dolphins, I’m also grateful for simple pleasures, even trivial ones:
- Project Runway is back on TV. I could do without the drama, but the designers and challenges inspire me so much.
- We saw good friends this weekend and it was lovely to catch up- we had such a great time. And I loved watching their two kids play with Gracie and I loved watching the kids catch up on *their* friendship.
- Homemade pizza. Tom makes *really* great pizza. We have it once a week and I feel like a little kid, counting down the days until “pizza night” rolls around again. In fact, I love dinner in general- we all stop what we are doing for the day and come together and hang out for the rest of the night. It’s such a relief, in a way.
- Good kids’ movies. We saw “Turbo” this weekend and it was good. Not as good as “Monsters U” (my fave movie of the summer so far…) but I’m really happy that there are so many good movies to see and we get to go as a family. I love that Gracie is as excited about movies and going to see them as we are.
- My little family, including all the pets.
- Summer CHA (otherwise known as the “Craft and Hobby Association”) show. All the paper companies trot out new lines and I LOVE seeing all the new patterns and color combinations. On one hand it can be dangerous because I see 10000000 things I want, but on the other hand it makes me realize that I’m lucky to have something that gets me so giddy and how I’m kinda lucky that the object of my desire (a 6×6 paper pad or a pack of letter stickers) only costs a few dollars if I do want to splurge. I was thinking about people who lust after cars, or fashion, or something else cost-prohibitive, and how difficult it must be to see the new lines come out and have it be, like, a life-changing expense rather than something easily budgeted for.
This week I’m also grateful for a few “a-ha” moments.
The first “a-ha” was recognition of the fact that I go through “cycles” in life- some last days, some last weeks, some last years. I realized this week that I needed to honor the cycles as they pop up and don’t fight them. For instance, the past few weeks I have been gardening *a lot*. Usually in the summer there’s not much to do because it rains so much, and since the skies are dark, the plants don’t grow very much. But I decided that I didn’t want to be a passive gardener anymore so I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time every morning/early afternoon really working in the garden, doing what I can to freshen it up and give the plants a helping hand in the hot, humid weather.
All the work outside, plus swimming, leaves me a little exhausted and space-y in the afternoons, so my creative practice is a lot less intense than it was a few weeks ago. I’m still committing myself to creativity every day, it’s just that I’m honoring the fact that because I’m gardening and doing stuff outside, the creative stuff is less prolific than what I want it to be. And I’m trying to honor the fact that it’s really okay. It’s okay that I’m not making several art journal pages and paintings and visual journal pages a week. I’m doing other stuff, stuff that’s just as important and meaningful to me. As long as I come to my studio every day and apply myself even just for a little bit, even if things take a lot longer than they normally do, it’s really okay.
The second “a-ha” was yet another reminder about mindfulness and how important it is to be in the present moment.
I have a friend who is going through an insanely challenging situation and in the past, whenever things would improve, she’d always say something like “maybe now my fairy-tale life can happen” or “maybe now I can finally get the ____ I deserve.”
I notice that she’s not doing that anymore- instead, she’s sort of *meeting* her life and her situation exactly where it is. Meaning: instead of seeing a turn for the better in her situation as the first step in a path to perfection, she’s seeing that “turn for the better” as the destination. It is what it is. It’s the new reality. That really hit me hard.
I literally stood at my studio sink one afternoon this week and wondered if I am so busy looking ahead that I’m completely unaware of what’s happening right now and completely un-present for all of it. It shook me up, to be honest.
I don’t even *know* what perfection is or what exactly I want from life, but I feel like I’m always *leaning* forward, always *straining* towards that nebulous idea of perfection and that when it happens, I will just know it. That’s such nonsense. I don’t even know what I’m leaning toward or what I’m striving for, I just always feel a little bit of anxiety about trying to figure out the next move. It’s like playing chess when you don’t know the rules of the game.
I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to be present and be in the moment. I want to meet life where and how it is, not where and how I *think* maybe it should be. Does that make any sense?
I am Chel, I’m 39 years old, I’m sitting in my art studio, and I love the things I love and I don’t like the things I don’t like and that’s life. I want to meet myself exactly as I am and really live each day.
I think I finally realized that being present and mindful isn’t about deep breathing and clear mind and silencing the inner chatter, it’s just about being exactly who I am, right at this moment.
I guess that ties in with the “cycles of life” thing. Right now I’m gardening more, spending more time with my little family, and creating less. When Gracie goes back to school, and the weather gets cooler, and the days get shorter, I’ll probably switch things around again. I just need to learn how to be okay with those little shifts, and just remain committed to being creative, even if it’s just a little bit every day, and spending time doing meaningful things- whether it’s gardening or writing or volunteering or working on jewelry or whatever.
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life.