neptunianknight:
mappysnappy:
quasi-normalcy:
kerryrenaissance:
silverbellsolicitor:
It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair
Like no
Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.
Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?
I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.
When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies from the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.
I used to have a family of, oh, don’t know… 12 barbies? In all different stages of childhood too. There was also a parent barbie could become pregnant by sticking the baby barbie into a magnetized convex belly which in turn snapped onto her belly.
WELL. I had another barbie, a mermaid, who couldn’t have children of her own but desperately wanted some. so whenever mom barbie got pregnant the mermaid barbie would do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING in her power to steal the fetus so she could swallow the fucking thing whole and grow it inside her. or just eat it. quite a bit of that happened too. And when I say she did everything and anything in her power, I mean anything.
just a few of her plots to steal the baby:
1. sneak up on the mother in the dead of night and pry the pregnant belly off of her to release the baby
2. kidnap their 12 year old kid and steal her body, effectively taking her place in the family bringing her closer to the mother
3. flirting with ken (courtesy of the little mermaid)
4. flirting with……. one of the older teens?
5. walking up to the child and repeatedly trying to convince them that no I AM YOUR MOTHER and that lady over there is clearly a fraud lemme just take her far away
6. murder
7. successfully stealing the baby, raising the child as her own, sending her in undercover to steal the nEXT BABY
just for context, I was about 5-6 years old
ALSO I used to amputate my barbies’ limbs, hair, and heads as sacrifices to the their gods, chuck them down stairwells screaming, and host gladiator fights to the death where only 1 barbie comes out alive (whilst the other gets revived secretly to fight again another time)